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Relationships

What to do if he hides you on social media? — A Clear Online dating Red Flag!

You started dating this lovely guy a few weeks back, but he still hasn’t told his close friends about being in a relationship with you. While you have already vented about your new boyfriend in the whole city, he didn’t even change his relationship status on social media! 

Now, this can have multiple possible reasons, and you can only know why he hides you on social media when you communicate with him about it. 

People often like to keep their romantic life personal and not showcase it on social media. Some lovers may also not reveal their relationship status because of family, relatives, and evil eyes. 

phone going off with notifications

Nonetheless, it can be challenging to understand this, and you keep thinking about why he hides you on social media. How many more girlfriends is he hiding? What if he is just playing with my feelings? Or worse, he already has a family and is having an extramarital affair without you knowing about it. 

Jumping to these conclusions is DRASTIC! But of course, it gets tough not to cross these thoughts if they are feeding your insecurities.

Going through lousy past dating experiences and failed relationships, you definitely would have made a list of “red flags” you need to see before committing yourself to a relationship. 

Not disclosing your relationship status even after months of togetherness can be one of such dating red flags, but let’s break all possibilities down first! 

What to do if he hides you on social media? — A Clear Online dating Red Flag! 

Social media has made it very easy for people to learn about someone’s life even when they are not entitled to know about it. You can easily track a person’s location, where they are hanging out, who they are spending time with, and even if they are in a relationship. 

The problem with this is you never know who’s stalking your profile and who can access your private life. This is why there can be a million reasons for your boyfriend to hide you on social media. 

Two common reasons for the same are: 

  • Friends and family may grow to be nosy about your relationship, which becomes tiresome to handle after one point, especially if you have just started going out and are still trying to understand if you’re into each other.
  • Intermingling with each other’s friend circles is exciting, but it can quickly become awkward if things don’t work out between you and your partner. 

It is better to be aware of your partner’s thoughts on taking your romantic relationship public before assuming that he has a strict family or he’s just playing with your emotions. 

Why do you think he isn’t disclosing his changed relationship status? 

Here’s a list of possible reasons for this non-disclosure and what can you do about it:

1. Insecurities around relationships

As impressive as it is to believe that a person had no complicated past relationships, it may not always be the case. Many people fear that their current relationship might repeat the patterns of their failed relationships. 

couple having a disagreement

What if he had changed his relationship status before but seen it fall apart? In such scenarios, you need to have an open discussion about why he is not sharing his relationship with the public. 

This will not only enable you to understand his thoughts and insecurities better but will also help you communicate yours. Two-way communication is essential to remove the murk from your relationship. 

Why is he insecure about sharing on social media?

Here are some reasons for the same: 

  • His past relationship did not work out before he could share it with others.
  • Others were quick to judge his partner, which fed him some insecurities about his romantic relationship.
  • He has low self-confidence and self-esteem.
  • He doesn’t believe that he deserves you.

If your partner is hiding you for these reasons, give him some time and try to make him feel loved and secure! 

2. He is not a sharing person and might not be ready to share his relationship! 

There’s a huge possibility that he doesn’t like to share his private life with others. Social media is a platform that gives public validation to a relationship, and it might not be imperative for your boyfriend to need that validation. 

There are many reasons why he doesn’t want to “share” his relationship status with others, which include: 

  • He is a private person.
  • He doesn’t want too many people to ask questions about his personal life 
  • He isn’t active on social media and doesn’t update his life as frequently.
  • Social validation is not essential for him.
  • He isn’t sure about the relationship’s longevity and wants to wait.
  • He is insecure about sharing the relationship with others and then answering their snoopy questions. 
  • Making you visible on social media might feed his anxiousness which he is proactively avoiding.

3. He is waiting for the bond to become stronger.

As serious as it may sound, your relationship must have some direction before either of you are willing to share it with the public. 

Another reason he hides you on social media is that your friend circles can mingle up after a relationship becomes public. If your relationship is built on shaky ground, it will lead to complications with many people, which neither of you might be ready to deal with. 

You both need to understand & communicate with each other better so that people’s assumptions and sayings about your relationship don’t affect you. 

While communication is crucial, ensuring a ground of no miscommunication is even more significant. Many problems need your attention more when you are still developing your relationship! 

A few such problems could be as follows: 

  • You are not communicating your emotions, along with wants and needs.
  • Being too considerate of the other person and not letting them know about your opinion and feelings. 
  • You are giving your insecurities a higher platform than your feelings.
  • Being jealous and then confronting your partner aggressively, misleading the whole situation and creating problems.
  • Not being aware of your or his boundaries when in a romantic relationship and hence crossing them improperly. 

4. He doesn’t want to be serious about your relationship yet.

Okay, so this has two sides. At first, it is possible that your partner has been criticized a lot for his previous relationships and isn’t ready for you to be exposed to the same criticism. On the other hand, it is possible that he doesn’t want you or his friends and family to assume that your relationship is serious. 

couple hugging each other and supporting each other

There’s a chance your partner has some commitment issues, or he is only looking for brief dating instead of a serious relationship. In such cases, you must talk to him and figure out whether it is insecurity or insincerity that makes him hide you on social media. 

How to know if your boyfriend isn’t serious about the relationship? 

Here are some of the many reasons why your boyfriend could be insincere about dating you: 

  • He has mentioned how he likes not to be bound by a relationship and is just there for the experience.
  • He is dismissive of his past relationships and thinks it is something you don’t need to know.
  • He is not even letting you publicize your relationship status even though you want to. 
  • Even when you try to be understanding & comforting, he doesn’t tell you why he is hiding you on social media and might dismiss your emotions.
  • He constantly invalidates you when you share your insecurities about him hiding you on social media.

It is crucial for you and your partner to be on the same page regarding the sort of romantic relationship you have—whether a fling or a serious one

If he’s trying to have fun with you without making any commitments, while you’re pretty serious about it, that is your queue to detach yourself because you deserve better! 

5. He wants to appear “open” in the dating scene.

Now, this develops through negative assumptions, so hence you need to be very careful when you think this is a possibility.

While sharing who you are dating on social media is subjective, it is unfair to you if he constantly declines to be in a relationship through his stories and posts. It doesn’t only give off the impression that he is insincere about you but also that he might not mind going “out” with other people if they ask him. 

Talk to him and figure out whether he is seeking to be in an open relationship or if he’s just not interested in going public about your relationship. 

As mentioned before, sharing stuff on social media is very subjective, but it also differs in nature. Here are a few actions that prove he is not serious about your relationship! 

  • He constantly engages in intimate conversations with people he might have a romantic interest in.
  • He doesn’t say NO when asked out and is ready to just “try things out.”
  • While being with you, he is still active on dating apps.
  • He is hiding his intimate conversations with others when you just happen to know.
  • He might manipulate you by asserting that you are delusional about his engagements without properly justifying himself.

If any of the above is true, confront your boyfriend about it. You don’t have to be in an open relationship when you don’t want to, and there is no harm in clarifying this with your partner. 

How do I have a conversation with my partner about him not sharing me on his social handles? 

What if he thinks I am being clingy or delusional? What if he is not proud to be my boyfriend? You may spend hours and days trying to find an answer to this but will fail because it’s not your position. 

going having a drink and guy showing girl something on social media

If you want to know why your boyfriend is hiding you on social media, you will have to talk to him about it. He is the only one with an answer for this! People are complicated, and their thoughts are nearly impossible to discern when not appropriately communicated. 

Honestly, you can snoop around his social media and try to find “connections,” which will help you understand why he is hiding you on social media. But it will be so much easier for you to just sit with him once and have an open chat about why he is not sharing his relationship status on social media. 

However, if your boyfriend avoids communicating about this certain topic, a clear red flag that your partner is “hiding” something! 

What to do in such cases?

Here’s what to do if you are unable to have this conversation with your boyfriend: 

  • You can be understanding yet aware 

Give him space until he is ready to open up but don’t give a lot when you think he is being shady about his past relationships, family, and other relationships in general. 

He can maintain boundaries, but it isn’t right if this behavior is prolonged and you don’t feel appreciated enough while being with him. 

  • Reassurance

Set the mood, be reassuring with your words, and have this conversation. If he is still avoiding it, try these things: 

#. Tell him about your insecurities around it. 

#. Talk to him about why you are not sure how he perceives you, whether he is ashamed of you, or whether he is scared of criticism from his family and friends.

#. Whether he still has feelings for his ex and isn’t ready to display his new relationship status. 

The solution here would be to understand the root cause of both his and your insecurities. If you’re wondering how to go about this introspection, don’t worry, we got you!

How to better engage in a conversation with your boyfriend? 

Here are some tips to be a better communicator in a relationship: 

Step 1. Identify your own feelings 

Firstly, identify what is bothering you and then express how you feel about him not sharing you on social media. Ask yourself the following questions: 

  • Am I just being insecure? 
  • Why am I so concerned about his social media handle? 
  • Why is he not changing his relationship status on apps such as Facebook? 
  • Does he seem to be having a separate romantic life simultaneously with your relationship?

Step 2. Communication 

Communicate with your partner about your insecurities and how you both can work on them. If your insecurities are directly entangled with him, there is no way you can avoid having this conversation. 

Give him a heads up that you want to talk to him so that he is prepared before having this exchange. 

Step 3. Express feelings when communicating 

Express how you feel by using words that put forth your emotions instead of blaming them. Primarily, this is because even though you feel a certain way, your partner might be oblivious to changes in your emotions and feelings. 

He might need some time to understand how his actions are affecting you and how he can do better. 

Step 4. Be a good listener 

Listen to him carefully and be open with your partner when having this conversation. Try to understand his side and then work out whether he is just playing with you or genuinely cares about you. 

If he shares that he is insecure about some things, give him the time and reassurance needed. If some things are bothering him from his past, listen to him and take your time to understand how you feel about it. 

Step 5. Clarity 

Be clear about your boundaries when having this discussion. 

Tell him how you feel about certain things and need ____ for the same. (Fill in the blank yourself)

If you need commitment, clarity, or time from your relationship, tell him that. If he doesn’t want to express his commitment by changing social media status, then work out different ways together to feel safe in the relationship. 

If you feel triggered or threatened about specific actions, pinpoint them beforehand. Not being posted on his social media might trigger you if you have had bad experiences before, making it essential for you to communicate this to your partner. 

Your triggers and feelings are justified. You fully deserve to feel safe and uncomplicated when in a romantic relationship. 

This might seem like a hurdle you are not ready to cross if you are afraid of confrontation or think that your relationship will become rickety after this talk. 

It is paramount to understand that asking for clarification in a relationship isn’t wrong in either scenario. It is better to have this confrontation before dark ideas about him and your relationship, in general, take hold of you. 

Addressing your insecurities might expose you more in a relationship, but it is healthy if he gets an idea where you are coming from, and you get an idea where he is coming from. 

In conclusion

There can be many reasons why your partner is somehow “hiding” you on social media. He might not show his commitment the same way you show when in a relationship, or he might have many insecurities he’s dealing with. 

In the worst scenario, he might be playing with your feelings, and simply talking will put forth the truth. Making assumptions without having proper communication will hamper your relationship, not to mention it will affect your mental health too. 

Constant worries, feeling unappreciated, having pessimistic thoughts about your partner, etc., will all negatively affect your mental health and might take your focus off the other important stuff in your life. To avoid this, just try to have a heart-to-heart so that none of you unwarrantedly harm the other one.

But even when having this conversation with him, remember to sort through your feelings first. If you are insecure, acknowledge it before you have a conversation with him so that you validate your thoughts as well. 

Putting yourself first in a romantic relationship is frowned upon, but it is equally essential to ensure that you know about your needs and hence be with someone who can fulfill those needs while you do the same!

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by Genesis Gutierrez

Genesis is the founder of Harness Magazine, a digital media company that celebrates and elevates the voices of women around the world. A first-generation college graduate, Genesis holds a degree in from UCLA with hopes of going back for a Masters in Social Work.

Through her work as an editor-in-chief of Harness, Genesis has dedicated herself to amplifying the stories of women specifically marginalized communities. She is committed to creating space for those who are often left out of mainstream conversations, and believes that storytelling is one of the most powerful tools we have for building community and sparking social change.


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