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Relationships

How Soon is Too Soon To Move in (Questions to Ask Yourself).

When you’re looking towards advancing your relationship, the question of how soon is too soon to move in should be one of the most important ones.

Moving in together is not only an exciting time but also one of the most significant life events you will experience.

It is a new way to spend your life with someone and it can lead you down a path of exploring who this person really is – both inside-out.

But what does living together mean and how soon is too soon to move in together?

It is such an important decision, and it needs to be thought through carefully.

moving boxes

The idea of moving in together can be exciting. However, an enormous responsibility falls on you when moving in with your significant other and a good time frame for it – what will happen with the finances? Who does what around? What things can go wrong that would make me regret this move later down our relationship road?

In my personal experience, I would say it’s a good idea to move in with someone after 2-3 years of dating. However, this varies from person to person and the dynamics of the relationship as well.

According to Stanford’s “How Couples Meet and Stay Together,” Research, “About 50% of American couples that move in together do so after a year of dating, and 70% after 2.” 

how couple's meet and stay together
https://theatlas.com/charts/tKRAaedDC

No one can really tell you how soon is too soon to move in together with your significant other. However, there are several factors to consider before making this huge decision.

How much you love and care for your partner.

You want the best in life and you want it with the person you’re with, so you put up with their flaws because they deserve it too! It’s hard work being there every day when things get tough or if one person has an off moment but if you feel like together, you 2 can do anything, then it’s a a green flag you feel ready to move in together.

Commitment relationship 

committed relationship happy couple

What you give out is important, so it’s vital to find someone who will match your intentions and actions. If you’re both on the same page with your relationship – wanting to move in and commit to each other– then it will definitely make the process smoother.

Past the honeymoon phase 

Living together exposes all the quirks in a relationship and if you’re not ready for that, it could be a recipe for disaster down the road. It’s important to be realistic about how you treat one another and how you will treat one another when living together under one roof.

Have similar goals in mind you both want to achieve together 

If you’re both working towards the same relationship goals, then it’s more likely that things will work out between you. But if one person is looking for something long-term and the other isn’t, it’s probably not the right time to move in together.

Rough Patches in the relationship have occurred

If you and your partner are constantly fighting and always seem to be in a rough patch, it might not be the healthiest environment to move in together. If moving in will just add more stress to an already tense relationship, it’s not a good idea.

When your gut feeling tells you you’re ready, 

 The most important thing is how you feel about the idea of moving in together. If you’re both ready and excited for this next step, then go for it! But if you have any reservations or doubts, it might be worth waiting until things calm down.

You share similar lifestyles

If you have different lifestyles, it’s tough to merge them together. For example, if one person is a clean freak and the other is a bit of a slob, it might be best to work on those things beforehand.

You are ready to be more open minded and comprise to make each other happy 

Relationships are all about compromise, and if you’re both willing to do that, then it’s definitely a good sign. But if one person is always giving and not getting anything back, that’s when things can get rocky.

You’re honest about how you’re feeling in terms of living together

If you’re feeling like you’re not ready to make that big step, voice how you’re feeling. If you’re having issues with your significant other because of this, it might be a sign that you’re not compatible in the long run.

You feel like your partner is your best friend

couple traveling together canyon

If you can’t imagine going through life without them by your side, then that’s definitely a good sign! If you’re best friends and lovers, then you’re more likely to live together and have a healthy relationship.

You SHOULD NOT be thinking of moving in together 

If you’re trying to fix your relationship 

Moving in together will not fix a rocky relationship. It will make things worse because you’ll be so close to one another and all of your flaws will be out in the open. You want to test the waters first.

It’s convenient

It’s not a good sign. If you’re only doing it because you’re running out of places to live or your lease is up, then it’s not the right reason to ask how soon is too soon to move in together.

You feel forced or are pressuring your significant other 

If you’re feeling like you’re being forced into moving in together, it’s not a good idea. You need to work with what your needs are and what you’re comfortable with. And if you’re the one doing the pressuring, then it’s not healthy for the relationship.

If you’re thinking how soon is too soon to move in together, ask yourself if these factors have been discussed and how effective you believe they have been planned out.

Finances:

  • Will you budget?
  • How much can you afford?
  • Does one make more money than the other? How will bills be discussed?
  • Are you both contributing equal amounts of money and time to the relationship?
  • How much are you two saving?
  • It’s important to not have any surprises when you move in, do not hide anything from your partner. 

Privacy:

  • Are you comfortable with how much privacy you will have?
  • How do you feel about sharing a space?
  • Do you need “me” time or “we” time?
  • It is important to set boundaries so that both partners feel comfortable.

Daily routines:

man doing his daily routine
  • How do they differ? How will you compromise? 
  • Do one person work the typical 9-5 and the other works odd hours?
  • Who will do most of the cooking/cleaning? 
  • Are there any pets involved? How will they be shared?

Living together means adjusting to how the other lives, make sure both parties are on board with these changes.

Expectations:

  • What do each of you want out of this situation? 
  • Do you want to live together for a trial period or is this a long-term plan?
  • Is marriage on the table or are children in the future?

Discuss what each person wants out of this situation. That way, there are no surprises later on. Moving in together is a big step.. Make sure you know what the expectations are. If one person is expecting more out of this, it can lead to resentment down the line.

Other emotional factors that should be thought of should be:

Family Traumas:

girl putting hand against window dark

Family traumas affect the way people live. Make sure you’re aware of anything your partner may have gone through. If they do not feel comfortable discussing it, do not push them but also don’t ignore them. Just make sure you’re supportive if things ever come up.

If you’re thinking about how soon is too soon to move in together, make sure this gets addressed first? How can you work on these things before taking the plunge? 

  • Are you both willing to work on things?
  • Is this something that’s been discussed?
  • Are you both on the same page? 

Temper:

Make sure the level of temper your partner has before moving on and how that can affect your relationship. If one person’s always yelling and the other feels like they can’t do anything right, it’s going to be hard living together.

Bottom Line 

Overall, spend more time together as if you’re already living together, see how that goes. If everything seems to go smoothly, then you can plan out the logistics of how soon is too soon to move in together.

It is so important to communicate with your partner on how you feel, what your needs are, and what you want if you’re considering moving in soon. If you guys do not communicate any of these things before taking this step, it will for sure come up once living together and can cause problems.

Figuring out if it’s too soon to move in together or not can be hard, but if you take the time to consider these things, then it will be a lot easier! What are some of your thought processes when thinking about how soon is too soon to move in together? Let us know!

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by Genesis Gutierrez

Genesis is the founder of Harness Magazine, a digital media company that celebrates and elevates the voices of women around the world. A first-generation college graduate, Genesis holds a degree in from UCLA with hopes of going back for a Masters in Social Work.

Through her work as an editor-in-chief of Harness, Genesis has dedicated herself to amplifying the stories of women specifically marginalized communities. She is committed to creating space for those who are often left out of mainstream conversations, and believes that storytelling is one of the most powerful tools we have for building community and sparking social change.


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