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Relationships

How To Date Yourself – The Only Person You Need

Everyone says you’re the luckiest person when you have someone who loves you more than the world.  Still, nobody tells you how important that you know how to date yourself first before adding someone new into your life.

  • To put yourself first on anything that comes your way, 
  • And to let go of anything that holds you down 
  • Or stops you from becoming the person you dream of 

Of course, it is normal if you don’t have anyone to love you. You don’t have to wait for someone to come and worship you— you already have you for that. 

Loneliness is an issue that people self-create in their heads to attract negativity, boredom, over-thinking, and zero self-love. They think about it all the time and slowly start to self-pity themselves— in the process, overthinking soon eats your brain out and leaves you dry and miserable. The continuous thought of being lonely makes us forget that we have ourselves if nobody else.

We are so busy loathing or pitying our loneliness and flaws that we forget to count the blessings already present within us. 

“I never learned to count my blessings

I choose instead to dwell in my disasters.”

Every love and support we expect from others is already within us— we just need to look deep within our hearts to find that calm and whole again. Self-care is a difficult journey, but it will lead to self-love and positive solitude.

As cliche as it might sound, ‘You cannot love others unless and until you start loving yourself.’ It’s a basic necessity to love yourself first, know yourself better, understand what you want and need to achieve. 

It is said that people who are always alone are one of the strongest ones, and it’s quite literally true. Remember that self-love is the journey you have to go through alone. In the end, all that you have in your own self— it’s time you start appreciating and acknowledging your existence.

So, in this article, we will learn how to date and prioritize ourselves together. 

Steps on how to date yourself

Start taking care of yourself, and you are good to go. Easier said than done, right? It’s difficult to overcome years of self-hatred and loathing. It starts with self-acceptance— acknowledging and appreciating the good in you, and then soon beginning to accept your flaws. I know it’s difficult, but if things were more accessible, they wouldn’t feel so heavenly.

So, here are some steps that will lead you towards how to love and date yourself. 

Step 1: Consider what’s keeping you from loving yourself. 

First of all, you have to know what keeps you away from loving yourself. For instance,

  • people who always have a negative opinion about you, 
  • The constant need to be in a relationship, 
  • choosing toxic people over your peace, 
  • focusing more on self-doubt, 
  • seeking thoughts from people about you, 
  • or thinking that you can only exist with others’ love.  

Of course, it will take some time to stop hating yourself or listening to opposing opinions people impose on you, but it’s worth waiting. Once you acknowledge the power of self-love, you can achieve anything in your life without any self-doubt.

Take your time, start slow, and take baby steps. 

  • Give one compliment to yourself every day. 
  • Buy things for yourself. 
  • Get roses and take yourself for dates. It can be a soothing bath, a coffee date, bowling/shopping alone, etc. 

Step 2: Make a list of what you want to add to your life. 

Prioritize things you want from your life before sulking over something you don’t have or can’t have. Making a list makes our life a little easier. 

“When you don’t have the will to continue living your dreams, discipline will get you moving.”

Set a schedule and stick to it until you want to willfully continue doing that— fake it until you make it. 

“I mean, why not? It’s either this or crying yourself to sleep, and who wants to do that?”— Rihana.

When we start making lists, it becomes pretty easy for us— there’s no confusion, and everything we want is already written by us and for us. 

So, take a notebook and start writing about all the things you like to do and want to do, things that make you the happiest and lively in this world. Start writing about all your personal goals that you want to achieve and focus on them already because time is precious. 

Step 3: Schedule the time to date yourself regularly 

woman waking up and setting her goals for the day

Sometimes, we get so busy in our lives that we don’t take enough time out for ourselves. Life is all about living to the fullest, so prioritize your health, wealth, and mental peace. 

For example, would you like to date someone who doesn’t even have time for you? Of course not; just like that, you need to give yourself enough time to love yourself. 

You cannot accept things from others that you cannot give to yourself. So, before demanding love/affection/gifts from others, look at yourself and ask if you are willing to do the same for yourself. If you cannot, you need to start doing it ASAP. 

What makes you happy and content? Make a list and schedule dates for yourself and with yourself. 

  • Meditation for a few minutes, 
  • Make your favorite dish, 
  • Go for a long drive with slow songs, 
  • Take yourself out alone for a walk, 
  • lunch or coffee, 

Taking baby steps is how the improvement of your life begins.

Step 4: Get outside of your comfort zone and build confidence. 

woman celebrating finding herself in a relationship again

If you stay in your comfort zone forever, you will never learn to walk alone. You have to pick up your shyness, low self-esteem, and low confidence— bring it out of your comfort zone, and start embracing each flaw independently. 

It is said, “the more you do things that make you uncomfortable, the more courage you build.” 

So first, 

  • Start doing things that you have never done alone or before, 
  • Do something that you’re the most scared of, 
  • Start facing your biggest fears, 
  • Something you have been trying to do for a long time but couldn’t because you were too afraid. 

Once you start to face your fear, you will get the courage you never had. You feel the most alive and empowered when you overcome your fears. 

Step 5: Get dressed up for yourself 

Sometimes, self-love simply comes with taking a hot shower, doing makeup, getting dressed up for yourself, taking pictures, and then taking yourself for a dinner date. 

Self-love comes in many different forms, like,

  • Getting a new haircut done, 
  • taking yourself for a coffee date, 
  • giving yourself something expensive, 
  • getting your nails done, 
  • cleaning your space, 
  • talking positively about yourself, 
  • or anything you love to do for yourself. 

Whatever you do, do it with your utmost dedication—you need to make time for yourself— to show that it’s your life and that you are the only person to own it.

Even if the world loses your side, you, of all people, should stay by your side always and forever. Having a relationship with yourself is a lifelong agreement, and it’s the only one you can count on— so cherish and nurture it. 

Step 6: You have the opportunity to do anything you like

At this age of your life, you have the opportunity to do anything that you like without seeking anyone’s permission. When we are in a relationship, we tend to compromise a lot— we lose friends, families, things we love doing, freedom, and space in a mediocre relationship. 

Take this opportunity of singlehood and taste the freedom that comes along— you are free to do anything you want to do for so long. Singlehood is when you don’t have to constantly worry about public opinion or their concerns— start doing what you love and start feeling what you feel. 

Opportunities can be big or small, like…

  • going to the movies,
  • trying to cook a new recipe, 
  • reading in the park with open fresh air, 
  • visiting an art museum, 
  • buying yourself your favorite flowers, 
  • or going for a night walk

Step 7: Make a gratitude list.

“Learning to appreciate what you have before time makes you appreciate what you have.”

Self-love emerges from gratification— instead of complaining about everything, start appreciating what you already have. 

Making a gratitude list is also fun. When you look and acknowledge all the things you already have, you will know just how blessed you actually are.

When you start being grateful for little things, you will become more alive— that’s when you start working more on yourself. It’s vital to acknowledge your blessings and keep them close to you before they are taken away from you.

Enough of complaining; it’s time that you count every little blessing that you already have with you. 

Step 8: Learn more about yourself 

You can’t learn how to date yourself if you don’t have a solid understanding and awareness of who you are as a person. Dating yourself will introduce you to the many colors of your soul and existence— you get the opportunity to know yourself better. When you spend time with yourself away from the world— you understand what you need and want closely. 

Being alone is not lonely; it’s a journey that will lead you towards personal growth in life. Here, in this relationship, it’s just you. 

So, when you date yourself, learn how to unleash your divine feminine energy.

  • you get the best chance to know more about yourself, 
  • what kind of a person you are, 
  • your visions, your liking, 
  • your comfort, 
  • and so many character traits that you didn’t know existed.

You can also try journalizing your past, present, and future to know more about the changes that you had and the possible changes that stand ahead of you.

Step 9: Create a vision board

Self-love leads to self-growth. If you love yourself more than anything, you will always choose what’s best for you, and you will also work hard to get all that you want. Having a vision in life is so important because that’s what makes you the person you want to become in life. 

Create a vision board or paint a bigger picture of the future

  • What you want to achieve, 
  • when to do it, 
  • how to plan on it, 
  • and when to start working for it. 

Visions are crucial in your life; they help you keep moving ahead in life slowly and gracefully, step by step. 

Step 10: Live passionately 

two women practicing self care

Don’t simply love yourself when alone or single; love yourself irrespective of the season— when it’s raining stars, sorrows, gloom, or happiness. 

It’s the best way to take care of yourself and live the life you want. Take your time and strengthen this relationship every passing day— you will be amazed by the difference it makes in your life. 

Never stop finding new interests, working passionately, setting personal goals, making new friends, and being adventurous. You don’t have to stop dating yourself when you see someone else. No, continue to love yourself even if you are in a relationship. Loving yourself should always be a priority for you.

A mundane life will bore you into depression. Try to live each day with passions— even the silliest things must be fulfilled with love. 

It can be cleaning chores, organizing a house, redoing your office desk, or simply brooming. For instance, play music and sway some moves alone when doing minimal chores. Life should be fun, not any other way around. 

Step 11: Always pamper yourself 

Don’t forget to pamper yourself amidst the many emotions life throws at you. There would be days of contentment, days that drain you or eat you alive. At times like these, pamper yourself with sunflowers, chocolates, spicy food, and family presence. 

If you don’t have the sources— take yourself for a relaxing, chilly walk under the night sky, look at the moon, sing lullaby, and hug yourself. 

Book a facial or professional massage at your doorstep whenever you feel stressed out or tired. You can pamper yourself according to your comfort and never forget to stay hydrated all the time.

Pampering comes in different forms for different people:

  • you can pamper yourself by committing the best for yourself, 
  • becoming the best version of yourself, 
  • always believing in yourself, 
  • Give your 100%. 

The most crucial step is to close the doors that no longer make you feel good or are unhealthy for your peace. Commit to yourself that you’ll genuinely nurture your soul and body as a best friend, soulmate, and life partner in this relationship. 

Step 12: Be assertive about your needs 

When you start loving and prioritizing yourself, you will set different boundaries for people depending on your perception. Setting rules for others is essential to keep your peace and worth intact. 

Always feel free to tell people what you find right or wrong in any life agreements, what you tolerate, and what you want. 

Whether you are in a relationship or not, it’s necessary to let people know what’s acceptable for you and what’s not— take a stand for yourself and stick to it. 

Step 13: Write yourself juicy love letters

If you don’t have any partner that can write down cheesy love letters for you, not even a problem, write it by yourself. 

Write down:

  • All the exceptional qualities you withhold, 
  • Talents that you have, 
  • all the beauty and confidence you carry along, 
  • and how strongly you play to become the person of your dreams. 

You do not have to wait for anyone to come and tell you how incredible you are! You know yourself better than anyone else does— it’s time you verbalize those thoughts and qualities. 

So, start writing letters on letters about:

  • How beautifully you carry your flaws, 
  • How proud you are of yourself for coming this long, 
  • Write about how impressed you are with the fights and scars you have gained in this challenging life. 

Each letter you write is essential and will help you smile every time you read them. 

Step 14: Engage in some indulgent self-care

Every small step counts when you are on a voyage for self-love/self-care— even if it comes in bringing chocolates, flowers, small surprises for yourself. Do what you like the most, for instance: 

  • Getting in comfy clothes and watching a movie, 
  • Taking a bubble bath, 
  • Playing with your dogs, 
  • Or anything that promotes self-care in your life. 

If you are unsure what to do, you can think of when you were the happiest, were around good people, and were enjoying life; relive those moments. 

  • Meet new people, 
  • Adopt a puppy/animal, 
  • Organize your messy life, 
  • Find new jobs, 
  • Earn and spend good money, 
  • Be expensive (if you’d like).

Slowly but surely, try to find things/activities/purposes that bring you joy. Even if you do not want to do this every day, try doing things at least once a week, and you will see the difference self-care brings along. 

If you are confused, breathe and let go. Meditate to clear your mind, exercise to get the blood flowing, and choose adventures for adrenaline. Life’s only as complicated as we make it. 

Step 15: Empower yourself with love and support 

Let go of things that make you sad or stressed— quit the job that doesn’t benefit you or the relationship that mentally exhausts you, and set boundaries.

You can also get involved in empowering activities like,

  • jumping off a plane with a parachute, 
  • learning new special skills, 
  • facing your fears, 
  • and so many activities that can make you feel certified without external support. You already have that love and support in yourself; you just need some power to show it to yourself/everyone. 

Bottom line 

“Life jackets can only help you to float, but you will have to swim to the shore by yourself, darling.”

We are so lost in finding love in different people that we completely blind ourselves out from the love inside us, for us. We expect many people to love us, but we forget to love ourselves first. Self-care and self-love is a gift from us, to us— nobody else is going to come and give or teach you. 

Trust me, self-care can make a big difference in your life and personality. 

Dating yourself is a crucial lifetime relationship. Self-care helps in increasing self-love. It’s about time to choose all the good things that manifest happiness in your life. It’s time to give ourselves all the love and support we expect from others. 

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by Genesis Gutierrez

Genesis is the founder of Harness Magazine, a digital media company that celebrates and elevates the voices of women around the world. A first-generation college graduate, Genesis holds a degree in from UCLA with hopes of going back for a Masters in Social Work.

Through her work as an editor-in-chief of Harness, Genesis has dedicated herself to amplifying the stories of women specifically marginalized communities. She is committed to creating space for those who are often left out of mainstream conversations, and believes that storytelling is one of the most powerful tools we have for building community and sparking social change.


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