As I am moving to the next official phase of my life. I find myself reflecting on the turbulent journey that brought me to this point. I am an artist. My dream is to create an immersive art museum that transcends conventional boundaries and transports visitors into a realm of enchantment. However, my path has been riddled with uncountable roadblocks, including an ongoing health crisis, chronic pain, and the fear of losing my primary job. Through it all I learned and realized what it actually means to embrace failure has become an unexpected source of strength in my artistic pursuits.
From the very beginning, the vision of creating an immersive art museum ignited an unyielding fire within me. I’m a Leo so this comes naturally to me already. I yearned to craft an extraordinary space that would leave a lasting impression on visitors and ignite their imagination. The idea of immersing people in the magic of art seemed like an achievable dream until life threw a series of omnipresent affairs my way.
A few years ago ( about 2 years and 5 months ago), I was hit by a mysterious health crisis that plunged me into a world of constant chronic pain. Doctors struggled to diagnose the underlying cause, I had several nerve tests back in fall of 2022. This left me feeling helpless and trapped in a body that refused to cooperate, listen and ill-used. The physical anguish I experienced was debilitating, but it was the emotional toll that hurt the most. I questioned my ability to pursue my passion, doubting whether I could ever create art again. Imagine trying to create with insufferable headaches, like a heart attack could at any moment due to having the textbook symptoms, and days on end going to hospital on and off staying due to which doctor believed you or not.
In the midst of my health struggles, depression crept into my life like a relentless shadow. The pain and uncertainty seemed unending, and I found it increasingly difficult to keep my spirits high. To add to it, my job in healthcare offered no stability due to a loving but unsteady clients mental health that’s deteriorating at a slow but steady pace, leaving me on shaky ground with the constant fear of losing it and them. Staying calm was the only option despite the intensity making me being more logical than those around me. The weight of financial insecurity exacerbated my inability to focus on my artistic endeavors.
Amidst the darkness, I stumbled upon a revelation that transformed my perspective on failure. I realized that failure is not the end but rather an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Accepting my limitations and acknowledging my health crisis allowed me to make peace with the moments of inactivity and the loss of income. It was time to prioritize self-care and nourish my soul. Which in detail means that i wouldn’t take on more than i could no matter the reactions for those asking a lot of me, listening to the littlest of details of what my body tells me what I’m putting in it, limiting and finding what the pain cannot take from me when it arises, the power of my voice when I say “no and enough” and trying new activities that boosts my mental health each weekend. I took swimming lessons for the first time, created the beginning stages for my art company, went on my first solo trip to NYC and finally got out of my comfort zone, at last.
As I immersed myself in the acceptance of failure, I found the courage to experiment with my art in new ways. I started creating art that produces music through touch via a buildable circulatory system board, learned about holograms and became educated more than ever. Instead of viewing my prolonged periods of inactivity as a hindrance, I saw them as moments of reflection and introspection. The ebb and flow of creativity became a natural part of my artistic journey, mirroring the ups and downs of life itself.
Each setback and obstacle I faced fueled my determination to build my art museum. I channeled my experiences of pain, uncertainty, and emotional turmoil into the very fabric of my art. My business venture became more than just a pursuit; it became a testament to resilience and the indomitable human spirit in me. Each no or unanswered email only made me go around the people who could change my circumstances and change them myself. Whatever wasn’t given to me was brought in for me on my own personal account and struggle. When a plan of action didn’t work there were six more in place that were more and more fool proof.
Embracing failure has been the most transformative aspect of my artistic journey. Through my ongoing health crisis, chronic pain, and unstable employment, I have learned to find strength in vulnerability and beauty in imperfection. My growing venture, clarity of who I am and how my body works has lessened pain as time has gone on in the last year is a testament to the power of perseverance and the unwavering belief in my dreams and good life can be despite it all. As I navigate the uncharted waters of both my art and my health, I stand undeterred, unmoved and ready to face any challenge that comes my way. In this ongoing failure that I find the true essence of my art, my purpose and that I actually always make progress no matter what.