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Young attractive woman flirting with a man on the street. new relationship and recently single
Relationships

15+ Signs You Are Forcing Love That Doesn’t Fit You

Forcing love to someone that you feel off about can be difficult.

Imagine meeting someone and you feel like it’s going well. You see nothing but a kind, hardworking, family-oriented, and overall amazing person. You guys hang out a lot, and maybe even develop a strong bond of friendship. But deep inside, there’s something off. There’s no spark or connection. Something is missing and you’re not sure what it may be.

It makes you feel off. You wonder if there’s something wrong with you, and how is it possible that you don’t feel the same level of love towards this person as they do towards you.

But forcing yourself to love someone just because they check all the boxes or society tells us you should, is not healthy nor sustainable in a long-term relationship.

couple holding hands together, healthy relationship

Here are 15+ Signs That Show Whether You Are Forcing Love.

1) The Fact That You Searched This Up to Begin With.

The clearest of the signs. If you felt compelled to read this article, it may be a sign that you’re forcing love into your relationship. If you have to question it, chances are it may not be the right fit.

2) You Feel The Need to Justify Your Feelings to Others.

If you constantly defend and explaining your relationship to friends and family, it may be a red flag that things aren’t as perfect as they seem. True love should not require constant justification and explanation for those around you.

Imagine if none of those people would be around to care to listen about how you feel about your significant other. Would you still feel the same way about them?

3) Constantly Questioning Your Feelings and Doubting Yourself.

Always listen to your gut feeling. Gut feelings are a great indicator of what you want and need. They’re usually more reliable than thoughts, which can be clouded by emotional responses to events or people in our lives.

Gut instinct might tell us that something isn’t right, and it doesn’t always work out well for us when we ignore them. You can save yourself a lot of heartbreak and disappointment by trusting your gut and not forcing love.

4) You Feel Off When They Change Their Hair or Try Something New.

Physical attraction is important in a relationship, but forcing yourself to love a person’s physical appearance can only go so far. True love should be able to look past the physical and accept them for who they are. If a haircut bothers you or makes you feel a certain way, it may not be the right fit.

5) You Feel The Need to Change Yourself For Them

gilr being sad

A successful and healthy relationship should make you feel comfortable being your true self, not forcing you to change who you are for the other. Love shouldn’t require forcing yourself to be someone you’re not.

6) You Feel Relieved When They’re Not Around.

Love should bring happiness, not stress and aggravation; therefore, feeling relieved simply because they are not around signals that you might not be as devoted to them as you thought.

7) Feeling Like You Have to Stay in the Relationship Just Because It’s “Too Late” or You’ve Invested Too Much Time and Effort.

Time and effort do not equal love, and it’s okay to acknowledge that a relationship may not work out even if you have been together for a long time. It’s important to understand that you have a beautiful life to live, and staying in something that no longer serves you will only hold you back from finding true happiness and love.

8) Arguments Feel More Draining Than Usual.

In a healthy relationship, disagreements and arguments should not be constant or draining. It’s important to be open and communicate with each other, but forcing love may lead to a constant feeling of walking on eggshells and worrying about upsetting the other. If you feel you can’t communicate properly and it’s taking a toll on you, it is not the right relationship for you. We have a whole article on “How often do couples fight in a healthy relationship?”

9) The Little Things Don’t Make You Happy

girl being concerned over her relationship

The small, everyday moments should bring joy and happiness to a loving relationship. Things like cleaning, going grocery shopping, and even just hanging out at home should not feel like a chore or something that you have to do.

10) You Feel More Alone When They are With You.

Feeling alone or isolated in a relationship is not healthy. Love should bring companionship and support, not a constant feeling of loneliness, even when the other person is present.

11) You Want a Relationship More Than You Want The Person

Being single can be hard. Society puts a lot of pressure on being in a relationship, and it’s easy to want the idea of a partner more than the actual person. It’s important to make sure that you are not forcing love just because society tells us we “need” someone in our lives.

Take some time for self-reflection and really think about how you can take this time being single to work on yourself and pursue your own happiness before forcing a relationship that may not be the best fit for you.

It’s important to be with someone because you genuinely love and care for them, rather than just wanting the title or validation of being in a relationship, because you see everyone around you in one as well. We have an entire article on “How to not feel lonely when single?”

12) You Always Feel You’re Compromising

A healthy relationship should involve compromise, but forcing love may lead to constantly feeling like you are sacrificing your wants and needs for the other person. It’s important to listen and understand each other, but compromising should not feel like a constant one-sided battle.

If you feel you give a lot of love and appreciation for your significant other and they do not reciprocate it, it is not the right relationship for you. We have an entire article on “One-Sided Relationships” that you can read here.

13) You Don’t see Them in the Long Run

Do you see a future with this person?

Partnerships are not just about the present moment; they are also about building a future together. And in order for a relationship to succeed in the long run, both partners have to be willing and able to support each other in their goals and dreams.

14) You Think About Other People

guy cheating looking for backup plan
Unfaithful man hugging his girlfriend while is looking another one in the street

Being constantly preoccupied with thoughts of other people is often a sign of insecurity or disappointment in one’s current relationship. These feelings can lead to grievances and conflicts, as the focus on other people takes away from the time that you should spend building your own bond with your partner. A constant preoccupation with other people can be a sign of dissatisfaction with one’s current situation, and may show that there are deeper issues at play that need to be resolved.

15) “He’s a great guy, but…”

At first glance, he may seem like the perfect guy–kind, generous, and thoughtful. But as you get to know him better, you can’t help but notice some red flags.

You think things like “He’s a great guy, but he seems a bit too controlling,” or “He’s great at making plans, but I wish he would be more spontaneous sometimes.”

These kinds of thoughts show that something is not quite right in your relationship. Maybe there are deeper issues that haven’t yet come to the surface–issues that are causing strain on your connection with your partner.

Before you give up on the relationship entirely, it is important to take some time to reflect and try to understand what might go on beneath the surface. Only then can you make a truly informed decision about whether this relationship is worth continuing. After all, nobody is perfect–we all have flaws and values that may not always align with our partner’s. 

But if it’s something that you feel truly bothers you and affects the core of your relationship, then it’s time to let it go.

16) You Do Not Feel He’s Bringing Out The Best Version Of You

goals in a relationship by the beach

Being in a relationship is all about bringing out the best version of ourselves. It’s about learning to love and appreciate our partner for all of their strengths and weaknesses, and accepting them just as they are. So if you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t seem to help you to become a better, more confident person, then they may not be the right person for you.

Maybe they hold you back instead of encouraging you to reach your full potential, or maybe they belittle your ideas instead of supporting them. It’s important that we make room in our lives for people who will help us grow, both as individuals and as partners, in a loving relationship.

So if your current partner isn’t bringing out the best version of yourself, then it may be time to move on and find someone who can. We have an entire article on “How to stop waiting for someone you love?” that you can read here.

17) You Don’t Trust Them

 It is the foundation upon which all other aspects of the relationship are built, and it is essential for fostering feelings of closeness and security between the two people. Unfortunately, building and maintaining trust can be difficult, especially when one or both parties have been hurt or betrayed in the past. 

Without trust, the relationship can quickly become toxic and damaging. If you find that you do not trust your partner–whether it’s because of their actions or simply a feeling in your gut–then it is important to address the issue head on and try to come to a resolution.

If the trust cannot be restored, then it may be time to move on and find a partner who you can trust fully and unconditionally.

Remember, trust is non-negotiable.

Bottom Line

Forcing yourself to love someone is not only unrealistic, it can also be harmful to both parties involved. True love should come naturally and without forcing or manipulation.

Trying to force love often leads to unhealthy relationships and even emotional abuse. It’s important to make sure that your feelings for someone are genuine before committing to a relationship with them. Listen to your gut instincts and trust yourself. Your happiness and well-being are worth more than forcing a relationship that may not be right for you.

If you force love, it’s important to take a step back and reassess the situation. Talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your feelings and consider if the relationship is truly serving you. Love should be a source of joy and comfort, not stress and force. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who loves and appreciates you for who you are.

Don’t settle for anything less than that.

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by Genesis Gutierrez

Genesis is the founder of Harness Magazine, a digital media company that celebrates and elevates the voices of women around the world. A first-generation college graduate, Genesis holds a degree in from UCLA with hopes of going back for a Masters in Social Work.

Through her work as an editor-in-chief of Harness, Genesis has dedicated herself to amplifying the stories of women specifically marginalized communities. She is committed to creating space for those who are often left out of mainstream conversations, and believes that storytelling is one of the most powerful tools we have for building community and sparking social change.


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