King,

Eyes that deep

Hands covered in art.

Your silhouette like peace in the sun

Looking at you, I don’t see the weight you bear,

Or even your deepest fears

Looking at you,

I see someone that most men can’t compare to

Most men could not attest to

A man, in the rarest form

Side by side your sons

I see the way they look up to you and never through you

The way they desire your hand for their chosen path,

Your embrace for their safety net

No matter the day, you never lack for words to say.

You are always there for their reach.

These words are nearly insufficient.

Don’t encompass the respect and admiration I have gained.

You are king.

A provider

A father

You have risen above these dilapidated environments.

Above these broken systems

Above these mindless folks

Created a world where they are protected.

An indescribable sacrifice

Or was it ever really a sacrifice?

When you have created and risen above your purpose in this life

 

 

 

 

 

'Should I call my ex to give me the closure I want?'

Ahhh breakups. They are never easy and can be one of the hardest things we go through.

Even if we initiated it, there’s a part of us that will mourn the end of a relationship. It can be a difficult transition to learn to let go and move on.

Whatever it is that you're going through - it's important to point out that your feelings are valid and you have every right to feel how you are at the moment.

It's ok to be sad, hurt, angry, or confused. These are all-natural and valid emotions that come with a breakup.

However, there will come a time when you're going to wonder if you should speak to your ex again, and it can honestly be a confusing decision to make.

Sometimes you feel like you're moving on and just want to check in as a friend - other times, you didn't get the closure you wanted so you're stuck questioning what went wrong and wanting to talk it out.

From personal experience, calling an ex is a disastrous move to make. It can bring back a lot of old feelings and can even make the problems that led up to the breakup worse - so it's important to just take some time for yourself first.

What you do is up to you, but before making any rash decisions - make sure that it's something you want and not just a knee-jerk reaction.

Here are some reasons why you shouldn't call your ex:

1) You're not over the breakup: 

If you still have lingering feelings of sadness and heartache, then it's probably not the best time to call up your ex. You might think that talking with them may help you feel better, but in reality, it could just end up opening old wounds.

2) You're looking for closure: 

Your ex might not be willing to talk about the relationship and give you the closure you need. If that's the case, then don't put yourself through unnecessary heartache by trying. You will embarrass yourself and be back at square one. We have an entire article on how to move on without closure.

3) You want to get back together: 

Respectfully, this isn't a good reason to call. If you're looking for a way to get your ex back, then it's time to evaluate why the relationship ended in the first place and if it's something that can actually be fixed. It's best to do this in your own headspace rather than involving the other person.

If you feel like you have made a mistake and want to call your ex, then make sure that you're doing it for healthy reasons and not out of desperation.

4) You want to be Friends: 

It's totally ok to call your ex and ask them how they're doing if you've both moved on and have become friends. Sometimes it's nice to just check in with someone who was once a part of your life, however, sometimes this can also be a slippery slope where things could get messy and emotions could start to stir up again.

5) You feel like you're going to regret it: 

This is a valid reason! If you have that gut feeling that calling your ex could end badly, then listen to it. It's better to be on the side of caution than open up old wounds and get hurt all over again.

6) You keep checking in on them: 

Checking in on your ex (social media, mutual friends, etc.) is not healthy. If you can't control the habit of checking in on them every few minutes then it's time to start learning how to let go. Your last concern should be whether or not you should call them if you haven't learned how to live your life without creeping up to see what they are up to.

7) You feel lonely: 

Breakups are hard and can leave you feeling isolated. While calling your ex might feel like a way to combat loneliness, it will also just make it worse in the long run. Instead of reaching out to them, why not reach out to friends or family for emotional support?

8) You realize there's nothing to fix: 

If you have an ex that has gone about his life as if nothing has happened and you are not sure if there is anything that can be resolved from the breakup, then it's best to leave well enough alone. It will do more harm than good.

9) The breakup happened for a reason: 

If you have analyzed and come to the conclusion that there was a good reason for your breakup, then think twice before picking up the phone. If you decide to call, it could be easy to fall back into old patterns of behavior and habits that led you two down a rocky road in the first place - so it's important to evaluate if what you want is worth it.

10) He asked for space: 

Finally, if your ex asked for space and time to think things through - then don't call. Respect their wishes and give them the time they need to decide what's best for them.

11) You feel happy & content the way your life is: 

There is no need to disrupt the peace and contentment you have in your life. If you feel like you have moved on from the breakup, don't open old wounds by calling your ex.

12) You feel like this is an impulse: 

If you find yourself picking up the phone and wanting to call your ex out of impulse and without any real thought, then stop yourself. It's best to take a few days or even weeks and really think about why you want to call them. If it doesn't seem like a valid reason after giving it some time, then don't do it.

13) You haven't let it go yet:

If you feel like the breakup is still fresh in your mind and emotions, then it's best to take some more time and let it go before calling. If you can't seem to move on no matter how hard you try - seek out professional help. It could be beneficial for you in the long run.

If any of these have resonated with you, then it's best not to call your ex unless you are ready for the consequences that come with it. Being in control of your emotions and keeping yourself from being hurt is important - so take some time away from them, practice self-care and love, and make sure that you're ready before making any moves.

On the other hand, you may feel inclined to reach out for good reasons - Here are some reasons why you may want to call your ex:

1) You want to apologize for the way things ended:

If you feel like it's necessary to apologize for how things ended, then do it. It could mean a lot to your ex and may even help both of you to move forward.

2) You've taken some time away from each other:

If it has been a while since the breakup and both of you have taken some time away from each other, then it could be ok to call. This way, you are both sure of your feelings and can talk things out more calmly.

3) Make peace with the past:

If you want to make peace with the past and have a cordial relationship, then it's ok to try and call your ex. This way, both of you can be sure that you are on good terms and may even end up being friends.

4) You feel like you've healed:

If you feel like you've taken the time away to heal and want to reach out, then it could be ok. As long as your intentions are pure and both of you are ready for whatever comes next - then go ahead and make that call.

If you feel like you know you don't want to call your ex but it's hard to control yourself - Here are some tips:

1) Stay Busy: 

Keeping yourself distracted and busy is one of the best ways to stop yourself from making the call. Find a hobby or activity that you enjoy doing, like painting or playing a sport - this way, you have something to focus on and won't be thinking about your ex.

2) Avoid Triggers: 

If there are certain things or memories that make you long for your ex, then it's best to stay away from them. Avoid relationships, songs, and places that remind you of your ex - this will help to keep the temptation at bay.

3) Talk to a Friend: 

Have a friend who knows the situation? Talk to them and share your feelings - this way, you'll have a shoulder to lean on and someone who can help keep you in check.

4) Practice Self-Care: 

Taking care of yourself is a great way to stop yourself from thinking about calling your ex. Get plenty of rest, eat healthy meals, exercise, meditate - anything that takes your mind off things.

5) Block Them: 

If you're still struggling to stay away, then it's best to block them. This way, you won't be tempted anymore and can focus on yourself instead.

6) Put Yourself First:  

Always remember that your well-being and happiness should come first. Don't let yourself be controlled by emotions - take a step back and make sure that what you're doing is in your best interest.

Bottom Line 

No matter what the reason may be for wanting to contact your ex, remember that everything happens for a reason. The universe takes people away from our lives that believe are no longer a good fit.

At the end of the day, it's important to be sure that you are doing what is best for both parties.

Make sure that you take all the time you need and make a decision based on your current emotional state. It's ok to call your ex if you think it would benefit both of you but remember: there is no guarantee that things will work out the way you planned.

So weigh all your options before making any decisions. If your gut feeling is telling you that it's not a good idea, then listen to it and try to find better ways of dealing with the situation.

No matter what the outcome may be, make sure that you stay true to yourself and your values - this will give you peace of mind and clarity in the future.

"Will he ever come back to me?" 

This is a question almost every girl asks herself when she starts missing her ex after an inevitable breakup. Followed with, "will he ever contact me again?" "how do I know he's over me?" to finally accept, "I don't think he's coming back." 

If you, too, are in a similar situation and cannot figure out "is he done or just mad?" you're at the right place. In today's article, we'll be listing down 20+ signs he will never come back to you. 

These straightforward signs will confirm that you've lost your love forever, and he's done with you! 

20+ Signs he will never come back any more! 

Moving past a hurtful breakup is never easy. No matter who dumped who, separating from the person you loved or cared about will involve pain; you can't deny that or run away from it. 

You will feel pain. You will feel lonely. Most of all, you'll have to accept that all the plans and promises you made together will disappear along with that person. 

It can soon become exhausting to be stuck wondering whether you should move on or wait for your ex to come back. The worst part is that you may never be sure of his return, and waiting for him will only set you back in life.  

In case you try to contact him even when he's giving you the cold shoulder, it will hurt you more. He may ignore your calls or lead you on with false hopes, which is why it's better to examine your position in his life first. 

The best way to do so is by observing signs you won't get back together. If he is giving off the below-mentioned signs, you should know he's not coming back. 

1. You broke up terribly. 

Only a few relationships end calmly, with both partners discussing their respective issues and mutually deciding to part ways. However, the contrary happens with the rest of them. 

Most relationships end so terribly that it becomes impossible to patch them up. Hypothetically, a relationship usually breaks apart like a glass jar falling from a lengthy height. 

Indeed, you may sometimes find big pieces of the glass jar and think of sticking it back up. But it's impossible to renew it completely. Even if you do restore it, the cracks in the recycled glass jar will begin getting unstable with time and result in the jar breaking apart again. 

By that time, you will start wondering whether it was worth fixing the jar in the first place. The same is with relationships. A severely broken relationship never gets restored the way it was. 

Don't waste your precious time hoping "my ex will come back" if your separation was like the glass jar drop. It is one of the signs he won't come back after a breakup. 

Feel the inevitable grief of losing him, get back on your feet and move on. Who knows? You may stumble upon a new partner who chooses to love you without ever leaving. 

2. You both said irrevocable, hurtful things.

"You're the most regretful part of my life. I wish I could change it. I don't know why I was even with you." — My ex (I never returned to her) 

When a couple is breaking up, partners often say disturbing things to each other in rage, hurt, and anger. Many of these awful things can't be forgotten or forgiven, even with the most heartfelt apologies. 

Only those listening to such painful words can understand how much they can destroy even the most substantial feelings. 

Do you remember exchanging harsh, out-of-the-line insults with each other? Maybe you got too personal when breaking up with your partner, insulted him, and even involved his family members' names. 

If your ill words cut sharp through his heart, the impact won't allow him to come back to you. Maybe he said terrible things about you, too; then there's a high chance you may not want him, either. 

If you believe you crossed lines when talking bad to him, it's one of the signs you'll never hear from him again! A bad-mouthed breakup often shows signs he will never forgive you. 

3. It felt far too stretched.

Not every relationship you get into will last forever. In fact, a person goes through an average of six relationships in their lifetime. So, it's okay to say that your recent affinity was not meant to be your final one! 

Did you feel like your relationship had ended long ago, but you insisted on latching on to it? Sometimes, both partners realize that it will never work out for them, but they don't separate as it would take too much effort. 

If you don't break up when you should, it's a bond of convenience, not love. This results in the stretching of a companionship that should have been over long ago. 

When the split finally happens, it's better to detach yourself from that person and move on. He's doing the same, anyway. Ending such a stretched relationship is a sign that he's never coming back. 

4. He suggests you move on. 

Leaving your special person in the past is the last thing you may want to do after breaking up. The painful decision of letting him go won't be your ideal choice, especially if you're expecting him to return to you. 

If you're not ready to move on, that's okay. Have patience and give yourself time. Maybe he will really come back for you. Perhaps, if he's advising you to move on from him and start seeing other people, he's showing signs he is done with you. 

A person who still loves you after a breakup will never ask you to go away. But in this case, your ex is asking you to move on from him. You don't need anything else to realize there's nothing left between you. 

5. He avoids communicating with you. 

One of the most unmistakable signs you'll never get back together is that he entirely stopped communicating with you since you separated! 

He avoids your calls and texts and never responds back to you. Not just that, he ignores any type of communication you try to initiate with him. He has even said no when you invited him to hang out just as friends. 

In such circumstances, many women start believing "true love is when he ignores you." But the only truth here is that he's never coming back.

You'll only seem needy and desperate if you keep texting or calling him. You must know when to stop reaching out and move on from him. If you've tried your best and still never managed to get a positive response from him, quit thinking he'll ever come back! 

6. You're blocked on all social media accounts.

If a guy plans on returning to someone he loves, he will never remove that person from his social accounts. On the contrary, he might even post relatable stories or other things in an apparent attempt to get your attention. 

Is this also the case for you? Or has he removed you from his social media altogether? 

If your ex has blocked or removed you from his social profiles, it's one of the clear signs you will never get back together. He has gotten rid of you because he no longer wishes to engage with you in any way. 

You should also cut your ties with him and block him in return!

7. He has returned your belongings.

One of the most evident signs a man is done with the relationship is when he returns all your belongings! 

When you still have feelings for your ex-partner, you hold onto memories of your togetherness. You hug their belongings, listen to their favorite songs, and find it difficult to remove their pictures from your phone. 

In simple words, you may realize how hard it is to break up and move on when you recall everything you shared with your ex-partner. Special dates, gifts, clothes, and personal items—things like this often remind you of your ex from time to time. 

However, your ex doesn't seem interested in holding on to your belongings so that there are no memories left to recall. They have returned all of your stuff and decided to forget you completely. 

If you're wondering, "my ex returned all my stuff; does it mean he'll never come back?" then you're probably right. He would have never returned your belongings if he wanted to preserve the slightest possibility of returning to you! 

8. He's already in a new, committed relationship.

After breaking up, it is only natural for people to start seeing other people. It helps them move on, understand their love language, and find someone who better coordinates with their feelings. 

Similarly, if your ex has also started dating someone new and they seem pretty serious for each other, it is one of the signs he will not come back. 

Respect his choice of moving on earlier than you, and get on with your life. Trust me, not every guy you date will be your forever partner. In fact, dating multiple people will help you learn more about yourself and realize the kind of love you expect from your partner! 

There's someone better for you out there. Gather yourself and hop back on the journey of finding your soulmate. 

9. He is not the same person anymore.

How long has it been since you guys broke up? Was it recently, or did you date years ago and still wait for him to come back? 

If you are waiting for him to return after years of separation, getting back together may just be a daydream. You should realize that time changes a person more than anything else does. 

Your ex-partner may also be a completely different man now. He's not how he used to be, which is necessarily not a bad thing. It's the nature of life—people constantly grow together and grow apart. Not every person you meet in life will stay till the end. 

If your ex-boyfriend has changed a lot since you last dated, it's one of the signs he's over you! 

10. His dating history isn't promising.

Does your ex have a history of loving and leaving? Has he consistently grown bored of his romantic partners and dumped them out of spite? If yes, he'll probably do the same with you, without thinking twice! 

Flashy men like this are bullies from the inside. They decide to love people as per their wishes and leave them whenever they feel like it! 

The concept of being in a loving relationship and respecting a partner isn't very clear in their minds. No matter how much you try to fix such a man, you'll always be doomed to heartbreak and failure. 

If your ex is such an ungrateful person, it's okay to assume that he has too much pride to come back. Nonetheless, you shouldn't be waiting for such a man either. Instead, tell him to go away and never come back! 

11. He's rude to you. 

Humans are sent to earth as the most complex machine ever. It is nearly impossible to totally understand how a human brain thinks and how a human heart feels. This is why it is common for a person to make mistakes in their life, as well as in a relationship. 

However, your ex-partner doesn't seem to be over your past mistakes and talks rudely to you because of them. He speaks ill about you in front of other people and also throws insults to your face. 

If a person treats you poorly (even if it's someone you used to love), leave them alone. You don't deserve to listen to any harsh words or handle any kind of disrespectful behavior. 

Loving an ill-mannered person or waiting for them to return to your life is the worst you can do to yourself. Wallowing over your past relationship can steal a lot of good years from your life. 

It's time to leave him alone and move on with your life! If he's being rude, it's one of the signs your ex doesn't want to be friends. Leave him in the dust! 

12. He avoids your friends and family.

If he was just avoiding you, there could have been a possibility that he's seeking your attention with that behavior. However, if he has started ignoring your friends and even family, he's trying to make an absolute break. 

He isn't joining in events that overlap your friend groups and is also staying away from parties where any of your people may show up. If he's trying to part from your close ones, too, it's one of the signs he is cutting you off! 

13. He proposes to be only friends. 

Calmly ending a relationship with mutual decisions is the best way to break up! This way, your separation does not significantly threaten your mental health, and you can move on healthily. 

Staying friends after breaking up has become common in the modern world. However, if staying friends was your ex's idea, it's clear he doesn't have any interest in being in a romantic relationship with you again. 

He has chosen to be your friend because he likes your vibe and respects the person you are. But if you're assuming he wants something more, you should know a guy never befriends the girl he loves. 

If he has decided to be friends with you, it's one of the signs he's done with you romantically. He is just seeing a friend in you, nothing else. 

14. He has put zero effort into you since the breakup. 

When a man loves you, even after breaking up, he will still place you as his top priority. He would always ensure you're okay and indirectly try to support you. Not only that, he'd make you feel even more special in hopes of getting you back someday! 

However, if he decides to leave you alone, he'll create an emotional wall between you. This wall is an ultimatum that nothing would bring down; it simply means that the chapter of you and him is over. 

That means he won't come to save you when you're in trouble, he won't flinch even if you're having a bad day, and he will simply try to stay detached. Moreover, he wouldn't care even if you directly tell him that you're having a bad day. 

If you notice this or feel as if he has stopped putting every ounce of effort into you, it shows signs you lost him forever! When he makes you feel like "my ex doesn't care," he literally doesn't. 

15. He's sleeping with other women. 

Going on dates or hanging out with other people after a breakup is a healthy thing to do. You feel light-hearted, distract yourself from grief, and look for a way out of your emotional pain. 

It's actually good to see new people. But if your ex has started sleeping around with many women, you can assume that "it is one of the signs my ex will never talk to me again." 

Making love is one of the purest forms of sharing intimate feelings in the world. When you love someone deeply, it connects your body to their body in a spiritual, emotional bond. No matter how much you sleep around, this special bond cannot be felt with other people! 

Nonetheless, if your ex-partner has been having sex with multiple women, he has gotten rid of that special bond he had for you. Are you still wondering, "will he come back?" The fact that he has no problems sleeping around with other people declares that he is never coming back! 

16. No eye contact at all.

You must have heard this line—eyes talk louder than words. 

Eye contact is one of the most crucial ways of connecting with one another. Without eye contact, you may never have a serious conversation with anyone. 

So if your ex-partner avoids eye contact with you, the answer is simple—he isn't interested in talking to you anymore. He's rejecting you before you even initiate an interaction with him. 

17. He isn't jealous of your new romantic relationships.

When your ex is looking for a way to get back together, he will go crazy if he learns you got into a new relationship. The fact that you're not his lover anymore would be hard to digest, and it'd make him feel unsettled. 

However, in your case, he is showing almost zero interest in your love life and doesn't even want to know who you choose to date. He shows no signs of envy and is pretty cool about you getting into a romantic relationship. 

So if you're still thinking, "is he coming back?" No, he's not. The fact that he has had no interest in your love life ever since you broke up shows that he left me like I was nothing!

"Will he ever want me back?" He doesn't even feel jealous even when you are dating someone else. So it's hard to tell if he'll ever want you back. 

18. He told you—I don't love you anymore!

How to know your ex isn't coming back? If he says it directly that he doesn't love you anymore and has moved on in life, it's one of the signs he will never come back! 

The feeling of rejection or abandonment can be overwhelming. However, if he admits directly, "I don't love you anymore," you don't need any other signs he will never come back. 

It may be a hard pill to swallow at first, but you'll soon be able to look at this differently. You'll realize that every relationship you get into helps you learn something new about the world and also yourself. 

You may have to let go of people, but the teachings from their affinities will always remain. Rather than clinging to his memories or waiting around for him, accept that "my ex isn't coming back." 

Give yourself some time and put effort into improving and loving yourself. Fill your life's empty parts with new hobbies, activities, and feelings, and forget about him. The best you can do here is to go on with your life! 

19. He doesn't engage with your flirting or sweet talking. 

"I flirted with my ex, and he doesn't seem to be interested in me anymore. He said he doesn't want me back. Why won't he take me back?" 

After your relationship has ended, it is natural for your romantic advances or flirting to become a tad bit useless. Even if you talk sweetly with him or hint that you still like him, he may show his disinterest in engaging with you! 

This is one of the clear signs he will never come back. If he was still into you, he'd look for an opportunity to compliment you, spend time with you, and make sweet gestures and flirtatious situations. However, if your ex dismisses your interactive behavior, he's simply asking you to stop coming back to him. 

20. You've got the gut feeling he's not coming back. 

Above all the signs he will never come back; if you have the gut feeling he's not coming back, then trust it! There's no better way to learn the truth than your gut feeling. 

When your heart is telling you to stop waiting for him, you must not deny it because your gut never lies. Do you feel like, 

• My ex doesn't care about me. 
• My ex never reached out. 
• My ex never talked to me again. 

Then probably, he's already over you and has moved on in life. It'd be best if you could do the same! 

All of the points mentioned above show signs he will never come back. If you're getting these signs from your ex, it's time to accept the bitter reality and start moving forward. 

If you keep latching on to his memories or waiting for him to return, you'd waste many crucial months or even years of your life. In the end, you'd only be left with regret and more pain. 

When your ex shows signs he will never come back, you should accept the truth and move on. I know it may not be as easy as I'm saying right now, but that's what's necessary! 

FAQs—Signs he will never come back

Here are answers to some frequently asked questions if you're wondering, "will he ever want me back?" These FAQs will further resolve your confusion on whether you should wait for your ex or move on: 

Question 1. Do guys ever realize what they lost? 

Yes, they do, sooner or later. 

Men don't usually feel regret right after breaking up with you. In fact, it can take as long as six months for them to start regretting losing a good woman. 

Guys realize what they lost when they slow down in life and learn some humility! Then, they feel depressed, sad, upset, lost, lonely, and so many more intense emotions that girls may never go through. 

Question 2. Will he come back after working on himself? 

He may or may not return, but the best plan in this scenario is to assume that he's not coming back! 

A relationship is healthy and prosperous when partners work together through hardships and painful circumstances. If one of the two partners wishes to take a break to work on themselves, it's not such a good thing to do. 

This is because your partner thinks he cannot grow together with you. He doesn't trust the strength of your connection and believes he would never reach far while being your boyfriend. 

So he decided to leave you and work on himself alone. The fact that he doesn't see you as a potential long-term partner means he's not coming back. It's one of the signs he'll never come back! 

Question 3. Will he come back if we never dated? 

By this question, I assume we're talking about a guy you liked, and maybe he wanted you to, but you never dated. You guys came close but never got together in a relationship. So will he come back if you never dated? 

Yes and no. 

If this guy liked your vibe and appreciated the kind of person you were, there's a chance he'd come back to give dating you a try. He may reach out and restart things from where they were left. 

However, if he moved away from you because he didn't like your vibe, chances are he will never come back. A guy who met you, spent a lot of time in your aura, and engaged with you several times, knows what kind of a person you are. 

Even after knowing you, if he still left or stopped talking to you, then you might not be the kind of girl he's looking for. In such a case, waiting for this guy is useless and a waste of time! 

Question 4. Do guys come back after breaking up with you? 

The answer to this question can never be universal. For some people, their exes do come back after breaking up; for others, they don't come back. It really depends from person to person! 

If your love was genuinely authentic and you both cared about each other more than anything in the world, he would surely come back. It might take him some time to realize that you're the right person for him. But sooner or later, he will return to you in search of the unconditional love that he lost! 

Question 5. How to know if he'll come back? 

If you keep getting the gut feeling ex will come back, there might be a possibility. However, if no signs prove your assumption or hope, it'd be a sad turn of events. 

Are you wondering, "how to know if he will come back?" Look for these signs to confirm he'll come back into your life: 

• He left your number unblocked. 
• He was sad for weeks, even months, after the breakup. 
• He's actively trying to be there in your presence. 
• He doesn't return your belongings. 
• He stays in touch with your friends and family. 
• He frequently tries to initiate contact with you. 
• He asks about you from your close ones and also seeks information on your love life. 
• He has not seen anyone else since separating from you. 
• He always brings up the past. 
• He admits he messed up by letting you go. 
• He drunk texts you on many occasions. 

These are some signs he will come back to you after breaking up. Notice how they are entirely different from the above signs he will never come back. It's because a person's behavior is opposite when they want you versus when they don't. 

Whatever the situation may be - just know that you deserve better. The right guy will come when he's suppose to, and this was a terrible break up to begin with, you deserve someone who brings you peace in your life and not stress.

Bottom Line 

If you have been through a terrible breakup and have kept missing your ex ever since it's normal for you to want him back. But whether he will return or not really depends on how he feels. 

If he's showing you signs he will never come back, then he really won't. It would be foolish to keep waiting around even after he's making it clear he's not coming back. Try to accept reality and move on in your life! 

There are billions of people you are yet to meet, millions of places you're yet to visit, and unlimited experiences you're yet to feel. Letting it all go to waste just in the hopes of getting someone back will be a regretful decision. 

If he has made it crystal clear he has moved on, it's time you do it too!

In today's dating scene, the terms "situationship" and "friends with benefits" have become increasingly common. Both refer to non-committed, casual relationships, but the two have distinct differences. 

A situationship is an undefined romantic relationship with no clear boundaries or labels. On the other hand, friends with benefits refer to a sexual relationship between two people who are already friends. 

As more and more people opt for non-traditional dating structures, it becomes essential to understand the pros and cons of each and determine which one may be the best fit for you. 

In this article, we'll explore the following: 

• The debate over situationship vs friends with benefits. 
• What is a situational relationship? Signs of a situationship. 
• What do friends with benefits mean? 
• Situationship vs Friends with Benefits rules. 
• Which one is best for you? 

Do you desire an intimate relationship with someone but also don't want it to be hectic and stressful? Perhaps, what's an intimate relationship that is not demanding? Is it a situationship or friends with benefits? 

Without further ado, let's dive deeper into this topic! 

Situationship vs Friends with Benefits

When it comes to dating, the options can be overwhelming. Do you want something serious? Something casual? Something in between? Should you enter a situationship or become friends with benefits? What exactly do these terms mean, and which one is the right fit for you? 

What are situationships? 

A situationship is that undefined, "it's complicated" relationship where you're not quite sure where you stand. Think of it as the gray area between friends and romantic partners, like when you've been casually dating someone for a while but haven't made it official. 

On the other hand, friends-with-benefits is a sexual relationship between two people who are already friends. It's that "no strings attached" type of arrangement where the focus is on physical intimacy and not so much on the emotional aspect.

Imagine you are in an undefined relationship with someone for a few months. You both have fun together but are still determining if you're ready to take the next step. That's a situationship. 

Now think of a scenario where you are good friends with someone, and both of you are attracted to each other but don't want to be in a committed relationship. That's friends with benefits. 

Both situationship and friends with benefits can be great options for different people and situations. However, it's important to understand the pros and cons of each and make an informed decision.

Further ahead, you'll get detailed information about what a situationship and friends with benefits are, their pros and cons, the difference between them, and some frequently asked questions to help you out! 

Situational relationship

Meaning of situationship: Situationship refers to a romantic relationship that is, and remains, undefined. It is known to be "less than a relationship, but more than a casual encounter or booty call." 

In a simple situationship definition, this type of affinity is an undefined relationship between two people that is more than friendship. However, you remain single without a tag of relationship. It's one where you feel, "we spend a lot of time together but not dating." 

Also, history says that many situationships later turn into loving, committed relationships. The sad part is that it's not always the same for everyone. 

How do you know if you are in a situationship? 

When you start dating someone without a label, many questions may cloud your mind, like, "am I in a situationship, or are we in a relationship?" If yes, "are situationships bad or good?" or "what are the signs of a situationship?"  

To clarify, if you're casually dating someone without labeling your relationship, you are in a situationship. You go on dates, have romantic talks, and even enjoy physical intimacy. However, you do not label your relationship or have any commitments. 

For example, you talk daily and make each other happy. But doing that is not a responsibility, and both of you may stop it whenever you wish. 

Situationship psychology can be suitable for people who aren't ready to make commitments but are still looking for physical and emotional connections. Meanwhile, situationships are bad for individuals who are searching for long-term togetherness. 

Falling in love in a situationship blows up everything. As situationship relationships develop emotional and physical support, it becomes tough for people to get out of it, and one or the other is left heartbroken in the end. 

Signs you're in a situationship 

Fortunately, there are some sure signs of a situationship to know whether you're in a temporary connection or not. : 

1. There's someone else involved. 

This means that one or both parties in the situationship are not fully committed and may be seeing other people! 

Examples of this include: 

• dating multiple people at the same time, 
• maintaining an open relationship, 
• or having a "friends with benefits" arrangement.

If you find out that even though you're there, your partner seems interested in others, or there are more people involved sexually or romantically in their life, you're in a situationship. 

It's easy to figure out by how they talk about other love interests and behave around them in your presence.  

2. No consistency 

Another sign that proves you're in a situationship is there'll be zero consistency in all the essential relationship activities like:

• They will only ask you to hang out occasionally. 
• They call or text less. 
• They treat you like a secret sexual connection. 
• No emotional support
• Zero emotionally intimate communication. 

3. There's no future talk. 

Any relationship that doesn't involve futuristic talks is temporary! 

This means that the parties involved in the relationship do not discuss or make plans for a future together. They may not talk about things like moving in together, getting married, or having children. They may also avoid discussing long-term relationship goals and aspirations in general. 

If your partner doesn't talk to you about the future, chances are you're in a situationship. They don't see you fitting in the future; that's why there's no conversation about it. 

4. They show you they don't want to get serious. 

Some people make it easy for you by showing they're not looking for anything serious! 

This can be verbalized through statements such as "I'm not looking for anything serious," "I'm not ready for a commitment," or "I just want to keep things casual." 

It can also be demonstrated by not introducing you to their friends or family, not including you in important events or gatherings, or not making the relationship a priority. 

They won't call or text you daily, won't ask for hangouts, and will treat you according to their mood. They may even flirt with other people around you and not take you seriously.    

5. There are short-term and last-minute plans. 

People with serious relationships make plans for weeks and weeks. Although in situationship, your plans often get canceled, and your partner makes particular excuses or meets for an hour a week. 

Pros of situationship  

Sometimes, these undefined relationships can be fun; you get enough time to know a person without developing feelings for them. The best part is that you can be sexually satisfied without needing the tag of being in a relationship. 

Not just that, there are many other benefits of a situationship. Below mentioned are some pros of a situational relationship: 

• An opportunity to evolve—A temporary romantic agreement is an opportunity for many individuals who want to explore their sexuality in dating or relationships. This is actually a great way to strengthen one's self-growth. 

• Your life is your number one priority—In a situationship, you can prioritize your life over all the other things, which is excellent. 

As I said, it's an undefined relationship, so you don't have to run around achieving relationship goals or standing up to your partner's expectations. You can have your passion or create your passion while being in it. 

• Physical Intimacy—Another advantage of situationship is that individuals don't discuss basic relationship needs. From the very start, this unlabeled relationship allows physical intimacy. 

According to situationships, it's normal to feel the urge to be close to someone without developing feelings; there's nothing wrong with it. 

• Explore—Before you genuinely commit to somebody, there's always a chance to explore and learn new things in dating or relationships. Situationships are relaxing and allow closeness that is more than friends but not dating. 

Cons of situationship

With good, there's bad too! A situationship can be very fruity and exciting until one or the other person catches feelings. Once intense emotions get involved, it can blow the whole connection—one of the many situationship red flags! 

Here are some cons of situational relationships: 

• You'll always wonder where it'll take you

If you develop emotions, you'll always wonder where your feelings will take you. 

At times, it can be stressful because you'll constantly overthink things like: Do they have emotions for me? Are we more than friends? Can it turn into a relationship? Does the other person have feelings for me? Do they feel the same for me?

Falling in love in a situationship can blow it all away, and you'll start overthinking every little thing. That's where the trouble begins.  

• No announcement of being a real couple 

Since there is no announcement of you being a real couple, your partner can form new relationships without any boundaries. Given that you're aware this is not a relationship with serious commitments, be ready to face jealousy or insecurity. 

• No real commitments

Situationships are undefined and uncommitted, which means a person can walk out of it anytime. Your partner can be ready to leave without any guarantee of returning to your life again. 

• It can affect your mental health.

Not knowing where you stand with someone can affect your mental health sooner or later. If you start developing feelings for the other person and they don't feel the same, that's when the problems start arising. 

• It's not worth the risk. 

Situational relationships are only for people who don't quickly get emotionally attached in a short time. If you're an individual who's looking for something serious and long-term and are ready for commitments, it's not worth the risk. Be with someone who wants the same as you. 

Friends with Benefits 

Now that we have explained the ins and outs of situationships, it's time we move forward to our second type of undefined relationship—Friends with benefits! 

What are friends with benefits? 

Friends with benefits definition: A "friend with benefits relationship, commonly known as (FWB), is one where two close friends are physically intimate with one another, yet they're not committed to each other in any way." 

In other words, when two friends mutually agree to have a physical relationship without developing feelings while also setting certain boundaries is known as friends with benefits. 

Are Friends with Benefits right for you?

Friends with benefits is an excellent idea for those with sexual desires and who want to explore them with a partner. Not only physical intimacy, but you could also explore a lot of things in it. 

However, a relationship agreement like FWB can also backfire pretty quickly. As people tend to break boundaries, ask for more and make it difficult for each other then. The reason behind this is the emotional connection between friends who are getting into such a connection! 

Though it's different for everyone, if you're an individual who likes exploring things in relationships, give it a shot. Also, remember to walk out from any affinity where you're not respected or appreciated enough. 

Pros of Friends with Benefits

Here are some advantages of friends with benefits that you shouldn't miss if you're going to give it a try:

• It fulfills your fantasies

Friends with benefits allow you to explore your wildest fantasies without having the label of the relationship. The other person cannot judge you; even if they're not cool with it, you can end things without any hard feelings. 

• There's less drama

Many people are scared of serious commitments that bring drama into their life, which is why they go for friends with benefits. FWB brings no drama into your life but great peace of mind. Your friend cannot go demanding things, and you can live your life your way. 

• You are open to other people.

Another advantage of friends with benefits is you always have the freedom to see new people and date them. There are no rules about not visiting or dating other people, which makes FWB more exciting and cool. 

Cons of friends with benefits 

If you're thinking of having friends with benefits, there are some cons of FWB that you should know before you start it. 

• It could be a distraction. 

Friends with benefits can often distract you from your life. You may start focusing less on your life and more on these new sexual advantages. 

• It can be stressful. 

Even when there's a mutual decision about everything, it can be emotionally exhausting. Friends with benefits don't last long, and your friend will leave as soon as they find something more interesting. 

It will start getting complicated as soon as the differences between the two of you come. You'll begin to overthink things that will affect your mental health. 

• Some can go beyond boundaries. 

Friends with benefits might bring joy, but it also comes with risk. The risk is that a partner's boundaries and limits are sometimes forgotten, which leads to unexpected actions. Undoubtedly, there's less talk and more action in friends with benefits. 

• The urge to want more 

Even after you set certain boundaries in friends with benefits, there are always chances of partners wanting more. One of the partners might end up asking for more than you agreed. 

This is where the most complications begin in the relationship, and you end up separating. However, it's better to make some specific boundaries clear to each other from the very start and be strict about them.

• Losing a friend 

One of the significant drawbacks of friends with benefits is that it can make you lose your precious friend. We often make decisions without thinking about the outcome of it. 

Friends-with-benefits is not a forever thing; after a particular time, you can lose your friend. 

Difference between a situationship and friends with benefits!  

Situationship vs FWB have their own differences that make them contrast with each other. Below are some differences you need to know before stepping into a friends-with-benefits relationship or a situationship.  

1. Situationship can lead you to heartbreak, while friends with benefits don't hold feelings.

This is one of the major differences between a situationship and a friend with benefits. Friends with benefits don't hold any feelings at all; both partners are very clear about their needs in the relationship (mostly, it's for sexual desires). 

They both agree to avoid developing feelings, plan things together and have certain boundaries in place. 

Meanwhile, partners in situationship need to know their limits. In most cases, people don't see what's happening but are happy to be in it and enjoy their time. In situationship, they're unclear about their boundaries until the other person makes a challenging move that can make one heartbroken. 

2. Situationships can be more complicated than friends with benefits.

Undoubtedly, situationship is more complex than friends with benefits. Uncertain emotions and feelings are involved in situationships, making them more complicated. 

People often fall in love when in situationship, and that's where the trouble begins. Situationship is more tricky because you're in physical intimacy with a person and develop emotions, attachment, and several other things.   

This is very unlike friends with benefits, where no emotions or feelings are involved. Partners are straightforward about their needs and wants from each other. 

3. A situationship is more valuable than friends with benefits. 

Like many other differences, here's a positive one for situationships. But how exactly is situationship more valuable than friends with benefits? 

In friends with benefits, there's no real bond or connection. Everything happens as per the agreement between friends. But a situationship allows you to form unexpected real bonds with your partner without faking it. 

The following are some benefits that situationships have over friends with benefits:

• It's unpredictable and can turn into one of your best life decisions. 
• Whenever there is an involvement of feelings, things become more beautiful. On the other hand, they might also become a nightmare! 
• You cannot fake your feelings in a situationship; whatever you do, you do it from your heart. 
• It offers a tremendous emotional connection that you two can have. 
• There's intimacy without any tag of relationships.
• Since situationship doesn't commit, it allows you to experience the benefits of being in a relationship and being single. 

Frequently asked questions

Wondering whether to get into a situationship or friends with benefits relationship can form several questions in your head. Here are some FAQs to answer all the confusion: 

Q: Why do guys like situationships? 

There are various reasons why some guys may be attracted to situationships. Some reasons may include the following: 

• Lack of commitment: Some guys may prefer situationships because they don't have to commit or be in a formal relationship. They may enjoy the freedom and flexibility that comes with not being in a committed relationship.

• Sexual desires: Since situationships avoid emotional intimacy, people can focus more on the sexual bits of the relationship. And who doesn't like naughty things while being more than friends but not dating? 

• Insecurity: Some guys may feel insecure in relationships and prefer situationships to avoid feeling vulnerable or exposed.

• Lack of maturity: Some guys may need to be more emotionally and mentally ready for a committed relationship. They may prefer situationships to avoid the responsibilities and emotional work that comes with being in a relationship.

It's important to note that these reasons may not apply to every guy and that everyone has unique preferences and motivations.

Q: Do situationships turn into relationships?

Yes, a situationship may turn into a relationship. 

A situationship can turn into a relationship, but it depends on the individuals involved and their feelings and actions toward each other. In a situationship, partners may not have clearly defined the nature of their relationship or have not committed to being in a formal relationship. 

However, if they become exclusive and commit to each other, the situationship can develop into a formal relationship. Communication and mutual understanding are vital in determining if a situationship will turn into a relationship.

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Q: Can situationships hurt you?

Yes, situationships can make you fall in love with the other person and hurt you if your feelings aren't reciprocated. As I said, it's undefined, so there's uncertainty about the other person most of the time. 

There's no guarantee of anything, which is why you are more likely to get hurt in a situationship. If you're in a situationship, it's better to prevent yourself from developing feelings as they can affect you in the worst way. 

Q: How long should you stay in a situationship or friends with benefits? 

You must be wondering, "how long should a situationship last?" There is no timeline on how long you should stay in a situationship or friends with benefits. However, you should know when to walk out from it. 

If the situationship or FWB starts becoming extremely toxic and affecting your mental health, get out of it. Where there's no mutual respect, it's time you say goodbye to that person. Remember, you're too good to stay at a place where you're not appreciated or respected enough.  

You deserve to be treated the way you wish to be treated

Q: How to end a situationship? 

Ending a situationship can be difficult, as the relationship's nature is unclear and undefined. However, here are a few steps that may help:

• Communicate openly and honestly: Have a conversation with the other person about your feelings and the relationship's future. Be clear and direct about your intentions to end the situationship.

• Be respectful and considerate: Remember that the other person may have different feelings and views about the relationship. Be respectful of their feelings and try to minimize hurt or confusion.

• Give closure: Make sure to give the other person a clear understanding of why you are ending the situationship and what the future holds. This will help them move on and find closure.

• Take care of yourself: Ending any relationship can be difficult, so it's important to take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and engage in activities that make you happy.

• Be prepared for the other person's reaction; it might not be what you expect.

It's important to remember that ending a situationship, like any relationship, can be difficult, and it's normal to feel a range of emotions. Take your time and be kind to yourself and the other person throughout the process.

Bottom line 

Whether it's a situationship or a friend with benefits, each has its pros and cons. If you're a person who wants to explore new things in relationships, it's safe to learn about these undefined relationships before you get into them. 

There's nothing wrong with having a physical relationship or being in one. But you know what's wrong? To be at a place where you're not respected or appreciated. Make sure that whatever your relationship is, make the best out of it! 

A book of horrors lives in her head.
Its contents are the remains of her past.
The place she has no wish to revisit.
You only know her name, not her story.
Never ask her to tell you what haunts her still
if you are not willing to hold her hand.
Her mind is a battlefield.
A no-mans land but
if you are brave enough to walk with her through the trenches and wade knee-deep in the mire.
You will find a fire.
The flames of her love will then set you ablaze,
only if you dare to look beyond her book cover and her name.

“Change is inevitable”

“The only constant is change”

“If you change nothing, nothing will change”

The clichés abound, change is an inevitable part of life. Or so everyone keeps saying (because of course, it is true, otherwise the platitudes … would not exist). I am writing this article right after the news of the layoffs at Google took over my LinkedIn feed, and it made me reflect on the time I was working at Google and my team was eliminated. Barely a year into the role, I had moved across the pond to start a new chapter - in my career, in my life, and totally unexpectedly a massive change was forced on us. I can now say it was for the better: I adapted, changed teams, met amazing people, got to do amazing things, and experienced growth both on a personal and professional level. I was (and am) actually very thankful for that change, as it enriched my life. 

 

Reacting to change

That forced change was not met with a positive reaction at first. Is there a reason we struggle so much with change, especially since it can't be avoided? And to expand on that question, why do we say we want change, but as soon as we are confronted with it, we cower? 

One reason is that we ignore, or blissfully deny, the fact that with change, even if it is for the better, comes loss. And with loss, comes pain:

 

We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same. (Lori Gottlieb)

 

And who chooses to consciously experience pain - pain you might not yet understand how it will show up -  when you can stay perfectly (un)comfortable with your current situation? Being uncomfortable is manageable. Dealing with pain is something most of us avoid. 

 

But I suppose this is the proverbial bandage: a quick burst of pain is worth it and will suit and serve you better in the long run. This is where therapy comes in: why not have someone there to guide and support you along the way?

 

Maybe you should talk to … a therapist

Lori Gottlieb describes the stories of a few of her clients, as well as her own story in her book “Maybe you should talk to someone”. It reads like a fiction book but is a non-fiction look into the world of psychotherapy. Her storytelling capabilities make for an interesting and funny read, and I saw some real parallels with the world of coaching (as well as distinct differences). 

 

There are parts of each person’s story I could resonate with, recognize myself in, or see how certain stumbling blocks stop us from moving forwards, accepting and embracing that change we say we want.

 

We tend to think that the future happens later, but we’re creating it in our minds every day. When the present falls apart, so does the future we had associated with it. (Lori Gottlieb)

 

No matter what changes we undergo - whether they are by choice or forced upon us - we must not only adapt to the present but also figure out what they mean for the future and adjust our mental images accordingly.

 

Resolutions

We are at the start of a new year. A time when people make a commitment to change, to adopt new habits, all for a greater goal: we want to be a healthier, skinnier, wealthier, happier version of ourselves. Yet we also passed “Blue Monday” already: the third Monday in January, when most people abandon their resolutions and accept defeat. Waking up every morning to go the gym was too big of a stretch, the bed too comfortable and warm to rise up with conviction, the chocolate muffin too alluring to pass over for a green spinach spirulina smoothie. 

 

We say we want change, we say we want to change our behavior and actions, yet when push comes to shove, it is so much harder than we had anticipated. And we might give up, before even giving it a real try. 

 

Part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself - to let go of the limiting stories you’ve told yourself about who you are so that you aren’t trapped by them, so you can live your life and not the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life. (Lori Gottlieb)

 

Limiting stories are within all of us, carefully crafted over the years. Yet, like a blindspot, we are not always aware of them. A person who can gently hold up a mirror can help you eliminate your blind spots at that moment, and that's where the power of having someone to talk to really shines through. To guide you along, to cheer you on, to support you when needed. Realizing that nothing is stopping you, nothing is trapping you … but the stories you have created.  

 

My invitation to you

I think another reason resolutions fail, or why we keep from taking on the challenge to change ourselves for the better, is that we do not take enough time to pause. Why do we want to be skinnier, healthier, wealthier and better read? If you do not understand your “why”, it will be so much harder to break through those limiting stories. When you know your why, the momentary pain of loss that comes with change becomes sufferable - after all, you know why you are doing it, and why this pain has to be dealt with: to get you to the other side. 

 

Did you set resolutions this year? How is it going for you? If you have dropped some of them, I would invite you to take a moment to reflect on a) what do you want to achieve this year (and beyond)?, b) what got you here? What did serve you well, what did not serve you, c) what did you learn; and last but certainly not least d) why do you want to change. If we cannot tie the change to a goal that truly matters to us, that we value, it is only natural that it drops off our priority list.  

 

Make you your priority. Understand what you value, and it will be easier to slot in your goals. Not just easier - you will be unstoppable.

I’ve struggled with anxiety for many years. Throughout that struggle, I’ve found that it can be difficult to believe in myself. It’s hard to not focus on our fears when we’re in a situation that makes us a bit uncomfortable.

I know I have the ability to get through my anxiety. I know I’ve made a lot of progress. However, I still have a long way to go and the anxiety still sneaks up on me. Sometimes it’s easier to get through and sometimes, it’s utterly overwhelming.

Yesterday, I was faced with a situation. Normally in this situation, I would be okay and trust that I would get through it. However, on the way to my destination, I began to obsess about what was bothering me. By the time I arrived, I was in panic mode.

I had to be strong and I knew it was up to me to take the reins instead of letting my anxiety take over. It was not easy. I had a phone on me, some music, and a pen and paper. I used those tools to my advantage.

I focused on the music. I wrote. I distracted myself from focusing on something that I hate and something destructive in order to, instead, concentrate on something that motivates and inspires me. I didn’t let anxiety take over. I showed it who’s boss. I sung, danced, and wrote my heart out. I replaced fear with the thingsI hold dear.

You know what? I didn’t need to use that phone to make a call. Instead, I calmed myself down and it felt amazing. I was able to enjoy the rest of my night in peace.

We need to remember that we are all capable of getting through our anxiety and accomplishing our goals. We are so much stronger than we sometimes give ourselves credit for. If I needed to make a phone call for help, that wouldn’t have made me weak, but I didn’t want to have to resort to that. In the end, I was able to overcome my anxiety on my own. It was so empowering. We are all capable of this. No matter how difficult or impossible it may sometimes seem.

I want everyone reading this to please believe in yourself. I know that sometimes it can be hard to believe you can overcome your fears or other obstacles. Sometimes we see ourselves struggling for so long that the idea of breaking free of those struggles seems hard to fathom. What we have to remember though, is that with hard work on a consistent basis, we can break free of what holds us back.

"Should I give up on Him and move on?" 

Dating and Relationships are tough.

You've been dating or seeing this guy for a while and things just aren't going anywhere. It seems like they're going backward.
He's always busy, he never has time for you, and when he is around he's not present. It starts making you upset, and you can't help but wonder if you should give up on him and move on.

The thing is - if you are already questioning it, it's likely time to let go. It might be hard, and you may still have feelings for him, but if things aren't working out then it could be an indication that this isn't the right fit right for you.

I know sometimes it can be hard, especially when we feel we love and care about someone, but it's important to try and be honest with yourself about the relationship.

From experience, if you already feel the need to search this up - your gut feeling is already telling you something is wrong.

Listen to it - because it will save you a lot of pain & heartbreak in the long run.

Here are the 30+ signs you should give up on him & live your best life.

1) You Keep Hoping He'll Change

When you feel like a relationship isn't going anywhere, it can be easy to cling to the hope that things will eventually change and get better. You might keep telling yourself that he's just going through a rough patch or is busy with work, but deep down you know there's something more to it than that.

If your gut feeling is telling you things won't improve, then it’s probably time to accept the reality of the situation and move on.

2) You Feel like He's Emotionally Draining You

"He never has time to listen when I need him"

"It feels like he's not present even when we are together."

"I don't feel supported by him"

If these statements sound familiar to you, then it might be time to break things off. If he's not able to support you emotionally or pay attention when you need him, it's not the right fit for you. 

Relationships are supposed to be adding emotional fulfillment to our lives, not drain us.

3) A Situationship is not Something You're Looking For

Situationships are common in modern dating. They suck, but they're a reality. If you've been seeing someone for a while, but nothing has become official, it might be time to face the fact that you're stuck in a situationship. We have an entire article on what is a situationship and how to move on from one that you can read here.

4) You get Anxious

Anxiety is a normal part of life, and it’s something that everyone experiences at one point or another. But when it starts to become overwhelming and affects your day-to-day functioning, it can be very difficult to manage.

If you find yourself getting anxious over your relationship more often than not, then it might be time to take action and look for ways to reduce that stress in your life.

Getting rid of people who are toxic to you and your mental health is one the best things you can do. Remember that letting go of people who no longer serve you is a huge form of self-care, and should be a priority in your life.

5) You Feel like He only Likes you For your Body

It's never a good feeling when you start to suspect that someone is only interested in you for your body. It can make you feel used, objectified, and like nothing more than an object of desire, this happens all too often with relationships or dating situations today.

You might think everything is going well until one day you realize he's not listening to what you have to say or showing any real interest in who are as a person - just the physical aspects of your relationship. It can be hard to accept that someone isn't interested in getting close to the real 'you', but we must recognize it when it happens so we don't waste our time on people who aren't worth it.

6) Your Family/Friends Have Said you Deserve Better

Our friends and family can oftentimes see things in our relationship that we can't. And sometimes, when they can see that we're not getting our needs met in a relationship, they will step in to tell us it's time to move on.

If your family & friends have been vocal about their concerns for you and the way he's treating you, then this is a sign that it might be time to reevaluate things.

Don't get defensive when they're trying to tell you something you don't want to hear.

Try to understand where they're coming from and be open to the possibility that you need to make a change in your relationship.

7) You Feel Clingy

It's normal to want to be close to someone you love, but it can become a problem if one person in the relationship feels like they're clinging too much. If you find yourself feeling desperate for his attention and affection all the time, this is a sign that it may be time to take some distance to gain some clarity on the situation.

Learning how to be independent is an important part of loving relationships, so if you don't feel like he's giving you enough space then it might be wise to permit yourself to step away from the situation, even temporarily.

This will help you get a better perspective on things and work out what truly makes you happy.

8) He Doesn't Listen When You're Upset

One of the most important parts of a relationship is being able to talk and listen to each other's feelings. If you find yourself constantly trying to explain your emotions and not getting the validation or understanding that you need, it may be time to move on.

No one should ever feel like their feelings are being ignored, and if he can't or won't make an effort to understand what you're going through then it might be best for both of you if you end things. It's okay to want someone who will take the time to listen, care and comfort you when things get tough - don't settle for less than that.

9) You Feel Alone

Feeling alone in a relationship is never a good sign. If you feel like he's not making any effort to keep the connection alive or make time for you, it's not right.

You need someone who will make an effort to be there for you and make sure that your needs are being met.

10) You Don't Feel like You're a Priority

If you find yourself feeling like the relationship is one-sided and he's putting himself first all the time, there's no point in having this person in your life if you feel like he's constantly disappointing you.

We all have incredibly busy lives, and it's not realistic to expect someone to put us first all the time, but we should feel like our partner will make an effort to prioritize us and make sure that we're both happy.

11) He Talks to Other Girls

It's natural to feel a bit jealous if your partner is talking to other girls, especially if it's happening on an ongoing basis. However, it's important to remember that your partner may just be engaging in casual conversation.

Of course, if you are feeling ignored or neglected due to the amount of time spent with other women, then that's different. If you see him constantly hiding his phone or checking it all the time, then this could also be a sign that something is off.

12) You Can't Count on Him

Every relationship needs trust and reliability, so if you don't feel like your partner is a source of stability in your life then he may not be the right one for you.

Having someone who will always be there for us during hard times is important, so if your partner isn't providing that kind of support then it's probably best to look at that support within yourself before you start looking at other guys to fill that void for you.

13) You Feel like You're Settling

I've always heard of this saying that before you meet a guy have a checklist of all the things you would like in a guy and all the dealbreakers.

They say this is a good exercise because when we are infatuated with someone, we ignore every red flag we didn't want in a guy.

If you find yourself constantly making excuses or excusing his behavior, it may be time to let go and start looking for someone who meets your criteria and makes you happy.

The right person who doesn't make you question anything is out there - and stick to your standards, because someone will meet them.

14) Your Gut Feeling is Telling you Something is Off

Trust your gut instinct - after all, it usually knows what's best for us in the end. Don't be afraid to end things if it doesn't feel right - sometimes taking time away is the best thing we can do for ourselves.

It's okay to put yourself first and take some time to think things through before making any rash decisions.

15) You Keep Repeating Yourself with things that Bother You and it's not Changing

You shouldn't have to constantly repeat yourself to the right guy. If there are issues that bother you and your partner isn't willing to make any changes, then it may be time to move on. Saying the same things over and over again won't get you anywhere; if he loves you, then he'll make an effort to address them. If not, then it's time for a change.

16) He's Manipulating You

No one should ever have to be manipulated in a relationship. If your partner is using guilt trips or other tactics to get you to do something, then it's important to take a step back and think about what kind of person he is.

We have an entire article on early signs of a controlling man if you feel like you're controlled and manipulated.

Manipulation is never okay; it's draining and can leave us feeling exhausted and taken advantage of. If this behavior happens often, just know that it is not normal and you deserve better.

17) If You're Confused - It's a No.

Plain and simple. If you're confused and can't decide whether or not this is the right person for you, then it's probably time to move on.

You're supposed to feel safe and at peace - not confused and unsure. It's a no, sometimes we have to look at the clear signs for what they are, and move on.

18) You've Put more Time into the Relationship than He Has

You should never be in a situation where you feel like you have to put more effort into a relationship than a man.

If you feel like he's not contributing enough and that the relationship is mostly unbalanced, then it might be time to start looking for someone who will appreciate your efforts.

Relationships are a two-way street - if one person isn't putting in just as much effort, then it's probably better to move on. Don't waste your time with someone who doesn't value your presence.

19) You want different things out of Life

For a relationship to work, both of you need to be on the same page. If your partner's goals in life don't align with yours and you can't seem to find common ground, then it may be best to end things amicably.

It's always important to make sure that you're going after what YOU want in life - not what someone else wants for you.

You are the author of your own story - don't neglect your dreams and goals over someone whose gut feeling tells you it's not worth it. Go chase after them - and trust that the man of your dreams will come to you when he's supposed to.

20) No Matter How Much You Try to Fix it - It's not getting better

If you feel like you've done everything in your power to make the relationship work and it's still not getting better, then there's no point in trying to fix something that isn't meant to be.

Sometimes we have to accept that things don't always turn out the way we want them to - and walk away with dignity. Know when it's time to let go for both of your sakes.

21) He Only Cares About Himself 

Loving someone is about making sacrifices for each other - not always about taking and never giving back. If your partner is only interested in himself and has no regard for what you want or need, then you deserve better,

No one should ever feel like they're always sacrificing their own needs in a relationship - that's not healthy or sustainable. There must be a balance between the two of you if it's going to work out long-term.

22) You're Afraid of Letting the Relationship Go 

It's normal to have fears when it's time to let go of a relationship - but the truth is that if you're not happy and fulfilled in your partnership, then it might be time to put an end to it.

You should never be afraid of taking a step back and evaluating what you need and want out of life; sometimes these decisions can be hard ones, but they will ultimately lead you on the right path.

23) You Don't Feel like Yourself Anymore 

If being in this relationship has caused you to become someone that you don't recognize or admire, then maybe it's time for a change. It's always important to focus on who YOU are and keep your own identity alive, even in a relationship.

When we are happy with ourselves and our lives, it can be easier to recognize when something simply isn't right for us. If you don't feel like yourself anymore, then trust your gut and give up on him.

Sometimes as we grow older, our goals and perspectives change - and that means that the relationships in our lives can change with them. If you feel like you've outgrown your current partner

24) It's not Making you Happy

This is perhaps one of the most important signs to pay attention to - if you're not happy in your relationship, then it may be time to end things.

Don't be afraid to take a step back and re-evaluate what brings you happiness - and embrace it with both hands.

25) He's Keeping you From the Next guy 

Don't ever let anyone hold you back from finding the man of your dreams - trust that the right person will come when the timing is right with the standards that you want.

If your current partner is preventing you from finding the right man or living the life that you want, then it might be time to give up on him and focus on yourself.

26) You've Outgrown Him

Sometimes as we grow older, our goals and perspectives change - and that means that the relationships in our lives can change with them. If you feel like you've outgrown your current partner - you feel like you're ready for something more, or you're not being supported in the areas that matter most to you - then it may be time to move on.

It's never easy to give up on someone you love, but if it feels like it's holding you back from the life and love that you want, don't let fear keep you stuck in a situation that isn't working for you. Life is too short to settle - so take the leap of faith and believe in what's waiting for you on the other side.

27) You Reflect on your Past Relationships a Little too Much

If you find yourself constantly thinking about past relationships, then it might be a sign that you're not fully committed to the one you have now.

Being focused on the future is important in any relationship, so if thoughts of exes or old flames keep creeping up, it's time to take a hard look at what's going on and decide if this is something worth fighting for or if you should give up on him.

28) You're not Communicating Properly

When we feel like there's no point in sharing what we are feeling we stay quiet and don't say anything.

This can lead to a lack of communication which can be fatal in any relationship. It's important to make sure that you're both on the same page and communicating openly and honestly with each other, even if it means facing some difficult conversations.

If you feel like your partner isn't willing to listen or take the time to hear your thoughts and feelings, it's a sign you don't feel you're in a safe space to be open about how you feel.

29) You Feel Bad for How Much Time You've Invested 

There's nothing wrong with feeling bad about how much time and effort you've put into a relationship - it's only natural to feel like your efforts have been wasted. But if that feeling is preventing you from making the best decision for yourself, then it's time to push those feelings aside and focus on what will make you happy in the long run.

It might be hard to accept at first, but there comes a point when we need to let go of what isn't working anymore and take the next step forward.

And if that means leaving behind a relationship that has consumed so much of our energy, then trust that it's because better and bigger things are coming your way.

30) You Keep Making Excuses for Him

We all make excuses for our partners when they do something wrong, but if you find yourself constantly making excuses - like blaming it on stress or a bad mood instead of taking responsibility for their actions - then it could be a sign that you're not in a healthy relationship and you should give up on him.

Take the time to assess your situation and how much you're willing to accept going forward.

31) You Realize You're Better Alone 

Sometimes it takes being alone to realize what we truly deserve. If you find yourself questioning if your partner is right for you, sometimes the only way to answer that question is to break up and give yourself some space and time away from them.

During this time, take a look at how you feel when you're not around your partner - do you feel more relaxed and motivated? Are your goals clearer now? Now ask yourself if these feelings are worth giving up on the relationship.

Remember that there's no right or wrong answer here - only what feels right for you. So be honest with yourself and trust that whatever decision you make will lead to bigger and better things.

What To Do When You Feel Like You Should Give Up on Him

Communicate: Talk to your partner openly and honestly about how you feel, and listen to their perspective.

Take a Break: If things are getting too intense, it might be a good idea to take a break from each other for a while. This can help you gain clarity on the situation.

Self Care: Make sure that you are also taking time for yourself and caring for your own needs as well.

Focus on the Future: Ask yourself what would make you happy and focus on that instead of dwelling on the past.

Trust Yourself: At the end of the day, trust that whatever decision you make will lead to bigger and better things in life - so don't let fear keep you stuck in something that isn't working anymore.

Actions speak louder than words: Pay attention to how your partner acts and not just what they say. This can be an important indicator of whether or not a relationship is healthy.

Stop blaming yourself: Remember that it takes two people to make a relationship work, so don’t take the blame for something that isn’t right.

Be kind to yourself: No matter what decision you make, remember that you are worthy of love and respect. Don't be too hard on yourself - this is just part of the journey.

If he wanted to he would: Keep in mind that if your partner wanted to be with you, he would make an effort and demonstrate it. If you can't see any efforts from him then it may be time to move on.

No relationship is perfect: Accept that no relationship is perfect and sometimes things don’t work out the way we plan them to. That's ok - it just means that something better is waiting for you.

Be a boss b*tch: No matter what decision you make in your relationship, don't forget to stay true to yourself and stand up for what you believe in. You have the power to choose the path that's best for you - so be a boss b*tch and own it. Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve - keep pushing forward until you reach your goals and find happiness! It might not be easy, but it will be worth it in the end. Take care of yourself and never forget your self-worth!

Bottom Line

I know as women we look at the word "giving up" and feel like we have failed at something. But sometimes, giving up is the best thing that you can do for yourself. It's important to remember that no matter what decision you make, it doesn't define who you are - it just means that something better is out there waiting for you.

So don't let fear keep you stuck in a situation that isn't working anymore. Trust your instincts and be brave enough to go after what makes you happy!

Life can be tough, but never forget that you're stronger than anything it throws at you. You've got this!

How to make a guy regret ghosting you and put yourself first?

Ghosting is a very immature thing to do, and unfortunately, it is becoming increasingly common in modern dating.

There's nothing worse than being ghosted by a guy you thought you had a connection. I've experienced this too many times and have gone on countless dates leading nowhere.

It feels like such a personal rejection and have you feeling extremely confused and insecure. You may wonder what happened and want to learn how to make a guy regret ghosting you.

The good news is, it's possible to make him regret his decision, even if it's only a little.

Here are some tips on how to make a guy regret ghosting you:

Why do men ghost you in the first place?

Simple. They're insecure, emotionally unavailable, and don't know how to communicate their feelings. So if you want to make them regret ghosting you, it's important to understand why they do it in the first place.

Ask yourself questions such as: Does this person lack self-confidence? Are they scared of commitment? Do they have trouble expressing their feelings?

Understanding the reasons why he ghosted you will help you take steps toward making him regret his decision.

1. Don't Post on Social Media for his Approval - but because You're living your life

Although it can be tempting to post about your great life on social media to make someone else see what they're missing out on, this type of behavior is usually more harmful than beneficial.

Posts about your successful career, fun weekend adventures, and glamorous vacation photos may appear enviable at first, but if done for the wrong reasons it can cause resentment and foster unhealthy competition.

An intellectually-stimulating conversation that allows you to share your accomplishments without going into too much detail is a more authentic - and effective - way to demonstrate your success.

2. Go out with your friends and have a great time

Going out with your friends is an excellent way to show someone that you don't need them. Without him, you can still have a great time and be surrounded by people that care about you. After all, friendship is one of the most rewarding relationships we can experience.

When you go out with your friends, enjoy silly laughter or meaningful conversations, or do something fun and new, you'll likely return home feeling uplifted and with a sense of independence from relying on external validation from someone else. So grab your buddies and go experience something new – moving on without him has never been more attainable.

3. Find a more Mature Man

Ghosting is an act of an immature and emotionally unstable man. Finding someone else to date is a great way to show him that you're over him and moving on. Putting yourself out there takes courage, but it's a sign of strength. Even if starting something new terrifies you, remind yourself that it's proof that you are living your best life; getting comfortable with being single, and learning how to love again.

Having options gives you power - use it to your advantage and regain control of your happiness. In the end, showing him that you've moved on draws attention to the fact that no matter what happened between you both in the past, he has nothing against your ability to find joy and contentment in your life without him.

4. Don't React & Remain Calm

When someone we care about suddenly stops talking to us or "ghosts" us, it can be hard not to immediately react. It's easy to feel hurt, angry and desperate when this happens, but the best thing for us is to remember that if somebody wanted to be in our lives, they wouldn't do something like ghosting a person. It's important to remain calm and not rush into retaliating in any way; it will only create more pain for ourselves and further damage the relationship if there even is one.

Remember that you never want to be seen as the crazy girl that the guy ghosted, so it's best to take a step back and assess the situation before making any decisions.

You're allowed to be angry and frustrated, but don't take it out on him. Learn how to make him regret ghosting you instead.

5. Focus on Your Goals:

Set goals for yourself and prioritize them above any drama or distractions. When you're striving towards something meaningful, it allows you to set healthy boundaries and stay focused on what matters most—your progress.

Stay busy and productive by immersing yourself in activities that bring you joy. Working out, reading a book, playing an instrument, or engaging in your favorite hobby can help you clear your mind of toxic thoughts and emotions that come from you actively trying to chase a guy for attention.

It's important to bring all that attention to yourself - then watch how he'll regret ghosting you.

6. Get Insights from people closest to you

Was he as great as you put him out to be? I've learned from my past dating experiences that when I talked to my friends and family, they gave me insights into the situation that I wasn't previously aware of.

I realized that the guys I was dating weren't all that special. They were just regular guys.

It's important to get advice from your inner circle when you're facing a difficult time like this; their outside perspective can help you gain clarity on the situation.

7. Step up your Life

Getting a guy to regret ghosting you shouldn't be your top priority.

Once you start putting in all your time, energy & effort on YOU, you'll slowly start to notice how much better life gets. 

When life starts becoming a whole lot better for you - he'll start to notice as well!

It's the best way when you're trying to figure out how to make a guy regret ghosting you. Start by creating a vision for yourself - make a list of goals you would like to reach, and start working on them one by one.

Invest in things that will help you in the long run and watch your life transform.

8. Ghost Him:

I understand being petty back sometimes isn't the best way to handle things. However, sometimes they deserve it. If you want to make him regret ghosting you - try ghosting him back.

This means that when he tries contacting you, don't respond straight away and take your time responding to his messages. He'll start wondering why you aren't replying and this will make him realize the same pain he caused you. Leave him on read and don't answer him. Take your power back.

9. Don't take it personal

When a guy decides to ghost you without explanation, it can be hard not to take it personally. But, understanding why he ghosted you will help you in the long run.

It's important to recognize that his decision was likely more about him and has nothing to do with you as a person; understanding this allows us to step away from feelings of shame and guilt that may arise.

10. Let go of your need for closure.

It can be hard to move on without closure. We want answers, we want the ability to say our piece. But some people just don't give us that opportunity and this is something we have no control over.

The best thing for you to do in this situation is to focus on letting go of your need for closure. Understand that the disrespect was closure enough and that it's okay to not have exact answers as to why he ghosted you.

It's important to recognize that we are not responsible for other people's behavior; whatever his reasons for ghosting, it is not a reflection of who you are as a person.

11. Ignore his Attempts to Talk to You - he'll eventually get the message that you're not interested

When and not IF he comes back (because they always do) it can be difficult to know how to respond. If we don't stand up for ourselves and make it clear that we are not interested in talking to them again, there's a chance the person could take our kindness as a sign of something else.

Ignoring their attempts to talk to you is one way of conveying that the advances are unwelcome and that they should move on. You should not feel obligated or guilty if this means cutting off communication or avoiding eye contact with them. With persistence, the person will eventually get the message that you want nothing more than friendship from them.

12. Be Adventurous

You've got one life to life to not take risks.

Make yourself your top priority and explore the world around you. Invest in experiences rather than things, explore different cultures and cuisines, take a week off work to travel - do whatever makes your heart flutter with excitement.

By doing this, not only will you be living life to the fullest but you'll also remind yourself of your value and independence - which will make him regret ghosting you.

13. Don't Rush to meet a New Man:

It's understandable to be hurt and want to fill the void with a new person, however, rushing into things too quickly could lead to more heartbreak in the future.

Take your time to heal and come out of this situation stronger than ever before - take your power back.

You deserve someone who will treat you with respect, loyalty, and honesty - don't settle for less than you deserve. Remember that it's not a race and when the right person comes along, you'll know it.

Until then, enjoy being single and focus on improving yourself. This will make him regret ghosting you in the first place. Take time to reflect, go out, flirt a little - empower yourself.

14. Be Confident:

Confidence is the key to making a guy regret ghosting you. When he sees how strong, independent, and confident you are doing your own thing - it'll make him question why he ghosted you in the first place.

There's nothing more attractive than a girl who can take care of herself and isn't afraid to go after the things she wants in life. Don't be afraid to show off your skills, talents & capabilities, and most importantly, don't be afraid to be your most authentic self.

Confidence is not only attractive; it also gives off an aura of success which will make him regret his decision to ghost you even more.

Here are some ways you can do that:

Dress your best when you go out:

There's nothing I enjoy more than dressing up to feel confident in my skin. To make a statement, put on your best outfit when you go out and show the world how beautiful and amazing you are.

Pick up some new hobbies:

Hobbies that make you feel alive. Taking up new hobbies can be a great way to boost your confidence and see yourself in a different light.

Whether it's writing, photography, painting, or pottery - find something that brings out the best in you and makes you feel alive. Create an action plan for yourself. 

Go to social events:

Go out and have fun. Socialize, meet new people, and make lasting connections. Talk to strangers in a friendly manner and get to know them. This is a great way to remind yourself that there are plenty of people in the world who would love and appreciate you - even if one person doesn't.

15. Go to Therapy:

Therapy helped me so much through my last breakup. You can read about my first time in therapy here. If you're trying to make a guy regret ghosting you, going to therapy can help you work through your emotions, process what happened, and figure out how to move on.

Sometimes all we need is to vent our feelings and be heard about what's going on. It can also help to build up your self-esteem, which is key to being confident and making him regret his decision.

16. Be Compassionate with Yourself:

No matter how hard you try, it will take time for the pain to go away. It's important to be compassionate with yourself and cut yourself some slack.

Don't start blaming yourself for things out of your control, and don't feel like you need to be 100% okay right away.

Remember: it takes time to heal, and as long as you're putting in the effort, you'll get there. Be patient with yourself and show yourself some love - your happiness is what will make him regret ghosting you in the long run.

17. How to Prevent a Guy from Ghosting you in the Future:

Although it's not possible to entirely prevent someone from ghosting you in the future, there are a few things you can do to help reduce the risk:

1. Get to know him first - Before agreeing to go on a date with him, take your time to get to know him better and make sure it's someone you want to be with.

2. Listen to your gut feeling - if something feels off, listen to it and trust yourself.

3. Watch out for any red flags - Pay attention to any red flags he might be showing you. If he's already exhibiting signs of being a ghost - like continuously avoiding plans or not responding to your messages - don't be afraid to call him out on it.

4. Set strong boundaries - Set strong boundaries that you won't cross & make sure he knows what they are.

5. Communicate with him - Make sure to communicate openly and honestly with him. If something is bothering you, don't be afraid to let him know so it can be addressed before it turns into a bigger issue.

Bottom Line: 

Ghosting someone can have devastating effects, but it's important to remember that you are not the cause of his bad behavior.

Take time to focus on yourself and build up your self-confidence. Show the world how amazing you are and don't be afraid to be your most authentic self.

With these tips in mind, you'll be able to know how to make a guy regret ghosting you and show yourself that you don't need anyone to validate your worth.

Are you Trying to Make a Man Chase you instead of the Other way Around?

Do you ever feel like you are the one doing all the work when dating?

Are you tired of being the one to always pursue potential partners?

Do you find yourself feeling frustrated when guys don't make an effort to grab your attention or take it further?

You feel like you're constantly making the first move, trying to keep things interesting, and wondering why he doesn't seem to be putting in any effort.

As a result, you feel like you've wasted all of your time & energy on someone who's simply not worth it.

You don't deserve that. You deserve to have someone who respects you and wants to get to know you.

Are you Ready to switch things up and transform the chase?

Ladies, it’s time you learn how to make a man chase you and make him do the pursuing!

You know what we mean – put an end to your endless stalking on social media or hanging around at his favorite places. Let him take a step closer and become comfortable with getting acquainted with YOU instead of always relying on you for initiating contact.

So why not give yourself permission (and some well-deserved peace) by letting go of this exhausting game and get ready to live your best life and learn how to make a man chase YOU?

If you're ready to learn how to make a man chase you, here are 18+ ways to do it:

1) Stop chasing him

If you want to make a guy chase you, the first and most important step is to stop chasing him. It may sound counterintuitive, but if you're constantly pursuing someone who doesn't seem interested in returning your affections, then it's time to take a step back.

Letting go of the reins will allow him to run after you instead of always relying on you to initiate contact.

Men naturally like to chase and go after what they want. Therefore, when you stop pursuing him and give him a chance to take the lead, it'll make him want to win your affection even more.

2) Put Yourself First

Before you can make him chase you, it's essential to look after your own needs. Give yourself some much-needed attention by dedicating time to your hobbies and interests.

Focus on building your identity capital and improving yourself so that you become a strong, self-assured woman who is comfortable in her skin. When you start putting your needs first and are truly happy with yourself, you'll naturally attract. 

Here's a list of activities you can focus on:

1. Shopping: 

Shopping can be a great way to express your style and treat yourself! Whether you’re browsing online or hitting up the mall, spending time looking for new clothes and accessories is a rewarding activity. Plus, it’s a great way to spoil yourself and look your best. Remember that expressing your style means expressing who you are and what you stand for, and it's a great way to attract the right kind of attention.

2.  Going to the Gym: 

Working out is a great way for women to get and stay in shape. Whether you go for a jog, do some strength training, or attend classes such as yoga or Pilates, the benefits of regular exercise are countless. Not only does it give you more energy and help you look great, but it also helps boost your confidence.

3. Socializing:

Having a great social life is important for any woman who wants to make a man chase her. So don’t be afraid to get out and meet new people, whether it’s through friends or joining clubs and activities. Additionally, attending events such as parties or concerts can be a fun way to meet new people and show off your outgoing personality.

4. Music:

Listening to your favorite songs or learning a new instrument can be a great way to pass the time and hone in on your creative talents. Not only does music offer an escape from reality, but it also has the potential to reduce stress, increase focus and memory, as well as provide a sense of positive well-being.

Other activities include

• Gardening
• Traveling
• Photography
• Cooking
• Writing

Take action on a project you've been wanting to do for a while but are not sure where to start.

3) Build your Dream Life without Him in it: 

I've seen too many girls meet a half-decent guy who calls them pretty and suddenly their entire life plan changes. They begin to make all of their decisions based on this one man and end up sacrificing the things they want most in life.

It's important to remember that you don't need a man to build your dream life, so don't let him become the center of your world. Have goals and plans outside of him and don't compromise your ambitions for someone else.

4) Be Mysterious: 

Being mysterious and playing hard to get can be a great way to make him chase you. Don’t be overly available or too eager, instead keep things interesting by only responding intermittently and not always being available when he wants to see you.

This will make you appear more desirable and in control.

In addition, try to be a bit more unpredictable with your actions. Don’t do the same things all the time, as this can become dull for him over time. Instead, surprise him by doing something out of the ordinary or something that he would never expect from you.

5) He's Not the Only One 

If you want him to chase you, he needs to be reminded that there are other people out there. Showing him that you have options will make him take notice and understand that you're a valuable woman who is worth pursuing.

Remember that you are the prize and any guy would be incredibly lucky to go out with you. The most important thing to remember is that you should never settle for someone who makes no effort to get to know you or appreciate everything.

6) Stay Confident 

Confidence is the most attractive trait a woman can possess. If you're self-assured about who you are and where you want to go in life, then it will be nearly impossible for him not to take notice.

Remain confident in yourself and your capabilities. It shows how valuable you are and will make him want to chase you even more.

If you struggle with finding confidence - Here are some ways you can start developing it:

-Take care of yourself by eating right, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly

-Set realistic goals and then work towards achieving them

-Surround yourself with positive people who make you feel good about yourself

-Make time for activities that make you happy.

-Focus on the things you can control rather than worrying about what other people think of you.

-Avoid comparing yourself to others and focus on your strengths and weaknesses.

-Practice positive self-talk and remind yourself that you are capable of achieving anything you set your mind to.

7) Don't be Afraid of Being Alone

It's easy to get caught up in the idea of finding someone special and settling down, but it’s important to remember that being alone doesn't mean you're missing out on life. It's an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

Being alone is a chance to learn more about yourself and be comfortable in your skin. It means having the freedom to make decisions without worrying about pleasing anyone else or sacrificing your wants or needs.

So don’t be afraid of being alone; embrace it and let him know that regardless if that man is in your life or not, you will still be happy.

8) Don't be a "Chill Girl" 

Being a "chill girl" when dating can be a dangerous trap to fall into. On the surface, being laid-back and not too eager may appear attractive and desirable, but in reality, it could end up working against you.

However, when you want to learn how to get a man to chase you, it's important to remember that if you don't show your true worth or express what you want out of a relationship, then no one will know how valuable you are or take the time to get to know who you truly are.

You have standards and there's no shame in having expectations. So let him know that you are not settling for anything less than what you deserve.

9) Don't give in Relationship Benefits if he's not Committing 

It can be tempting to give into physical benefits if the guy you're seeing isn't ready to commit. But this is a surefire way to make him think that he can get what he wants without putting in any effort.

He needs to understand that your affection and attention come with string

attached and that it's not okay for him to just take it without giving something in return. Showing him that you won't give in physical benefits without the commitment from his side will make him realize that you're worth chasing after.

It is up to you to make sure that your worth is recognized in every aspect of your life, including dating. You don't need anyone else to complete you or define who you are;

10) Don't Make it a Big Deal if you see Him Pull Back 

It's common for a man to pull back when he starts to feel things getting serious between him and you. He may start to become distant or avoid conversations that could lead to commitment. This can be disheartening, but it doesn't mean the end of your relationship.

Instead of letting it ruin your relationship, try not to make a big deal out of it if you see him pull back.

Sometimes he does need space. If you're starting to cause issues or complain about how he's acting, it may overwhelm him. 

Don't be too clingy or needy when he's pulling away, this will only make matters worse. Show him that you understand his needs and don't take it personally if he wants to create some distance between the two of you.

11) Take some Pictures and Post them on Social Media. 

I love dressing up and going to cute places to take pictures… even if it's just in my backyard. Taking some cute and fun pictures can help remind you of the moments that are worth living for, plus a good picture will always make someone stop and stare!

Posting these pictures to social media is a great way to show the world -and him- what you're up to and how much fun you are having.

Doing this will not only boost your confidence but will also make him realize that you're living life to the fullest and he may feel like he's missing out on something special.

12) Don't Depend on Him

It can be easy to become dependent on someone when you start having them more in your life, however, depending too much on someone too early in the relationship can lead to feelings of insecurity and resentment that will ultimately lead to an unhealthy dynamic between you two.

It’s important to remember that you are a complete person without him and that relying solely on him for emotional support or validation is not healthy for either of you.

13) Love Yourself 

Loving yourself and giving yourself the respect you deserve is a must. It's important to remember that you are worthy of love and happiness, even if the relationship doesn't work out.

Don’t blame yourself or take it personally if things don't go as planned; instead, focus on being happy with who you are and recognizing your worth.

No matter what happens, make sure to treat yourself with kindness and respect. Remind yourself of all of your amazing qualities and don't forget to show yourself some love every day!

14) Don't be so Open about your Feelings

When it comes to relationships and dating, it can be tempting to wear your heart on your sleeve and let the other person know exactly how you feel.

However, being too open about your emotions can be detrimental in the long run. It's important to remember that boundaries are essential when expressing yourself and showing vulnerability in a relationship, especially when it's starting.

If you've had relationship problems in the past, it's important to talk to a therapist or close friends about it before you start to share so much about yourself with someone who you're just starting to get to know you.

This will help you to be more aware of how your emotions are affecting the relationship and can also help prevent any potential issues from arising.

If we start blabbing on about 

15) Flirt with Him

Flirting can be fun and playful, or it can be subtle and coy. By using different techniques of flirting, you can show him that you are interested without coming on too strong. This will help keep him guessing and wanting more from your interactions with him. Here are some tips for how to flirt with a guy so he'll start chasing after you.

• Compliment him- A nice compliment can go a long way. Even if it's something small, make sure to let him know that you appreciate something about him.

• Show interest in his interests- If he likes sports or music, ask questions and show genuine curiosity. This will make him feel like you care about the things he is passionate about.

• Smile and laugh- Laughter is a great way to show that you're enjoying yourself and having fun. If you're feeling shy, don't be afraid to start with a small smile or a giggle here and there.

16) Give him the Space he Needs 

Men don't express their emotions as easily as women, especially in the early stages of a relationship.

It's important to give him the space he needs to figure out how he feels about you and the relationship. Don't be too clingy or needy; this will only make him feel suffocated and like he can't breathe.

Allow him to open up at his own pace and try not to take it personally if he doesn't want to talk about certain topics. Show him that you are understanding his boundaries, and gradually he will start to open up more.

17) Be Adventurous 

Being open to new experiences will not only make the relationship more exciting but will also help you both grow together in ways that wouldn’t have been possible if you stayed inside your comfort zone.

Whether it’s trying out a new restaurant or going on an outdoor adventure, showing him that you’re willing to take risks can be very attractive.

18) Let him Show you his True Colors

If you feel like you have to play games to grab his attention, then he's probably not the right guy for you.

Focusing on yourself is one thing but if you have to out of your way to get his attention, it's a sign that he's not really into you.

Instead of playing mind games or trying to manipulate him, try giving him the freedom to show you his true colors.

This will help you figure out if he is truly interested in getting to know you or if it's just an act...

And if he just starts to text you at 3 am on a Friday night, you know your answer. 

Bottom Line: 

There are so many things you can do when learning how to make a man chase you,

If so, some key tactics can help make this happen but ultimately it comes down to self-respect and self-love.

Self-love is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. When we love ourselves, we are better able to take care of our physical and emotional needs, as well as make decisions that will serve us in the long run.

Self-love also helps us show up more authentically in relationships with others, leading to healthier connections with those around us. Knowing how to love ourselves is an essential part of living a happy and fulfilled life.

Show him the best version of yourself and be sure to keep your feelings in check by practicing boundaries in the early stages of a relationship. Flirt with him, give him space when he needs it, and don’t be afraid to take some risks. If you follow these tips, he'll be chasing after you in no time!

Learning how to move on without closure is tough.

We've all been there. It was incredibly hard on me.

If you've been through a break-up, you know how difficult it can be to move on.

And sometimes, the hardest part is not getting closure from your ex.

Whether they're ghosting you or just refuse to talk about what went wrong, it can be tough to let go without any answers. But here's the thing: you don't need closure to move on.

In fact, sometimes it's better to just close that chapter of your life and start fresh.

What is closure in a relationship post-breakup?

Closure is the process of understanding why a relationship ended. It can involve having conversations with your ex about what went wrong, or simply accepting that things didn't work out and moving on without those answers.

Sometimes we struggle to accept that no answer IS AN ANSWER, and we desperatley try to look for those last words of closure.

Can you move on without closure?

Yes, you can move on without closure.

It may be difficult, but it is possible, and take it from someone who dated someone who they thought they were going to married only to end up getting completely ghosted.

The key is to focus on yourself and your own healing process

Take the time to reflect on what went wrong in the relationship, and use that as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and grow as a person.

We give ourselves an illusion that final conversation is going to change the situation of what actually happened, but the reality is that everything that needed to be said has already been said.

If there was room to grow in the relationship, then it would have done so.

Remember that the disrespect was closure enough.

Here are some tips on how to move on.

Acknowledge that you may never get the closure you want

Learning to accept that you may never receive the closure you need can be a difficult thing. It can be tempting to search for an answer or explanation as to why something has happened, but it's important to remember that closure isn't always a guarantee.

Often, we have to take what we can from painful experiences and move on without any answers. Instead of running around in circles looking for insight, focus your attention and energy into doing helpful things that empower yourself. Don't get stuck in the past- use it as a learning opportunity and build yourself up today, instead of dwelling in regret or looking back at what could have been.

Come to terms with the fact that the other person may never give you what you need

It can be heartbreaking to come to the realization that someone may never give you what you need. The pain of wanting something that will never be fulfilled can feel insurmountable.

However, it is important to remember that we don’t have control over other people, and sometimes we just have to let go in order to truly move on and find fulfillment elsewhere. Doing the difficult work of accepting this fact can set us on a path of healing and strength, so don’t be afraid to take your time and embrace the emotions that come with such a transition.

Whatever happens next won’t ever erase who you were with them or all the memories of your relationship, but accepting that they may never give you what you need could open up possibilities for new paths ahead.

Focus on yourself and your own healing process

When going through a hard time, it is easy to get caught up in the struggles and emotions of the moment. While it's important to be mindful of your pain and honor it, focusing on yourself and healing process should be your main priority.

Releasing your expectations for how others should react and instead caring for yourself will help you move through difficult circumstances with more ease.

Taking charge of your growth by seeking out whatever support makes sense for you, such as counseling or support groups, can also provide helpful strategies for navigating the healing process.

The most important step is recognizing that despite any external influences, healing starts with taking care of yourself first.

Take your power back

It is easy to blame ourselves for not receiving closure, but ultimately it was their decision to leave and not take accountability for their actions. Taking your power back means refusing to remain stuck in a cycle of trying to get someone else’s approval or confirmation.

Instead of looking for validation from them, look within yourself and recognize that you have the power to move on. Know your worth and what you deserve in a healthy relationship, and remember that you are ultimately the master of your own destiny.

Create a support system of close friends or family who can help you through this tough time

What do you do when life throws something unexpected your way? It can be hard to know where to turn or who to go to for help, so it’s important to have a supportive circle of people around you. Talk to family and friends about what’s going on;

When times are tough, a support system of close friends and family can provide the reassurance and help needed in order to work through the issues.

You can go out with them , talk about your feelings, and even get their advice if needed. Having a support system around you can make all the difference in finding closure and moving forward with your life.

Seek professional help if you feel like you're struggling to cope

If you're having a difficult time managing life's difficulties, it can be very beneficial to seek help from a professional. Not only can they listen and provide support, but they can also give advice on how you can better cope with any given situation.

Meeting with a trained therapist has been shown to decrease symptoms of stress and anxiety related to problematic times in one’s life. Professional counseling provides an individualized setting that allows for open conversations about emotional issues and concerns.

It’s important that when looking for professional help, you choose someone who specializes in the area that best serves your needs. Having the support of someone who understands your problems can make all the difference as you work toward developing strategies for dealing with life’s hardships.

Give yourself time - there is no set timeline for moving on, so take things at your own pace

When it comes to getting over the loss of a loved one, job or relationship, do not try to rush or compare your timeline with others. Everyone is different and process events in their own way. Instead, dedicate time each day to reflect on how you are feeling.

Reaching out and surrounding yourself with supportive people who can listen and provide comfort will be beneficial as you move through your grieving process. Lastly, don’t be too hard on yourself if progress feels slow - grief takes its time so take each day at a sluggish pace and know that healing is happening even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Give yourself time and eventually things will shift; only then you can begin to see the sunshine amongst the clouds.

Go on a trip

Some people say it's toxic to run away from your problems by booking a flight or taking a trip when you hit a rough patch in life , but the truth is that it can be a great way to clear your head and gain some perspective. Taking yourself out of your comfort zone can help you to break away from old patterns and habits that may have been holding you back.

Use the time to get in touch with your inner self and reflect on what changes (if any) need to be made in order to move on with your life. Whether it’s a few days or a few weeks, you will come back feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the issues head-on.

Finally, remember that it is ok to take time for yourself; healing requires time and energy so don't beat yourself up if it takes a while and you need to remove yourself from a certain place to gain some clarity.

Write a letter

Writing can be a great outlet of expression when dealing with difficult times. Writing a letter to yourself or to the person who broke your heart can help you gain perspective on the situation and ultimately provide closure, allowing you to move forward in life.

Take some time each day to sit down and write about your feelings; express all the doubts, hopes, and disappointments that have been running through your mind.

Writing can also be a way to forgive yourself or the other person; by putting it down on paper, you may find that it is easier than talking about it out loud.

At the end of each letter, remind yourself that healing takes time and this will not last forever. Remember to end your letter with "Goodbye" as you are leaving a chapter of your life and entering a new one.

Remove yourself from situations you know are hurting you

In order to move forward in life, it’s important to remove yourself from situations that may be causing you pain.

This includes anything from people or relationships that have made you feel bad and activities that have been sources of stress or unhappiness. It’s not always easy to let go of the things we feel attached to, but it is necessary in order to make progress.

Sometimes this means taking a break from people or activities for a certain period of time, and other times it might mean cutting ties completely and understanding that it's best to move on withou the closure you want.

Whatever the case, be sure to give yourself time and space so that you can heal and move on with your life.

Don't message your ex

The disrespect is enough of an answer. If you feel like your ex is not giving the closure you feel you want, why would you try to message them again?

This will only prolong your pain and set you back in the healing process. Rather, focus on yourself and take some time to reflect on why it didn't work out, how it made you feel, and what you can learn from this experience.

Avoiding contact with your ex is a sign of respect for yourself and them; by not reaching out, you can show yourself that you are worth so much more than a few words or an explanation.

Replace Negative Thoughts and find your Silver Lining When dealing with grief and loss, it’s easy to get caught up in negative thoughts. Instead of ruminating on all the things that didn't go right, try to find the silver lining in your situation.

Forgive

Focus on what you can learn from this experience and how it has helped you grow as a person. You have a beautiful life to live and should not dwell on the past.

Forgiving yourself and the other person is essential in order to move forward with your life. Forgiveness doesn't have to mean you condone what happened, it simply means that you accept it for what it was and are ready to move on.

Trust yourself

It can be hard to move on after a breakup or any kind of loss. The pain and hurt you feel can seem overwhelming, but with the right mindset and strategies, it is possible to heal and start anew.

That's where trusting yourself comes into play.

There will be days where you feel like utter crap and days where you don't even feel like getting out of bed. On those days, remember to trust yourself; give yourself the time and space needed to heal and know that in due time, things will get better.

it's important to remember that healing takes time and this is not something that can be rushed.

Practice self compassion

It's important to remember that healing takes time and this is not something that can be rushed. Practice self compassion with yourself ; it's okay to make mistakes and feel sad.

Be kind to yourself when things don't go as planned and take the time to do something you love - whether that's going for a walk, reading a book, or listening to your favorite music.

The more we practice self-compassion, the easier it will be to move on from the hurt and start a new chapter in life.

Put yourself out there

Once you’ve taken the necessary steps to move on and heal, it’s time to start putting yourself out there. This doesn't mean rushing into anything new right away; it simply means doing things that make you happy and bring joy into your life.

This might be as simple as going out with friends or as big as taking a chance on something you've been wanting to do for a while.

Putting yourself out there can be daunting, especially after loss without closure. But with the right attitude and mindset, it's possible to make new memories and create connections that are genuine and fulfilling.

Celebrate

You took someone out of your life that wasn't meant for you to be in it. Congratulations. This leaving room for the people who are going to be in your life and who will make your life better.

So, celebrate the changes you are making, even if they're small. Celebrate the fact that you have taken an important step in moving on and healing from loss without closure.

Take time to appreciate yourself for being strong enough to get through this difficult experience and congratulate yourself for starting

Create a future you are proud of

At the end of the day, it’s all about creating a future you are proud of. Loss without closure can feel like an anchor weighing you down and preventing you from living your best life, but with the right mindset and strategies, it doesn't have to be this way.

Take time to reflect on what you have learned from this experience and how it has helped you grow. Think of the skills that have been strengthened, the relationships built or rebuilt, and the new perspective gained.

Use this newfound knowledge to create a future for yourself that is full of hope and possibility. Celebrate your successes and forgive yourself for any mistakes along the way.

Bottom Line

While it may seem impossible to move on from this person and this situation, know that it is possible. Focus on yourself and your own healing process. Create a support system of close friends or family who can help you through this tough time. Seek professional help if you feel like you're struggling to cope.

Give yourself time - there is no set timeline for moving on, so take things at your own pace. Remember that you are not alone in this – many other people have gone through (and are going through) something similar. You will get through this, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Congratiolaons on the new beautiful life you're about to start living. You're strong and you got this!

In recent years, American films have dispelled and promoted exploitative and anti-feminist stereotypes, which oscillate between oversexualizing and victimizing the female identity. As a matter of fact, it is not uncommon for people to consider these stereotypes as simply a "performance" of the piece, or as a film created primarily to satisfy the viewing pleasure of its audience. But what happens, however, when the show becomes overly saturated with female representation that falls flat? This analysis will include the presentation of memes as a means of contextualizing how female representation is perceived in Hollywood cinema and how Hollywood cinema has continuously created a false stereotypical conception of women.

Jennifer's Body (2009), a popularized "chick-horror film" which gained fame through actress Megan Fox's performance, can be seen as an example of what Linda Williams describes in her analytical essay, Film Bodies: Gender, Genre, and Excess, as a film that "hinges on the spectacle of a sexually saturated female body", a spectacle most “feminist critics would agree is feminine victimization” (706). The main character in the film never fails to show off her sexuality either; whether it is through a barely-there wardrobe or a line (see right) that illustrates the character's sexual behaviors during a serious conversation, the film emphasizes her role as the satanic female who kills, has sex with, and demonstrates an overtly sexual image through her exposition of power. Despite the fact that it is refreshing to come across a horror film that reverses the roles of power, shouldn't they have accomplished this without over-utilizing the body of the female character? Sure, they could have done it, but would it have achieved as much success by male viewers? Or Hollywood audiences in general?

The more recent argument discussed in Williams’s thesis and advanced by Carol J. Clover, suggests that “while feminists often pointed to the woman victims…more recent feminist work has suggested that the horror film [genre] may present an interesting and instructive case of sadistic roles for the pleasures of the masculine-identified viewer,” she goes further on to state that these viewers “oscillate between identifying with the passive powerlessness of the terrorized girl-victim and her later active empowerment” (707). These views however hold no real power on behalf of female representation—they are “gender-confused” and appeal to its “presumed male spectators” by the roles they assume (Williams 708). By providing small displays of female victory such as this meme where the scene gathers these two female characters in a ‘sexuality liberating encounter’ amidst a terrifying and scared moment, Williams’s theory symbolically “castrates” and creates “ gender-confused monsters” creating a “sadomasochistic thrill”—not for the empowerment of female representation, but for, and you guessed it right, for male viewing pleasure (708).

Films that set us back in the modern age of cinema are films like Sucker Punch (2011), a film entirely directed by a crew of male writers with incorporated male fantasy, male point of view, and male desire. This psychological fantasy action film depicts a mental whore house which depicts its leading female protagonist in risqué-wear, ambiguous and not so ambiguous acts of sexual molestation and victimization. In the end, the protagonist gives her life to facilitate the escape of one of her comrades, probably by allowing herself to be raped and killed; nevertheless, the film does not demonstrate this to the audience explicitly. The film touches upon old Hollywood roles common in the 1930s—the helpless victims drawn from the “virgin-whore dichotomy” (Benshoff & Griffin 228). As fascinating as the action sequences are, they drag on for too long as shots are taken from angles that reveal the cast's inner thighs as they battle against the cold weather in short mini-skirts in what appears to be one of the coldest winters in all of northern China. Would you consider this to be a realistic or improved representation of women? I think not.

A film that straddles a totally different genre, Spy (2015), starring Melissa McCarthy, Jude Law, and Jason Statham, delivered a humorous narrative with our female protagonist at the forefront of the film's storyline. Although our film includes non-traditional roles for our leading female character, it is important to recognize that conventional Hollywood narratives do not frequently present such roles, and when they do, the perspectives are primarily based upon male ambition. But let's examine this particular film in more detail. Our protagonist is first depicted in the typical female role of an office assistant supporting her male counter-part Bradley, played by Jude Law. It is a relatively straightforward representation of a traditional female role, one in which women occupy a subordinate role or are less powerful figure in order to support other male leading archetypes. As spectators, we digest the same traditional roles in a disguised context; Hollywood is very adept at doing this. But, with an ass kicking, quick-witted female protagonist with her ability to outsmart her predators, the film attempts to overthrow hegemonic roles-- but not entirely. Despite this, we can still appreciate our leading actress's contributions to modern roles due to the fact that these roles didn't even exist in early to mid-century cinema; in fact, women had a limited presence there. According to Harry M. Benshoff and Sean Griffin's study, Women in Classical Hollywood Filmmaking, their analysis focuses on the ideological images of female representations, which perpetuated the early cinema's perception that women's metropolitan independence might leave them open to kidnapping and forced prostitution (220). In spite of times changing and women being able to watch a variety of female leads breaking the normative stereotypes, it has only been recently that we have been able to inject positive representation without that negative repercussion.

Female representation in early cinema, particularly in the 1930s, frequently was suppressed even behind the scenes because of the ongoing battle against the early misconceptions of the feminist wave. However, some Hollywood actresses were able to plant the seeds that paved the path for female representation in films today; “Katherine Hepburn often battled studio bosses over roles she felt were demeaning; Greta Garbo had input in choosing her own dialogue; and Mae West was best known for her gutsy onscreen persona (Benshoff & Griffin 227). Several on-screen personas and behind-the-scenes presences are leading the way towards a more positive representation of women in Hollywood films today. In the independent film Skate Kitchen (2018), an entirely female cast and director tell a women's story from an uncommon point of view that shatters stereotypes of females and offers an alternative perspective on power, while simultaneously embracing queers, homosexuality, and sexual liberation in an inclusive, non-condescending manner. As a result of the inclusion of a female director and its underwriting by an additional female and the input of the cast to choose their own wardrobe, the film provides an organic insight into the lives of a group of women participating in a largely male-dominated activity such as skateboarding (Vanity Fair).

In summary, the explicit perversions of female representation are very much alive in today's most modern cinema era, and the relationships between the spectator and the artform are still in a state of flux in the interests of improving the conditions that qualify for female representation. To help end on an issue I find  intrusive in my viewing pleasures, I will do it with a quote from Linda Williams, “Obviously there is a great deal of work to be done to understand the form and function of the relation to the fundamental appeal as “original fantasies” between gender, genre, and structures (714).

 

 

Works Cited

Benshoff, Harry M., and Sean Griffin. America on Film: Representing Race, Class, Gender, and Sexuality at the Movies. John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 2021.

Han, Karen. “Skate Kitchen Proves There's Strength in Numbers.” Vanity Fair, Vanity Fair, 16 Aug. 2018, https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2018/08/skate-kitchen-collective-skateboarding-crystal-moselle-rachelle-vinberg-exclusive-clip.

Williams, Linda. “Film Bodies: Gender, Genre, and Excess.” Film Quarterly, vol. 44, no. 4, 1991, pp. 701–715.

Acceptance is…

The hardest pill to swallow. It consumes you and engulfs you in a way in which you prevent yourself from acknowledging what is, and what once was.

It’s taking the time to understand and recognize the results of the previously occurred action. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s bad.

It’s the feeling of being forced to move on. You’re constantly told to “get over it” and “it is what it is.” And sometimes it’s easy. And other times, what will be, is not always what it should have been.

Often times, it weighs on you and feels like you’re drowning in questions with no clear explanation. Not even a “Why?” With absolutely no sense of direction.

It can consist of analyzing life in what feels like “this is so amazing!” or “everything is a complete mess.”

Other times, it can be closure. A stepping stone towards healing. It comes from getting that clear and definitive answer that you so desperately and eagerly waited for. Or it’s that long overdue apology you craved, from that someone who hurt you and broke your heart.

It’s saying “Okay, this happened.” Followed by moving on about your day. It’s that feeling of moving on with the next chapter in your story or simply opening a whole other book.

And, it’s the moment in your life, when you close your eyes and reopen them to see that you’re still here, and there is still so much more to learn and do. That feeling of having to relearn how to breathe or even walk again, after having found yourself get lost.

Its knowing that you’re going to be “Okay.”

Acceptance is… 

“Oh Ivory, you’re so… unique”. I can still hear the patronizing voice of my aunt in my head. I was 11 and this was a word she used to deteriorate me. Unique was the word she used to describe me when it came to anything creative or musical, when it came to my looks, when it came to the validation she knew I was hungry for as a child. Words she used to describe my cousins, her two daughters were “ beautiful” “gifted” “talented” but with me there was always a pause and she would draw it out before using “unique”.

This was before being unique was embraced by mainstream culture, this was before I harnessed it into a strength and at the time it always left me gutted. I didn’t want to be unique, I wanted to be all the words she used for her daughters but for me there was only ever unique. For a long time the word stung and haunted me. When in the mid 2000’s growing up in a strict Christian home being "normal" was your cultural narrative I desperately wanted to feel a part of the club, but my aunt had it out for me and made sure there was a separating distinction between me and her daughters. Any compliments she gave me were begrudging or to validate her worth as my temporary guardian. “ Oh see Ivory, you can spell” “ Oh Ivory you’ve gotten so much better at reading” she would clap her hands like I was a performing seal and I would happily oblige because I was desperate for her love and acceptance. Sadly two things I never received from her unless they were brief moments around other relatives or strangers.

My Aunt's other favorite word to describe me was “comedian”. Ivory- the unique comedian. Janelle my cousin was the gifted songstress, and Lindsey the beautiful creative, but me I was the irritating court jester that was ruining my aunt’s happy home. Her daughters had music aspirations from the time we lived together as 9-13 years olds. I too had music aspirations as my dad was a musician. Anytime I would sit to play piano my Aunt would become annoyed and cut my practice time shorter than the hours she gave to my cousin. She was the one who needed the piano after all, she was the talented one not me. Both of my cousins took guitar lessons, which I was never allowed to since my aunt couldn’t afford for me to do them, granted she and my uncle were wealthy and lived in one of the most expensive homes in the town they lived in, but the tap stopped when it came to me. I was the charity case niece she took in out of the goodness of her heart. A reminder she gave me often.

My cousins were in voice lessons and did photoshoots with my Uncle’s photographer friends( shoots that were conveniently scheduled when I was gone taking unnecessary vowel lessons at a community center). Anytime I attempted to sing my aunt would look at me and say  the word“unique” while glowing over my cousin's “ beautifully gifted” singing voice. This instilled a vocal complex in me that I wasn’t able to fully release until much later in my life when I found my therapist. By the time I left Oregon and was able to finally live with my dad again, I was so severely damaged I remember some days barely being able to connect cohesive sentences when my Aunt would talk to me. I was a shell of myself around her, and terrified of stepping out of place- always on eggshells never knowing what would bring her wrath upon me.

In many ways I believe her entire goal was to deteriorate any sense of self worth I had at the time, to make me a stuttering, nervous wreck which is exactly what I was by the end. My aunt resented me, envied me, and hated herself for it. These weren’t things she meant to do consciously- if you asked her point blank about me she would say “ oh Ivory, she is a gifted writer, I loved having her live with me, I was hard on her but it was only because I wanted her to do well” but behind closed doors her own repressed anger and frustration turned me into her personal punching bag.

In spite of these things I never once held it against her. I tried for a long time to stay in their lives. I remember calling my aunt when I was 14 to say hi and she said “ what do you want Ivory, you only ever call when you’ve done something wrong.” I remember being baffled, the gaslighting was something she was so subtle at but this truly didn’t make sense. Did it? “ That’s not true” I said, but instantly agreed with her in my head I’m such a terrible person I would think. Disgusting, flirtatious girl, my Aunt is right, I'm nothing and maybe subconsciously I did call her when I felt I did something “wrong” because I believed I still needed her to punish me.

Thankfully I had my dad to balance me out, he was always overly proud of me and never once confirmed any of the things my Aunt made me believe about myself for so long. I stopped calling her after that. Why would I want to keep talking to someone that made me feel so bad every time we spoke? She wasn’t my guardian anymore, I could do whatever I wanted. I kept a distance until I was an adult and my grandma came down with cancer. I was the sole emergency contact and unfortunately it was my job to distribute information.

My aunt called me 10 times before I even had a chance to leave the hospital the night my grandma was in surgery. I had a brief conversation with her, to which she sobbed uncontrollably and then snapped into fixer mode. After my grandma was finally better, my husband talked to me because he could see the toll dealing with my aunt was taking on me. “ She doesn’t have good intentions for you Ivory, she doesn’t love you” and with that, I knew my husband meant it. There was immense sadness when I came to this conclusion, especially because ending relationships with family is something I would never willingly do. Family is deeply important to me & I usually would turn the other cheek but with my Aunt and cousins things were different. I had no more cheeks, arms, legs, identity, self worth, or patience left to sacrifice for them.

With the immense sadness at closing this relationship came a soothing ebb of relief and healing as well. My therapist helped me do a vocal clearing exercise once when I told her my throat was tightening and giving me pain every time I sang. She had me put my hands over my throat and say " My voice matters" " My voice is beautiful" " I am aloud to be loud". I cried. No one had ever given me permission to take up space and be loud, but what was even more painful was the realization that I myself hadn't given myself permission.

The pain I harbored in my throat gradually left as I worked on this practice. So often I had betrayed myself in my adult life, so often the inner critique of my Aunt played in my ear, and so often I allowed her to win. Upon realizing these things I visualized the little girl that lived with my Aunt during her tender early preteen years. I decided to no longer betray her. I decided that in fact, she was my priority and that she no longer needed other people to give her permission to be herself. I would no longer perpetuate my Aunt's abuse towards myself and I would in fact be proud to be unique.

The Earth never tells me that I am "too heavy"
and
The sky never tells me that I am "too much" as I wander around the depths of my heart
where the wild things are.

I sit
stand
smell
breathe
roam
just be
and explore this forest of my soul
and I keep doing that- which makes it full,
and that which keeps it whole.

We can do a lot to improve our relationship with money and our businesses/careers. There are a lot of tools and strategies but as I’ve already hit on. But if there are issues related to your experiences growing up, they don’t work so well.

That all comes down to our ability to trust ourselves.

Normally, it’s hard to trust ourselves in a society that withholds knowledge, discourages us, and confuses us with messages like “this is the only strategy you need” and “my method is the right method”.

Kinda hard to trust your instincts when everyone else is telling you the right way to do things and the truth is, all those methods and strategies are equally right and wrong. I’ve run businesses for over 2 decades and seen one method help a business thrive and another crumble. Outside of the systemic setbacks and issues, it’s more about what works for you and what feels right for you.

But that’s hard to trust and even harder if you happened to be like me and you grew up with narcissistic, emotionally immature, or abusive parents/caregivers.

Maybe when you confronted a parent or parents about saying or doing something mean they came back with:

“That never happened”

“I never said that”

“You make things up all the time”

“You’re such a liar”

“You’re so emotional, that was just a joke”

As a child, you then began questioning yourself. You ask yourself things like:

“Did that really happen?”

“Am I too sensitive/emotional?”

“Maybe I’m the problem”

“Maybe somethings wrong with me?”

When this became consistent then issues developed of not trusting your perception of experiences and people.

About 80% of what we believe comes from our formative years. So, if nothing is done to validate what we experienced in those formative years, we continue to doubt our perceptions.

How do we deal with this then?

First, we need to understand the difference between our intuition and trauma responses as a result of these experiences. I have found for myself and my clients who’ve grown up in similar situations that our intuition is much quieter and more subtle. It’s not big feelings of anxiety, paranoia, or fear and it’s also not big feelings of excitement. That’s right, those big feelings of excitement and turn on are usually not your intuition, it’s a fawn response.

That need to people please and ignore red flags comes from learning to anticipate the behaviors of our parents and now others. It shows up in many areas such as:

· Ignoring that gut feeling that something is off with a person because maybe you’re just being judgmental.

· Putting out an offer/product because omg people will love it so much even though it feels anxious when you put it out there.

· Doubting a really good opportunity or offer because it’s probably too good to be true and you probably aren’t capable of handling it anyway.

We get all in our heads and that causes us to sabotage ourselves because we don’t understand our intuition and trust it.

Again, our intuition is usually a lot more subtle, it’s that gentle nudge over and over, that gut instinct. It’s calm and constant.

How do we begin trusting that more?

Well, you know I love IFS/parts work so first we need to identify what moment taught us to doubt ourselves, either the first or most impactful moment.

How old were you, what happened, what did you learn to believe about yourself, and what did you learn to believe would happen if you trusted yourself and spoke up or did what you wanted to?

Most importantly, what did we need at that moment that would’ve made us feel safe, loved, and accepted? Once you know those answers start giving yourself what you needed at that moment so the subconscious part of you is reparented and will begin feeling safe to trust.

In conjunction with that, start finding very small ways to trust yourself and trust that others will accept you if you trust yourself. Maybe that’s as simple as saying you don’t want to drink when going out to dinner and noticing those, you’re with say ok, no biggie.

It may not be fully related to your business, money, or dating yet but it’s all about building evidence and if you can do that in small ways you can increase those.

You can start intentionally showing this subconscious part of you the evidence to increase trusting yourself in the bigger ways or ways that scare you the most.

Now, of course, you’ll have people that won’t receive you when you make decisions and do things from a place of self-trust. That’s ok because you’ll be giving yourself the reassurance and noting the evidence to discern who aligned and who’s not, what’s aligned and what’s not.

Ask yourself in those moments when your instincts are challenged “does this person benefit from me not trusting myself and how do they benefit? Is there some power they maintain or status quo that gets maintained?”

The last thing I suggest is once you have some evidence to support trusting yourself create an NLP anchor. I do this with clients all the time and it’s a super effective somatic tool. An NLP or Neuro-linguistic Programming is essentially connecting an external trigger to an internal response.

Take the feeling of trusting yourself and it is working out using a specific moment and while you think about that press a hand/finger to a specific part of your body to “lock that in”. Then every time you want to tap into that memory and feeling you can press on the spot and bring it up to reinforce the feeling.

It’s quick and easy but can be really effective so I definitely recommend trying it and seeing how it works for you!

those nights
that you're consumed by grief
when you ache to the core of your bones
no one comes to save you
you gasp for air between tears
that fall harder than rain
you beg the universe to take it back
to bring them back
you feel weak for wanting something
someone
it's like part of you is missing
you'll never get it back
love like that strikes like lightening
never twice in the same place
on those nights
you're brave
for loving so fiercely
that you opened your heart that much
that it could hurt so bad
you risked it all anyway
when you believed in love