self love

WHERE IS YOUR MOST PASSIONATE SELF?

“Finding your passion isn’t just about careers and money. It’s about finding your authentic self. The one you’ve buried beneath other’s needs.” – Kristin Hannah How do you get the party started? Where is your most passionate self? You begin with you. A year ago, I probably would not have written this, nor would I have submitted it for publishing. Writing this today is me being true to myself and my thoughts. This is me talking. There’s a ton of discussion around authenticity, being authentic, yada-yada. The more we throw the words around, the more muddled the meaning gets. The concept sounds simple: be yourself, be real. And our general feeling or response is, I am being me. Maybe that’s the case, but even in my own ever-growing, ongoing journey to stay true, I slip and f...

STOP DEFINING YOUR WORTH

Stop defining your worth   by the amount of money you make,   by the presence or absence of someone in your life,   by the unmet or met compliances that your society, culture or education so blindly wraps you into,   by the boxes you tick on your to-do lists,   by the things you think you miss or have been unfairly deprived of,   by the people who accept you or don’t,   by the expectations of your mental laboratory about your future and present,   by the imperfections you find in your body and thoughts each day,   by the amount and quality of your sex or love life,   by the words of approval from other people,   by the traumas inherited from confused parents,   by the struggles you face each day,   by the emotional reci...

WHAT DEFINES ME

“Author, mother, volunteer, advocate and army wife.” That’s what they say when I am introduced before speaking. The only thing I hear is silence. What defines me? Is it the things I do for others? I’m Marla, a woman whose life’s focus has been taking care of those around me. As a young girl who spent my early years in Watts, California, then to Denver, Colorado, my life hasn’t been without its struggles. I lost both biological parents at a very young age, faced bouts of abuse throughout my childhood and barely finished high school. I was a product of my environment. Yes, I know it sounds so cliché, but it’s true. Girls like me didn’t end up living successful lives; they ended up pregnant, in jail, or worse…dead. I was the exception, but not without my own trials and tribulation...

ALWAYS PUT YOUR SOUL FIRST

Your soul speaks. Every time something feels off, or out of our character, it lets you know.  It is tired. Often, we don’t give our soul space to breathe when it is in desperate need of healing. We put ourselves aside and search for the next thing that can quench our thirst when, in reality, our soul needs us to sit. And listen. The meaning of self-love can be mistaken as being what we give ourselves on the outside, but the most tedious love is worked on from within you. In times of confusion, I have sat by myself and wondered where I can get answers and where I can escape to. When a failed attempt at love surfaces, when we are rejected, when our hopes fail us more than once, we must learn to step aside from what has caused a bruise from within. When we do not tend to internal wounds...

RAISED RACIST AS A POC

I was raised to be racist. It’s funny when people see me––a darker-skinned person of color––and I let them know I was raised in a racist household. I was adopted when I was a day old by a white couple. My dad never showed any signs of discrimination to others when I was around, but he and my mother divorced when I was two. His influence disappeared when I was seven—he passed away from cancer. My mother, on the other hand, had a distinct opinion of people of different races that I carried with me up until the last couple of years. I was raised to fear my own people. Though more prone to letting me explore the Korean side of my ethnicity, my mother was uncomfortable with me reaching out to any black people we may have been around. My best friend in first grade was another mixed girl—she was ...

WOMANHOOD

We are the receivers of life, given a sacred purpose to protect a spirit as it grows and develops into a body, inside a warm secure womb, within a body. We are women. From the animal that which lays an egg, either on land or water—even the tiniest of insects—they, too, are women, and they, too, hold the sacred gift of receiving life to help nurture, develop and protect. They, too, hold a spirit that forms into a body that can withstand the atmosphere on Earth. The most intriguing and possibly the most powerful of the creatures is the spirit of the human woman. Humans may not be the physically strongest of the Earth’s creatures, nor the largest, but we are the most intellectual, surviving not solely on instinct, or engraved ancestral memories, but we evolve through our cognitive ability to ...

THE VOID OF LONELINESS

No one teaches you how to heal your howling void of loneliness. No one tells you how bitter it tastes, how suffocating it feels and how hopeless it looks sometimes. No one prepares you for those moments when you are completely disconnected from the rest of the world. No one teaches you how a wounded heart will always seek for a piece of affection from every stranger it meets. No one warns you that your love hunger created by the broken hands and hearts of those who gave you life, and then ungainly deprived you of affectionate moments, will sometimes push you into greedy and immature embraces of people who destroy you faster than life itself. No one tells you that not everyone would be able to see a vulnerable and fragile heart behind well-accomplished words and sentences, bright goals and ...

TO BE

Rocks in her hands That she thought were diamonds Carried them with her For far too long Weighed her down She walked wondering why These jewels hadn’t made her brighter But had pulled her towards pain Shackled her to the steps she’d Taken before When the sun rose and The rocks didn’t sparkle She dropped them in the river For someone else Searching for gold She felt light, strong Feet taking off A flight so free She saw it was simply To be That made her glisten Like a ruby     Author: Sandra Collopy Email: sandracollopy@verizon.net Link to  website: https://suchsweetthings.wordpress.com

ATTENTION SOCIETY – MAKE UP YOUR MIND ABOUT MAKEUP

You’ve most likely heard them before—the inconsistencies and hypocrisies over wearing makeup. If you wear too much, you’re criticized for ‘painting’ your face, looking ‘slutty’, or even being unattractive. You must be, right? After all, look at all the makeup you have to wear in order to look decent! Then, of course, you have the people who criticize those who don’t wear makeup. Why? Because not wearing makeup has somehow become a sign of not caring about ourselves, of not wanting to look good, or of being lazy. So really, we can’t win either way. Women are either obsessed with their looks because they wear makeup, or don’t care about physical appearance because they don’t wear enough makeup, or any at all. The truth of the matter is, that the reason for women choosing to wear makeup or no...

THE ROAD TO SELF-LOVE

My dear life I am done I am done waiting for love I am done hiding behind the mask of a reckless nonchalant woman available for hunters to make a pass and I’m tired of being hunted down like a sheer piece of meat whose blood has flown into mouths of hunters shrinking it each time into even more pallid a mass. My dear life I am done I am done taking blames I am done accepting without refutal the hints of insinuations of infidelity and the skewed reality you slyly keep planting in my jarred head while the fact remains that my quest was, has been for love you always deprived me of, I slipped seeing the slightest signs of broken hearts never realizing the broken ones had already exhausted their reserves and you ruthlessly labeled every slip of mine as a conscious dive into a sea of lust....

I WILL ALWAYS BE FAT

I know what you’re thinking: “Bold title choice, Em.” But here’s the thing. Why is “fat” a bold word? As humans, we casually stray away from using words like “fat” to describe what someone actually is. Being afraid of the word only deepens the stigma that surrounds it– that fat is bad. When one of your girlfriends is getting ready in your bathroom and you hear her say, “This skirt makes me look fat” and you respond with, “No it doesn’t! You’re not fat,” you are only contributing to the notion that fat is bad and we should be afraid of it. Why are we afraid of being fat? Women grow up in this world surrounded by media that idolizes thin bodies over fat ones. It’s the institutional shaming of anyo...

RELEASING THE SECRETS

Secrets eat away at the very essence of a person. They devour you from the inside out, leaving just a hollow shell. I don’t know why today was the day I chose to finally break my silence about a secret that’s been eating away at me for over two years. Maybe it was all of the current media. Maybe it was all the brave women coming forward with their stories. I will never know. I don’t feel brave. I feel raw and numb after my confession of what happened to me, but I also feel a small glimmer of relief that I hope will blossom into healing. When I wrote my memoir, I wanted to give the reader a happy ending. I wanted them to feel at peace with the emotional roller coaster ride I had just taken them on—but it is a true story, so obviously my story didn’t end there. So her...

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