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Relationships

Texting Red Flags In A Relationship & Why To Avoid Them At All Costs?

Texting red flags can be difficult to spot sometimes. 

To find true love & the much-needed attention, we may as well deliberately ignore these texting red flags and fall for the false image. 

Yes, online texting may allow you to paint a mirage and perceive a reality completely different from what’s behind those cell phones. After all, it’s texting— you interpret what you want to! 

‘Texting red flags’ may appear later in the relationship or right after you start dating. It’s best to look out for them from the very start to save yourself from: 

Online dating through time: Pros & Cons

Online dating, huh? What a charmer, right? What once was difficult has now become an easy approach. You can find new people, text them, discover their personalities, and fall in love instantly over a few conversations. 

Days without online dating where you had to meet in person seem so far back in time— it’s almost nostalgic. 

couple texting each other before going to bed clipart

Dating in person was definitely a hurdle— there used to be chances that you might never meet the true love of your life, given all the differences. 

  • They might be in a different city/country, and who travels the world just to find true love? (Exceptions included)
  • How many individuals would you date to find your ‘perfect one?’ It’s already exhausting. 
  • How many countries would you visit, and how often would you ‘accidentally collide’ with the perfect one? The truth is, the chances were scarce! 

Here comes social media and online dating apps— they are much easier to meet people across countries and find interests over a few texts now. 

As fascinating as online dating seems, it certainly arises few dilemmas at hand—

  • It’s not as transparent as it looks to the outer world.
  • Social media and the people interacting with it often showcase a fake exterior. 
  • Virtual connections are weak and lack emotional depth.

One such major social media disadvantage is dealing with creepy perverts and unstable individuals online. You never know if the person is genuine or has other motives. This leads us to our current discussion, ‘texting red flags and why avoid them?’ 

Ten major texting red flags you must avoid at all cost! 

Please note: You can resolve some of these red flags through open communication. It’s never bad to fall for a person over texts, but ensure that your relationship is moving forward from virtual texting to real-life outdoor dates! 

You can read and tell much more about them while meeting in person. So, before you choose to end it all— I highly suggest thinking everything over and openly communicating about what’s bothering you.

1. Dry texter— nobody likes one-word replies. 

If your only means of communication is texting, you would want it to be exciting and stimulating. However, if your new interest doesn’t show any curiosity in making the conversation more lively and fun— they are probably not worth your time. 

The truth is, nobody wants a partner who is dull and uninterested. If they are not interested in knowing you— they are not interested in dating you either

The same goes with old relationships— if your partner is not as enthusiastic as they used to be back in time, they have lost interest in this relationship. Please note that it’s not always the case; there may be other reasons for their sudden behavior change. 

Ask them if everything is alright and that you are here if they need you. Don’t jump to conclusions and hurt your partner. Sometimes, we may read the situation/texts wrongly and create major misunderstandings. 

If the situation remains the same, it’s best to let go of that person. You shouldn’t fight for their struggles. As harsh as it may sound, it’s the truth.  

2. The person texts you all day long.

Texting is good when done within certain limits. If this person texts you all day long, they don’t have a life apart from you. 

girl texting and a bunch of messages popping up
  • Such individuals deal with toxic attachment and separation anxiety.
  • They are clingy and attention-seeking. 
  • They probably don’t have ambitions. 
  • They definitely don’t understand personal space and boundaries. 

3. They interrogate your whereabouts every minute.

General curiosity is darling and shows that your partner is interested in you. However, if they are persistent in constantly asking questions despite your unwillingness— you might be dealing with a jealous or insecure person. 

  • “Where are you?”
  • “Who are you with?”
  • “You said you were with your mom, why are you with your friends now?” 
  • “Can I get a photo of you at your current location?”
  • “Who is Jacob in your following list?”
  • “Why have you posted so many photos with other boys/girls?”
  • “Why do you follow so many girls/boys?”

This relationship is deemed toxic; it can even worsen if they are controlling. Please, avoid such individuals at all costs! 

4. They leave you ‘on read’ for hours/days without an explanation.

We understand that life gets busy from time to time. There will be days when you can’t text your partner for personal reasons, and it’s completely fine. 

What’s not fine is leaving them ‘on read’ for hours without an explanation. 

girl texting on a nice day out while she's walking

Once or twice can be an accident; however, if your partner repeats the same cycle repeatedly, they have become habitual. Don’t avoid such behavior to save the relationship. No, they will start taking you for granted and won’t even consider it a mistake! 

“A mistake repeated over and over again is a decision.”

Please note: As bizarre as it may sound, some individuals truly aren’t social media enthusiasts (including myself). Of course, they will have mobile phones at hand and social media accounts. However, they might not be very keen on the notifications or phone calls. 

Being a no-phone-bee, I never date through texts; I like going outside and away from the phone. Please inform your friends/partner about your nature if you are such an individual. Anything otherwise will mislead them into believing that you are not interested. 

5. They never text first.

“This isn’t high school!” Relationships thrive on equal efforts and enthusiasm. If you are the only one starting every conversation and making sure that it goes on— you are wasting money on the wrong bet.

It clearly indicates that the person you are dating/about to date isn’t mature enough for an adult relationship. Even as a teenager, it’s time you learn that a relationship isn’t a battle between two individuals. 

Please note: Texting first doesn’t make you seem desperate; it shows that you are interested. Talk things out with your partner, and if they are still unwilling to make changes— they have a long way to go, and you don’t have to go along with them!

6. They close off and believe in the silent treatment. 

The silent treatment is never good in a relationship— it will create misunderstandings and barriers between the two of you! If your partner isn’t mature enough to talk things through— don’t waste your time on them.

Such individuals will stop texting you after a small fight or inconvenience and wouldn’t reply despite all your efforts. This is a major texting red alert because it shows that your partner might be passive-aggressive. 

7. They get aggressive over late replies.

Please note: this texting red flag is difficult to identify because we might not notice their passive-aggressive behavior at the start. Individuals with anger issues may also have split personality disorder, making everything worse. 

girl getting frustrated with her phone calls

They will scream at you and soothe you with sweet lies if you start crying. Such individuals are controlling and may try to control you with sweet talks. 

  • Do they get angry over every late reply or missed phone call? 
  • Do they unleash their anger before even listening to your explanation? 
  • Do they misjudge your texts constantly and speak ill to you without understanding? 

It’s a major texting red flag. Passive-aggressive behavior can also be seen in sweet texts, such as, 

  • You don’t reply for a couple of minutes, and they instantly send you an “If you are busy, why text me at all?” (Of course, with cute emojis to sound normal)
  • They try to make you jealous for not replying. For instance, “Fine, don’t text me. I’ll talk to jasmine.”

More examples of passive-aggressive texting: 

  • “If you don’t reply right now, I’ll never talk to you ever!”
  • “I’m chill, I didn’t want to talk to you anyway.” 

If you are sensing threats or facing online dating abuse, please report their account and the person physically.

8. They only text when they need you

You never notice how they treat you daily when you are blinded in love. If your ‘date/partner’ only texts you when they need something from you, they keep you close for advantage and not out of love. 

Do they only text you when they want to have sex with you or when they want ‘money’ from you? This ‘texting red flag’ is also difficult to point out. Such individuals are often fake, sneaky, and good talkers. They will start complimenting you when they need you and will shower you with praises. 

Once you fulfill their needs, they vanish in thin air. Also, such individuals may get angry or break things up if you don’t meet their demands. 

9. The only text exchanges are nudes. 

Did your relationship suddenly lose all the romantic charisma and start revolving around sexting and sending nudes? It’s completely fine to have sexual relationships (no feelings attached) if both parties have a similar drive. 

girl sexting on the bed missing her man

However, if that’s not your case— the chances are that your partner is only up for sex. All the sweet talk they initiated was to trap you in! 

10. Getting serious too soon in a relationship

Of course, everyone wants a partner who is loving and committed. Nonetheless, commitments that come before time are even scarier. It takes time for a relationship to grow physically, mentally, sexually, and emotionally. 

It’s a major ‘texting red flag’ when your partner starts talking about the future together without even meeting once. 

Such individuals will demand commitment from you early on and might as well put you in guilt if you don’t agree with them. They might be dealing with unhealed traumas, and it’s better off without them.

The indifference in commitment will never end well. It’s best to choose a partner with similar goals for the relationship. 

11. Make you feel guilty for late replies. 

Making someone feel guilty is just as damaging as being aggressive towards them. If your date makes you feel bad for late replies, they will make you feel bad about everything in the coming months. That’s how they control you— through guilt. 

A healthy relationship thrives on understanding & freedom. Let your partner/date go if they expect too much from you and make you feel bad over unreturned expectations! 

They would often text something like,

  • “Am I asking too much? It’s just a text I’m expecting back. Am I wrong in doing so? Fine, I’m sorry, I’m always wrong.”
  • “Not talking to you makes me sad, and that’s why I get upset ‘because I love you so much!’
  • I’ll not eat if you don’t text me. Would you rather prefer your job over my health?” etc. 

Let Them Go!!! 

12. They often fight while conversing.

Fights are pretty good in a relationship, but if that’s the only thing between the two of you, you need to reconsider the relationship. 

Fights over every small dilemma signal that your partner maybe 

  • Aggressive in real life, 
  • Has anger issues, 
  • And isn’t very understanding to begin with. 

13. You never have healthy conversations with them.

Their conversations often point to uncomfortable debates. They are sweet talkers and lovely to be around. However, their political stance confuses or triggers you. 

  • They may take your emotions lightly and try to laugh it out. “C’mon, don’t be a baby! You cry about everything— be a man!”
  • “I just have a different perspective than that of yours— feminism is such a stupid concept.” 
  • “I don’t need therapy! How offensive of you to suggest something like that.”

14. They talk about themselves all the time

During interactions, all you hear is, “me, I, my, myself!” A relationship is about two people connecting & existing together. 

If they only talk about themselves, you never were a part of the relationship. They only chose you to talk about themselves and aren’t least interested in knowing you! 

15. They avoid questions and are usually vague.

You don’t know much about your partner, and they are unwilling to share anything soon. If it’s already been quite a month into the relationship and you still don’t know anything about your partner, they might be reserved & don’t trust you. 

It’s better to end a relationship where you feel like being with a stranger than to suffer in silence and unanswered questions. 

16. Text bombing

Do you not have any relief from constant notifications? It doesn’t matter if you are in a meeting, another phone call, with your family or friends— you constantly hear them texting you, and it does get frustrating. 

If your partner doesn’t stop texting you and it’s disturbing your normal day-to-day life— talk to them about their habits. If nothing resolves after explaining it to them a million times, it’s best to end it here. 

17. They ask you uncomfortable questions.

You don’t want to disclose yourself early in the relationship, and there are still conversations you don’t want to touch. If your partner persists even after politely denying it— they are far away from the concept of ‘personal boundaries & space.’

  • “How many guys have you slept with?
  • “Isn’t your mom a celebrity? Tell me everything about her!”
  • “Why did your dad leave you?”
  • “Am I a better kisser than your ex?”
  • “Who’s better in bed— your ex or me?”
  • “Can you afford an expensive life for us?”

There are no definitive parameters for what’s universally uncomfortable to ask in a new relationship. Every individual is different and will have different comfort zones, and they will inform you of the same. 

18. They confuse you with ‘buts’ and excuses.

Are you dating, but at the same time, not dating your partner? Does your partner hang you in the middle without any accurate answers? 

  • “I love you so much, but I’m not sure….” What are you unsure about, exactly?
guy frustrated in the dark not knowing what to do
  • “I desperately want to have a deep connection with you, but I’m scared of falling apart. Can we keep it casual?” (they say after months of dating)
  • “I don’t want to make it official; I want to wait for the right time because you are special, and I don’t want to spoil that feeling.” They will ignore you and treat you like a stranger to the outer world. Trust me; it doesn’t look like you are special to them at all. 
  • “They treat you as a friend in chat groups.”

They don’t want to let you go and they are not very fond of you either— such individuals may keep you around as a back-up plan for temporary satisfaction or other personal reasons.  

Conclusion

If you have already fallen in love with the wrong person and are confused about their feelings and weird behavior— let them go & detach yourself
Don’t close your eyes to ignore their misconduct— it will end up bad and mentally traumatizing you in future relationships. They will leave you behind with insecurities and trust issues, so connect carefully! Being single is great until you find the right person.

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by Genesis Gutierrez

Genesis is the founder of Harness Magazine, a digital media company that celebrates and elevates the voices of women around the world. A first-generation college graduate, Genesis holds a degree in from UCLA with hopes of going back for a Masters in Social Work.

Through her work as an editor-in-chief of Harness, Genesis has dedicated herself to amplifying the stories of women specifically marginalized communities. She is committed to creating space for those who are often left out of mainstream conversations, and believes that storytelling is one of the most powerful tools we have for building community and sparking social change.


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