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Stop Calling, Stop Texting and Leave ‘em Alone

It’s the year 2019; gone are the days with one phone line and one answering machine. You now carry around a cell phone that can do it all in one tap: send a text, make a call, send an email, write a Facebook message and ruin your entire relationship – ALL IN JUST A CLICK OF A BUTTON!

Day after day, I get phone calls from friends and emails from readers that all share the same amount of craziness: You think that the more you try to make contact, the likelier the person in question is to respond.

Do you have any idea how crazy you sound? In fact, insanity is often defined as repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome each time.

Being Crazy BEFORE a Relationship

The charm that got you that number exchange is dead the second you come off too desperate. If they want to see you, they will make the time; if they want to call you, text you and whisper sweet nothings they will find a way, no matter how busy they are. If you act like you have nothing better to do than texting them all day, they’re likely to believe your relationship won’t be much different and they’ll obviously stop pursuing you.

Being Crazy During a Fight

Some people just need some time to chill after a fight. The idea that everything needs to be worked out before bed puts unnecessary pressure on an already tense situation. Often times, a couple just needs to take a breather to rationally dissect the fight. By texting, calling and not leaving your partner alone, you risk suffocating him/her. And let’s be honest, there’s nothing sexy about someone trying to asphyxiate you.

Being Crazy After a Break Up:

If you’ve been dumped, sending a shit ton of texts and drunk dialing isn’t going to suddenly remind your ex you are worth a second shot. If getting your ex back is your goal, you want to head the opposite way on the crazy scale and remind ‘em why you were awesome to be with in the first place. You don’t do this by acting like a creep.

If you did the dumping, realize that being ignored is just a consequence to your actions; if you broke someone’s heart by leaving them or giving up on your relationship, they have the right to pack up and move on with their lives. Being crazy in your efforts to reconnect isn’t like you see in the movies.. And if your ex has decided to ignore you, you owe ‘em that freedom. If your crazy antics are successful, it’ll only be short term; you’ll only have won by conquering an already broken heart.

Why Calling, Texting and Repeatedly Trying to Make Contact is Working Against You:

I know it makes sense in your mind; You want this person to know you’re still in it to win it, that you’re thinking about them no matter what you’ve been through or how little you’ve known each other, and that if they see how much effort YOU are putting in, they may suddenly want to do the same. But it doesn’t work like that.

Yes, modern technology gives you a thousand doorways to reach the person in question.. but it doesn’t assure they’ll be on the other side. Your texts are being read, your missed calls are being viewed, your emails are getting sent to spam, and your Facebook messages are being ignored. They are not disappearing in a cyber black hole. 

How to Stop Being Crazy

What you see as the end goal to your attempts is just an illusion. It’s all wishful thinking. The real end result is shame. The day will come that you will realize that guy you met last night isn’t calling; your partner just resents you when you push ‘em into a corner during a fight; and that your ex is probably laughing and calling you pathetic to all of your mutual friends. That day, my friend, is an ugly day indeed.

Like nail biters dip their fingers in acetone to stop biting, you need to find a way to stop contacting. If you’ve met someone new and realize you’ve made one too many attempts… delete their number. If you’re fighting with your partner, call a friend, make a date, and vent. That should help you release as well as give your partner time to breathe. If you’re being crazy with an ex, delete all numbers, get rid of anything that makes you think of them, de-friend them and hide all mutual friends from the news feed. (If they’re friends worth keeping, they’ll understand)…Last step: bang your head against the wall long enough to replace the thought of your ex by the pain of your forehead. Easy.

Whatever you do, keep your dignity. Make the extra effort NOW by not looking like a fool and reap the benefits later – whether those benefits be a call back from a first date, an apology from a partner or finally getting over that stupid ex.

Comment
by Alicia Painfree

I decided to start this blog because someone (and that someone was going to have to be me) needed to speak about the truth. Someone needed to tell the truth, no matter how blunt, how painful or how terrifying that would be.

I was sick of reading the magazines, watching the movies and hearing the drama that gave 1008 reasons why “they” were not attracted to you, or why “they” dumped your ass, or “why they didn’t even notice you.

No one had the guts to say … IT was YOU and it was NOT ME!

Well I can tell you now I’m not here to provide a pity party. I’m here to tell it like it is, when it comes to dating and relating.

If you can’t get a guy .. there is something you are doing to repel him like a fat kid to a health food store.

If you can’t get a woman … there is something you are doing to repel her so much she doesn’t want to touch you with a 10 foot pole.

So the question I ask is .. why is that?

Why doesn’t she find you attractive? And what can you do to make her attracted to you?

Why don’t any of them want to commit to you?

Why does this work and the other not?

Why, why, why, why, why.

You want to know why? Because there is a good reason and cause for everything! I mean everything.

It’s my purpose to find out what that cause is .. and report and share it with you guys.

Let me do all the legwork for you.

Don’t worry I have enough enthusiastic curiosity for all of us.

I want for all of us to be able to “get” it. I want us to be able to understand ourselves and eachother in a way we have never been able to see before.

Because that is empowering. That gives you the energy and the juice, to live life to the fullest. If we don’t know how to handle our relationships with ourselves and eachother, then what do we really have anyways? I say nothing. Its the foundation to everything.

So here I am sharing the insights I have developed and gained from my own personal dating experiences, the dating experiences of friends, the people I meet and the expertise of those in this field.

So here is to a journey …. one in which we can take and learn together =)

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