When it comes to sex, people’s desires and arousals range on an endless spectrum. What turns one person on doesn’t necessarily mean it will turn on another. See, sex is subjective. What someone may find as kinky, is someone’s “vanilla” sex life. Nevertheless, it’s important to explore your own sexuality, seeing what turns you on and what doesn’t. But how do you go about doing that? Well, here are five ways to find your kink.
Fantasies are based in your mind
What’s important to know and to remember is that your fantasies are in your mind. They’re not real. There are some fantasies that we would never want to act out. For example, maybe you’ve fantasized about slapping your boss across the face, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to do it.
Fantasies, whether they’re sexual or non-sexual, are just that. They’re fantasies. You can control your actions and decide whether or not you’d like to explore certain fantasies or not.
Don’t judge yourself
When it comes to sex, it’s subjective. Though you may share similar sexual desires as other people, your sexual desires are unique. It’s normal to think your sexual desires may come off as weird or gross to other people, but you’re entitled to sexual freedom and expression. Your fantasies allow you to discover things about yourself and your desires. You don’t need to judge yourself for how you feel. Instead, embrace your fantasies and decide which ones you’d like to explore and ones you’d like to leave as fantasies.
Actively explore your fantasies
You don’t need to spend every day and night searching for your kink, but if you want to discover a potential kink you have, you’ll need to look for it. Sometimes, your sexual desires and fantasies are suppressed and need a push to the surface. There are a couple of things you can do to coax your fantasies out.
- Think about your past sexual experiences, and what you found arousing during sex. What were the times you were most aroused, and what happened during that time? So, sit down with yourself and really think about it.
- In the past, what were the sexual fantasies going on in your mind, if any? It could be as a child, you fantasized about another student spanking you, for example. Maybe they scared or intimidated you, which is why you suppressed them.
- What thoughts run through your mind when you’re masturbating? Do you visualize someone sniffing your panties? Have a one-night stand with a submissive woman or man?
- Look at some of the most common sexual fantasies people have. This includes role-playing, group sex, impact play, orgasm control, etc.
Experiment with your fantasies
If there are sexual fantasies you have in your mind, you need to decide whether you’d like to explore them or not. There are some fantasies that you may feel are too extreme to try, and that’s fine. Start off easy and work your way up. You don’t need to jump right into it, that’s not the point of exploring your sexuality. You can choose how you’d like to experiment, whether it’s during solo-sex, with your partner, or at a sex party with people who have experience with your kink.
Don’t pressure yourself
Kinks and fetishes are becoming more mainstream, but that doesn’t mean you necessarily have a kink of your own. You can spend a lot of time exploring and experimenting with different kinks, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to connect with one. The beauty of sexuality is it’s different for everyone. You may occasionally fantasize about have a threesome but not really interested in doing it in reality. Either way, what’s important is you relax and don’t apply pressure on yourself to discover a kink you may have.
Finding your kink(s) should be a fun and adventurous experience. Keep an open mind, and take this as an opportunity to explore your sexuality and desires. And if you realize you don’t have any kinks, that’s also okay! What’s important is to learn about what you enjoy and don’t enjoy in bed.