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Relationships

15 Obvious Signs He Doesn’t want a Relationship with You

I just want to say that dating is hard.

We’ve all been there, girl. You start dating someone and it’s all going great. They’re texting you right back, they’re taking time to see you. He is the nicest guy in the world and he’s really into you until one day…you are confused as to what’s going on.

“Does he like me?” and “Is he leading me on?,” or maybe even: “Why won’t he commit?!”

“What happened?”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Maybe he does want a relationship with me but is too afraid to say so?”

Before you know it, he has let his actions do the talking, and now you don’t know what you are doing. You like the guy so much that you don’t have a clear vision of the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Which is why you’re here.

If you have been seeing this guy for a while and you feel like things are moving slowly (or not at all), The title is pretty self-explanatory. If he does any of these things, then you might reconsider if you want him in your life.

1) He doesn’t remember the things you tell him

If he doesn’t remember the things you say, then chances are that he’s not that into you.  If someone really likes you, they will remember the little things or even the basic things (if he struggles with that too!)

Women will tell themselves “oh well I guess he just forgot” but if it happens multiple times, there is probably another reason for it other than forgetfulness (he just doesn’t care that much).

You should never feel like you’re constantly repeating yourself or like you’re not being paid attention to while talking.

2) You Can’t Count on Him

girl calling her boyfriend, not being able to count on him

If the guy you have been talking to doesn’t seem to lift a finger in times of need,  makes promises, and then breaks them without consideration or explanation and frustration starts taking over because he never follows through on his word..it may just mean that he has different priorities he wants to focus on.  

That may be work, other friends and family members, or something that sounds more important in which you are not included in.

If he does this once and appropriately apologizes, maybe give him the benefit of the doubt because we all make mistakes but if this has been going on for a while, tell him to step up his game.

If you have to tell a man twice how you’ve been feeling and he does it again, then he doesn’t care enough to change.

3) They Don’t Initiate Contact As Much as You Do  

Do you find yourself having to ask him if everything is okay?

Do you feel like you’re chasing after him?

If a guy isn’t initiating contact as much as you are, rest assured that it means you probably aren’t in his mind that much and only messages you out of convenience (like texting you only at 2am).

4) He claims he’s too busy to hang out

When a guy likes someone, they will do everything in their power to make the time for you. If he says that he’s too busy to hang out or doesn’t seem like he has time for you, then there might be a reason for that.

If you live far away from him and it’s harder for him to see you, then that is understandable but only if he’s willing to make it work.

However, if you’re close by and it still seems impossible, then go find someone who does put the time and energy into you.

You’re not asking for a lot, you’re asking for the bare minimum.

5) He doesn’t communicate clearly

Communication is key to a healthy relationship, but if the guy you’re talking to disappears for days and then appears again they might not be interested in a serious commitment.

If you feel like you are constantly trying to figure out what he means when he talks, there’s not much you can do on your end.

In a relationship, it’s important for both parties to be on the same page and have the same goals in mind. If one of you seems disinterested or too busy to communicate clearly, they don’t really want a relationship with you. 

6) He is disinterested in your life

If he’s not interested in your job, hobbies, family, friends, etc. then it’s a sign that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. ESPECIALLY if he shows no interest in what your goals are for the future. 

He may enjoy being around you but if he seems uninterested in the things that define who you are as a person, then he probably doesn’t care about getting to know another side of you.

7) He avoids relationship conversations

If he seems uninterested in discussing things like your relationship status, relationship goals, and how you feel then it’s probably not going to happen.

A lot of men avoid confrontation by telling you what they think will make them look better. They’ll say things like “It’s too early to tell” or “We’re taking things slow” That’s just their way of covering up for something deeper–some unspoken fear.

If a guy doesn’t seem interested in what you have to say about relationships or isn’t clear on what he wants, he probably doesn’t care about what is important to you.

You deserve better than a guy who’s trying to figure out how he feels about you and just know he wants you in his life. 

8) He’s dating multiple women at once

It’s not uncommon for people in the dating scene to be seeing multiple people at once, but if you’ve been seeing this guy for a while now and you are still seeing he’s talking to multiple women it’s most likely not going to stop. 

Simply put, if he’s seeing someone else while seeing you, then trust your gut–he doesn’t want a relationship with YOU.

He may see you as a relationship or he might not, but if he’s seeing other people then that means there is no room for exclusivity. There’s no trust to be built to develop into something more serious.

9) He doesn’t make long term plans with you

If you find it difficult to plan activities you would like to do together or feel like a burden when you bring up events you would like to go to together it’s time to be with someone who wants and will make those plans with you. 

10) He’s distracted when you guys are together

If he’s constantly looking at his phone, answering calls or texts from other people, or doesn’t seem like he’s too interested in what you’re saying then it means that you’re not the only one on his mind.

You should be with a guy who gives you his undivided attention when you guys are together.

If you feel like you’re talking to yourself or feel like you’re the one holding the conversation, it’s one of the biggest signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

11) He doesn’t do thoughtful things for you

We all have off days where we seem a little nonchalant or even less attentive, but if every other day he seems like he doesn’t care about you or what you’re doing then take it as a sign he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.

Remember that actions speak louder than words. There are so many ways a guy can show you he cares without putting in a lot of effort or spending a lot of(or even any) money.

If the guy isn’t willing to be thoughtful and plan things so you can feel special, there’s no point in trying to pursue anything further. 

12) He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family

If a relationship progresses to a point where he doesn’t introduce you to any of his friends or family then you’re just a girl he’s talking to but nothing too serious. 

In most cases, people don’t have close relationships with new people they meet every day– especially if the relationship is just starting. If you haven’t met his friends or family or have even made the effort to talk about you to them then that must mean that it isn’t as serious as you thought and there’s no room for anything serious right now either.

13) He only communicates through text

We live in an age where we can chat, text file share, and do practically everything online. But when the only thing he seems interested in doing is communicating through text and not talking on the phone or facetime, he’s lacking the effort to communicate with you. You deserve better than that!

14) You can’t tell if he likes you

Most of us have experienced being in the dark when it comes to whether or not a relationship will work out. This usually happens when there just doesn’t seem like there’s any chemistry between two people which makes it difficult to see what the relationship will become. However, if there’s no chemistry but you’re still interested then maybe take a step back and ask yourself why. Could it be because he doesn’t want a relationship? You deserve better than a guy who isn’t sure about what his feelings are.

15) He tells you he doesn’t want a relationship

When he tells you that it’s not worth the risk, listen to him. There’s nothing you can do to change his mind because it has already been made.

The fact that he is even willing to communicate with you after telling you this should be a red flag. He’s not the relationship type and is only looking for fun!

You may be wondering well if he feels that way why is he keeping me around and being hot and cold?

Here are some reasons why he may want to keep you around:

1) He’s Lonely:

He might be lonely and what you’re offering is the attention he needs for now. He doesn’t want to commit because he’s not feeling you but at the same time it feels nice to have someone around to stroke his ego.

2) You are convenient:

Maybe he doesn’t want all this emotional baggage anymore so instead of committing to you, he keeps you around cause it’s easier than trying to find someone new. Everything has run its course and now it would just be weird if you stopped talking completely so he continues to keep in touch.

3) He hasn’t found anyone better yet:

Ladies, men love the variety! If there isn’t anyone else that catches his eye then he’ll run straight to them! He is keeping his options open.

and here’s what YOU SHOULD BE DOING if you are seeing signs that he doesn’t want a relationship with you:

1) Set Boundaries

You always have to be firm that if he isn’t willing to put in the effort then this relationship is over. If you don’t set boundaries early on, there’s no reason for him to step up and start behaving like a relationship instead of friends with benefits. It’s important to recognize what you are dealing with so you can either accept it or move on.

2) Be direct with him

If he hasn’t expressed interest in you yet, the relationship will never happen. You need to be honest with him and let him know that you want more but he’s not ready for it. If he doesn’t care enough about you to take a relationship seriously, don’t waste your time waiting around for him.

3) Let go of the relationship

It might seem impossible at first because it means moving on but sometimes letting go is an important step towards healing the pain you’re feeling. By ending things completely then there won’t be any expectations between each other so if your paths cross again, even as friends only, it’ll be easier than keeping things unclear. Don’t hold onto something that has no future! We even have an article on How To Detach Yourself From Someone.

It’s hard to like someone who doesn’t seem to want the same things as you. The pain of having feelings and not getting what we need can take its toll on people’s emotions, so I know how difficult this is for those going through it.

Although that is true, you deserve to be in a happy loving relationship with someone WHO DOES make you feel special and so much more. In the meantime, you to need to learn how to How To Date Yourself – The Only Person You Need.

I hope this article helped you realize some things about the guy you’re with and find the strength to KNOW YOUR WORTH.

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by Genesis Gutierrez

Genesis is the founder of Harness Magazine, a digital media company that celebrates and elevates the voices of women around the world. A first-generation college graduate, Genesis holds a degree in from UCLA with hopes of going back for a Masters in Social Work.

Through her work as an editor-in-chief of Harness, Genesis has dedicated herself to amplifying the stories of women specifically marginalized communities. She is committed to creating space for those who are often left out of mainstream conversations, and believes that storytelling is one of the most powerful tools we have for building community and sparking social change.


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