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Relationships

How to Regain Confidence After a Breakup?

Learning how to regain confidence after a break up is a tough one.

Breakups are an inevitable part of life; we have all gone through them once/twice, or multiple times in our lifetime. The heart-shattering feeling is unbearable— I understand the pain you go through after a breakup. It breaks our confidence and rips away our charismatic values. 

worried lady feeling down
  • We are left alone to self-doubt ourselves, 
  • Create new insecurities, 
  • Cower in low self-esteem, 
  • And live a life without any confidence in our individuality whatsoever. 

It is crucial to get back up on your feet and support yourself— to understand your own values, worth, capabilities, and unique personality. There’s no doubt in the saying that you were more than enough, darling! 

You are more than enough every time.” Hold onto that thought while you go through this article and regain confidence after a painful breakup. 

Having low self-esteem is common post-breakup, but that doesn’t mean it should be a permanent establishment in your life. Nonetheless, it makes navigating through a break even more difficult. As strong as you may be, you should not be doing it alone, so here we are to help you through it!

In this article, we’ll be discussing the step-by-step guide on ‘how to regain confidence after a breakup?’

How to regain confidence after a breakup? 

Breaking up with your loved one can have a long-lasting effect on you— it can trigger problems such as; 

  • Trust issues, 
  • Low self-esteem, 
  • No confidence, 
  • Self-doubt,
  • Insecurities, 
  • And mental stress. 
happy girl holding her purse and coffee

It is vital to remind yourself that your life is more significant than a past relationship. You have other things to look forward to!

When you’re in a relationship with someone, they consume a lot of your time. In these situations, you can lose sight of yourself, who you are, and your goals for the future. 

Thus, breakups are precisely the time when you can figure out yourself and what it is that you want in your life. Not every healing journey should be focused on future goals, aspirations, and success— it can literally be anything: 

  • Spending the time partying.
  • Catching up on your boy/girlfriends that your partner didn’t allow to be around. 
  • Connecting with your family again
  • Passionately investing ‘that’ time in self-care and self-love. How? We’ll discuss it ahead in the article. 
  • Decorating your present life with vigorous activities, such as drawing, singing, dancing classes, pottery, etc. As said, it can be literally anything! 

These steps are significant to your healing journey, and you realize that you are not lost yet. Let’s move on to what you can do to help yourself regain confidence after a breakup! 

Healing from a breakup is a process, and every step will take time! Be patient with your journey and kind to yourself. 

  1. The ways you can stay afloat
  2. Processing your pain 
  3. Understanding and overcoming your loneliness 
  4. Healing 

First Step— The ways you can stay afloat:

You must stay afloat before accepting your pain and allowing it to leave you. You can never rush your healing journey, 

Thus, it’s best to try and stay afloat for the initial days/weeks— rushing will overwhelm you and put you in a state of despair. 

1. To understand how you’re feeling:

You should take a moment and truly understand what you’re feeling. Is it anger? Hurt? Frustration? If you wish to, you can go on a deeper surface and introspect within yourself about why you’re feeling the way you are. 

For example, you can ask yourself, “what is it that I need?” During this time, there can be a very lonely feeling of missing physical touch, intimate moments, and feeling unloved and uncared for.

Self-talk will undo your turmoil, detangle your mental stress and lead you towards emotional awareness. Emotional awareness is a state of mind that allows you to pen down what you need and don’t need from a relationship. 

2. Having a routine:

During a breakup, you can have trouble doing regular routine activities like brushing your teeth, showering, eating three meals, even your work, or just simply getting out of bed. The melancholy takes over.

the routine of a woman when she goes to work

What can you do in such situations?

There are a few little things you can do to keep yourself going: 

  • Getting up and going out in the sun (walk on the grass even!) and breathing some fresh air
  • Instead of showering, you can wash your face and apply some dry shampoo and essential oils. 
  • Instead of cooking three times a day, you can practice meal prepping or just keep snacks on hand. 

While keeping up with the bare minimum, the most essential thing is not going hard on yourself for failing these minimum tasks. 

Maintaining hygiene & health will allow you to love yourself physically. When you are freshly bathed, life seems a little less chaotic. 

Similarly, walking & eating can keep your calories and hunger in check, giving you a natural glow! That glow is sure to uplift your mood. 

Participating in these activities can remind you that you are still you— that you can still take care of yourself. 

3. Support from friends and family 

Tell your loved ones what you’re going through and how you’ve been feeling. They can help keep a check on you. 

How to feel better with friends?

  • You can do normal activities with them to help you feel cheerful or just not alone. Your friends know the most about you, and they can lift you up. 
happy family playing around
  • You can go out with them for movies, dinners, or even parties if you have the energy. Dressing up and feeling nice about yourself can help you be proud of yourself.
  • If you’re not ready for any of this, you can just cry on their shoulders in your stinky pajamas and have ice cream without any judgment.

They see & appreciate the good in you that your partner might have dismissed. 

Your friends and family can act as your mirror and make you stand with pride and confidence. 

4. Destressing and meditation 

With your cortisol levels high, you can feel overwhelmed and tired. Destressing through taking baths or indulging in hobbies like painting, reading, and swimming can make you feel better about certain aspects of life. 

girl doing yoga

How does meditation help?

  • Meditation can help you find mindfulness and understand the depths of your emotions. 
  • Breathing in and out can help with the anxiety of it all. 
  • The desire to go deeper can help you know yourself and be kind to yourself. 

As discussed in these points, meditation can make you aware of your strengths. While meditating, you do not judge yourself and accept yourself for who you are.

Practicing mindfulness is exactly what you need to be more confident after a breakup. 

5. Let out your inner child.

Doing things that you did as a child or enjoyed can be cathartic. 

You can try doing the following: 

  • Painting freely with no expectations or playing sports.
  • Dressing up to make yourself feel good.
  • Probably even making sandcastles.
  • Cook yourself chocolate-filled meals.
  • Playing with your friends. Hide & seek, ice-water, kabaddi, and hopscotch are great de-stressors.

Let yourself breathe and feel carefree like you did as a child.

Do you remember when you were a child and did not have a care in the world? 

Kids don’t care what other people think about them; they do what they like, and so should you! This is the right time to go through those paths again and rediscover yourself.

6. Understanding that their opinion about you is not a fact.

Did your partner demotivate you for every goal you had in life and criticize you for your looks/body/strength? 

When a person insults you or makes you feel inferior, they are actually inflicting their own issues on you! Their opinion has nothing to do with you and so much to do with their own traumas. Please, don’t take it to heart! Their harsh comments are a reflection of their personality, not yours! 

It’s good that they are out of your life— you can focus and achieve all the goals they stopped you from succeeding.

You can finally appreciate your face and body because if you wouldn’t love yourself, who would? 

7. Journaling 

Writing down ‘how you’re feeling’ can make the pain tolerable. For centuries, we have heard how pain can make you a poet. 

It can help you organize your thoughts and even convey them to you better. Communicating with yourself is just as important as anything else. 

While journaling, I want you to focus on yourself and your qualities. Start small and write good qualities of yourself every day as an individual. I know it can be hard initially to paint a positive body and creative image of yourself when you have been criticized so much, but I still want you to try. 

It can be any physical or personality attribute of your existence— appreciate it profoundly. 

  • “I’m a passionate lover!” 
  • “I have beautiful eyes; people fall deep within,”
  • “I’m quite an intelligent being; why am I judging myself. I know better than that!’
  • “I like being chubby/bony.”

I also want you to journal your past relationship— its merits & demerits to help yourself obtain a clearer image. 

Second Step— Processing your pain.

Once you have collected a little energy, it’s time you use it to get better.

8. Cry your eyes out 

Initially, we are quite literally in denial of the breakup. 

  • We may imagine them coming back.
  • Apologizing for the mistakes made or vice versa.

However, such is not the case— break up is the final statement, and it cannot be undone no matter how much you beg or bargain with them.

African American male covering his face

So, accept that breakup; only then can you properly grieve. Don’t listen to people who suggest you not to cry. 

You should cry to pour your pain out! It’s healthy to scream as it will clear your mind. Do not avoid your emotions to escape pain; no, let it all out without judging yourself. 

Cry day and night if that is what you need to do. You are grieving a connection that mattered to you. It is alright to break down because we wouldn’t evolve if we didn’t allow it to pass through us. Crying means you are confident and brave enough to allow yourself to feel things, it is a challenging task, but you are capable of doing that!

“Pain demands to be felt.” I often phrase this quote because it’s true! 

9. Finding comfort in music 

One can express many emotions through music. You are allowed to listen to the music both of you shared before.

Maybe Taylor Swift can be your company today; that wouldn’t be too bad!

Listening to your favorite artists who make music about breakups and their moving-on journeys can help you feel more confident. 

It is proven that music benefits your self-esteem and self-confidence by enhancing your creativity and changing your moods. It makes you feel optimistic. 

Music heals and promotes self-love. So, make sure you are connected to the world through artistic means, if not physically.

10. Relatable media and characters 

Instead of thinking about your past relationship all day long, distract yourself with your favorite movies & books. 

You may as well find a character similar to you— that will surely make you feel less alone in this chaotic breakup. 

You can see how some characters go through amazing glow-ups and start believing in themselves after a breakup. They seem happier and more confident about who they are! They’re even ready to put themselves out there. 

Elle from “Legally Blonde” would tell you to get out of your PJs and own who you are because nobody can bring you down. 

Furthermore, their healing journey will inspire you and teach you great life lessons. So, stick to them! 

Sobbing over that emotional rom-com can help you confront your emotions & pain. 

11. Talk to someone professional.

Going to a counselor or a therapist can help you get back in touch with your feelings. There is no shame in reaching out to a professional; they can help you guide your way in navigating through a breakup. 

Acknowledging what went wrong or fully being able to express yourself and communicate can help a great deal. 

You can discuss your goals about regaining your confidence and take their help while you’re going through this journey. Regular sessions and keeping up with your efforts and habits will help you evolve and be a better version of yourself. 

Therapy is a self-care journey that introduces you to your own emotions & helps in expressing pain. 

When you are unable to process it yourself, therapy will help tremendously. 

Third Step – Understanding and Overcoming your loneliness

12. Increasing distance & practice detachment

Increasing distance from your ex-partner gives you more time for yourself. The fact that you restrain yourself from going back to them shows a lot of resilience. 

This distance can promote self-growth and make you more confident in your relationship boundaries and choices. 

13. Focus on your goals 

Your goals are significant, and the more you do things, the more you realize that not all is lost, and it is never too late to build up the perfect life for yourself. 

It also brings to attention that the end of your relationship is not the end of the world. Life goes on, and you have better things ahead of you. 

Whether your goal is standing up for yourself or finishing that degree, you’ve got this! Accomplished new goals will boost your confidence tremendously, so go right ahead!

14. Resources providing support

There are support groups for people going through heartbreaks. Knowing people going through the same things can make you feel less alone and easier to confide in. 

You are already a step ahead if you are ready to pour out and show your vulnerable side. Asking for help is a sign of a self-assured, independent person who is not afraid of anything. There is nothing wrong with it, and you’re only growing to be more confident. 

Being confident doesn’t have to be superficial. It can mean that you trust yourself enough to make the right decisions for yourself, even if it means asking for help that others might consider weak. 

15. Spending time with animals 

  • Pets allow you to be your own authentic self without any judgment. 
  • They offer you limitless love. 
  • They boost your mood and thereby your confidence in love and empathy.
male with long hair spending time with his dog

If you cannot afford to get one, you can always shower your stray animals with love and provide them with their needs; you can also volunteer and adopt some of those furry friends!

16. Use social media carefully. 

It will be very tempting to use social media obsessively when you feel so disconnected and lonely. 

It can also make you want to talk to your ex-partner or constantly need to check what they are up to. Seeing other happy couples is bittersweet and can bring up ugly feelings. 

Take the decisive decision to manage your social media time or optimize the content you consume. Block your ex and follow people who motivate you to move on!

Take delight in the fact that you are still trying. Not giving up on yourself just says that you are stronger than you think. 

If you are surfing social media, look at influencers who have been through the same things. Surround yourself with positivity and confident people who can give you what you need, even online. 

Stop yourself from relentlessly stalking your ex; trust us, you’ll thank yourself for that later. 

Fourth Step – Healing

You have to remember that healing is not linear. Even if you follow these steps, you cannot depend on everything to remain the same. You will be required to make various decisions on your own and trust your instincts to keep on the healing path. 

17. Affirmations 

Sometimes, you can forget to tell yourself that you matter. Everything you manifest will come to life, trust me! So, I suggest you manifest self-love every day!

Keep in mind to tell yourself:

  • “you’re enough.”
  • “you’re strong.”
  • “you’re trying your best.”
  • “you will get through it.”
  • “You are a beautiful person, and nobody has the right to treat you otherwise.” 
  • “You know how to treat yourself right, and you won’t let others treat you wrong.”
  • “You know your worth, and nobody has the right to bring you down.”
  • “You are powerful; you are a prodigy!”

Daily affirmations can help you regain your confidence and build your life around them. Your bounce-back ability will surprise you, but it does not end there.

18. Help others 

This might seem unusual, but helping others can be a great reminder of how you’re still needed. Being kind to others and being there for them can make things feel normal and help you feel better.

19. Believe in yourself

“Fake it until you make it.” 

When you choose to do things that you might not even think are real or factual, you’re training your brain into believing so. This does not mean it was fake necessarily; you just needed to have faith in yourself.

20. Forgive yourself

It is straightforward to fall under the spiral of self-pitying and blaming yourself. No matter what happened and what mistakes you made, you are allowed to give yourself a chance and move forward. You are not made up of all bad things and experiences; you are the person you allow yourself to be.

You can forgive yourself for things you did and those you did not. You have a lot to learn, and that is okay. 

Forgiving can help you feel free, make you believe in yourself, and encourage perseverance. 

Sometimes we can fall back into ugly habits and horrible coping mechanisms. Still, we need to learn how to forgive ourselves. 

Forgiving yourself takes courage, and you should appreciate yourself for that. Your confidence isn’t gone; we just have to find it and bring it back again. 

21. Give yourself time 

Some individuals like to jump from relationship to relationship to not feel the pain & suffering that breakups bring. However, busying yourself in a new relationship won’t heal your own pain. It will never go away, nor will your insecurities. 

woman practicing self love

Giving yourself time to process your loneliness and pain gives you a fair advantage in not getting lost.

There is no hurry; you are doing this for yourself. Giving yourself time means you’re patient and understanding, which also requires bravery and honesty with yourself. This confidence is rare but not impossible because you’ve already been through so much. Trust me, you are ready for this. 

22. Figure out what you want 

Write down and observe what you want from your following relationships and what you will not tolerate. This kind of observance helps you stand on your own feet and sound confident about what you really want. 

You can decide what kind of people you want and draw boundaries with your ex/future partners to protect your self-worth. Boundaries aren’t only for romantic relationships but are necessary for every relationship you share. 

Give your life an overview and try to distance yourself from people who bring the bad or negative out of you. Becoming confident comes with cutting down many negative things that have impacted you before. 

Following these steps can help you navigate your path but remember to drive slow when on a bumpy road!

In Conclusion

You can feel like a different person after a breakup, which is perfectly alright. We cannot all be the same person all the time; these experiences change us and shape us into who we become. The difference doesn’t have to be wrong; you can learn from your experiences, do things differently, and look forward to meeting a new person. 

Do not shut yourself out to love; keep your heart open when you’re ready. 

Accepting new changes helps you be more confident in life— it says that you are ready for everything life throws at you. Regaining your confidence after a breakup can remind you that you can be on your own with or without a relationship. 

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by Genesis Gutierrez

Genesis is the founder of Harness Magazine, a digital media company that celebrates and elevates the voices of women around the world. A first-generation college graduate, Genesis holds a degree in from UCLA with hopes of going back for a Masters in Social Work.

Through her work as an editor-in-chief of Harness, Genesis has dedicated herself to amplifying the stories of women specifically marginalized communities. She is committed to creating space for those who are often left out of mainstream conversations, and believes that storytelling is one of the most powerful tools we have for building community and sparking social change.


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