Ghosting after a serious relationship can be a hard one.
Ghosting is a term that I came to know a few years back, and probably you are familiar with it after your recent breakup. Some meanings are hard to accept, right?
Ghosting is a talkless method of breaking up with someone without any explanation or communication.
The pain of being ghosted is unbearable. The individual who has been ghosted has to put in a lot of effort. It breaks the heart, but it also disturbs the foundation of one’s confidence and faith in others.
It’s even more depressing than your lover admitting they don’t feel the same way about you. You deserve a lot more than a partner who abandoned you like this.
Despite the pain, it’s better to be single than in a relationship that doesn’t appreciate your love. Moving on is the most difficult part of a breakup; it’s even more depressing when you don’t receive closure.
What ghosting looks up close? It was painful, but the journey was empowering!
I was in a perfect relationship (at least that’s what I thought). It’s been almost five years. We overcame hurdles and planned to go and enjoy the carnival. We spent the whole day— enjoying the rides, food, and taking pictures.
When I reached home, I texted him with kisses and texts describing how much I enjoyed this day with him. However, he was thinking about something else entirely.
My thumb tapped the buttons to send him an “I Love You.” However, his reply was unacceptable & appeared on the screen painfully. “Bye!” he exclaimed, “I don’t want to be with you!”
I was taken aback, and I tried calling and texting him. Soon after, I couldn’t reach him and couldn’t see his profile picture— it was difficult to swallow, but he blocked me from social media accounts. After a few days, I discovered he had been dating someone else for a month.
I was utterly destroyed! I dug into every nook and cranny of my relationship, figuring out what went wrong. Then I realized, “he, he Went Wrong!”
That’s how I came across the term ghosting; it was heart-breaking and deprived of closure.
Nonetheless, I wanted to move on and find someone I deserved, and so that’s what I did! You deserve someone who loves you unconditionally, respects you, and worships you. I’m here to tell you not to settle for anything less.
10 reasons why people choose ghosting as a means of breakup:
Why do people choose to ghost to end a relationship?
It’s difficult to see someone we love suddenly disappear without explanation when we’re addicted to them! We become emotionally and psychologically deafening and numb.
We’ve all been ghosted by someone in our lives, whether it was the “love of our lives,” a friend, or coworkers. We’re left with nothing but a giant question mark on our minds. Why? What did they think when they ghosted? At the very least, they can explain themselves! Of course, you deserve an explanation.
Various researches have provided the reasons for ghosting. Here are the major causes why people choose ghosting rather than facing the breakup:
1. They Didn’t feel the same way:
Yes! You read it right. Hey, stop thinking bad about yourself; it’s them who changed. They may have a change of heart or don’t feel for you the same way they did a few months back.
This might have happened because of the fights you both had that were glued to your ex-partner’s head, or maybe the reason is their surroundings. Stop! Don’t plan to punch their friends. Accept their change of heart, accept the closure-less breakup, and focus on yourself.
2. Toxicity might be the reason:
Sometimes, people prefer ghosting because they find the relationship or bond unsafe. There might be some habits of yours that make them furious or dangerous.
They might give you hints, too! And now, you are being ghosted. Individuals may feel the need to ghost as the only action to save themselves from blowups.
3. Dating Apps:
You are quite familiar with those! No? Everything comes with an adverse effect, and so does social media. Dating has become easy, and now you can find your compatible partner through these apps. It also makes it easy for the people who believe in casual flings.
A relationship born from online dating apps has a higher chance of ghosting breakups because it’s easier to dismiss whatsoever communication easily.
4. Dodging the Confrontation:
Sometimes, your partner, I mean, the ex-partner, chooses to avoid rather than meet you face-to-face. All they want is to avoid facing their partner’s broken emotion, so they opt to ghost.
This doesn’t mean they still have a soft spot for you, but instead, they just want to save themselves from your reactions.
5. For the sake of themselves:
Some people choose to ghost to save themselves from getting hurt. Instead of facing fights that may turn aggressive or result in disturbing behavior, individuals force themselves to disconnect from you completely without any reason.
If you are an aggressive or overly emotional person, use this time to reflect on your anger and the fact that others would rather choose to ghost than talk to you.
You have the time to look towards the flaws so that your future relationship can become better.
6. They didn’t see the future together:
Sometimes, good things tend to swivel badly. Let me tell you— People who believe in soulmates and fairy tales are more likely to end a relationship rather abruptly if they don’t see the potential of togetherness in the future.
They are so much in that fantasy that they prefer to ghost their partner.
7. Anxious and Avoidant Attachment:
As per the famous attachment theory of John Bowlby— The one with the anxious attachment carries a feeling of insecurity. On the other hand, avoidant attachment leads to the uncomfortable nature of closeness.
These troublesome psychological traits lead one to choose to ghost. For them, it is a better escape option.
8. Technology as a curse:
We have already discussed how dating apps can make it easy to choose a new partner quickly. But, technology has a unique exception too.
This technology simplifies breaking up merely by a single touch. Individuals can simply choose to block their partner on all social platforms and calls instead of confronting them. Though this is a convenient way, it’s still very unfair.
9. Other Issues:
Sometimes, explanations can be hard. Suppose your reason for this sudden breakup is a family issue, workload, depression, or accidents that you cannot explain through words. In that case, chances are that you would choose to ghost rather than pour to your heart’s content.
Thus one chooses to completely avoid their partner. To not engage in any explanations or issues, they may as well decide to ghost you.
10. A loss of attraction or confused feelings:
These days, everyone wants a shoulder to cry on— they want to pour their heart out to grieve their horrible breakup or severe trauma. To escape the pain, some individuals may rashly get intimate with the one who gave them a shoulder to cry on. Once their pain evacuates, their feelings may change.
There comes a time when the person may not want that shoulder because they have completely healed and know what they want ahead in their life. Thus, some people prefer ghosting.
What to do when someone ghosts you?
Whatever may be the cause behind your breakup (whether it was continuous bickering, fights, or disagreements), you deserve an explanation for the breakup.
Being ghosted is harder than a breakup. Here are some ways to get you back fully:
1. Have a Talk:
The simplest yet most effective way is to talk to someone— It can be your friend or family members. We avoid talking to anyone when dealing with heartbreaks, but you need someone to talk to.
Let out what you are carrying within you, my friend. If you are not feeling comfortable with your friends or family, just talk with a professional. Surely, it will lower your burden to a great extent.
2. It’s Not You, It’s Them:
It’s harder to accept heartbreaks from individuals who you blindly trust.
When we experience someone close shattering our trust, we ask questions and create self-doubt for ourselves.
Stop wasting your time. They did the wrong thing; it’s not you, it’s them! If you keep questioning yourself, you won’t find the answer to what you wanted from them.
Instead, ask questions about what you like to do but didn’t do for a long time because of your partner and start enjoying that.
3. Be grateful for dodging the bullets:
The best thing your ex did for you is to let you be free from them. Yes! Be thankful for that. Just think logically, if it was the right person, would they leave you this way?
All they cared about was their rash feelings and not you! Trust me, you just dodged a bullet. Who wants to live with a person who can’t stand strong and committed.
You have been saved from a bad relationship. You deserve someone who appreciates your feelings, your time, and You.
4. Let Karma take care of them:
I know you are furious with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. But don’t hold any grudges or think of taking revenge.
This will only make everything worse, and you will regret it afterward. Forgiving and forgetting also initiates the process of moving on faster. So, focus on yourself.
5. Don’t fall short on expectation:
I know it’s really hard to overcome the fact that someone you deeply loved just left you to pieces. Ghosting is a type of cheating that your ex-partner chose willfully.
I know you are probably doubting yourselves and will dig deep to find your own mistakes behind the breakup. But, my friend, don’t lose hope. You have been saved from the wrong person, and you are more than they deserve. Don’t let down your self-esteem. I know you can do it. I know!
When I was ghosted from a five-year long-term relationship, I was numb, angry, disappointed, shameful, stunned, unworthy, embarrassed, and hell a lot.
When I consumed myself to find the reason for her action, I got hurt. But when I accepted the breakup (albeit ghosting) and focused my energy on my betterment, I felt empowered.
I grew stronger — physically, mentally, emotionally. Not only that, now I know what to expect from a person/relationship, and I handle the situations more positively.
7. Go for a trip with friends or try something new:
Yes! Friends are one of the best therapies. Plan a trip with your friends and if not, ask them to have a meeting. You can also try things you loved doing but stopped because your partner didn’t like it. It will fill your mind and soul with positivity and trigger the favorable aspects of life.
8. Drop the idea to talk to them again:
I know you have many questions in your mind, and you are craving a lot to talk to your ex for the last time. You can bring them back, right? I tried that too. But I stopped.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend just left you cowardly. They didn’t act like mature people, and they didn’t care about you. Do you think begging/calling/sad texting messages will bring them again? No! It will only break you down more. Invest that energy in yourself and spend that time with people who genuinely care for you.
9. Give yourself a second chance:
I know it is hard to trust someone again. But not everyone’s the same. I suggest you recover fully, then step out and start giving yourself a chance to find someone who can love you for who you are and bring out the best in you.
Dating not only makes you feel special but also helps you to overcome bad things. Don’t let your ex hold on to you still. You are amazing; you are special.
10. Accept what happened:
For a long time, I imagined that she would come back one day and I would forgive her, and everything would fall into a good place. The truth is no one comes again, and even if they come, you shouldn’t trust them again.
Accept what has happened and focus on the people who are with you. I am your friend, and I don’t want you to be with your ex again; you deserve better.
11. Embrace what you’ve learned from the past:
We, humans, tend to always look at the negative side of every situation. Instead, learn from your past relationship.
- How do you want to be treated?
- What type of person do you like?
- What is your ideal relationship definition?
Learn the answers to these questions by reflecting on your past partners.
You have failed in a relationship because it isn’t right for you! Ultimately your ex-partner has taught you not to fall for a person like them.
I understand how badly it affects us when we counter this situation. We become emotionally weak and give in to our yearning heart desires despite the odds.
Take a deep breath, understand and accept the position wisely. Don’t make any wrong decisions that will only hurt you or your close ones.
Surely these ways will help you swim out from the unwanted waves driving you deep into self-doubt.
Bonus tips & Quotes:
- “Some good things fall apart so that better things can fall together.”— Marilyn Monroe.
- “You, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”— Buddha
- “Don’t cry when the sun is gone because the tears won’t let you see the stars.” —Unknown.
- “When someone shows you who they are, believe in them for the first time.”— Maya Angelou.
- “Sometimes, not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”— Dalai Lama.
- Just read these quotes, and you will find more on the internet. This will surely give a boost to your recovery process.
Conclusion: A word from your friend!
It’s more painful to be ghosted in a meaningful relationship than it is to be dumped. This circumstance is difficult to overcome.
After breaking up, I know you are looking for your faults too. Everyone does that, and it is really hard to digest the fact of what they did. Maybe you will have some flaws. But ghosting is not the right way.
Don’t hope that your partner will return or that you will be reunited. It will just take you down a rabbit hole of anguish and sadness. Rather, concentrate on yourself, be productive in achieving your objectives, and work for yourself.
The right one would never abandon you in whatever situation, and the wrong one does not deserve to be with you. The more you want them, the longer it will take for you to recover. Instead, spend time with your close ones and learn about yourself.
Allow yourself a second opportunity because not everyone will be the same. Deep down, you know what you want in a relationship or from a person. Don’t let the leap of faith pass you by.
You are more capable than you believe. Sometimes horrible things happen to good people to understand what God has in store.