Harness had the wonderful opportunity to interview Jaskiran Singh, writer of the poetry book “Seeds of Light” and all-around inspiration to women.

As I spent some time getting to know Jaskiran, I realized  that she is truly an incredible woman. She is driven, courageous, and compassionate – all qualities that are evident in her writing as well.

Jaskiran has written many beautiful poems throughout the years and has been praised for her ability to capture deep emotional landscapes within a few short lines and I'm so excited to talk about some of the things that inspired her to write this book. 

The first thing she say when I asked her that question is, "everything." It started out with leaving her home and being stepped out on her own, experimenting homeless and almost falling into the trap of human trafficking.

She highlights what it truly is being a woman on your own with absolutely no resources. 

And is able to capture how she feels inside and put it onto paper, while some of us can't even touch ourselves.

But it wasn't always easy for Jaskiran – there were many moments throughout her life that felt like a dark storm cloud hovering over her head, threatening to burst at any moment and wipe out all the hope she had left.

But she persevered, and through writing, was able to find the light at the end of the tunnel. Her poems inspire women who are struggling to keep going – no matter what life throws their way, they always have a chance to shine.

She helps women by finding the courage to not only persevere through the tough times, but also to embrace them as a learning opportunity and grow from them.

And that is something we should all strive for – to be able to look back on life's challenges with gratitude and make ourselves better people because of it.

Whenever I read one of Jaskiran's poems, I am always left feeling more empowered, more inspired, and more in love with life. And I know that thousands of other women feel the same way – because Jaskiran's words have genuinely touched people's hearts all across the world.

"There truly is no other option than believing in yourself." 

She says, "I wanted to take something beautiful to read about instead of feeling sorry for myself."

She hopes her book and the work she does help plant the “seeds of light.” that no matter what circumstance you come from, you can still plan the seeds of light to live the life you deserve to have.

It's being able to look back and learn that owning and embracing your story can have not only a tremendous impact for yourself, but also for the people you surround yourself with.

Whether it's through her poetry book, "Seeds of Light", or her inspiring blog posts and social media content, Jaskiran has truly shown us what it means to be a courageous, compassionate, and empowering woman and taking the importance of not letting anything hold you back.

Here's to hoping that we continue to find the resilience within us to grow through life's challenges and shine even brighter in the process!

Thank you again, Jaskiran, for all that you do – your work has truly been an inspiration to women everywhere.

I was the Linkedin queen. My final year of college I had racked up 500+ connections, an impressive resume, and a number of post-internship posts on my feed that were oh-so perfectly curated with industry lingo, that would attract recruiters like moths to a flame.

“So honored to have been an editor on this project for the department of Theatre, Film, and Digital Production at (University). Getting to work on "Through My Screen" and collaborate with many other individuals in the department on creating such an incredible show has been nothing short of inspiring.” 

My entire final quarter of school was network, network, network. Interview, interview, interview. When a recruiter reached out to me as I finished my finals(a quarter early than my peers because I didn’t want my graduation Linkedin post to be drowned out by the others graduating in June), it felt like fate. 

“I’m happy to share that I’m starting a new position as a Production Assistant at (Company)! I am so grateful to be taking on this role and growing in this industry and excited for all that is to come in my career journey.”

My Linkedin became so cool. I was reposting Disney commercials my company did, my name was in the freaking credits of a Netflix show, one time at dinner with my boyfriend and his dad a commercial I worked on aired, and I was always so stoked to share this with my network. But during my workday, I hardly touched any of these things. Sure, I sent a few slack messages to employees for their files or timecard;, sure, I made a few excel sheets to track progress on projects; and, these things would be so cool if I liked what I did. Parasocially, I loved my job. But when I sat at my desk for 9 hours a day until 7pm doing absolutely nothing I cared about, I hated it. 

I hated my job. This isn’t what I wanted to do. This is what I told others I wanted to do because I knew I could do it. It was safe. It was “easy” to find a role in this industry because I worked it during school. Because it made sense with my degree. Because it’s what made the people around me proud. 

I was driving to visit an old friend last weekend. On the drive over I was formulating what I wanted to tell her about my job. I didn’t want to lie. But also, I feel like I needed some kind of justification for hating it. I was rehearsing my speech, “I don’t do enough, I don’t see myself at the company, etc. etc. etc.” but in the midst of it, I realized that not being happy was justification enough. I’m not happy at my job. And that’s the reason I’m wanting to quit. I’m sure there are plenty of happy people at my company, but I’m just not one of them. And I deserve to work somewhere where I feel happy. 

So this morning, I received a call back from a boutique fitness studio in my area that I submitted an application to. It’s something different. It’s something I’d like to try doing. And I’m going to give it a shot. And when I do, I don’t think I’ll post about it on Linkedin just to have something to post. I’ll instead try to love what I do instead of doing something just to make others love me.

It’s no secret that the planet is full of gorgeous sights and locations. However, traveling just to take a photo you will upload to Instagram should not be the main reason why you visit some stunning places. Traveling comes with so many benefits and you should not focus only on bragging on social media about the spots you’ve visited. From meeting new people and forging lifelong relationships to learning more about different cultures and traditions all the way to gaining a new perspective on the world, there is so much to take in during trips around the world.

Moreover, you should not overlook the fact that traveling provides you with an opportunity to give back. If you were fortunate in life but feel lost in your 20s, 30s, and later on, you can think about volunteering in places that can use your help. So, here are a few destinations to consider if you’re looking for a spot where you can give back.

Work on turtle conservation in Costa Rica

If you’re looking to travel for a good reason, helping out animals is a great cause. There are countless opportunities all over the world, so it’s vital to look for responsible operators that actually care about the animals’ wellbeing. It’s not uncommon to come across volunteering programs that exploit various creatures for profit. Steer clear of these and do proper research to find an eco-conscious alternative. For example, you can travel to Costa Rica and work on turtle conservation with the local teams of experts. You will be cleaning the local beaches and monitoring turtle eggs. While there, of course, you want to make the most of every interesting sight.

Help out with beach and environmental conservation in Thailand

Another spot you can visit if you want to help animals is Thailand. There are elephant sanctuaries that you can work in and lend a helping hand. However, while there, you have a wide array of volunteering options, including helping with environmental conservation. In Hua Hin, you can participate in cleaning beaches, preparing the soil, planting new mangroves, watering plants, and educating people in terms of climate issues. Deforestation, the decline of biodiversity, and the exploitation of animals are increasingly present in Thailand and you can play your role in combating them.

Coach sports in Kenya

In case you’d like to visit Africa during your volunteering adventure, you can consider going to Kenya. Sports lovers and skillful individuals can become sports coaches in Nairobi. You’ll get assigned to a local school and assist with teaching kids football. Not only will this be fun for you, but you can also help children develop interpersonal skills and establish a healthy lifestyle. As this can last anywhere from a week to a year, you should also make an itinerary of things to do in Nigeria, such as beach excursions, Nairobi city tours, and a visit to the Massai Tribe.

Build schools and community centers in Fiji

Perhaps being handy is more your style. If that’s something you prefer, you can consider going to Fiji. When looking for destinations to volunteer overseas, this majestic destination offers various alternatives. You can teach and build on remote islands or help with the construction and running of hydroponic gardens. For example, you can assist local builders in Mamanuca as they build and renovate homes, schools, and community centers. On the other hand, you can also help out at Coral Coast by bringing creativity and labor to construct.

Provide support for refugees in Greece

Being willing to work with people in need is always a good thing. While Greece is known for its stunning beaches and breathtaking waters, it is also among the main spots where refugees fleeing Asia and Africa land. By offering some humanitarian help, you can make a big difference. You can work on preparing for boat arrivals and distribute food, support, and general aid and assistance. Moreover, you can also get involved with infant feeding, work in women and children camps, and offer medical work.

Teach children in Nepal

Another way how you can show your support for people in need is by teaching kids of all ages all sorts of things in Nepal. This country offers numerous volunteering options so it won’t be difficult to find something that matches your preferences if you plan on visiting it soon. For example, in Kathmandu and Pokhara, you can teach English to kids of different ages while you can also bring some creativity and enthusiasm when interacting with underprivileged kids in kindergarten. You can also teach in a Buddhist monastery while learning more about the religion.

Offer medical help in Peru

Finally, while there are numerous other volunteering opportunities across the globe, you can also think about visiting Peru. There is plenty to see there, from Lima to Machu Picchu – this country truly has it all. You can work on stray dog rehabilitation, teach English, provide childcare, help with rainforest conservation, and assist on an alpaca and llama farm. However, if you have medical knowledge and training, you can consider offering this sort of help in hospitals, health clinics, and other healthcare facilities. You can also combat malnutrition and different public health issues.

As you can see, there are truly so many different ways how you can be mindful when traveling and offer a helping hand in so many places. Which spot will find a place on your bucket list? Who are you looking to help first?

Period. Growing up, this was a 'taboo' and uncomfortable subject to talk about. Girls I know created code names for it. I was also too shy to speak about it. Thankfully, we are growing towards a more open mindset where we are slowly getting better at speaking about Period.

So what exactly is Period Poverty? Why should we end it? Well, according to Medical News Today (2021), Period poverty refers to the lack of access to menstruation products, education, hygiene facilities and waste management. Period poverty should end because it causes physical, mental and emotional distress to women. 

Did you know?

• An estimated of 500 million people (globally) have a lack of access to Sanitary products and hygiene facilities
• In India, 78% of women don't have access to Sanitary products, which causes them to use unsanitary items- tissue, socks, cloth, plastic 
• Estimated of 1 in 5 American girls missed school because of the lack of Period protection
• In some states, Sanitary products are taxed at 4.7% to 9.9% (Greatist, 2022)

These statistics prove my point of the significance of discussing more on Period and Period poverty. Period poverty also exists due to the lack of education surrounding Period. If Period is consistently stigmatised, how else will young girls learn more about their bodies? If schools are able to allocate a certain time or programme just to speak about menstrual health, wouldn't that be incredible? There are some countries that carry out such activities, but it's still not a global initiative as of now.

Other than lack of income as well as lack of access to education, there are still other causes to Period poverty. Let's take a look.

Lack of hygiene facilities is also a leading reason for Period poverty. In how many toilets do we see Sanitary Products? Sanitary products are just as important as toilet paper. Sometimes women might forget to bring their Sanitary products, or in some cases period may come suddenly for them and they might not be prepared (yes, we do have calendars to track our Period, but some might come earlier while some may be later, we wouldn't know). 

So far, we have seen the causes of Period Poverty, but what exactly are the consequences of it. Period poverty can affect a woman's physical, emotional and social aspects. Let me break it down for you.

When a woman uses products or items that are not meant to be used as a Sanitary Product (eg: Toilet paper, Cloth, Plastic etc), it can be detrimental to their health. Women can develop different types of infections due to the use of inappropriate items. In other cases, when women use the same Sanitary product for a longer number of hours (then recommended), it can increase the risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS). Although TSS is a rare infection, it should still be taken note of. 

Period poverty also affects a woman's emotional aspect of life. Other than stress, some women may go into episodes of depression and/or anxiety surrounding their Period. The stigma around Period in such countries does not help the emotional distress that women face in such challenging situations. 

Besides that, Period poverty affects one's social life. As mentioned earlier, 1 in 5 American girls do not attend classes due to the lack of Period protection. Not only that, in some cases and countries, girls might stop schooling because of Period Poverty. A right to young girls' education is taken away from them because of Period Poverty! As for working adults, some women skip jobs as well due to the same challenges they face. It's terrible!

So, how can we try to end Period Poverty?

Firstly, support from the Government, health sector, schools and the people is really needed and important.

Governments should reduce taxes (where applicable) for women who are already unable to afford Sanitary products. The Government should also create and/or enhance hygiene facilities. The health sector could help to educate and raise awareness of topics relating to Period. Schools should have programmes and talks about Period without any judgments. Individuals can step in to donate to trustable organisations, participate in campaigns, events etc and be open and judgement-free when speaking about Period. 

We can all work together to end Period Poverty! Women all around the world are trying to manoeuvre their way through life and achieve their dreams and goals despite the obstacles they face. We shouldn't let Period be the reason to their unfulfilled purpose and dreams in life. Let's End Period Poverty!

As I look into the sun...

I can't help but accept what's done can't be undone.

I am focused on what has been lost versus what has been won.

I remind myself to be cheery and less glum. Sometimes negativity can get stuck in your mind like gum. The thoughts can become lethal, like a gun. It can string you along like a strum on a guitar.

Be grateful to be alive, wherever you are. You are meant to reach your goals, whether they are near or far. You are meant to shine bright and twinkle like a star. Thank you, sun, for reminding me I have one life. I am committed to living it right. The day has gone, and night has come. Alas, your time of rest has begun.

See you tomorrow, Sun.

I wanna know why

It gets so hard 

To understand

Why things are 

The way that they are

Sometimes 

It’s easier 

To pretend

That it isn’t real

So you could live 

In  your fantasy world

Pain and suffering

Is not the only way 

For things to change

There are other ways 

Maybe 

This is 

Wishful thinking

At best

Only trying to 

Make sense of the

World

That I’m supposed to belong in

Our land 

Must

Be shared 

My scars are your scars

My pain is your pain

But still

I feel your words

Stinging like a bee

Differences like a fault in the earth

Running deep

Deeper than the ocean

Deeper than the history 

That binds us 

Or

Divides us

History keeps me up at night

As I find solace 

In the silence 

I swim in a river

Of my ancestor’s tears 

Waning, wary, worry

Don’t wipe my tears

If you are the cause

Stronger than our history

Bigger than these images

For us, against us, and about us

But we refuse to be your playthings

I've loved and I've lost here.

My strength has grown yet,

weakened for you.

Break me free...

I want to

live again.

Your branches used to be

enough to hold me.

Now, they've let me go.

My wings have been broken and,

without the comfort

of your love,

I can't find my way back

home.

Growing more and more apart

as each day passes us by,

I feel the

burden of loneliness

without your strength.

Like the tired branches of the willow tree,

left cold and unsheltered

to face life

on its own,

lies the reflection

of my eyes

staring back.

We all do things for those we love and care about in the name of love. We give and give until we end up losing ourselves to our relationships. Sometimes, we give so much and yet it seems like it will never be enough for our partner. I was feeling that way until a few months ago when I finally left my ex-boyfriend of eight years. I had spent the time we've been together giving all I could to a man that made it feel like nothing I do was ever good enough for him.

I truly loved him all the years we were together, but I began to look back on all the things I've been through with him. How I was always the responsible one, how I paid for everything and anything he wanted, and having to always spend my time with him and support him. I felt like a different person when I was with him, and not in a good way. I felt so stuck in a routine of keeping him happy and proving to him how much I cared about him, I was losing myself.

I was so scared of making mistakes and having to explain why I was still with him and what he contributed to our relationship. How my one true fear was doing something that wouldn't make him happy or make him feel that I was going to leave him for another man. It felt like I couldn't have friends of my own or that I had to choose between spending time with him and my own family. He had such a grip on me emotionally and mentally, it felt like I was being smothered and couldn't escape.

I realized just how much of a hold he had on me and how I was being treated like I was just his personal piggy bank and that I was just settling on a man that made me feel lesser than him. I never truly focused on my own happiness and spend my life doing what I want to do, only focusing all my attention on a guy that acted like an ungrateful teenager. I managed to find the courage to leave that life behind and tell my parents the truth about my relationship, regaining my support system and being with the people that truly care about me.

I am a broke mom. I am typically robbing Peter to pay Paul, picking up odd jobs to bring in a little extra cash, and saying no when my kids ask for luxury items like Ugg boots and Hibachi dinners. For a log time, I felt a tremendous amount of self-pity. I wanted to keep up with the Joneses and allowed my finances to dictate my mom-worth. But oh, how I have grown over the years. I have adopted an attitude of gratitude for health, and happiness, and three teenagers who say I love you every single day to me, their broke mom.  So many Christmases were spent stressing over money, presents, and material things. I missed out on love, light and celebration because I was too busy trying to give my kids everything that could fit under the tree. 

I now focus more on the non-material aspects of the holiday, but I am still human and  a mom of 3. A mom who wants to make Christmas morning magical. But these years, I am committed to waking up on December 26th without a spending-hangover and debt that can't be paid. 

Over the years (and there have been 19 of them to be exact!), I have learned a thing or two about beating the (gift-giving) system. If there is one thing I know about us broke moms, its that we are resourceful, resilient and oh-so creative. So, here are my holiday spending hacks. Follow one or follow all to ensure that you wake up on December 26^th guilt-free:

Ask for (and Accept) Help

Some years when money was really, really tight or non-existent even. I have indeed asked for help—from family, from friends, and yes, even from social services. Its certainly humbling, but guess what? It’s also magical to see the generosity and selflessness of others. A little help can go a long way and there should be no shame in that game. A quick call to your local social services can let you know what resources are available—e.g., gift cards, groceries, presents for children, and even Christmas trees and decorations. It can lighten your overall burden and make you feel less alone. And, really, what says holiday spirit better than humans helping humans?

Buy Now, Pay Later

Proceed with caution here because anyone with good financial literacy will advise against spending money you don’t have— but omg these sites have saved me a million times. Afterpay is my personal favorite and allows me to splurge on things I couldn’t otherwise afford. This year, my girls are obsessed with every pair of flare leggings at Aerie and it must be their lucky day because—ding, ding, ding—they take Afterpay! As an extra bonus I got all three of us matching pajamas, so be on the lookout for that cute picture (as if my teens would ever pose with their mom). Afterpay (Affirm and Sezzle are similar) allows me to pay in convenient installments over a 6-week period and they only perform a soft credit check (if I can pass, anyone can!). The best part is that there is no interest if you make all of your payments on time. Just be sure to create a conservative budget for yourself and stick to it!

Be Creative

Some of the best gifts cost nothing at all (or less than $20). I have given my kids coupon books for things like breakfast-in-bed, a ten-minute massage (performed by me), or an extra hour of TV time. For less than $20, you can frame their artwork, turn their favorite photo into a poster, or turn your favorite photos into a calendar for grandparents. I am also a big fan of gifting magazine subscriptions and other monthly subscriptions as these allow me to break-up payments throughout the year. My oldest loved getting a sock of the month club subscription and my youngest is obsessed with I’m the Chef, too (they use stem based concepts to create cooking recipes for kids of all ages). Tap into your creative juices and spend less.

Give Now, Experience Later

Even if you cut every financial corner in December, money is sure to be tight. If you are fortunate enough to have a bonus in your near future or simply a few extra bucks come February, plan a trip to a sports game or museum for the Spring, but gift it on Christmas. It’ll give you ample time to plan and save and you can wrap-up brochures, pictures or an itinerary for your kids to open on Christmas morning. Let them get involved in the planning and enjoy the anticipation of “unwrapping” this gift after the holidays have passed.

Remember What You’ve Forgotten

Here’s the thing: Christmas isn’t about gifts, or the piles under the tree or the unwrapping. Every parent knows that and I am pretty sure most kids know it, too. Now that I’m a parent, I try to remind my kids and myself what the holiday is really about. But if I’m being honest, I also want to shop for them and to gift them with things they want and will love. My kids are so damn wonderful and patient and understanding all year long when they hear the words no, I just don’t have the money… So, on Christmas, I want to splurge. But I don’t want to raise kids who associate Christmas with money and gifts above anything else. And I don’t want my holiday to be full of anxiety or mounting debt. I simply want to make the tradition of opening gifts on Christmas morning as magical for my kids as the rest of the season is. I always have and I always will.

After a relationship ends, at least one out of both partners wishes that things shouldn't have ended this way. They insist on believing in their failed connection and hope their ex will return one day and rebuild everything. 

However, that manifestation may never happen, and you might end up wasting your precious time while ignoring signs your ex will never come back! If you're constantly wondering, "will my ex come back," in today's article, we have 16+ clear signs your ex is never coming back! 

These signs will show you the reality, get you out of denial, and clear the path of moving on. So that you can accept your relationship's failure and move on to create better connections in your life!

Signs your ex will never come back—Will I hear from my ex again? 

There's always a ray of hope in our hearts for people to come back when we genuinely have feelings for them. I know disconnecting from the person you love is the most painful thing, and that's why you wonder if they will come back or not. 

In many cases, couples come together after being apart because they realize what they felt was real. But it doesn't happen with every couple. Most of the time, it's about that one person waiting for the other person to return, which can be exhausting. 

Letting go of a person is never easy but losing yourself while waiting for them is even worse. Sooner or later, you'll realize how much time you've lost fixing unfixable things. The time that you could have spent on healing your own heart! 

After all, you cannot hold back your life while collecting pieces you didn't even break. Everything happens for a reason, right? I get it. It's tough, but it's worth moving on rather than waiting for somebody who's not the same anymore. 

"You must make a decision that you're going to move on. It won't happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, 'I don't care how hard this is, I don't care how disappointed I am, I'm not going to let this get the best of me. I'm moving on with my life." – Joel Osteen. 

16+ sure signs your ex is never coming back 

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." – E.M. Forster.

Sometimes it's tough to accept reality. But if you see all these signs in your life, it's time to start focusing on your own self. If you are wondering how to know your ex isn't coming back, the signs mentioned below will help you: 

1. They've blocked you on all social media platforms. 

You can realize "my ex isn't coming back," if they have removed your existence from their social life. 

Blocking or removing you from all social media platforms like Instagram, Twitter, Whatsapp, Facebook, or other sites conveys that they don't want to see you anywhere. They have clarified by removing you that they don't care about your life and don't want to remember you either.

This is a sign that proves your ex is not willing to stay in touch with you and is clear about it. It is one of the most common modern dating signs you'll never get back together! 

2. They've become cold. 

If you are looking for signs my ex will never talk to me again, notice how they have engaged with you ever since you guys broke up. Have they become cold recently and sound rude in everything they say? 

A particular change in your ex's tone, short replies, attitude, and other negative behaviors show that they've become cold-hearted towards you. This indicates that you're not necessary for their life anymore, and they won't be coming back. 

Like even when you guys are around, they don't give you proper attention, there is no eye contact, and they don't face you at all. Please don't ask them for their changed behavior; instead, let them go. 

This is one of the clear signs your ex is gone forever. And their cold behavior is them being straightforward about not wanting you in their life! 

3. Your ex has a new lover now. 

In case your ex has started dating someone new, you must stop hoping my ex will come back! Because even if they come back, things will never be the same as a new person (taking over your past place) is in their life! 

If your mutual contacts told you or somehow you got to know that your ex has started dating someone else already, stop waiting for them. Your ex dating again is an indicator that you should stop asking yourself, "will I hear from my ex again?"

Try not to hurt yourself more and move on just like the other person did. In some cases, exes do come back to their past partner after dating the wrong person. But after they have betrayed you, it's better to get your life back together. 

4. They've returned all your gifts. 

If your ex is returning your gifts after breaking up, it's one of the signs she's not coming back. She wants to keep nothing that may remind her of you! 

If they want to forget about you, they may begin getting rid of your stuff as soon as possible. Even more, your ex may ask you to return all the stuff they've forgotten at your place or special items they've gifted you. 

Most people don't really do it, but if your ex is asking for all the memorable items, it means your ex doesn't want to get back together. They've removed you from their heart, and now they're decluttering their home. 

5. They don't have any jealousy factors. 

Jealousy comes naturally when the person you like is closing up with somebody else, even if it's in a friendly way. It makes you feel envious, which inevitably shows on your face. 

If you still have feelings for your ex, you will get really jealous when seeing them enjoying their time with new people. But what about your ex? Do they seem jealous when they catch you outside, having fun? 

If your ex doesn't get jealous after seeing you dating or hanging out with new faces, it's a sign they have stopped caring about you or your life. They don't seem to envy even a little bit; instead, they ignore you when you catch their eyes!  

6. There are excuses involved. 

In case your ex is making excuses like, "No, not today," "Probably next time," "I don't feel like coming," "I'm busy right now," and so on. They're indirectly telling you they don't want to engage with you anymore.   

If your ex has reached the level where they are no longer willing to go out with you anywhere, you should stop asking them out. 

They will keep avoiding you, and by making excuses, they're making it pretty clear that you don't exist for them. It's one of the signs you'll never hear from him again! 

7. They've started talking negatively about you. 

After breaking up, many people start trash-talking about the person they used to date. They negatively comment about their ex-partner's personality, habits, character, and all other private things. 

While this is a crystal clear sign she's never coming back, some ex-partners may still misunderstand that their hate is a form of love.

You must know that your ex's disrespectful behavior against your memories doesn't mean they miss you. They aren't trash-talking because they want to converse about you; they are doing so because they have started hating you!

Hate is hate, and you don't want to be around people who can't respect you. It's not just a sign that your ex is never coming back but a red flag that you must stay away from people who don't respect their ex-partner's privacy. 

8. There's zero communication. 

Zero communication equals zero hope of your ex coming back into your life. When there's no conversation between you, know that your ex is no longer interested in talking to you. 

Sadly, people keep hoping for that one conversation to happen. But sooner or later, you must understand that you can force people to talk, but you can't force them to love you. 

If your ex has stopped talking to you altogether, they are already on their journey of moving on. It's time you hop on it as well! 

9. Now you have a friendly relationship. 

Everyone has been friend zoned once, but have you ever got friend zoned by your ex? Yes, it happens, and that's when you know they're done with you. 

When your ex has started saying, "let's be friends," "we were better as friends," and "you're my best friend," these are signs that they no longer want to be in a relationship with you. They don't see you as a partner anymore but as a good friend. 

Ending a relationship is better this way sometimes. You don't always have to separate from your ex on bad terms. Sometimes, mutually deciding on breaking up and then staying friends is an amazing way to move on in life! 

10. They tell you they don't love you. 

If your ex has repeatedly been telling you they don't love you anymore, it's one of the signs he will never come back. 

Many people choose to deny this statement and think that the person is saying it out of anger. Remember, love comes from within, and if someone tells you they don't love you anymore, they don't. 

You can neither force someone to love you nor wait a lifetime for them to love you back. If your ex says they don't love you, it's one of the signs your ex is gone forever. Accept it with dignity and move on! 

11. They look happy after the separation. 

If you still follow them on any social media platforms and notice they're happier and enjoying themselves after the separation, this may be what they want. 

They're busy planning breakup parties and going on trips after you broke up—a sign to drop the thought of them coming back into your life. If they are positively growing and don't seem to be affected by the breakup, It's one of the signs your ex is done with you.  

You should also set boundaries with your ex! 

12. They ignore your family and friends.

Ignoring you may be one thing but ignoring your family or friends can clearly show they don't want to remain in touch with you anyhow. Having less or no contact with your people is one of the signs your ex doesn't want to be friends.

This signals that they are trying their best to get over you; probably that's why they're avoiding people in touch with you. 

13. You dating someone doesn't bother them. 

Did your ex get to know that you're dating or hanging out with somebody new, and they didn't even react to it? Well, if they don't seem bothered, it is a sign that they don't care, even if you're moving ahead in your life. 

When a person is over you, they'll stop paying attention to any news related to you, even if it's about your dating life. This is also a sign for you to know that you have come a long way now, and it's better to forget getting back with your ex. 

Instead, think about growing this new relationship and making it stronger than your last one. Learn about goals in a relationship and how to maintain a healthy connection! 

14. They're getting engaged/married. 

This point is loud enough and doesn't need any further explanation. If you get the news that your ex is getting married or engaged, drop the thought of them coming back ever. 

"Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over." — Nicole Sobon.

This sign speaks for itself, and you must not need any more ultimatums to stay out of your ex's life. Instead of carrying any hate in your heart for your ex, wish them good luck and move on! 

15. They give you a hint to move on. 

Even after the separation, if you're still in touch with your ex and they say things like, "you deserve better than me," "look forward to your future," or "it's better to move on now," they are never coming back. 

Receiving specific texts like this from your ex proves that they're being straightforward and aren't giving you any false hope for the future. Moreover, it's good they are supporting you to move forward with your life! 

As you grow older, you must realize that nothing is permanent. Everything will come to its natural end—even the love that feels better than anything in the universe. Learn to live in the present and enjoy everything until it lasts.  

16. That gut feeling 

Sometimes you don't need a sign to confirm; it's the feeling that tells you they're not coming back. After knowing a person for such a long time, you usually learn all their behavior patterns very well. 

If you've been feeling that your ex is getting distant from you, and it's final, you should realize it's time to separate. Your gut feeling can never be wrong, so if you can feel it, accept the reality and move on with your life. It's a sign that somebody much better is waiting for you. 

All of the signs above show that your ex will never come back. If you keep hanging on to their memories, you'll only be wasting your time and the opportunity to meet someone new. 

What to do when you know your ex is not coming back? 

"The truth is unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”  — Steve Maraboli 

When there are problems, there are solutions, too. All you need to do is find them. Sometimes you don't get what you want, and it's because you have something worth more waiting for you. 

The tips listed below will help you move ahead in life when you know your ex is not coming back:

• Acceptance

Acceptance is powerful. 

The reason why you keep feeling sad after your breakup is that you can't accept that your relationship has ended. You can't accept that your love has faded away and the person you imagined spending your life with has disappeared. 

Situations like this could feel constantly heartbreaking until you are willing to accept them wholeheartedly and move on. Once you accept the signs your ex will never come back, you can better figure out how to move forward. 

When you have tried your best to bring that person back and still failed, what's the next step? To wait for more? Not a chance. 

You cannot keep trying forever and let their absence hurt you more. Remember, doing this will only degrade your value in their eyes, and you may lose your worth. You have your whole life ahead; one day, you'll find the person who'll never leave you! 

• Allow yourself to feel the pain.

"Life is a journey, and while you move on, keep unloading your emotional baggage on the sides of the road. If you will not, your ride will get heavier, and it will be difficult for you to move ahead in life." 

We often misunderstand the post-break-up situation by thinking we're over them just because we've ignored them for a long time. But what happens when they pop up out of nowhere in your mind? You get flashbacks of your ex's memories, and it hurts, right? 

Ignoring can be a temporary solution, but you can't always avoid your grief. Stop running away from what has happened and allow yourself to feel the pain of it. Allow those tears to flow until you get your shine back! 

• Take a break 

Take a break and give yourself time to heal. Go on a trip with your friends, meet your family, climb mountains, go crazy in game zones, spend time with the people you love, and visit your favorite places with them. 

It's okay to disappear for a while until you feel that fire within yourself all over again. It's great therapy to leave places where you feel lost and come back after you rejuvenate yourself again. 

• Follow your heart 

If you ever wanted to follow any art, hobby, try a new job, start gyming, adopt a puppy, start fresh in a new city, or anything else, do it. Now is the time you follow your heart. 

Doing things that you love will always make you and your heart happier. When you're trying to disconnect from your ex, it's time to start doing things that focus more on yourself. Follow what your heart says. Do you want something? You get it. 

• The final move 

"It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on." 

— Nicholas Sparks. 

The final move is to move on because if you don't, you'll miss the train to bigger things in life than this. It's going to be hard, then messy, and then perfect. 

Thinking of re-attaching past pieces again will only bring you unnecessary stress, so just let it go. Cheer yourself up; you're ready for much better things coming your way! 

Frequently asked questions 

When you're observing signs your ex will never come back, many questions may bug you till late at night. Without having the correct answers, these questions may keep stressing your mind for a long time!

So we're going to answer them truthfully for you! This is the best advice you may get. Here are some FAQs when you begin seeing signs your ex is never coming back: 

Question 1. What to do when my ex never comes back? 

Answer: "Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself."

— Deborah Reber

Above, I have listed some points you must consider after trying your best to bring your ex back. The best thing you can do is stop hurting yourself and focus on yourself. 

You may soon not need to rely on someone else for your own happiness. The way you change your life will take you to a better place than before. Learn to enjoy your own company and perceive romantic partners as mere life chapters. 

Every relationship will teach you a new thing, and you'll better understand what kind of love your heart craves. Then look for people who feel similar to you, which will improve your compatibility and relationship health. 

Question 2. Should you go back to your ex?

Answer: Before I say anything, remember that your ex is an ex for a reason, which could be anything. Avoid taking actions out of sentimentalism, and recall the issues that caused your breakup. 

Going back or not depends on the kind of bond you two had. If you feel a strong connection between the two of you and think you could work it out, then it's worth a try. You can stay attached to them if you get the same response. 

Mostly, it's just one person who's willing to want it all back. If you get a contrary response from your ex-partner, stop trying. You cannot force them to love you back all over again. 

Question 3. How long should I wait for my ex to come back?

Answer: It is one of the trickiest situations. You can never know how long you should wait for that one person to come back into your life again. 

But here's a thing: if you see the above signs in your ex, then you must accept that they will never return. You waiting for them after all this happened is like you're waiting for an imaginative reality to come true. 

The more time you spend seeking unrealistic scenarios, the more time you waste. The time that could improve your reality and help you reach peace. 

Question 4. Do all exes eventually come back? 

Answer: Yes, the return of an ex may or may not happen sometime. Research shows that 40–50 percent of people have reunited with their ex to rebuild their relationship. Whether they succeed or not depends on their connection quality and how much effort they are willing to give in! 

Bottom line 

We form relationships with all our hearts and hope they will last longer. But love is not that easy. It takes a lot from a person to love someone and commit to them. Because it's not only kisses and butterflies; love asks for commitment, sacrifices, and unconditional effort. 

When you love someone, this shouldn't feel like a burden. But often, miscommunication leads to unpredictable scenarios, and partners act in rage without discussing things together. Soon, the house of heart made from lovely dreams comes crashing down. 

In the end, you can never force someone to love you and stay with you forever. Holding onto someone who no longer wants you will hurt but waiting for them to change will hurt you more. Moving on is essential if you see the above signs similar to your situation. 

Things will be tough to accept, but it's for the better. Move on and wait while somebody comes into your life who will choose you in every life! 

My ex boyfriend was the reason I started therapy, but it was for the wrong reasons. 

It almost felt like he was threatening me if I didn’t do it. It didn’t seem it came from a place of love, but from a place of judgment.

That he will leave me if I don't start. 

It wasn’t something that I was opposed to trying, but not where I felt judged, having a sea of his “friends” watch me and talk bad about me because of my “strong personality.” or feeling pressured.

It created this sense of panic within me that if I didn’t start therapy and started fixing myself there was something wrong with me.

That I was unfixable and unlovable.

He left anyway, which I realize now had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with him.

This guy emotionally destroyed me.

He took every ounce of my self esteem and sense of self away. Inconsiderate, cruel and overall just not a good human being to be around.

He was right though, I needed to go to therapy. There were so many things I wanted to talk about with someone, things I wanted to work on, but not in the middle of chaos and judgements.

I waited to find a therapist until I was ready. I waited until I was going to go because I was choosing myself, and not because he was forcing me.

Not with threats of leaving if I didn’t go, not with an entire friend group of people that I had never met in my life judging me and thinking they know me.

Things I didn’t deserve to be called, when I shared with my ex I just wanted to feel supported.

I took my time looking. I trusted my intuition.

When my first session of therapy kicked in I was so nervous that I was shaking.

However, the second the session started, I was at ease..

Within the first 5 minutes of our session, I was like “this is who I need.”

Most people aren’t as lucky, they usually rotate between 3-4 therapists before finding one that they’re comfortable with. 

I knew since I took my time that it was going to work out just fine. My first session ever with a therapist is the one I stuck with, and now I’ve been seeing her for almost a year.

I learned through my time working with her that there was never anything wrong with me. 

There was nothing to “fix.” 

Do I have things that I need to work on? Sure, we all do.

I wanted to work on my anger triggers, learning how to develop more empathy, learn to have patience, be a better listener and overall just learn how to have healthier relationships with myself & others. 

Learning how to let go of situations that don’t matter.

Although I knew these were things I needed to work on, they weren’t things where I deserved to feel so judged for.

They weren’t things where I needed to be “fixed.”

I know that I need to be kinder with myself.

I know what I need to work on to be a better person.

I have a very strong masculine energy, I don’t put up with bullshit, and I go after what I want.
But I’m also very affectionate, lovable and caring.

I know that I needed to find someone that values that and not try to destroy it. A guy who isn't insecure.

My year of therapy has been awesome - we used to meet once a week, now we meet every 2 weeks. 

I’m more self aware than ever before, I’m kinder, I have more patience and overall just more balanced in every area of my life.

I’ve welcomed so many beautiful friends into my life as a result. I feel loved, respected and cared for at my job. I lost nearly 20 pounds. I have gone on dates. I am choosing myself.

I don't feel like I need to be dating someone to feel happy. I trust that the right loveable, caring and nonjudgmental guy will come along because I know who I am, I trust myself and I trust that I am on my own path.

This sense of peace I have in my life has pushed me to even greater and bigger things. 

This sense of peace and judgment free zone has allowed me to blossom.

I encourage everyone to go to therapy - even if you feel like you don’t need it. 
You may be surprised with the outcome and growth that comes from simply talking about things.

A place where you feel supported and remember that you’re not alone.

"Growing up", "Adulting",  and "Being responsible". There are many words that can describe the aging
process and what it entails. However, it isn't truly understood until one experiences it for themselves.
Learning what being responsible truly means for you when keeping up with household chores and
completing your to-do list is essential for you to keep living your daily life. Or, realizing your body
can't do what it used to. Whether it was being active 12 hours out of the day without aches and pains- or
even being able to enjoy an adult beverage without a killer headache the following day. There is a process that happens as we age, and there is also a grieving process that comes along with it,
that not a lot of people talk about or acknowledge.

I've taken notice of this grieving process as of late. In my day jobs, I've usually worked with different levels of youth stages: pediatrics, toddlers, grade school, puberty, and adolescent age groups. There is so much to be said about those age groups, and the experiences that happen during those
times. Lately, I've been working very closely with the geriatric population, 65+. I always like to say "There's young, and then there's younger!" Or "Wise" to describe these beautiful humans. There
is a lot to be discussed when it comes to this topic as well!

Getting back to the grieving process I mentioned earlier. This is something that truly needs more
attention for us to relate and connect with our wise population. In our western American society,
growing older is not honored or something a lot of people get excited about. Here are just a few
things that the wise population I have interacted with has expressed grief around:

+Trouble remembering if you
completed a daily task or
household chore
+Not being able to lift or carry
important items such as
groceries
+Less mobility
+Loneliness and missing being
around loved ones/feeling
forgotten

The last one hurts the most. I say all of that to say this: If it's on your heart & resonates, reach out to one of your wise family members, neighbors, or friends. They will appreciate it more than you know!

I’m at a point in my life where peace is important. I’m sure we all are right? And though I reach for peace every single day, triggers still happen. A trigger is a response that happens when a person is reminded of a particular feeling or experience of the past. This response may bring up specific thought patterns and behaviors as a safeguard. Feeling the need to run away (flight mode) when you’re stressed is indeed a trigger response. I have found that building SELF-boundaries can help soothe this response and keep the peace. 

WHAT IS SELF-BOUNDARIES?

Let’s break it down real quick. “Boundaries help you define what you are comfortable with and how you would like to be treated by others.” perfectly said by, https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/what-are-my-boundaries/. Now coming from a SELF-boundary standpoint, it means the exact same, but instead we are defining how we would like to be treated by ourselves. Here’s my remix definition of self-boundaries:

Self-boundaries is a way to recognize where you are lacking in the relationship with yourself. Having these boundaries placed for yourself allows more peace in your life and within your relationships.

We highly encourage placing boundaries with other people, but I also think having boundaries with yourself is where it truly starts. Having boundaries with yourself is self-discipline in a nutshell and it looks something like this:

- Every morning I wake up, I go straight into my mindfulness practice. I give myself an allocated time to check my texts/calls so that the phone doesn’t distract me.

- Instead of staring at my phone waiting for their text, im going to find something productive to do.

As most of us know, checking your notifications in the morning can be VERY draining or even triggering. Your mornings set the tone for your day. If we get off to a bad start, then it’s likely the rest of the day will fall short. You want to wake up and tend to your needs first so that you feel like your BEST self. Building a strong boundary in the morning can help with this.

Now let’s talk about waiting for texts messages! This one is a BIGGIE in my trigger book. It is SO draining to my energy when I wait for text messages. To all my anxiously attached folks, ya’ll know it feels like the world has stopped temporarily until they respond. I hate this feeling. I decided building a self boundary would help with this. Instead of expecting people to be at my demand and respond *R. N R. N R. N* (right now), it’ll be best if I just find something to do. People have their own lives and issues they’re dealing with. Why would I expect them to respond to me right away? Building a boundary around this area has allowed me to become more at peace with myself, and it also allowed me to respect other people’s boundaries.

SIGNS YOU MAY NEED TO DEVELOP SELF-BOUNDARIES

We often think we need something from another person (love, respect, validation) when, in actuality, what we need is sitting within us. Something deep within you is lacking, which makes you feel reliant on another person/situation. This is how you know you may need to develop self-boundaries:

- You have a lack of respect for other people’s boundaries.

- Agitation when people don’t/do something.

- Impractical romantics definitely need self-boundaries (no questions asked)

- You feel life is a HOT mess.

- You’re very reliant on other people emotionally/mentally.

1. You have a lack of respect for other people’s boundaries

When you are having a hard time respecting someone else’s boundaries, you are substantially lacking in your own boundaries. Disrespecting someone else’s boundaries could simply be: calling someone in the morning when they specifically said wait till the afternoon. They are simply busy in the morning, and you calling them doesn’t change that or help! When you develop your own boundaries, you become more privy to other people’s needs cause you would expect the same respect.

2. Agitation when people don’t/do something

This one is famous in my book. Have you ever got so damn annoyed because someone didn’t call/text you back? YUP. I know it’s very annoying, BUT it doesn’t have to be. Once we’ve gotten to a point where everything a person does causes discord within our being, then we have temporarily lost our own power. To gain your power back, all you need to do is set a self boundary with yourself. Doesn’t it feel good to know that you have complete control of how you feel? In the upcoming category, I will go in detail on how you can implement your own self-boundaries.

3. Impractical romantics definitely need self-boundaries

Yes. Us hopeful/impractical romantics need self boundaries. We need self boundaries because it’s very easy for us to lose ourselves in romance. We love romance, so we’ll do anything for it. This can be a problem. Most of the time, our desires are unreachable because we look for the happily ever after love. The love with no issues, the white picket fence type love. And not that we aren’t able to withhold this love, but most of the time we haven’t yet met those requirements to get it. Most impractical romantics lack boundaries — we expect our partners to be just like us, we expect to receive the same love language we give out (which is super impractical), etc. Developing self-boundaries around your own self-love can really be beneficial in the advancement of your love life.

4. You feel life is a HOT mess

We’ve all been there, I would think. Especially in your 20s-30s life can be a HOT ASS mess. We’re trying to figure out who we really are, our placements in the world, family ties, etc. But with a little help from a self-boundary, this can make life become a little less stressful, more fun and organized. A quick example would be to get a planner and consistently write all your goals/responsibilities down. This brings structure into your life, allowing goals to be accomplished.

5. You’re very reliant on other people emotionally/mentally

I think we live in a very co-dependent world. Most of us look for validation from outside sources. Though this feels fantastic to receive that validation, too much dependency on outside validation, creates mistrust in your own validation.How would you know how to feel safe with your own words when you always search for it in another person? Developing self-boundaries can help heal co-dependent behaviors. 

WHAT DOES YOUR INNER CHILD NEED TO FEEL SAFE?

HOW TO IMPLEMENT YOUR SELF-BOUNDARIES IN AREAS OF YOUR LIFE

In this section, we’re going to dive deeper into 3 areas of your life and ways to implement your self-boundaries.

- Love life

- Platonic/family relationships

- Work space

Within your LOVE life, self-boundaries can look like:

Tending to your own needs once you wake up in the morning. Instead of checking your notifications, try washing your face, brushing your teeth, drinking some water. Maybe listen to some nice groovy music, or even practice some yoga. Or maybe water your plants, opening the blinds to bring in the amazing sun energy. Do more things that’ll allow you to be more present and appreciative. This type of energy can help attract more pleasant experiences throughout the day or within your love life. There’s a special powerful energy when you show mad LOVE to yourself, especially in the mornings.

Within your platonic/family relationships, self-boundaries can look like:

It’s very interesting for family and friends. We expect them to be our knight and shining armor; we expect them to always hold it down and be there for us for our every bleeding need. And though in some circumstances, this is all so valid… but again, too much dependency can be very unhealthy. Self-boundaries can simply look like, understanding that even your child, best friend or your sister have their own life and problems. It can look like clear communication. It can look like expressed expectations. And though you express your expectations, doesn’t mean they can always meet it. Remember that people have their own lives, challenges, and needs and won’t always be able to show up for you in the way that you’d like. Accepting this truth is a self-boundary. A self-boundary can also look like removing yourself from a tie that is no longer serving you. If it is detrimental to your mental health, give it a break. It’s okay to take some time a way. This honestly applies to any area of your life.

Within your work space, self-boundaries can look like:

For the self-employed, it can look like setting a clear schedule for your day. Being self-employed can be a little crazy because everything relies on you to get it done. Having a set schedule can help keep your mind at ease and remind yourself of the responsibilities that need to be done. Also, setting a clear schedule can allow yourself to find free time within your day. I always encourage free time on a workday. Understand that there’s a quantum balance between actively achieving and doing absolutely nothing. For both non-self employed and self-employed, it can also look like being real with yourself and asking yourself, “is this really What I Want to do?” Being real with yourself in your work life can be very beneficial to you & your family in the future. Is this job helping me grow or keeping me stagnant? Is my health being compromised while I’m at work? Am I being underpaid? Getting into the habit of asking yourself these questions will help attract more abundant work into your life.

ATTACHMENT ISSUES (briefly)

It’s easy for me to get attached. I can get attached to foods, places, feelings, objects, and people. Once my brain processes that this person/place/thing feels really good, it builds multiple safeguards to prevent undesirable experiences from occurring. Mostly, this response often leads me to overconsumption, overindulging, and an heighten fear of abandonment. These behaviors happen because subconsciously I am afraid of losing whatever it is that feels good to me. Once my subconscious mind/inner child feels threatened, this leads me to fight/flight mode. It’s always been a constant battle for me… but I found a way to soothe these responses by establishing strong self-boundaries. I learned over time that my subconscious mind developed these strong attachments because internally I was lacking those needs that ‘X, Y, Z’ gave me. The brain is so powerful, if somewhere in there is lacking… it’ll look for that dopamine feeling in anything it finds pleasurable — which causes most addictions. So I said well hey, if my subconscious mind/inner child is looking to feel safe, warm, loved, then I should give her the healthiest/most accessible thing there is. Which is me. In your case, it’ll be you. We have easy access to ourselves 24/7. So since we have easy access to ourselves, since it’s more likely that we won’t disappoint ourselves, then it’ll be reasonable to show ourselves that love. Being the source of LOVE that your mind needs can bring so much peace internally and externally.

BALANCE

Loving on yourself can get sooo comfortable to where you may deny the love of others around you. I’ve definitely fallen down this trap before because I thought ‘well my love feels more safe, so I rather stay away from people that may disappoint me’. And though this has worked for a short period, it caused resentment within me. It is perfectly okay to show yourself love and attention, and accept the same from others. It is all easier said than done. Am I right? So let me show you two ways how:

In the morning I prefer to give myself all the love and attention possible, so I make sure that my notifications aren’t on and distracting me. Once I’m done with my daily morning rituals, I then tend to other outer-wordly affairs. This way, my mind and body are prepared and pampered for whatever the world has in store for me.

After a long hang out session with my friends/Family I highly encourage myself to tend to my needs next, whatever those needs are in that moment. Often I get so consumed in their company that I become super unmotivated to deal with my own responsibilities. Simple things like making sure I ate, showered, or finish a chore of mine can provide outstanding balance. OR just go to bed! That’s always a goodie. Remember, the goal is to tend to your needs but also be open to other people and activities. 

Well, this is probably one of the longest articles I’ve written. I enjoyed this topic of self-boundaries and I hope you guys did as well! This is truly one of my biggest lessons in life, so I resonate with the concept whole-heartedly. Self-boundaries can be beneficial to your self-development journey. How will you add self-boundaries in your life today?

Until next time, Ciao! 

"Will you take a look and let me know what I'm doing wrong?"

Time and again, I learn some of the most valuable lessons about navigating a professional career from my teen ballet and jazz students.

I've been a children's dance teacher since I was 15 and it's truly been one of the most rewarding and fun roles I've ever had. It's been a blessing to watch my students grow into beautiful dancers and incredible people and was especially impactful during the pandemic over the last few years.

Which is why I really should stop being surprised that these incredible moments happen, but I never will.

As I was coming into set up for teaching, getting my audio figured out and taking mental notes of who's present for roll, one of my quietest students came in and started working.

She set her phone up at the front of the room and turned her camera on, facing forward. She took up some space in the studio and went into a preparation, a pirouette turn, and 4 a la seconde fouettés. I continued to prepare for class and kept a close, but coy, eye.

She finished her set of turns and picked up her phone, and slowly approached me.

"Could you watch me and tell me what I'm doing wrong?" and handed me her phone.

I watched the recording of her turns and shared my feedback with her. Her turns were really strong, but her extended leg was dropping as she was rotating around (a really common issue with such a difficult step). We reviewed how to avoid that during the turn sequence and some strengthening exercises to work, as well.

After class was over, I realized I had experienced something incredible, valuable, and something I was totally going to copy and recreate.

It was so simple and so smart and totally struck me.

She came in, got right to work, and asked for direct feedback.

Again, simple. smart.

I'm not sure if it's my background as a writer or years of completing lengthy quarterly performance reviews, but I always understood feedback to be something that occurred formally, infrequently, and with heavy regard.

I didn't realize it could be so simple.

I'm grateful to this student (and my others) for teaching me in these small moments. The moments in between dance class and life. The moments where big learning occurs.

Feedback should be steady, straightforward, and sincere.

It should happen outside of the big, structured processes and be shared without criticism.

It couldn't be simpler. I see that now.

“Escaped”

I met a man six months ago, who dressed like it was Halloween every day. He always had on skeleton masks and skeleton gloves. This man is my husband, he is tall with dark skin complexion with black curly hair and brown eyes.

The relationship started out great in the beginning. I thought I was different, I thought I was special.

I felt safe with him, until one horrible, dreadful night. I never felt so afraid for my life!! Me, my husband, and a very kind family were enjoying a cool, crisp night on a small, but quaint patio. The patio was equipped with comfy chairs and a grill that was occasionally used.

Him and his friend were drinking for quite a while that evening. I was having conversations with some girlfriends and we were enjoying the evening. My husband came towards me and I thought he was going to be loving to me but instead, he pulled my hair while no one was looking. I knew at that moment; the night was going to end terrible.

You see, I accepted his abuse when he pulled my hair and hit me in the past, I was shocked that he did that to me, I looked past that, and I forgave him because he promised he would never lay another hand on me, but the abuse didn’t stop.

When the social gathering came to an end, we both went into our bedroom. As I closed the door, he asked me, “You do know why I am about to do what I am about to do to you right?”

I replied in a shaky, fearful voice, “No I don’t know.”

He came up to me in my face, responding, “You were disrespectful towards me because you did not go with me for a walk earlier.”

At that moment and that night, I experienced a violent rage of a Demon.

I was violently, physically abused from the top of my head all the way to the bottom of my feet, by this human being that was full of anger.

The first blow was him pulling my hair, then he punched my face three times, as I used my wrists to cover my face, he picked me up from my hair again and threw me on the bed. He started punching my arms, stomach, and my face. He grabbed my neck and started choking me until I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t think, I couldn’t move. He continued grabbing my neck and my jawbone and at the same time he was scrapping my head against the hard, cold, wooden floor.

During that moment, he spoke these words to me in an evil, demonic voice, “If you do not escape this bedroom tonight, I will kill you because no one is going to save you."

I miraculously fought out of his grip. I thought he was done, but the beatings continued, stronger and harder.

He started kicking me all over my body, my arms, my stomach, finally my legs. My body felt numb, my brain felt numb, from enduring all the pain.

On the last blow, he grabbed my hair and kicked my stomach. I flew across the bed and landed right on the edge of the bed.

As he was struggling to focus on continuing to beat me, my survival instinct kicked in at the perfect moment. I stood up on my fractured ankle and ran to the bedroom door. I ran so fast down the hallway and I did not look back. I did not care to see his expression; I was focused on saving my life.

I opened the door and ran straight down the hallway to his friend’s room. I barged in very panicky and jumped on his friend’s bed. My husband came in at least two minutes after and was yelling at me saying, “Get over here, get over here NOW!”

I yelled back in a shaky but firm voice, “No, I am done with you, I am NOT taking any more beatings from you!!”

My husband’s friend’s girlfriend exclaimed to his friend in a very firm tone, “Go and take him outside and talk to him!”

So, they both went outside and then it was just me and my husband’s friend’s girlfriend on the bed in their room.

She asked me, “Did you want to stay the night in our room? You can sleep on the floor.”

I responded, “No I want to get away from my husband.”

She responded, "Okay let’s go.” So, we rushed over in their hallway and opened the door that led to another nice family’s apartment.

I ran down the short, cold, dark hallway leading to the apartment with her by my side. I was praying so hard that my husband did not come back to the house!

I knocked repeatedly until someone opened the door. I was safe, I was comforted. The family cared for me and took me in to sleep over night.

I immediately called my mom, and my mom and I were crying over the phone together as I were explaining to her what I just endured. My mom told me to stay safe and she will be there the very next morning to rescue me.

All during the night, I could not sleep. The whole entire scene kept playing over and over in my head, like a song that was on repeat. I questioned myself, “Why? What did I do to deserve this?”

As the next morning arrived, and I finally woke up, I remember seeing the sun so bright and beautiful peeping through the long, brown, sheer curtains. My mom called me and said she was outside waiting for me.

The whole family was shocked at how quickly she did come to rescue me! For my safety, the family took me out the back and around the apartments, so my husband wouldn’t see me.

As I was saying goodbye and thank you to everyone, his friend’s girlfriend gave me a hug and whispered in my ear,” He is waking up, please try to hurry to your mom.”

I was helped down a long muddy slope and finally, my eyes met my mom. My mom was standing outside the car, ready to rescue me with open arms. She had tears flooding down her cheeks and thanking the family for keeping me safe.

I got in the back seat and we drove off, and I did not look back. I knew I was safe, and this chapter of my life is over.

To this day, my husband is incarcerated.

My name is Tanya, and I am a survivor of domestic violent abuse.

 

The start of 2022 sucked for me.

I went through a really bad breakup with a guy who honestly didn’t deserve the time of day.

I was held back for MONTHS. I felt so unbalanced.

I lacked so much direction on where I wanted to take @harnesscommunity. I felt like a failure and like I wasn’t capable of growing It the way that I wanted it to. 

Hoping to take some of my frustrations off, I joined @launchlatinx a 12 week business accelerator, not knowing what to expect. I saw Harness & my business in a way I had never looked at it before. 

I designed a coaching program for women that want to learn how to own and embrace their stories, and do something they’ve never done before in 90 days with courage & rebellion.

A program that I felt was aligned with my personality and who I was - from moving across country alone at 17 years old, to not letting my immigration status stop me from having a voice to building a six figure company and believing in it more than I'll ever believe in a 9-5. All with the beautiful support from my coaches and classmates. 

I finished the program. However, I was still feeling lost. I did not feel like I was a CEO of a company and talking about my business was something I was embarrased about.

I then started working with @lifewithhliz. And let me just say, she put a rocket in my behind.

Some calls were crying, some calls were complaining, some calls were focused on sales and numbers, but every single week I felt a layer of frustration was being shredded off. 

All of a sudden women started reaching out to share their stories, from leaving toxic marriages, experimenting homelessness, being undocumented and how they want to begin living their dreams, wanting to write a book, wanting to start their non profit, find their voice in places where they feel silenced.

Then, I started hopping on calls from women in South Africa, Mexico and Dubai. My mind felt like it exploded in ways I've never thought of before. I realized the potential I had to make an impact that I truly cared about. 

An impact that I felt was my calling.

Almost 70% of my 9-5 income for the year was reinvested into Harness. 

I constantly questioned if what I was doing was worth it. I constantly questioned if I was on the right path.

It is not easy. I have an SEO coach, a business coach, a therapist and my mom and dad encourgaing me and pushing me to keep going with their "ponte las pilas" speech.

The second I started remaining calm, making time to enjoy my 20s, focusing on my health, losing nearly 20 pounds, let Harness speak for itself and the beautiful message it has, connecting with amazing women was the second I started seeing the results come in. 

This year was honestly one of the most mentally draining ones. From having a full time job, serving private coaching clients, serving students at my community college, growing the website, getting ready for an immigration hearing and trying to take care of my health.

But I’m damn proud of the results. 
Doubled my income, tripled the readership.
Harness is ending the year with nearly 20,000 monthly readers, hitting record numbers every. single. day.

As we jump into December 2022 , I hope to finish the year strong and get ready for the amazing year I’m about to have. 

A year filled with courage and not letting anything or anyone get in the way of what I want. A year where fear doesn't exist.

A year where more women share their stories, embrace who they are and live the life they deserve to live.

And helping them give a huge fuck you to everyone and live who they want to be.

I love and appreciate every single of you. Thank you.

Learning how to glow up after a breakup can feel intimidating.

No one ever said breaking up was easy. It’s tough, it’s painful, and it can take a toll on your body and mind. It can honestly set you back emotionally and make you question everything about yourself and the relationship.

It can be months until you start to feel like yourself again.

However when you are ready to accept what happened and move on, it can truly be a liberating experience.

Just because your relationship has ended doesn’t mean you have to end too. You can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and glow up after a breakup.

You’ll turn into this amazing strong, confident individual who has learned from their mistakes and is ready to take on the world. And trust me, it’s worth it.

However, it can be an overwhelming journey and feelings of loss and hopelessness start to arise. It can be difficult learning how to start. So, how do you?

How do you put yourself in a position where you learn how to glow up after a breakup?

Here are 36+ tips to get you started:

Feel out Your Feelings:

Allow yourself to fully feel your emotions. Cry, scream, and write down what you’re feeling. Know that what you’re going through is completely normal, and it’s important to process and work through your feelings before moving on.

If you try to bury your emotions, they will only come out later in unhealthy ways, so it’s important to work through them instead.

Be Kind to Yourself

Everyone goes through a tough breakup at some point in their lives. Cut yourself some slack and have patience with yourself during this time. Don’t beat yourself up over small things.

Being kind to yourself is accepting that this is a tough time and you’re doing your best. It’s about loving yourself through it all, even the parts that are hard to love. Understanding that not everything is your fault and that everything truly does happen for a reason.

Shift Your Mindset

It can be hard to shift your mindset when you feel like everything in your life is going wrong. But try to flip your perspective and focus on what you can control.

Instead of expressing how miserable you feel because of this breakup, focus on the good things in your life, like your friends, family, career, or hobbies. If you think to yourself that you are alone in this journey, celebrate being single, you’re welcoming growth into your life.

Lean for Support

Don’t be afraid to reach out for support from friends and family. Surround yourself with people who love and believe in you. Talking about things with people that you care about can help immensely during this time.

Go out with them, invite them to go out to eat with you, or just watch a movie together. Don’t be afraid to use them as a source of strength and comfort during this time.

Go to therapy

If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your friends and family about what you are going through, consider going to therapy. A therapist can provide a safe, non-judgmental environment for you to talk about your feelings and help guide you through the process of healing.

It can also play a huge role in helping you reflex on the relationship, what you need to work on in your own life, and what you need to do moving forward towards a having a healthy relationship when you feel ready too.

Change Environments

Sometimes a change of scenery can do wonders for your mood and emotions. Consider going on vacation or even just a weekend getaway to clear your head and have some time for self-reflection.

If you can’t leave town, take a day trip to a nearby park or beach. Go on a bike stroll, go hiking or just spend time outdoors. Being around nature can help you relax and reset your mind, body, and soul.

Going to a new place and seeing how big the world is can also help you realize that there are endless possibilities out there for you. Possibilities outside of the relationship that you were in.

Learn how to be alone

Learning how to be alone is a good way to glow up after a break up. It can be tough, it’s painful, and it can take a toll on your body and mind. It can honestly set you back emotionally and make you question everything about yourself. It’s important to remember that you are your biggest cheerleader.

You can start by doing small things such as going for a walk alone, eating at a restaurant alone or even going to the movies alone. By learning to be comfortable on your own and taking the time to enjoy yourself, you are paving the way to glowing up after a breakup.

Even though it can feel intimidating, don’t let fear hold you back from embracing change and using this opportunity to grow.

Dive into something new that brings you joy and fills your time

Find a new hobby or activity that brings you joy and fills up some of your time.

This could be anything from

• Painting
• Dancing
• Cooking
• Gardening
• Writing
• Self Defense

By doing something new and engaging your mind in an activity that stirs up positive emotions, you can shift your energy towards learning and growing. This will help you refocus on yourself and embrace the changes and opportunities that lie ahead.

Don’t take shortcuts

Healing from a break doesn’t have a timeline. It’s important to take your time and not take shortcuts by jumping into a rebound relationship or trying to numb your feelings with substances.

Rebounds hardly make you feel better in the long-term and only distract you from what you are truly feeling.

If you try to take any sort of shortcut in your glow up process, you will only end up prolonging your healing and hurting yourself in the long run.

Create a new routine

Create a new daily routine for yourself that promotes courage, self-love, and growth. This can be any activity that you have had your eye on, whether it’s joining a gym, practicing yoga or meditation, or even just making your bed every morning.

Having a routine will give you structure during this time and help keep you on track with taking care of yourself.

Eliminate toxic people

Take some time to reflect on who is in your life and consider removing anyone who brings negativity into your life. This could be a toxic ex, their friends, or even just negative people in your friend group. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you instead.

It’s okay to let go of friendships that no longer serve you, and it’s okay to feel like you’ve outgrown your group of friends.

Self-care

Taking care of yourself during this time is essential. Practice self-care activities such as getting enough sleep, eating healthy, exercising, and doing things that make you happy. This will help improve your mood and overall well-being.

Something that I’ve enjoyed during my Friday Nights is doing my nails, doing my hair and enjoying a cup of wine with a face mask.

Write down everything you didn’t like about them

Writing down all the things about your ex that you didn’t like, or that made you unhappy can help put things into perspective and remind yourself of why the breakup was for the best.

You’ll know what you like and don’t like in a partner and can use that insight for future relationships.

Focus on the present and the future

It’s important to not dwell on the past and focus on what went wrong in the relationship. Do not blame yourself or your ex. Instead, focus on the present and what is yet to come in your future.

Think about your goals and aspirations for the future and how you can work towards achieving them. Remember that it is not a failure to experience heartbreak, but instead an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

You have a beautiful life to live. Don’t let a breakup hold you back from enjoying it.

Forgive them (and yourself)

It’s important to forgive both your ex and yourself in order to fully move on. Holding onto anger and resentment will only hurt you in the long run. Forgiving them does not mean that you excuse their actions, but rather that you are letting go and freeing yourself from any negative emotions.

Remember that everyone makes mistakes and you are not immune to them, either.

Allow yourself space and time to heal, but keep pushing forward and working towards the life you want for yourself. Your glow up is waiting for you!

Understanding that you deserve happiness

Always remember that you deserve to be happy and loved. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. You are in control of your own happiness, and it is important to love yourself before anyone else can truly love you.

Adopt some new affirmations

Start incorporating positive affirmations into your daily routine. This could be in the form of mantras, quotes, or even just reminding yourself of your worth and important qualities.

Repeating these affirmations will help boost your self-confidence and remind you of your strength during this challenging time.

A couple of examples can be:

“I will get through this.”

“I’m worthy of a healthy relationship.”

“I am strong and capable.”

“I am in control of my own happiness.”

“I am loved and deserving of love.”

Rejection is redirection

When you experience rejection, it can feel like the end of the world. Your heart is broken, your ego bruised, and you may feel like you’ll never love again. But what if I told you that rejection was not a bad thing? That it was actually a sign that you were on the right track?

Rejection is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Rejection is redirection. It means that you are heading in the wrong direction and need to course correctly in order to find success.

Every successful person has faced rejection at some point in their life, especially in relationships. They have been told “no” time and time again until they finally heard “yes.” But they didn’t give up when things got tough. They kept going because they knew that success was within reach.

So don’t let rejection get you down. Dust yourself off and keep moving forward. There’s no stopping you now.

Journal

Journaling is a great way when you are trying to figure out how to glow up after a breakup. It allows you to process your thoughts and emotions, track your progress, and set goals for yourself. You can also use it as a space to vent and release any pent-up anger or sadness.

Take breaks from social media

It can be tempting to spend hours scrolling through your social media feeds after a breakup, but it’s not going to do much good. It can make things worse. Seeing your ex with someone new can be tough and can send you into a downward spiral.

That’s why it’s important to take breaks from social media and give yourself some time to heal. Trust me, the healing process will go a lot smoother if you aren’t constantly bombarded with images of your ex and their new relationship.

Exercise

When figuring out how to glow up after a breakup, it’s important to find ways to motivate yourself and push through the tough times. Exercise is a great way to do that. When you’re working out, your endorphins start flowing and you start to feel better. Not only that, but exercise is a great way to release any anger or frustration you may be feeling.

So if you’re struggling to get motivated, try heading to the gym or going for a run. You can even try a workout class that you’ve been eyeing but hasn’t pulled the trigger.

Here are some exercises that you can do to get those endorphins pumping:

- Running

- Weight lifting

- Yoga

- Cycling

- Kickboxing

- HIIT

Set boundaries with others

It’s important to set boundaries with those around you who you feel are not helping you with the healing process. This could be your ex, their family or friends, or even mutual acquaintances. It’s okay to limit or cut off contact with them if it helps you move on and heal.

and it’s okay to ask for space and time to heal without being bombarded with questions or having people constantly bring up the breakup.

Seek out positive relationships

If you feel like the current relationships you have are not positively serving you, seek out new relationships with people who lift you up and support your growth.

Surrounding yourself with positive and uplifting individuals will help in the healing process and can show you that there are people out there who genuinely care about you or may even be going through the same things.

Practice gratitude

When you are trying to figure out how to glow up after a breakup, it’s important to practice gratitude. Even though you are going through a tough time, there are still things to be grateful for.

Think about all the things you have accomplished in your life, even if they seem small. Be proud of yourself for getting through this tough time and remember that you will come out stronger on the other side.

Take some time each day to write down a few things you are grateful for. It could be something as simple as the sun shining or your dog wagging their tail when they see you.

The more you focus on the good things in your life, the more positive energy you will bring into your healing process.

Dress to Impress

You are still a queen and you deserve to glow up. One way to do this is by dressing to impress. Wear your favorite outfit or put on your makeup with intention.

When you feel good about how you look, it will affect the way you feel on the inside as well.

You’ll start to radiate confidence and happiness, and that’s the best glow-up of all. So go ahead and treat yourself to some new clothes, because you deserve them.

Experiment with makeup

One great way to glow up after a breakup is by experimenting with your makeup. Trying new looks can help you feel more confident and happy.

So play around with your makeup. Try out a bold new lip color or experiment with different eye shadow shades.

Create a Vision Board

A vision board can be a great way to visualize your goals and dreams for the future. It can also help you to focus on what you want to achieve in life. After a breakup, it can be especially helpful to create a vision board as a way to visualize your new life.

Make a list of all the things you want for your future. This could include things like finding a new partner, traveling to new places or simply feeling happy and content. Once you have a list of items, find images that represent those things and paste them onto a board or canvas.

Look at your vision board regularly and allow the images and words to inspire you to work towards your goals. When you’re feeling down after a breakup, it can be helpful to look at your vision board and remember that there is a brighter future ahead.

Focus on Your Career

Focusing on your career can be so beneficial when you’re looking to glow up after a breakup. When you’re busy with work and other obligations, you don’t have as much time to dwell on the breakup. You’ll also start to see progress in your career, which can be really motivating.

If you’re feeling lost after a breakup, take some time to assess what you want from your career. Are you interested in pursuing a new job or advancing in your current position? Whatever it is, make a plan of action and start working towards your goals.

Do something that scares you

It can be really helpful to do something that scares you after a breakup. When you’re faced with something new and challenging, you’ll start to feel more confident and capable.

No matter what you choose to do, know that you have the strength and courage to do it.

Go on dates

Remember that it’s ok to date again. It may feel scary at first, but it can be a really rewarding experience. When you date someone new, you get to learn about them and experience new things. So go out there and have some fun!

What are some ways you can find some cute dates?

We have an entire article on how to find a guy without online dating

Practice mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness can be a great way to glow up after a break up. This means being present in the moment and focusing on your thoughts and feelings. This can help you to understand yourself better and to deal with your emotions in a healthy way.

There are many ways to practice mindfulness. You can do yoga, meditation or even just take some time each day to focus on your breath. The important thing is to find what works best for you and to stick with it.

When you’re practicing mindfulness, it’s important to be patient. “

It may take some time before you start to see results. But eventually, you will start to feel more at peace and in control of your emotions.

Write who you want to become

After a breakup, it can be helpful to focus on who you want to become. This doesn’t mean forgetting about the past, but rather using it as a way to motivate yourself.

Think about all the things you want for your future. What kind of person do you want to be? Write down all the qualities that come to mind. Then, start working on developing those qualities.

When you’re focused on becoming a better person, you’ll start to glow up from within. You’ll feel more confident and happy with yourself, and that will show in everything you do. So start writing down your goals for the future. It’s time to become the person you’ve always wanted to be.

Understand that you are on your own journey

There is no right or wrong way to deal with a breakup, and you should never compare yourself to others. Every person is different and will heal in their own time and in their own way.

So don’t be hard on yourself if you’re not feeling happy right away.

Don’t feel discouraged when you’re the only single friend out of the group.

Stop thinking about your limiting beliefs

It can be tough to stop thinking about your limiting beliefs. When you’re going through a tough time, it’s natural to doubt yourself and your ability to succeed.

Remind yourself of all your past accomplishments and times when you overcame challenges. And focus on what you want for the future.

Remember that you are capable of anything. You just need to believe in yourself. So don’t let your limiting beliefs hold you back. Focus on your strengths. When you believe in yourself, you will glow up naturally by replacing these negative thoughts with positive ones.

Do not let your ex back into your life

I don’t care what they say, I don’t care that you miss them. Whatever you do, do not let your ex back into your life. If they left you once, they will do it again. And this time, it will hurt even more than before.

Your worth should never be determined by someone else’s actions or words. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with love and respect. So don’t settle for less and don’t let your ex back into your life. You deserve better, and you will find it.

Enjoy the process

When going through something uncomfortable, it’s important to enjoy the process. This means finding joy in the obstacles and challenges that come with growth and change.

Don’t rush to feel better or to “move on.” Instead, embrace every moment of your journey and trust that it will lead you towards happiness.

Don’t give up

I can only imagine the amount of hurt that you have been through and it may feel like it’s impossible to move on. But don’t give up.

You are strong and capable of healing. Just take it one day at a time and know that things will get better. You deserve happiness and love. Never forget that. You got this.

Do it for you and not anyone else

Keep in mind when you are focusing on doing all of this that it’s for you and not for anyone else. It is important to remember that it is about your own growth and happiness, not trying to prove something or make someone else happy.

There’s not “revenge body” no “posting on Instagram so that he can see.” You are doing everything on this list because it makes you and only you happy and you want to see positive change in your life.

So focus on yourself and what will make you the happiest. And remember, YOU are enough just as you are. Keep that in mind during this process and always.

You are only doing this to embrace growth, change and happiness, but not because there was ever anything wrong with you.

Delete your ex’s number and all social media posts related to them

When you’ve been in a relationship that didn’t work out, it can be difficult to delete all traces of your ex from your life. This might involve wiping their number from your phone, unfollowing them on social media, or even changing your lock screen photos.

But before you take any of these steps, it’s important to consider why it is you feel the need to disconnect with your ex in this way. Perhaps they have hurt you in some way and you feel the need to hold on to reminders of that pain. Or maybe you simply find it difficult to move past the end of the relationship and are reluctant to let go entirely.

Whatever your reasons for wanting to move on from your ex, it is vital that you take this first step towards healing and letting go.

Removing them from your life will allow you the space and freedom to focus on yourself and rebuild your sense of self outside of the confines of a relationship.

So before you hit delete or unfriend, take a moment to reflect on what led you here and what path lies ahead for you now. With perseverance, honesty, and time, you will find peace once again. And remember - better days are ahead!

Get rid of any reminders of them in your home - photos, gifts, etc.

If you are trying to move on from a relationship and get over your ex, one of the best things you can do is to rid yourself of any reminders of them in your home.

Breaking free from the physical reminders of your past bond can be surprisingly difficult, but it’s crucial for moving on and starting anew. Whether it’s cutting out photos and throwing them away, getting rid of old gifts that remind you of them, or purging your social media accounts, focusing on removing traces from your life can help clear out the mental baggage that you might be holding onto.

So if you’re serious about starting over, don’t hold back - get rid of all those physical reminders and let go of the past once and for all!

Don’t dwell on the past. - focus on moving forward and creating a better future for yourself

If you want to be successful and achieve all of your goals, it is essential that you learn to let go of the past and focus on the present and the future.

After all, dwelling on past mistakes or setbacks will not help you move forward; instead, it will keep you stuck in a cycle of negativity and self-doubt.

To unlock your true potential, you need to look ahead with a clear mind and an open heart. This means focusing on new opportunities, learning to see every setback as an opportunity for growth, and believing in yourself no matter what.

With time, you will learn to channel your energy towards building a better future for yourself - and this is when true success will follow. So don’t get stuck in the past - let go and create the future that you desire!

FAQ:

How long until I glow up after my break up?

It depends. every person is different and everyone grieves a different way. It’s no secret that breakups can be tough.

After all, you are losing not only the person you love but also the routines and memories that you shared together. It can be hard to move on after a breakup, especially if you were not the one who decided to end things.

But it is important to remember, whether it takes you days, weeks or even months, that there is light at the end of the tunnel and to trust the process.

Does your Ex reach out after you’ve glowed up?

Exes have a way of trying to reach out to you when you seem to be doing your best. It’s important to remember that you are in charge of what happens between the two of you, and if your ex is reaching out when you are doing well, it’s a sign that they feel threatened by your progress.

Try to remain strong and focused on your own self-improvement, rather than getting distracted by their attempts at reigniting the relationship. You guys broke up for a reason, respect the signs the universe gave you, and respect yourself.

Is it too late to glow up?

It’s never too late to glow up. No matter what your age or how long you and your significant other have broken up, you have the potential to become a more confident and radiant version of yourself.

All it takes is a little effort and willingness to change. So don’t be discouraged if you feel like you’re behind in the game - everyone has room for growth, and there’s no time like the present to get started. With a bit of dedication, you can become the best possible version of yourself and light up the world with your presence.

Just remember - it’s never too late to glow up!

I feel alone during this process. How can I glow up when I feel like I have no community?

It can be tough to glow up when you feel like you have no community. After all, it’s hard to feel motivated to better yourself when you don’t have anyone to share your journey with.

But don’t worry - there are plenty of ways to find support during your self-improvement journey.

Here are a few ideas:

1) Join an online forum or group specifically for people who are trying to glow up. This can be a great way to connect with others who understand what you’re going through, and you can offer support and advice to one another.

2) Find a friend or family member who is willing to support your goals and be there for you during difficult times. They can provide encouragement and motivation when you need it most.

3) Seek out professional help if you feel like you’re struggling too much on your own.

A therapist or life coach can provide guidance and support as you work through your personal struggles.

No matter how alone you feel, remember that there is always someone out there who wants to see you succeed. Reach out and connect with others, and soon enough, the supportive community that will help light the way will find its way into your life.

Here at Harness, we have a beautiful community of strong, powerful women. You’re more than welcome to join our community and become the force you truly are.

What happens if I do all of these and I don’t feel like I’ve glowed up?

The breakup glow up comes within inside. You have to treat yourself the way you would want others to treat you.

If you feel like you’re doing all of these activities, going out, feeling like you’re stepping out of your comfort zone but don’t feel any different, it’s important to be compassionate with yourself.

Time truly heals all wounds, and it’s important to do these activities for you and only you.

I feel like he’s better off without me. Does he regret leaving?

I understand after a break up you may feel like something is wrong with you, but I can assure you, blaming yourself isn’t going to get you anywhere.

Everything happens for a reason, and whether he regrets leaving or not, do you really want to be without someone that leaves in the first place?

Bottom Line:

After a break-up, it’s important to take some time for yourself to heal and grieve. During that time, it’s also crucial to take steps to remove all traces of your ex from your life. This includes deleting their number, getting rid of photos and gifts, and filling up your time with things that make you happy. By investing in yourself and moving forward with your life, you’ll be able to create a brighter future for yourself. So start fresh - you deserve it. Best of luck on your journey to healing and self-improvement.

Remember - better days are ahead!

And with a little effort and dedication, you’ll be well on your way to finding true happiness and fulfillment. So keep going, and never give up! You got this. 🙂

“What I love about cooking is that after a hard day, there is something comforting about the fact that if you melt butter and add flour and then hot stock, it will get thick! It's a sure thing! It's a sure thing in a world where nothing is sure; it has a mathematical certainty in a world where those of us who long for some kind of certainty are forced to settle for crossword puzzles.” 

-Nora Epron

2021 was not a good year for me. While we’re on the subject, neither was 2020…or 2022. I'm still hoping for an uptick in fortunes, but that's a whole other kettle of fish. 

I repeat: 2021 was not a good year for me. Everything felt completely out of my control, from where I was living, to what I was eating, to the TV shows I watched. It was like I was in a room full of doors, but each one had a sign that said “KEEP OUT (INDIA THIS MEANS YOU)”

It’s a feeling I’m sure most of you can relate to — who among us has not felt things start spiraling out of their control at one point or another? Some people throw themselves into exercise, or talk it out with a loved one or therapist. Others have that magical ability to look the situation in the face and say, “I will not let you beat me,” and grab control back with both hands. 

I am not — and have never been — one of those people. In fact, I sometimes willingly let my control slip away because there are situations that call for it. I’m a middle child (those words excuse a multitude of character quirks) and I’ve worked with children for years, so I am completely comfortable with changing plans and quicksilver conversations. 

However, at this particular junction of my life, I recognized that I needed to reclaim at least a small sliver of command of the quickly-melting ice cream cone my life had become. And so, I turned to the most foolproof method of capturing control. 

I baked. 

(No, not that kind of bake. But I did some of that, too). 

I have never been a domestic goddess. I don’t delight in simmering pots and pans on a stovetop, or exult in freshly-laundered sheets. The “homemaker” part of my brain is there, yes, but small and stunted. I blame it on too much caffeine. 

The Barefoot Contessa, I am not, but I am a baker. 

It’s something I’ve been doing ever since I was young. In addition to getting an end result of cookies or brownies, I just enjoyed the rhyme and reason of it. 

Add flour, butter, eggs. Stir until smooth. And just like magic, you’ve got batter. Pour the batter in a pan, stick it in the oven, and hey! You’ve just made a cake. 

And the coolest thing? You can do it again and again. The ingredients will always make batter. The batter will always make a cake. Barring some truly horrific goof, you can repeat these steps until the end of time and always end up with a cake. 

Are you now seeing how this could be reassuring to someone in crisis? 

My life? In shambles. My apron? On. My kitchen? Covered in powdered sugar. 

I could not control my work or my relationships. I could not decide what I would eat or what movie I would watch on a Friday night. But I knew that if I mixed butter, powdered sugar, milk, and a little vanilla together, it would make icing. This was something I could control. 

Today, I have a slightly better handle on things. I’m still working on untangling the knots of my life, and I’m not going to lie, it’s difficult. There are moments when I wonder how I’ll ever rebuild the things I accidentally destroyed in a prolonged moment of weakness. 

But I grab a cookbook. I pull out the flour and sugar. I tie my hair back. I take back control. 

And hey! You’ve just made a cake. 

We like to talk about creating evidence in the coaching and healing industries. Creating evidence for business and career success, financial success, relationship success, romantic success…all the evidence for all the success. Here's a problem I tend to see with this advice… it's either largely reliant on looking at moments from our past to draw evidence from or it minimizes the difficulty of that when there's been long-term trauma.

For instance, if you grew up with both parents/caregivers and/or your entire family being narcissistic, abusive, emotionally immature, etc. how tf do expect someone to easily just seek out the complete opposite of that like that's not traumatizing in itself to our nervous systems?!

My mom's entire family is narcissistic and toxic as hell and my dad while being the stable and good parent is still emotionally stunted and never dated again after divorcing my mom. My aunt, his sister, was in an abusive marriage and while my grandparents had love for one another they both had PTSD from WWII and didn't even sleep in the same room, hug, kiss, or anything like that. My whole ass nervous system from the time of birth is wired for toxic, abusive, and emotionally disconnected relationships. I bet yours is too if you grew up with anything similar. We love a good red flag, don't we?!

So, for one, we don't have evidence of anything emotionally stable, healthy, and supportive, and two, that shit doesn't even feel natural to us! Even if you don't consider your family dynamic to be super abusive and it feels like it's just void of emotional connection and affection that's still pretty damn harsh and hard to live with. It's also not a great example of a healthy, stable relationship.

Where do we turn for evidence and how do we make it feel safe to seek out said evidence? Certainly not Disney, although many of us learned to seek out that fairytale love because it was the only other thing, we were fed. News flash, that shit isn't real! I guarantee after five years of being together prince Philip and Aurora will be in a screaming match over why he thinks it's her responsibility to take care of all the housework because she's fed up with him treating her like his mother and maid, not his wife. Real love comes with arguments, uncomfortable conversations, hardships, struggles, and growth along with all the other good stuff.

But when we've been raised in chaos, harm, abuse, and neglect with images of unrealistic fairytales our inner children turn into these little Smeagol creatures holding onto the fairytale while seeking the chaos like it's their precious. I know this because hello, I've done it and have clients that have/do as well.
So again, where do we seek the evidence and safety to get our inner Smeagol on board with something different? Well, to me the answer isn't to start by looking for the extreme opposite because that throws us off. Just as cutting our narcissistic parents off cold turkey is usually not done till we've explored boundaries and limits within the relationship we need to titrate towards the desired healthy, supportive, emotionally mature, and loving one. I started to figure out what I wanted based on looking at what I had growing up. But as I looked at it, I started noting how I felt when I saw or experienced certain dynamics and actions and I paid attention to how my family members seemed to feel. My dad seemed lonely all the time and closed off, so I sat with being alone and asked how that made me feel, not great but I also noticed it didn't seem to bother me thinking about not getting married or living with someone. When I looked at my relationships and put aside the toxicity of my past partners, I realized I also felt very stifled living with someone and being married. That wasn't even something I wanted when I was younger, and I noticed when I looked at my grandparents sleeping in separate rooms that didn't bother me, but the lack of affection did. I noticed how sad and scared I felt looking at anything that my mom's family did and how angry it made me look at my aunt's marriage.

Like the little researcher I am, I looked at all the gathered evidence from my lived experience and how that all made me feel and I compiled it to start figuring out what I definitely didn't want and I continuously presented that to my inner child while telling it "see I know you really like dating people who are emotionally abusive and have violent outbursts or bouts of silent treatment to get us to comply but notice how that made you feel when your mom did that? It doesn't feel so good does it so what if we try someone who will talk about their feelings even when they get mad?" In conjunction with all that I started grabbing books on relationships and looking at other sources of info while continuing to check in with my inner Smeagols to see what I could do to make them feel safe exploring something new. Given I have massive issues trusting people I had to find small ways to trust to build up the muscle.

Not a damn bit of this started with me looking for evidence of the type of relationships I have now or want as I continue moving forward. It was all based on what I knew and building up the muscle to trust having something different while acknowledging what I knew what hot garbage and didn't feel as good as my inner child believed it did. This often works for any aspect of our lives for those of us that don't have the evidence to support going the complete opposite and while yes there's definitely some pain in this process, I personally got a lot further approaching the changes I wanted from this angle over trying to affirmation my way into believing I deserved better. That's because it had nothing to do with what I consciously believed I deserved and everything to do with what I was conditioned for. Hope that helps!