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Relationships

How To Get Back Out There After a Long Relationship?

How to get back out there after a long relationship?

Mourning after breakups is normal, and everyone has gone through it at least once in their lifetime. We are all familiar with the awkward phase of life it brings— the complexities we suffer, the anxiety and depression that tag along. 

Despite every awful feeling that we go through, deep down, we all know it’s for the best.

Still, some questions leave us wondering, 

  • “Why is it only me?”
  • “Where did I go wrong?”

While moving on is tough, you need to calm down and give it a rhythm to get yourself back. 

Of course, it’s not going to be effortless; moving on will demand your whole endeavor and mental strength, but don’t ever forget why it ended. Sometimes, relationships take so much from us without returning anything. The amount of tears you shed demonstrates the kind of relationship you were in. So, stop romanticizing it for the sake of attachment.

As they say, “constant mental stress in a relationship is inversely proportional to genuine love”. If you have been hurt more than you can count, it’s time that you move on! 

The ‘HOW TO MOVE ON?’ still haunts people because nobody truly has an answer. 

It’s easy to say ‘move on and live your life,’ but harder to move past the unbearing pain. Being a victim myself— moving on was difficult, but self-love does magic. Today, I’ll share every dos and don’ts you should follow to move on properly! 

Why is moving on from a long relationship so difficult?

Relationships are just like spring seasons— everything feels cheerful, happy, and full of life, which can boost your living.

Love and being loved is probably the most intoxicating feeling humans go through, and it makes us feel giddy with a stomach full of butterflies. In a new relationship, the dopamine is so high that we never want to lose it! 

  • All your instincts start tuning in new beats.
  • You notice yourself evolving. 
  • The mental and emotional support you receive from your partner makes you believe that you can cross every boundary and achieve the impossible, too. 
  • The fever of love at the start can overwhelm every single thing.
  • You see butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns. 
  • Things feel out of the world— something you have never experienced before! 
  • All you see is that one person you have started falling for.

It truly is a blissful phase of life— to love and be loved. However, some relationships go down the hill sooner or later, and toxicity and boundations replace what once was love and freedom. 

It’s even more difficult when you end a long relationship— the years of attachment are difficult to salvage. 

A toxic relationship can give you trauma that isn’t easy to dim out from mentally. To lessen the pain, some individuals start looking for temporary fixes— 

  • anxiety pills for sleep, 
  • drugs to get high

While temporary fixes can help you pass a few dimmed days— the pain will remain unhealed. 

girl being frustrated

“Pain demands to be felt.” You can not overcome the pain until you completely accept it. 

Breakups are no less than autumn; everything falls apart, and the inner gut feels shattered— nobody wants that.

  • You start waking up anxious and wonder how to make it till the end of the day.
  • you are scared of yourself and your haunting feelings.

This is the Universe’s call to inform you that you need to get yourself together and boost your life. 

What’s even more challenging is to confess our feelings to the outer world. If it’s difficult to speak out loud, write the attributes of your lost relationship— the good and the bad. 

  • Talk to your friends if you cannot confide in your family.
  • If friends aren’t the answer for you, professional help and therapy sessions are always there to cry your heart out.

Here are some dos and don’ts you need to follow to get your hype together and bounce back with an even brighter and more sparkling version of you.

Things you shouldn’t have to do in your healing process

Instead of being in denial that the relationship is indeed over, accept the reality. It’s basic human nature to get attached and feel emotions. When you find it difficult to move on, congratulate yourself for being honest. 

1. Don’t drag yourself into anxious thoughts. 

Healing yourself is not an act of your daily routine— nobody teaches us how to heal and love ourselves properly. 

I can understand the suffering you are going through— sometimes, you might feel better about yourself and think about nature’s goodness. 

However, the gloomy feeling doesn’t leave you at rest. The next minute, you find yourself lying in bed with regrets, anxieties, and sadness.

Ending a long relationship will give you the natural feeling of agony, but it doesn’t mean you have to drag yourself back to all those things that drained your mental peace, held you back, and chained you into boundaries. 

Hold yourself together, let the pain go through you, and make this work in your favor. Ask yourself if this relationship genuinely made you happy, free, and feel loved? If not, it’s best to leave it in the past and work on your improvements.

Instead of focusing on the past and ‘what-ifs,’ focus on yourself. Life’s not all about partners— it’s time that you love all the components of your life without partiality.

2. Stop comparing your past life with your ongoing relationship. 

Put a stop to unnatural couple goals that have nothing to do with your healing process; you are simply giving yourself peer pressure of getting loved in the wrong direction. 

girl feeling alone third wheeling

Comparing your singlehood with other’s romantic relationships isn’t good either. Singlehood has its own charm. Embrace yourself in solitude until you find the right match. 

Investing time for new hobbies and reading self-help books is better than roaming around with someone who doesn’t match your vibe. 

Balancing between what looks nice to you  and what’s exactly right for you is essential. Getting your heart’s broken pieces together is already a big thing to deal with. 

Putting yourself down with false expectations and assumptions of ‘what if’ will continually worsen your situation. No, stop doing this to you.

3. Avoid your inner critics

Negative self-talk can mentally drain a person, and criticism is very common in individuals who cannot balance their emotions in such times. 

They have a deep impact, so you should prevent yourself from negative criticism such as:

  •  “I am not good enough.”
  • “Where did I go wrong?”
  • “I may not be beautiful or deserving enough.”
  • “I should change myself for him or her”
  • “Am I not worthy of anyone’s love?”

These are some voices of low self-esteem that you start indulging in after breakups. Focus on yourself, fight with your inner demons and trust your instincts of reinventing life.

4. Chase will never let you rephrase 

Chasing love is not good. Sometimes, we get so broken deep inside that we start desiring love from every person we meet— we start letting ourselves down to escape loneliness.

Before searching for love in others, find love for yourself within yourself because nobody can love you the way YOU can. So, practice self-love.

Setting boundaries for yourself is essential. If needed, make a list of characteristics you have always wanted to be in your partner. 

  • Analyze where it all went wrong with your ex. 
  • What are the things you hated earlier?

The following relationship you will jump into will always be too fast if you have not properly moved on from your ex. So, move on entirely before you go ahead and indulge with someone else. 

5. Drop the feeling of remorse, free yourself from cages.

None of us ever want to hear that ‘the love of our life has left us.’ However, there always comes an opportunity to be true to yourself after a harsh breakup. 

In a relationship, there are always some hidden sacrifices we make. Those hidden adjustments make us pay a cost we don’t even realize. 

We never notice how we mold ourselves to fit in with our partners. We agree to their demands, and changes like our choices don’t matter. 

  • We behave in the way they wanted us to act.
  • We start making our own habits of their taste. 

Be glad that you get this moment to finally move on from those restrictions and unwanted demands. After a breakup, you can be whatever you always wanted to be and do what you always wanted to do. 

Make new friends, meet new people, go on random dates. Dating a random guy or a girl will make you realize it was just a part of your life that has changed, not your whole life. Open up to new exposures.

6. Stop expecting to be a friend 

A Greek philosopher once said, “you can’t unlove someone you once truly loved.”

Sometimes, to hold onto the remaining bits of your broken relationship— people propose being ‘friends after the breakup.’ While this can be done in a healthy breakup, it will completely destroy you in case of a bad breakup or leftover feelings.

Getting the shredded petals of a beautiful flower together is not possible, right? Just like that, 

  • your relationship might be lovey-dovey once, but now it’s over.
  • You two might have had a strong connection earlier, but you need to accept that it isn’t in the present anymore. 

It’s tough to form a new bond with old memories of love. It will be easier for you to cut off entirely and start bonding with new ones who are actually positive in your life.

7. Don’t rush; grip slow-moving affections.

After rising up from a disastrous affair, it’s a little bit challenging to get into another. 

It gets scary to trust someone new again and open up after being ditched, but the critical factor is giving yourself a second chance. 

girls holding hands

The warmth of getting close to someone new is exciting, but it can give you a flashback of what you were running away from. The attention from an unknown person can make you doubt yourself for a while, but dancing to new tunes may erase your painful memories from the past.

Get the best out of this new relationship, try to explore new adventures, and increase familiarity with each other’s company. Don’t rush to conclusions and judge your new relationship. Instead, let it flow leisurely.

8. Clear your clutter, be genuine to yourself

I think the hardest thing about this healing journey is reminding yourself that it’s okay to be mending your emotions again and again. Please remind yourself that time softens the wounds and makes us stronger. It is a one-way journey to understand your waving feelings inside and clean your clutter.

  • Block that person, delete that number; they hurt you, and you don’t want such toxicity in your life.

Go away from being a perfect person, stop trying to stand on others’ expectations, rejoice in the goodness of who you indeed are. 

It all comes down to admiring your heart, paying attention to your gut feeling, and asking whether you want to change the pitch or leave the field. Move away from your fears and function on what works best for you.

9. Don’t compare your journey.

Everyone has their own time to bloom— sometimes, watching our ex-partner win early makes us feel inferior about our goals. 

Don’t mix up things with false assumptions; not everything they show is transparent. You should trust your gut and work on your lane; comparing will draw off your spirit. Be healthy with your choices.

10. Don’t fill your social media with gloomy content. 

Stop posting negative stories on your social media accounts with phantom hopes of getting back with your ex. Will posting sad quotes get your ex back? No!

They don’t want you, and honestly, you don’t want their pity either. You should have a relationship that worships you, loves you to depth, and respects you. Don’t settle for anything less!

Remember, if they cared, if they really wanted to make things work with you— they wouldn’t have left you in confusion. I would suggest pausing social media for a stint.

Glimpses of what you need to focus on that will surely work.

You need to activate your subconscious mind and think beyond. Highlight your fears out and process the choices that force you to level up; it’s a season of change and the latest you. Motivate yourself to move on from a breakup and to love yourself before everyone. 

1. Isolate yourself, vibe alone for a while

Feel the pain and grow, love yourself a little more now, and don’t forget you have yourself through all this. 

Running away from the situation won’t set you in mental peace. However, reading self-help books and spending time with family will always help you get out of those hellish memories. 

Isolations have been proven best for the sake of physical and mental health. Spending time alone will build up a stronger and better vision of looking at life.

going to the movies alone

It’s necessary to work upon yourself in this alone time. You don’t want to sit and cry for the gone past. No, instead, think about yourself and work on your growth. Meditate, do yoga, dance, sing, or do whatever you want, but don’t yearn! 

2. Let yourself have an outlook of the world. 

The world is yours once you open up to your true self— what you manifest is what you receive. So, be confident while you look at the world and tell hundreds of your dreams. 

You will find everything returning to your path like you always wanted it to be. 

Once you get it all sorted out inside you, everything will evolve, learn, growl, and work; it will all get magical for you— you simply need to trust yourself enough.

Tune in for everything that makes your heart dance and your soul smile. Look around; everything is kind and nicer.

3. Never force yourself for anything. 

It’s okay to feel your emotions; this is just a part of your healing journey. Don’t rush anything too quick. 

Embrace the change instead of forcing a situation you are not ready for. Forcing also includes expecting— every time you expect something from someone, you are taking yourself down. 

Don’t force anyone to make time for you, make you feel love, instead be the person for yourself. 

  • Distract yourself from attached memories 
  • Leave the mark behind and stop stalking your ex.
  • Stop being curious about what’s his next move,
  • what is the posting, 
  • Or if he moved on.

These questions will drag you back to the same place and give you jealousy and regrets. You might make stupid moves in a hurry that are not good for your sake. Don’t let your past control your post-breakup moments. This time is all about you and your growth.

4. Get into some socially enjoyable activities. 

You have been carrying a heavy heart for a long time now— trust me, you should release your heart out to someone you are comfortable with. 

girls night out

Confess your emotions with people you trust, your siblings, friends, and family. Join your mommy with her kitty party, accompany your father in his gathering, and meet your brother at the game.

Get into things you never did before to be a part of this forever-changing life. 

5. Practice detachment for a while

Detachment is an enlightening and spiritual fruit. You love, but you don’t hold it back— that’s detachment in its truest form of love. For instance, you admire a river’s beauty, but you don’t cease it— you let it flow and complete the journey.

Just like that, love without boundaries and let go when it’s time. Practicing detachment allows you to enjoy the moments without grasping the future. 

The feeling of not being involved in anything personally is exceptionally blissful. Don’t react to things that disturb your mental peace.

The best way to be at peace while detaching mentally is to avoid people who provoke you to lose your patience.

Detaching also involves not stalking your ex— it’s good if you manifest days without painful reminiscing. Stop checking on them; you have your own life to bloom. 

Practicing detachment will safeguard your energy.

6. Boost your vacant mind

Void thoughts will permanently activate your demons— so fill your vacant mind with some productive activities.

  • Lifting weights will keep you in good shape and away from toxicity.
  • Meditation is the supreme way to control your mind.
  • Outdoor activities are a fun way to cherish.
  • Try complimenting people’s virtue.
  • Accomplish your dreams and work on them with passion. 
  • Date yourself before you start dating others. 

7. Take off the deadline.

There’s no specific time or number of days to get over a breakup— so take your time! Unnecessary pressure on yourself will only slow down your journey.

Erase the societal norms and deadlines in your head and make your own new rules.

One way to accelerate your healing process is to go through what’s hurting and face your fearful doubts. You can’t simply make them disappear, so, Walkthrough all to know it all. 

8. Loving yourself a little extra is the key.

Self-love has its dimensions— physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially. 

  • Pamper your skin, 
  • give yourself all those outfits on your wishlist. 
  • Plan trips with your gang to bring the old hype.
  • Listen to bashing music and hit the dance floor like nobody’s watching.
  • Finance yourself through the job you love.

Loving yourself a little extra will reinvent you.

9. Be careful; intimacy might be an alarm of loneliness. 

Intimacy is another form of self-love. Celebrating your singlehood by hooking up with your crush or who likes you will release massive dopamine in your brain, but those are only temporary solutions. 

Don’t indulge in hookups that you will regret later. Don’t do this to yourself or the other person. 

Rejoice in the possibilities of the moment you have for yourself and only get close to people when you find a genuine connection and not because you were sad/lonely.

10. Trust the Universe, live peacefully.

I firmly believe in the Universe’s unfolding— Universe has its own ways for you.

If something better didn’t work out in your favor, there must be something best planned for you; you merely need to have faith in the timing of the Universe. 

A drop of water can’t define the depth of the ocean. Just like that, an anxious mind can’t produce positive life perspectives. Live and accept peacefully, and all your agony is going to be worth it in the end.

11. Decorate a life full of gratitude 

  • Appreciate your blessings.
  • Be Thankful for what you have now— your parents, supportive friends, a shelter, and good food.

You will never be okay with giving surprises to someone who doesn’t appreciate your efforts, right? The same goes for life— it will provide you with opportunities to grow only when you are gutsy enough to conquer and grateful enough for the present. 

Shift your vision to embrace the fortune of the present and coming future rather than sitting and crying for what can’t be changed.

12) Get rid of everything that reminds you of your ex.

This is probably the most important thing you should do when getting over a breakup. If you keep all the things around you that remind you of your ex, it will be very hard to move on and find someone new. Whether it’s photos, gifts, or memories, get rid of as much as possible so you can start fresh without any reminders.

13) Talk to friends about what happened.

Talking will allow you to release any negative feelings and help you recover from the breakup easier. Chances are, during the relationship, there was more going on than just what you were experiencing, and it’s important to talk about these things with a friend or trusted loved one. If you don’t have anyone in your life that you would feel comfortable sharing such intimate details, consider hiring a therapist.

14) Do not get into another relationship right away.

A rebound relationship is like putting a band-aid on a stab wound; it will cover up the pain for a short time, but soon after, it will only make the pain worse and cause more damage than good. After a while of healing, getting back out there may be something you want to do. However, jumping straight into another relationship will only create more problems. Do not ignore your friends, family, or the world around you because you are upset over a breakup.

15) Stay busy.

Whether it’s getting involved in different hobbies or projects, keeping busy can help distract you from missing your ex and instead keep your mind focused on other things. It’s important to stay active and feel like you have accomplished something instead of sitting inside feeling sorry for yourself. It is also important to surround yourself with positive people rather than negative ones so you can uplift each other throughout this difficult time together. Sometimes being around those who understand the pain of a recent breakup too closely can be draining, so seek out new friendships that can lift your moods instead of bringing them down further.Getting back out there doesn’t mean finding someone immediately; it means taking time for yourself to find happiness again.

16) Take care of yourself.

One of the most important things you can do after a breakup is taking care of your body, especially when in pain. Eating healthy foods and exercising regularly will not only make you feel better physically but mentally too. Try to stay away from unhealthy habits like drinking alcohol or smoking cigarettes; instead, embrace calming hobbies, like yoga or reading a book in nature.

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by Genesis Gutierrez

Genesis is the founder of Harness Magazine, a digital media company that celebrates and elevates the voices of women around the world. A first-generation college graduate, Genesis holds a degree in from UCLA with hopes of going back for a Masters in Social Work.

Through her work as an editor-in-chief of Harness, Genesis has dedicated herself to amplifying the stories of women specifically marginalized communities. She is committed to creating space for those who are often left out of mainstream conversations, and believes that storytelling is one of the most powerful tools we have for building community and sparking social change.


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