When My Womb is Empty

When my womb is empty.

When my bleed comes.

When all the waiting stops because there is nothing there and nothing to wait for.

When it just feels so sad and empty.

When the disappointment crushes me.

Makes me want to stay in bed.

Makes me feel like I don’t want to talk to anyone.

I cry.

I sit alone in silence.

There’s nothing to say.

I just randomly cry.

Melt into my husband’s arms.

This monthly cycle of complete despair shatters me.

It’s exhausting.

Then I bleed and bleed and bleed.

After a few days, the hope returns.

We decide to keep trying.

We track my ovulation.

We have lots of sex.

And we hope and we wait.

We are still waiting.

We are still hoping.

Praying and trusting.

Because in so many ways it feels like you are already here.

I think of you all the time.

I imagine you with us.

I imagine you here.

I see you here.

I see you but you aren’t here.

Please come soon, we are ready for you.