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Relationships

5 Ways Divorce Or A Breakup Can Improve Your Life

It’s no secret that divorce or a severe breakup causes emotional distress. This stress can carry on long after the separation process is over. Rebuilding one’s life is not considered to be a positive or painless task. My personal experience has taught me how to change my perspective and shift my focus. I’ve experienced several positive outcomes as a result of my divorce. 

 

  1. A reason to start therapy

Most people I know are intimidated by the idea of therapy.  I had reservations myself about working with a therapist. I expected to feel judged once I began to open up about my issues, which made me anxious. Going through divorce became so heavy that I had no choice but to seek help. A friend of mine recommended that I try remote therapy sessions. The idea of attending therapy from home felt much less intimidating. I was surprised to learn how many online options I had available. Setting up the first appointment was simple, and my new therapist was far from judgmental. With each session, I began feeling better. 

Talking to my therapist provided the advice I needed to get through my divorce. Not only did we discuss the stress divorce caused, but we also discussed other issues I had been avoiding. An added benefit was noticing that my sessions were helping me to develop into a better person. 

 

  1. Realizing your strengths

 

After ending a long-term relationship, the pressures of being on your own can be daunting. I have accepted that I prefer being in a relationship over a single lifestyle. But, I have surprised myself with what I have been able to overcome and accomplish on my own. Life throws challenges our way daily. In a relationship, we feel comfortable sharing the burden of those challenges. But over time, we begin to lose our sense of independence. In the span of a year I have overcome many challenges I would have never attempted before. I am more confident and know I am more resilient than I expected. 

 

  1. Less stress and more peace in your life

 

Relationships can be beautiful, fulfilling, and beneficial. Unfortunately, we can get stuck in a relationship that weighs us down with a lot of tension and anxiety. Chronic stress can have many detrimental effects on our mental and physical well-being. Issues like anxiety and depression can begin to develop and heighten stress levels. But long-term stress can lead to  many negative impacts on our health. 

Being on your own gives you space to focus energy on easing stressors in your life. Negative or controlling partners are often the main source of stress. Stress levels will drop when you not worrying about this type of behavior causing issues. Being put down on a regular basis has a significant effect on one’s self-confidence. This time alone can help you discover positive qualities within yourself and put to rest any doubts a negative partner may have established in your mind.

 

  1. Discovering what makes you happy

 

Unhappy relationships can cause us to develop into more subdued versions of ourselves. If a relationship isn’t a good fit, we sometimes alter our personalities to try and make things work. When a relationship ends, we can explore who we are on a deeper level. It’s the perfect time to try new hobbies and rediscover our individuality. Once you know what makes you happy, it is easier to decide how you want to shape your life moving forward. 

Going through this process has given me a whole new perspective. I realized how much of my natural personality I was suppressing to try and please my partner. It is refreshing to see these parts of me that have laid dormant for so long. Seeing myself in this new light has given me a newfound sense of happiness in my life. 

 

  1. Refocusing to make positive changes

 

It’s no question that divorce takes a toll on one’s mental health and stamina. At the beginning of my divorce, sitting around feeling sorry for myself became a habit. Depression took over for a while, and it was difficult to pull myself out of it. Sometimes the issue is not knowing how to move forward. Feeling numb or experiencing the “Where do I go from here” phase is a common sentiment after a breakup. Before my divorce process started, I was pretty content with my life. I realize now that I had stopped developing goals for myself or pursuing personal growth. The first step was establishing an idea of who I wanted to be and realigning myself until I became that person. 

It is easy to fall into a complacent state of mind once we have found our comfort zone within a relationship. Ending a serious relationship is not the method I would recommend for shaking things up in your life. But, going through this process did highlight a few changes I could make to improve myself. I knew I needed to shake my depression, but my negative mindset inhibited any progress I was trying to make. My healing process required various alterations of my mindset and daily habits. Creating a routine around going to the gym and attending my therapy sessions was a good starting point. I took the time to learn how our eating habits affect our mental and physical health. This information led me to alter my eating habits as well. Stretching myself and trying new things was scary. But whenever I overcame my fear or found a new hobby that made me happy, it gave me a new sense of confidence.

 

There’s no question that if I had found a viable way to keep my marriage together, I would have chosen that route. But, I am grateful for the beneficial impacts that have only enriched my life. Hopefully, these can be a starting place for you too. 

 

References

  1. Chronic stress and its effects on the body. American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/body. Accessed November 2, 2022.

 

The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice, including professional medical advice and consultation.

 

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by Amy Bolding

Amy is a 35-year-old writer based in the hills of Central Texas in the United States.

She began writing songs and poetry in her youth and has carried that inter her adulthood. She now posts articles and poetry on her personal blog, Dearly Divorced, has had her poetry featured in a poetry anthology and has several articles published on the well-known forum called Thought Catalog.

More than anything, her work is usually focused on relationships and the dynamics created by interactions with others. She enjoys writing about all matters of the heart.

"They say to write about what you know, so I write about love."-Amy Bolding


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