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Relationships

What are Toxic Text Messages? 10 Signs you’re stuck in a Toxic Texting Cycle, and How to Avoid It? 

Toxic text messages are texts that drain you physically and mentally while affecting the overall health of your relationship.

These texts demand you to act or behave in a certain way that is unnatural and only satisfies your partner’s insecurities. 

toxic text messages

While it is healthy to help your partner with some things they are insecure about, you are not obliged to handle all their mood swings and toxic behaviors. 

  • “I am at home, and you’re out there partying with your friends. You are bad!” 
  • “Why did you sleep last night without letting me know?” 
  • “Text me back no matter where you go.” 
  • “I don’t feel good when you choose to go out with your friends rather than me. I want you to spend every single day just with me.” 
  • “I won’t bother you anymore.”

These are a few examples of toxic text messages your partner may send you. Have you noticed such texts when talking with your partner? If yes, your relationship may be heading towards an unhealthy toxic route. 

Toxic texters require your complete and immediate attention, want to squeeze themselves into all parts of your life, and manipulate your standard texting patterns. When you fail to set boundaries with such partners, you let your relationship speed towards a toxic end, or even worse, a toxic relationship. 

When a connection turns toxic, it takes a toll on both individuals. The lovers within them suffer while partners spend more time planning, plotting, and playing mind games. 

This doesn’t only give you emotional and mental stress; it spreads to all areas of your life. When surrounded by a toxic individual, you fall deep into an emotional hole and feel sad, traumatized, stressed, unworthy, incapable, and just not good enough. 

To tell if you are living a futureless relationship, here are 10 signs of toxic texting you need to watch out for. 

7 Signs your partner is sending you Toxic Text Messages! 

Toxic texting does more damage to any relationship in the long run than you can imagine, and it makes you feel less as a person or plainly unhappy. Here are 11 signs of toxic text messages you must notice before getting any serious with your Chucky cupid: 

1. They bind you with certain texting rules.

In any romantic relationship, it is natural for partners to converse via text as nobody can be available for calling or meeting at all times. It’s normal to send and receive cute, loving, comforting, and knowledgeable texts on many other topics as a part of communication. 

On the other hand, in toxic relationships, texting feels more like a game where you introduce mathematics and strategies to win. You play mind games, screenshot arguments for future fights, and debate to be a winner. 

When your partner is toxic texting you, they’ll try to force rules in your communication. Some such rules include, 

  • Texting back immediately so they do not overthink your most minor actions 
  • Regularly updating about your whereabouts 
  • Never forget to text them before sleeping 
  • Not be online and talking to someone else 
  • And much more… 

If you find yourself trying to adhere to such rules for your partner, stop doing it. You are not responsible for their insecurities, and you deserve to live a normal uncontrolled life. 

Texting in relationships should only be about efficient communication, nothing else! 

2. Your partner intentionally leaves you on seen. 

Being busy and not being able to respond is natural, and all of us get highly occupied sometimes. But ignoring your partner’s texts and calls deliberately makes your relationship unreliable and unfaithful. 

girl being sad over break up

A toxic partner may avoid your texts or leave you on seen to show that they hold power in their texts. They assert that they can also ignore you in revenge for situations where you were unavailable (even when you didn’t mean to). 

They may also ignore you when you don’t follow their set rules and go against their desired texting pattern. This is a clear texting red flag as your partner creates unnecessary drama with radio silence.  

What to do in such situations? 

  • Talk to your partner about it and make them understand that unavailability doesn’t always mean you’re out there burning their trust. It means that you have a life other than theirs, and it is normal to keep the relationship and regular life separate. 
  • Set your texting boundaries. List the things you usually do every day and tell them why you may get unavailable at certain times. 

Still, if they continue to repeat this radio silence behavior, dump them and get your peace back. 

3. They text you constantly when you are away, blowing your phone off.

If your partner repeatedly texts you and expects you to respond right away, especially when you’re busy with work, it’s a texting red flag. 

While this may seem cute to many people, this is a warning alert of insecurity and manipulation. To an extent, it may even be cute when they can’t resist missing you and end up spamming you with loving texts. 

But when they are doing it out of unfaithfulness and toxicity, you should give your relationship another thought. These toxic messages can leave you feeling worried, overwhelmed, and anxious.

Moreover, these can also inhibit feelings of anger and frustration regarding your relationship. Either ask them to stop as they are ruining your bond and hurting your connection’s health, or get away from them. 

4. They pick irrelevant & unnecessary fights over texts.

Most conflicts, arguments, and wars in romantic relationships usually occur over texts. This is because it is easier to argue and show anger and frustration in the chatbox than in person. 

Does your partner regularly pick up fights out of nowhere, and texting them feels like playing with a ticking atom bomb? It’s a major online dating red flag that your companion is a toxic texter. 

couple arguing

When indulged in sending toxic text messages, they might not realize there are after-effects of these arguments. You both will face real consequences in the relationship based on what scars these unnecessary conflicts leave. 

If your partner makes you feel stupid, wrong, annoying, or belittled on texts, you need to stop texting and talk about this issue. Always try to use “I feel” statements instead of a tone that accuses your partner. 

This can help assert feelings correctly and empty toxicity from your conversations! 

5. They go through your phone and check your texts with other people.

Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean that all sectors of your life can be controlled by your partner. They do not have the right to squeeze themselves everywhere and disrupt your everyday life. 

If they check your phone and go through your conversations when you’re together, you need to stop them. Set your boundaries and expect respect for your privacy. 

Both partners must always have courtesy for each other’s personal lives and never try to force themselves everywhere. They must understand that a relationship is just another part of their life and not their entirety of being a human. 

6. Dropping millions of emotional texts when you’re away 

The right way of conversing about things is talking face to face. When in front of each other, you better understand emotions, tone, and the real context behind certain things said. It offers a bit of ease in communication, where you can be available for your partner in a better and more comforting way. 

If there’s something wrong that needs your attention, and they blow your phone up with texts, you need to stop it and direct it towards a healthier alternative. 

Talk to your partner and tell them you’ll better understand what has hurt them or what feels wrong when they are talking with you sitting up front. These text messages do not convey your real feelings entirely, and it would be better to have emotional conversations when close to each other. 

Doing this may stop your relationship from falling into the toxicity hole and set a healthy way for meaningful conversations in your relationship. This will also encourage both of you to avoid hiding things and talk about them because there is more comfort and understanding! 

7. Digital Gaslighting 

In some cases, it may even be okay for your partner to go through your texts when you are just having fun looking at funny conversations or how dumbly you used to talk in the past. However, if they are trying to manipulate your phone and devices to control your life better, you need to dump them away. 

A toxic texter may delete specific contacts and pictures from your phone, reply to messages, and pretend to be you without permission. They may fake care and concern by confiscating your phone and saying you’re addicted to it. 

These are just strategies of a toxic partner to have control over your life and isolate you whenever they feel like it. They want you to only talk to them, and if you’re even having normal conversations with others, they’ll be suspicious and imagine you as untrustworthy.  

The only way to fix this is to make them understand that you want to be treated just like you treat them. You want your privacy and personal life respected just like you respect theirs. 

Tell them if there is no trust in the foundation, we’re never going too far with this relationship. Sooner or later, it will come to an end. 

These seven toxic texting signs prove that your partner may be a toxic person. Remember, you do not deserve to receive toxic text messages when in a romantic relationship. You deserve to get lovely texts that unlock thousands of butterflies in your gut and melt you wherever you are, making you miss them with all your heart! 

10 Toxic Text Messages that hint toward a Toxic Partner 

If your partner sends any of these texts, they are somewhat toxic for you: 

  • “Where are you? Who are you with? Why aren’t you texting me back? Tell me where you are right now. Text me back.” 

This form of repeatedly texting when you’re unavailable, busy, or unable to respond shows that your lover is toxic. Again, it is cute when they miss you and send many lovely messages when you are away. 

But, that is different from constantly texting to know your whereabouts when they do not trust you. 

  • “You’re such a dumb person. You are bad at everything.” 

Toxic texters make you feel less as a person and incapable of good things. They do not support or praise you for what you do; instead, they put you down for not being perfect. 

A pure lover will have your back when you need support, go hand-in-hand with your journey, and praise you when you have finally made it. They will not belittle you or break your confidence as a toxic partner would. 

  • “I won’t bother you anymore.” 

This is the all-time favorite text for all toxic humans around the globe. They drop this bomb and go away after they are done with spreading their toxic wings in your life and conversations. 

The real way of dealing with disagreements is by talking it out like mature people. This way, you better understand each others’ emotions and make necessary efforts to fix things. 

  • “I hope you’re having fun without me :)” 

Wishing you a good time when you’re out with your friends is different from implanting a doubt in your head “are they mad?” 

Toxic texters love to present the possibility of them being hurt when you’re only having a good time with your close ones. They blind you into thinking that you’re wrong to leave them alone or have fun on your own. 

In reality, it is natural to live your separate lives, which involve memories that get made without your significant other. They, too, must be able to choose quality time with their friends or family. 

  • “If you love me, you’d do anything I ask for.” 

Being in love is not a deal, and you are not required to prove your love by finishing up tasks your partner gives you. Being in love is when your heart genuinely cares, loves, misses, adores, and respects the other person’s feelings as you would do for your own. 

Never fall into such a toxic pit, and reconstruct your way of loving according to a bad partner. Know that you do not have to be a people pleaser to be a good lover! 

  • “I am not going to apologize or say sorry when I didn’t do anything wrong.” 

When you are dating an immature partner, they consider apologizing as being dominated or pressured into accepting their mistakes. They look at “saying sorry” as a way of belittling themselves in front of you. 

In reality, this is not true. Accepting your mistakes, apologizing for them, and making amends is part of a healthy relationship where you both prioritize your bond over immature actions.  

Saying sorry for the wrong you do goes a long way and encourages your partner to do the same when required. 

  • K,” “Hmm,” and “Whatever” 

One-word replies are the worst when you’re trying to talk to your partner, and they leave you feeling unimportant, unheard, and disrespected. 

When your partner is replying to your texts with vague answers, they are trying to show you that they hold power in their texts; and that they can make you dance on their fingers whenever they feel like it. 

This is entirely wrong of them to do, and you deserve better than this! 

  • “Good night”

Does your partner leave a “goodnight” text and disappear when you are a little late at night? 

In healthy relationships, your partner understands that you are unavailable, and there could have been a reason behind it. They wait for you to come, and in case you do not make it, they go and get a good sleep without posing any dramatic text on you. 

But toxic texters never lose a chance to prove that they are poisonous. When you rarely get late at night, they drop a good night text on you and leave you guilty for being late (even when it happened because of genuine circumstances). 

  • “Hey, remember that time you…”

A natural way of going through arguments or debates in any relationship is to come to a conclusion together, accept it, and move on. 

But if your partner tries to bring up past issues to pick fights with you when they are hurt for a different reason, they are doing wrong. If they feel bad somehow, a healthy way to deal with it is by talking and helping your partner understand the problems. 

  • “I hope you have a good life.”

Usually, this line has the most positive effect on anybody it has been said to. But, when there is a toxic tone and sarcastic meaning behind it, it becomes one of the most toxic text messages you ever receive. 

By sending you this line, your toxic partner doesn’t actually wish you a good life ahead. They want to hint that they will leave you in any minor disagreements. 

  • “You’re the most regretful part of my life.”

Toxic texters are usually narcissists that never accept when they make mistakes. Instead, they blame you for everything they do wrong and leave you guilty. 

When in reality, it’s them playing mind games, ruining the relationship, and making you regret every time you decided to be their lover. When toxic partners are done destroying your mental health, they leave with their heads high, putting all the blame on you. 

Bottom Line

Toxic text messages and talking patterns are burning balls to any cotton-like relationship. They not only put it on fire but also blow away any residue or good memories you have for them. 

Communication plays a significant role in any relationship. It is the backbone of your connection, which only strengthens when communication is done efficiently. 

However, when partners misunderstand texting as a way of disrupting each other’s regular life, the relationship starts getting toxic. After all, the way you converse defines what your relationship will bring for you. 

If you are connected with someone who constantly sends toxic text messages even after you have set your boundaries and tried to make them understand healthy communication, dump them.

You deserve to be with someone who appreciates talking to you instead of someone who makes it hell. Choose your lover wisely!

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by Genesis Gutierrez

Genesis is the founder of Harness Magazine, a digital media company that celebrates and elevates the voices of women around the world. A first-generation college graduate, Genesis holds a degree in from UCLA with hopes of going back for a Masters in Social Work.

Through her work as an editor-in-chief of Harness, Genesis has dedicated herself to amplifying the stories of women specifically marginalized communities. She is committed to creating space for those who are often left out of mainstream conversations, and believes that storytelling is one of the most powerful tools we have for building community and sparking social change.


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