couple holding hands against the sunset

How to Improve Self-Esteem in Relationships? Here are 15+ Do’s and Don’t!

Learning how to improve self-esteem in relationships can be very difficult. 

The reflection of how you see yourselves is self-esteem. What you think about yourself and how you treat yourself is self-esteem. Your behavior and thought process depend on the outlook you carry about yourself.

Most relationships fail to work long-term because of low self-esteem. 

  • Low esteem makes you insecure
  • you start to think yourself less worthy,
  • you start comparing your life with others, which makes you sad.

Without even realizing it, the low self-esteem activates your inferior complexity. You start to put yourself lower in your mind, ranking everyone else around you superior. 

This all starts from encouraging negative self-talk and false imagination of how others see you. This complexity diminishes your sparkling qualities. Slowly, you degrade your worth.

couple holding hands against the sunset

Low self-esteem in relationships can affect you and other people around you, like parents, friends, or even your partner. It can change your outlook on love, and you may start distancing yourself from your very own emotions. This can demolish your love life, too.

When you decide to improve your self-esteem in relationships, first, you need to find out how your self-esteem degrades you! It’s better to identify the disease before searching for medicines. 

Types of self-esteem

Here are a few forms of self esteem you may relate your personality to: 

1. Low self-esteem 

Here, I’m listing out some causes of low-self esteem;

  • Stressful life
  • unorganized goals
  • Anxiety issues
  • Past traumatic incidents
  • Financial problems 
  • Mental breakdowns
  • Lack of love from a partner 
  • Bad communication with parents 
  • No realistic friends 
  • Pretending fake 
  • Constant comparison 
  • self-doubt
  • childhood traumas
  • Strict parents

Suppose you’re dealing with any of these. In that case, it’s high time to observe yourself and treat your mental health with care because low self-esteem usually gets a person into depression and extreme sorrow. It will ruin your relationship and will hurt you and your partner severely.

2. Inflated self-esteem 

Inflated self-esteem makes a person over-confident in relationships. They will often feel superior to their partners and make them feel inferior, intentionally or unintentionally. 

People with inflated self-esteem always consider themselves ahead of others, and they might as well underestimate others. 

This type of self-esteem is very damaging because it makes a person lose the ability to listen and value others. Sometimes inflated self-esteem results in arrogance and aggression. 

3. High self-esteem 

This is a very positive type of self-esteem. It’s a healthy personality trait that sustains boundless love without arrogance or insecurities.

girl loving herself

People who maintain high self-esteem have confidence in their abilities but are still modest, polite, and kind. 

These individuals will love their partner unconditionally. However, they won’t accept the disrespect and toxicity of a relationship. A person with high self-esteem will let go of a relationship when it’s toxic and will hold on to it when it’s flourishing with love.

Now that we have concluded all the types of self-esteem. Let’s raise it better to save ourselves from jealousy, envy, insecurities in a relationship. 

How to improve self-esteem in relationships?

Dependence on others and lack of confidence in yourself will raise trust issues, less satisfaction, and conflict in relationships. It’s better to mend your emotional side and boost your self-esteem for healthy relationships.

Mentioned below are some tips to improve your self-esteem:

1. Mend together, what hinders peace.

Step out from cages drawn in your mind. Solve your mental clutter for the better existence of real love in your life.

What doesn’t get sorted inside starts hitting outside; low self-esteem can trap you in a toxic relationship.

  • Be aware of how to love each other a little extra every time,
  • Trust is important while conducting a romantic affair. If you don’t trust your partner, it will never work. Low self-esteem will make you doubt your partner’s pure intentions. At times like these, try to learn how to trust others! The simplest way to do so is by acknowledging your self-worth. 
  • get help from professional counselors if needed, 
  • And go together with experts who deal with relationship bandages.

Therapies are the best way to bounce back and reassure yourself with divine energies. The Healing process will help you visualize a better move towards a healthy love life with more confidence.

2. Step out from the comfort of a relationship 

Challenge your comfort entirely and stand out from the luxuries of your relationship. Explore new ways to approach life’s challenges together. Try meeting new people and going to places you both have never been. It’s not always necessary to hold the responsibility of your partner.

Trying new things with your partner will reduce your insecurities and self-doubt and flourish love. 

Try to take chances you have been scared of; this is the best pitch to improve self-esteem in relationships. 

Sometimes being in a relationship makes us weak and we become used to mental support. Try enjoying solo parties for a while. This will boost your hype and your confidence at the peak. Independence in a relationship is also equally necessary.

Keep this factor in mind and jump on the exotic and extraordinary things in relationships. Don’t simply rely on your partner; take a step ahead.

  • Stepping against your comfort zone will give birth to new exposures to your relationship,  
  • your bond will become stronger and courageous enough to take control over any life’s obstacles.

3. Always compliment 

Who doesn’t like to be praised? Of Course, everyone loves it. So why wait for a partner to make your day? Be the first one to compliment yourself and your partner. 

guy in a red sweater feeling flattered

Compliment your spouse about everything they do; I’m sure they would love to return the same enthusiasm.

Every time you both dress up in front of the mirror, don’t forget to take pictures together and praise each other. Admiring love makes life cheerful and full of showering blessings.

4. Reward their support for the small task you achieve 

If you continuously work hard to keep your life going and are busy or away from your partner, you must take romantic breaks to: 

  • Reward this empowering relationship
  • and to appreciate your partner’s support.

Celebrate every victory with him to realize how far you both have come. We usually forget to celebrate and appreciate individuals (often, our partners) who supported us during our success. 

Never leave behind the one who was with you always. Rewarding your love life is essential to developing a healthy relationship. 

There are plenty of ways to do so:

  • Go out on a date together 
  • Plan a wild trip for you both
  • Plan surprises 
  • Go for a movie 
  • Dance together to your favorite tunes
  • Try new makeovers together
  • Choose outfits for each other
  • cook together
  • laugh and be mischievous.

Fun and enthusiasm will build a strong connection between you and your partner and eradicate self-esteem issues like envy or jealousy. 

5. Challenge your belief system 

Improvise yourself and never restrict yourself to stand on anyone else’s belief system. Don’t consider others’ opinions as facts. No, decide your own rules and live up to them. 

dream catcher

Remember that you can change your life whenever you want and however you want. Sometimes, we may bend ourselves to others (partner’s or family’s norms) to be accepted and loved.

Don’t allow anyone to make you feel inferior with their sets of perceptions. Their standards are not universal, and you don’t have to bend yourself for their acceptance. 

To improve your self-esteem, you have to drag yourself forward with courage. Sometimes, individuals are unaware of their high standards. If your partner puts you in an uncomfortable situation/belief system, try talking things through. They will understand if they love you! 

If your partner’s beauty standards make you feel unfit or less worthy, it’s not a relationship worth fighting for.

6. Motivate each other 

There’s a saying, “We rise by lifting others.” 

So, motivate your partner and boost your confidence. While you are at it, appreciate and motivate yourself as well! 

Make a habit of appreciating and celebrating your and your partner’s success. 

Talk about things that inspire you and teach those skills to your partner. Your partner will reciprocate the action and grow together with you. 

Be a mentor to your younger ones, too, and offer a hand to build their skills.

It will give you a sense of accomplishment, and you will feel better about yourself. The mantra of happy life remains, “always be a giver with gratification.”

7. Set authentic boundaries for each other 

Specify boundaries of self-discipline and make sure you live according to them. If you do not do justice with your character, it will degrade your worth in a relationship, and you will feel inferior about yourself.  

boundaries spelled in scrabble

Draw a line of your ethics, and ensure that your partner doesn’t cross them. If you don’t coordinate with your authentic boundaries, your partner will step on it intentionally or unintentionally. 

  • Stick to your values.
  • Let your partner know what you find unacceptable and what you are not comfortable with. 
  • Let them know of your personal space.

8. Practice new skills together 

One of the ranking ways to improve self-esteem in a relationship is to adopt new skills together. Adopting new skills will help you come out of your monotonous schedule. 

Being in a relationship makes us habitual of calling and chatting; sometimes, we limit ourselves from developing and learning. So, for starters, never get stuck.

Instead, take your partner too. Improving and learning new skills together will strengthen your bond and reignite the spark. 

Enhancing new skills can also help you to explore your career options together. It may be challenging when you both wish to learn quickly due to different time schedules and busy schedules. I have some enlisted ways to master new skills faster:

  • Prioritize effective learning together 
  • leave your old methodologies at home
  • pick one skill at a time separately 
  • commit to challenges together 
  • Prepare yourself to face obstacles and always choose to grow from them together 
  • Decide a day of the week or as per both of your schedules. 

9. Reinvent in new places 

Going out introduces you to new selves of each other, new cultures, and new people. Allow each other to be free and wild, be badass, and explore to the fullest.

So, travel to different destinations— since no one knows you, drop the fear of judgments and be faithful to each other. Journey and new adventures with your partner will allow you chances to reinvent each other. 

Spending quality time together and reinventing together will accelerate satisfaction and extra confidence in a relationship. Your love for each other will be more soothing.

10. Fix Dates to pamper 

Treating each other with more care and affection can create a lot of comfort in a relationship. 

When you decide to improve your self-esteem in a relationship, the first cute thing to do is dress up with matching outfits.

Add multiple rare and wild things you planned together. Sit and discuss everything you wish to do together and prepare a personal to-do list. 

couple kissing with a heart on hand

Pamper each other a little extra by taking time to do things on the to-do list. It can be anything weird, fun, and engaging; 

  • walking into a Halloween party dressed as your favorite character.
  • Going on-water adventures. 
  • Shower sex or explore new fantasies.
  • Do each other’s make up
  • Bicycle rides in the morning
  • Sleeping together without sex is a different kind of ecstasy in relationships. 

Never cease the fun and adventure from your relationship. 

11. Look through something stimulating together 

The advanced way to get out of a lower self-esteem zone in relationships is to read something stirring every day.

  • Force yourself to notice your own good qualities and rejoice moments together. 
  • Read inspirational articles about people who have a positive perspective on love, 
  • go through the ways of implementing new rules in life to feel positive about yourself and gain self-esteem.

In short, read what makes you feel the goodness of yourself and your love life to boost your mood.

12. Believe in the power of manifestation 

Manifestation is tangible— whatever you believe in will become a reality. So, manifest high self-esteem, self-belief, and self-love. You will see yourself growing and becoming more confident every day! 

  • Open up to your voices in your head, 
  • chase your truth, 
  • Never lie to your gut. If things feel wrong in a relationship, learn to separate from toxic vibes and safeguard your esteem.

Always be thankful to yourself after every hindrance you walk away from.

So, these were some great tips to increase your self-esteem in a relationship. These tips will lead you towards a new you in that relationship with a healthy mindset.

10 activities to avoid to improve low self-esteem

With ‘do’s’, don’t forget to notice the ‘don’ts’ to follow for a positive life. Here are some actions to avoid that may increase your low self-esteem if not acknowledged. 

Lack of confidence leads us to do such things we never should do.

1. Don’t encourage negative self-talk.

How you talk to yourself is the primary source of your energy for a relationship. When you speak negatively about yourself and make fun of yourself, then stop right there.

Such activities are unhealthy, and they can make you feel anxious.

To maintain positive self-esteem with yourself and in relationships, learn never to take yourself for granted.

2. Don’t compare yourself.

Comparison kills your happiness because there’s always going to be someone better. However, the aim of life is not to surpass the whole world but to express your own unique self with enthusiasm. 

Life is not a race or competition of who is better; it’s a field where you can experience true happiness. Similarly, what you see on social media isn’t reality either. Instead of investing time fathoming other’s lives, work on yourself!

While comparing ourselves to others, we produce negative criticism and drain our energies in a relationship. Comparison not only distracts you but it also:

  • Makes us lose our focus on our love life 
  • Degrades the work quality,
  • Reduces enthusiasm in life
  • Makes us miserable and inferior. 
  • Makes us dream of

Comparison may be one of the major causes of low-self esteem in a relationship and stressful life. You hurt yourself and frame yourself as less worthy of your partner. 

So, stop comparing; you are more than enough and don’t need to prove yourself to everyone. Focus on yourself and avoid wasting time comparing yourself to others. 

3. Don’t feel insecure about your partner’s success.

Feeling envious of your partner’s success is a significant personality red flag. You are not only comparing yourself with others but also with your partner. Competition in a relationship is never good and always toxic.  

Getting distant after your partner’s achievement has much more to do with your poor self-esteem. If you’re insecure about your partner’s success and the attention they receive, restrain yourself now! You should rejoice in your partner’s growth; there’s no other way around.

You need to practice new ways of happiness, level up, and celebrate with your partner. It’s time to support your partner in their journey; cheering their achievement won’t make you seem less.

Insecurities give you a sense of jealousy which can ruin your bond or even break your relationship.

4. Stop self-blaming for everything wrong.

Self-blame develops a prolonged critical character. It’s not easy to forgive our personalities because we are so used to blaming ourselves. It’s necessary to understand that mistakes are integral to your existence. 

girl confused has her hand on her head

You will make mistakes, and you will learn from them. Similarly, mistakes in relationships are a significant part of growth. 

  • Don’t blame yourself for everything that’s going on wrong. 
  • Some things are not in your hand, and accepting the fact will help you ease up. 
  • Don’t take the blame for your partner’s mistakes. 
  • DOn’t just forgive. Make sure your partner understands the severity of their mistakes. Similarly, instead of self-blaming, try to correct them and grow past them when you make mistakes. 

Blaming leads to regrets and anxieties, which can blur your perspective on love and lowers your self-esteem. 

If you can’t resist your doubtful thoughts, try these things to jump out from self-blaming game;

  • Share with your partner the things that have been eating you inside. 
  • Control anxious thoughts 
  • Learn to move on from situations that you can’t change. 
  • Don’t hold on.
  • Don’t take blames; take authority in relationships. 

5. Don’t take every negative comment on yourself.

Don’t take everything personally, especially from your partner when they are in a funny mood. Usually, they are simply teasing you and are making healthy, fun, harmless jokes to laugh together. However, let your partner know if you are not comfortable with the funny banter and that it hurts your feelings. 

When we are less confident, we will take every joke to our hearts. This will further accelerate your low self-esteem. 

Don’t allow any sarcastic comments to you to kill your vibe. Instead, guard your spirit.

6. Stop pretending what you are not. 

Living a laminating lifestyle will always make you sad and unsatisfied. A fake person can never live to the fullest because all their actions are controlled by their situation. 

  • Some people pretend to adjust in the community
  • We may try to mold our reality to catch someone’s attention.

This pretense will make you seem fake and will degenerate your true essence. Cease avoiding your true persona and embrace your true self. Your partner will love every angle of your weirdness, trust me. 

Never pretend to be a person you are not.

7. Never plead for acceptance. 

We all have that one exceptional person we never want to lose (it may be your partner.) Sometimes, loving makes us plead for acceptance which degrades our dignity and makes us less worthy in front of others and our own self.

Pleading for acceptance can make you mentally weak and a puppet of their will.

Stop shredding your personality and dignity to be accepted. Instead, move on! It’s better to be alone and be yourself than to be with someone else and pretend to be someone else.

8. Don’t judge yourself. 

Making false assumptions of your personality & body from your loved one’s perspective will not serve you. Don’t be hard on yourself for approvals. 

Judging yourself means aiding self-intimidation, which is highly poisonous in the long-term relationship.

9. Don’t complain 

You choose to complain when you are dissatisfied with your relationship. Complaining maximizes your stress level and minimizes your happiness of love.

girls having a disagreement

An unhappy person can never find happiness in a relationship. The best way to zone out from unhappiness is to detach yourself for a while and stop being too serious about everything.

It’s good to be dedicated and committed to relationships. However, overthinking about it all day long can drain your power of thinking and make you feel miserable about yourself.

10. Never degrade your value.

Never degrade yourself to anyone’s level, not even for the sake of becoming your partner’s best friend.

Circumvent them completely and tranin your mind not to degrade your value in front of your eyes because of your partner’s negative behavior.
The best way to accelerate your hype in a relationship is to respect yourself enough not to get hurt and not feel inferior about yourself anymore.

by Genesis Gutierrez

Genesis is an accomplished entrepreneur, advocate, and coach who has dedicated her career to empowering women around the world. As the CEO of Harness Magazine, a digital media company, she has grown a platform that celebrates and amplifies the voices of women from all walks of life.

A first-generation college graduate with a degree from UCLA and growing up undocumented, Genesis brings a unique perspective and a deep understanding of the challenges that women face in today's world. Her work as a coach has helped countless women find the courage and confidence to pursue their dreams and achieve their goals.

Driven by a passion for social justice and a commitment to building a more equitable and inclusive society, Genesis has become a respected voice in the women's empowerment movement.

Through her work with Harness Magazine and as a coach, Genesis continues to inspire and empower women to take control of their lives and create a brighter, more hopeful future for themselves and for generations to come.

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