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Mad woman annoyed by having problems with smartphone wondering Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn't Want A Relationship?
Relationships

Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?

Dating can be a super frustrating experience. It can be a nightmare in fact, especially if you’ve been hanging with a guy for some time now and you feel you want more commitment out of him than what he’s putting in.

You spend time with this guy more, telling your friends and family about him, and wanting to do things for him, yet whenever the conversation about what the next steps are, he seems to be avoidant.

In fact, in your head, you even call yourself his ‘girlfriend’ yet. Reality checks in when all of your friends are asking why aren’t you guys official yet. He tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, however his actions show otherwise. He enjoys keeping you around just because.

Sometimes it feels like he keeps stringing you along, but why does it feel so frustrating? You wonder why does he keep you around if he doesn’t t want a relationship..

Here are 9 reasons this happens:

1. It’s convenient for him.

Sure, you might think the guy is into you if he’s taking you out and spending all this time with you, yet why does it seem like they don’t want to introduce you to his friends or make things more official?

Well, maybe because things are easy for him — No matter what happens or what he does, he knows you’re still going to be around.

After all, why fix what’s not broken? With this guy, you’re the one who is always starting and making things happen. Therefore, since he doesn’t have to make any effort, why would he ever want to change things?

2.He’s lonely

girl and guy on a date

It’s not that he doesn’t want a relationship, but he just wants to have someone around.

It may be hard to hear, but it could just be that he enjoys having a girl around for when he needs someone — whether that means sex or companionship — and there isn’t anything wrong with that.

However, if you’re not okay with the idea that he’s keeping you just because he doesn’t want to be alone without giving you the commitment you want, then you should always set your standards high and walk away if you do not feel comfortable with what’s happening.

Make it clear from the beginning what type of relationship you want and if things don’t work out, be upfront about why so you can both move on.

3. He’s insecure

No matter why this is happening in your relationship, know that if someone does not feel confident enough to commit to you, then they are not worth having around.

You can be involved with someone who is emotionally unavailable, but why would you subject yourself to the emotional rollercoaster that will ensue?

With this guy, you end up always asking why he does he keep you around when he doesn’t want a relationship. Since his actions don’t match what he says, it might seem like you are walking on eggshells.

4. He’s Thinking about Someone Else or Keeping his options Open

guy driving and texting at the same time

It may not be that he doesn’t want a relationship, he may just not want one with you. Why? Because he’s already got one in his head. He’s thinking about another girl and he doesn’t want to hurt you by letting you know. Or he’s thinking about the options he can find outside of you.

This may be why he keeps you around when he doesn’t want a relationship. Then why would you want to be in a relationship where your partner has already had their foot in the door from the beginning?

It doesn’t matter why this is happening, but if he has his mind elsewhere, then there’s nothing for you.

5. You’re a distraction.

Whether he has nothing to do, feels overwhelm or wants to think about something else other than things going on in his life, he comes to you. Why? because he doesn’t want to be bored.

And why does he keep you around when he doesn’t want a relationship? Because you are his escape. You deserve better than someone that texts you at 2am to hang out just because he needs a brief distraction.

6. It might be too early.

He may feel pressured or doesn’t know what he wants yet. If you guys are still getting to know each other, it’s good to be patient.

However, if you’ve been seeing him for a while and nothing is happening or he keeps hinting at why he can’t give you more than what’s he’s giving, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t know what they want? Set your boundaries and don’t let him waste your time.

7. He’s been hurt before.

It’s not impossible to hear that someone has hurt him before. In fact, it’s very possible, and that’s why he keeps you around if he doesn’t want a relationship. Men aren’t very vocal with their feelings, so he might not know why he keeps you around when he won’t commit.

But just because something tragic happened to him, it doesn’t mean that he gets to use his past as an excuse. Why would you want to put your life on hold for someone who does not know what they’re doing with their own life?

8. He enjoys taking advantage of you 

If you’re always paying for things whenever you guys hang out, making plans or starting the conversation, then why would you continue to date someone who’s using you?

Don’t let him think your feelings are always available for his enjoyment, because once he realizes how much he can get away with not committing, things will become more difficult than they were when you first started talking.

9. He likes to sleep with you.

Do not give him girlfriend benefits at “friend” prices.

If he keeps you around because he enjoys sleeping with you, then why would you want to be involved in something that’s purely physical?

Establish those boundaries with him from the beginning. A guy that will respect them is a guy worth waiting for.

However, a guy that will keep you around for a cheap hookup is a player. Move on. If you’re still struggling to get your head around this, here are some signs he does not want a relationship with you.

Things You Can Do To Avoid this From Happening

If you’re wondering why the guy you’re talking to keeps you around if he doesn’t want a relationship, then why would you want to be with someone who has no interest in giving you what you need?

Even if he doesn’t want a commitment, why settle for anything less than what you deserve?

Here are the things you should do if you feel this is what’s happening.

1. Keep your options open.

girl keeping his options open

You don’t have to date around, but why not look for someone who deserves you?

Don’t be afraid to move on if necessary.

Not everyone is going to be the one that you’ll spend the rest of your life with. You deserve better than someone who is just using you for entertainment when he does not know what he wants from his own life.

You have a lot to offer, so don’t settle for anyone less than what you deserve.

2. Respect yourself and your boundaries.

girl alone happy establishing boundaries

When you learn how to establish boundaries within yourself, you’ll find yourself a lot happier. Not everyone is worth your time.

I don’t know what your dating life looks like, but remember, you are not alone. There are millions of women out there who want to find their best friend, the love of their life, truly compatible with them, who will give you the bare minimum of things you are asking for.

3. Work on Yourself.

girl working on herself by working out

I know it’s easier said than done, but you don’t want to spend your time with someone who isn’t willing to give you what you need. So stop focusing on giving him what he wants and start working on yourself.

Work on your own happiness and success because that will make it a lot easier for you to find someone that’s truly compatible with you.

Whether it’s going to the gym or making career changes, remember you have a busy life and the only person that should be a priority is yourself.

Remember to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to do so. Date Yourself.

 4. Do not Let him Impede The Goals you have in Mind. 

If this guy who is keeping you around but doesn’t want a relationship and is affecting you in ANY way, shape or form, RUN.

When you feel like the doesn’t deserve you, say bye and don’t look back.

This is the most important step you should take if you want to stop him from wasting your time.

Do not give him the power over how you feel and what you’re thinking. If he sucks, then baby gets rid of his ass.

Bottom Line

Do not settle for less.

Actions speak louder than words and if he doesn’t want to commit, then it’s time for you to take your life back and stop allowing him to impede your plans.

You’re better than this.

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by Genesis Gutierrez

Genesis is the founder of Harness Magazine, a digital media company that celebrates and elevates the voices of women around the world. A first-generation college graduate, Genesis holds a degree in from UCLA with hopes of going back for a Masters in Social Work.

Through her work as an editor-in-chief of Harness, Genesis has dedicated herself to amplifying the stories of women specifically marginalized communities. She is committed to creating space for those who are often left out of mainstream conversations, and believes that storytelling is one of the most powerful tools we have for building community and sparking social change.


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