In the tumultuous journey of life, there are moments that define us, moments that test the very essence of our being. Amanda, a beacon of resilience and strength, shares a story that encapsulates the raw, transformative power of redemption. From the depths of alcoholism, grappling with seizures and hallucinations at a tender age, to the brink of despair where hope seemed elusive, Amanda found herself at a crossroads. Yet, amidst the darkness, a flicker of hope ignited, propelling her towards the path of recovery. Embracing an unconventional route, she wielded creativity as her guiding light, a testament to the boundless potential within.

Emerging from the shadows, Amanda embarked on a journey of self-discovery, navigating through the labyrinth of depression to unearth profound truths about herself. Unveiling layers of her identity, she confronted the realities of ADHD and OCD, seeking solace in the embrace of medication. Now, 4.5 years later, Amanda stands as a beacon of hope, her story a testament to the indomitable human spirit. With her debut poetry collection shedding light on the harrowing journey through alcoholism, and the joyous anticipation of motherhood, Amanda's narrative echoes with resilience, echoing the resounding message that redemption is not only possible but worth every ounce of struggle. In this exclusive interview, Amanda shares her remarkable journey, her words a source of inspiration for those navigating their own paths toward healing and self-discovery.

Can you describe the moment when you realized you needed to make a change in your life?

When you’re an addict, you have so many would-be rock bottoms. So many moments that were my lowest, my biggest regrets, should have been my wow, this needs to stop moment, but they weren’t. The seizures weren’t it, the letting other people down wasn’t it–these were too heavy for me to face soberly. But when you’re in so deep and faced with more guilt for your own actions, the bottle becomes the shovel that keeps digging you deeper.

So, that is to say, my last moment was not my worst moment. I was in danger of losing the last things of stability in my life (job, relationship, health) and I could literally feel myself dying; I was having withdrawals while being drunk. I was fading. I was ready to die. I didn’t want to die like that. There was a glimmer of hope and I told myself: try rehab, then you can give up. Because I knew that, if I could just get there, I could do it.

What were some of the initial steps you took to begin your journey of rewriting your story?

There’s the cliche of admitting to yourself that you have a problem. Which is the first step. They just don’t tell you this step can take years to fully flesh itself out. I knew I had an issue, I joked about it, I tried to stop a good amount of times, but nothing was changing. I knew my life needed an overhaul. 

It started, as most things did, with getting drunk enough so I had the confidence to call a rehab center and then immediately call my parents to let them know. Then packing (definitely not enough clothes) and going there, drenched in sweat, the following day. Reminding myself I did not have to go through this again.

You mentioned using creativity as your higher power. How did you discover this as a coping mechanism, and how did it support your recovery?

In actuality, I had many higher powers: the universe, community, creativity, etc. I wanted to look at all the tangible ways I could use the world around me to get my footing back. I’ve always been interested in creative endeavors, writing being the biggest lifelong passion of mine. I often used the fact that “all the good writers were alcoholics” as a way to excuse my own behavior. But the more I drank, the less I could do. I would shake so hard during the day I could barely write my name, nonetheless create. My brain was in constant fight or flight. I knew if I wanted to create, I could not drink.

This translated into a way to fill my time, a motivation, something to focus on. I see the merit in AA and I attended a few meetings, but for me, I need to do something deeper and more hands-on to truly get to the crux of things. I’d been in therapy for years and I felt that a lot of things that AA explores, I had already explored; I was just finally admitting them to myself. So with that, I threw myself into a myriad of creative hobbies: clay miniatures, watercolors, and of course writing. I was so rusty it felt impossible, but I kept going because it was all I could do. And I knew I had a story to tell.

How did you navigate the challenges of battling depression while striving for sobriety?

Anxiety has always been my biggest foe, but depression took over the first two or so years after I got out of rehab. I was staying sober, but that was it. I didn’t get the point of life, everything seemed so hard, so boring, and for what? 

They tell you not to date for a year but I ended up dating my now-husband about a month after I got out. He’s a big reason I’m where I am today. He’s the most patient, understanding man I know. And, having gotten out of rehab in August 2019, we ended up being kind of forced to move in together after four months of dating and we shared a desk for the entirety of the pandemic. We figured if we could survive that, we could survive anything. I’m sure the pandemic contributed to this depression, though I reveled in the staying-inside in many ways, but I knew I just needed to keep going.

Also, having parents who never gave up on me. That made a huge difference. It’s the classic “can’t kill myself or Mom will be sad” meme. But it worked.

To be honest, I’ve always been guilty of seeking out instant gratification, hence the addiction issues. Getting sober and being truly content is not something that happens overnight. I did not think it was going to happen to me at all. But I told myself if I just kept going, I’d either prove myself right or end up in a better place. And fortunately, I was wrong.

What motivated you to seek a diagnosis for ADHD and OCD, and how have medication and treatment impacted your life?

For all the medications I’ve been on and diagnoses I had (primarily SSRIs and generalized anxiety/depression, respectively), I knew something was still wrong. I had begun trying everything: exercise, better habits, this, that. And something was still not working. I got back into therapy. Got the ADHD diagnosis and began Wellbutrin which is what I entirely consider one of the most pivotal moments of my sobriety journey. I finally had motivation. I could finally think. I almost felt human again.

This gave me the energy and insights I needed to keep going. I was better, but there was still more. I continued to talk with my therapist about how the medications were helping, but something was still off. The anxiety, the thoughts, the obsessions–these were still relentless. No amount of meditation or journaling would solve it. That’s when I got diagnosed with OCD–something I never thought that I would have. But now that I have a better understanding of it, it makes so much sense. My entire life makes so much more sense. And the good thing about an OCD diagnosis is, once you have a name for the monster, it’s much easier to face it and tell it off. The medication gave me the ability to think through things more clearly; the dignoses helped me separate myself from the illnesses.

Could you share a bit about your upcoming poetry collection? How does it reflect your experiences with alcoholism and your journey of transformation?

It is called addiction is a sweet dark room and it features over 60 poems about my struggles with alcoholism. I talk about the withdrawals, the loneliness, the regret, the mistakes, the sacrifices, the pain, and even the fun. I ruminate on alcohol’s place in society and how so many of us use it as self-medication. I talk about my toxic relationships with other people and myself, how I didn’t eat enough when I was drinking and how I ate too much once I stopped. It really is a lot about the misconceptions I held about myself and drinking and the reflections on the truth that lay beneath all of that. It’s also some of my best work.

My goal with it is to be clear, honest, and inspiring. I want people to know the hell that addiction truly is. That it is not a choice. That you can come out of it after and make something beautiful even after you think you’ve lost everything.

It is being published through an indie press called Another New Calligraphy and $1 of each copy will go to a local nonprofit recovery center here, Maryhaven! The book is available for preorder now and releases March 29.

What inspired you to speak openly about your story, and how has sharing it impacted others?

I’ve always had the gift (and curse) of oversharing and talking too much. I’ve learned I need to externalize things to understand them, for better or for worse. But as I’ve learned throughout my journey, people need that. They need to hear stories they see other people hide. Addiction is not an uncommon thing. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had someone come up to me and tell me about a loved one of theirs who is or was struggling. Everyone loves at least one addict, whether they know it or not.

I think the more we talk about things, the easier they are to overcome. Addiction is hard enough without the stigmas attached to it. We need to come from a place of understanding and acceptance if we ever want to truly get to the root of the issue.

As someone who has successfully navigated a challenging path, what advice do you have for women who may feel stuck in similar circumstances?

There’s no way to not sound cliche, I’ll admit. But many of the platitudes are true: don’t give up. It really, truly, does get better. It just doesn’t happen overnight and it’s not easy. You have to be willing to sit with discomfort for a while with no real reward and just have faith it will be worth it one day. And it requires honesty with yourself and a lot of work.

But it’s also not your fault and you should not be ashamed. It’s a disease and we treat addicts like selfish, terrible people while we have beer on every other billboard in this country (United States). For many people, there are underlying issues causing the addiction, such as mental illnesses or other invisible pain. Treat the symptoms, then treat the cause. The real you deserves better and is in there; she just needs some help getting out.

How has becoming pregnant impacted your perspective on your journey and your goals for the future?

Funny thing is, I never really wanted kids. I wavered between “zero and one” most of my life, but as my addiction took hold I was certain I would never want them. I couldn’t even manage myself, how could I expect to raise someone else? There’s also the notion of passing on genetic issues like addiction and anxiety. It’s scary. But as I overcame so many struggles and achieved self-actualization, I see life through a new lens now. There will always be issues and the world needs more good people and I hope to raise one of them. I hope my story, combined with good communication and understanding, will raise a happy adult, or at least someone who knows how to navigate through the challenges of life.

On top of this, getting a book published has always been my “Main Life Goal.” And I managed to accomplish that this past year, too. In fact, I actually got the acceptance from the publisher two days after I got my positive pregnancy test. After everything I have gone through and achieved, I am very fulfilled and content with my life. That is not to say I don’t have more goals and won’t keep pushing and writing, but I am ready to put my energy and wisdom into someone new who can hopefully get a good start on life.

Looking back on your journey, what are you most proud of achieving, and what are your aspirations moving forward?

• Sobriety – 5 years on July 9 this year (2024).
• Writing – managing to tell my story authentically and getting it accepted by an indie press and getting my message out to others by using my creativity
• Mental Health – I don’t think I could ever say I “conquered my mental health” but I can confidently say that it no longer conquers me. I have all the tools now. I have more good days than bad. I can say I’m content. That’s all I ever wanted.
• Getting through a miscarriage – This is another thing I’ve been writing about lately and plan to be loud about. Last year, I suffered an early miscarriage. I wasn’t prepared for how much it messed me up. It hurt in a new way I didn’t know I could. But I didn’t drink, I didn’t go crazy with spending, I didn’t overeat. I used healthy coping mechanisms and acceptance. Acceptance of knowing I would just be miserable and depressed for a bit and that random bursts of crying were going to happen. But I knew I could get through it. I wrote some of the best poems I’ve written. I used this past summer to finish my book. I proved to myself I can survive darkness without the bottle.
• As for future goals, my main priority has now become what every parent wants: being a good parent. Using what I’ve learned to raise an inquisitive, well-rounded, honest person who feels they can talk to me about anything and wants to do good for the world. Someone who feels happy and safe.
• But I do not plan to stop writing! I have been working on a collection of poems centered around the theme of miscarriage, pregnancy, and pro-choice politics in America. To have all the political ongoings that have been happening while I’ve been on this journey has created a complex web of thoughts in my head. And it’s scary. 
• I don’t doubt I will be on a hiatus at some point once the newborn is here, but I plan to fill that time with reading, which I’ve been on a roll with this year. And raise a kid who always sees their mother reading.
  

Amanda Nicole Corbin is an Ohio-based poet who has had her work published in The London Magazine, Door is a Jar, Pile Press, Constellations, the Notre Dame Review, and more. Her debut full-length collection, addiction is a sweet dark room, (Another New Calligraphy, 2024) and her chapbook, they drink with the sun, (Bottlecap Press, 2023) both focus largely on her journey and struggles with mental health and addiction. Find her on Threads and Instagram at @mndncrbn.poetry.

You can find more on Amanda's work here:

Website: https://amandanicolecorbin.com/

Book Preorder: https://www.anothernewcalligraphy.com/anc071.html

Threads: https://www.threads.net/@mndncrbn.poetry

In our candid "Rewriting Your Story" series, we sit down with Jaree Williams, a resilient first-time mother who faced profound challenges on her journey to self-discovery and wellness. Jaree's story is one of transformation, marked by her courageous battle with postpartum depression (PPD) and her eventual triumph over adversity. Struggling to navigate the demands of motherhood while maintaining her own well-being, Jaree found herself trapped in a cycle of survival mode, grappling with the weight of societal expectations and personal doubts. However, a pivotal moment of realization sparked a profound shift within her—a moment where she resolved to reclaim her identity and prioritize her own needs without guilt or compromise. Through her own journey of self-healing and growth, Jaree discovered a newfound purpose: to empower and inspire fellow mothers to prioritize self-care and embrace their worth. In our conversation with Jaree, she shares her insights, struggles, and triumphs, offering a beacon of hope for mothers everywhere who dare to embark on the journey of rewriting their own stories.

What initially inspired you to embark on the journey of rewriting your story?

it all started with my first son during postpartum. I was in a new job role as a grade level chair I was a new mom just newly married. We're having him and been married a year and I just felt like I was drowning I was very unhappy, I wasn't enjoying life. I was in survival mode. I was just going through the day to day, you know, waking up, going to work, coming home with family. And it wasn't exciting for me and I've just felt like my season of being in education has passed and it was time for me to do more. And I knew that there wasn't enough talk about postpartum. And it inspired me to start sharing my story and figuring out how can I help other new moms prepare for this journey without feeling like they don't have anyone.

Could you elaborate on the specific challenges you faced as a first-time mom dealing with postpartum depression?

I didn't know what to expect. I didn't even know that I had postpartum depression until I overcame it. You know, I just, I didn't feel like myself. I was drowning, like I felt like, you know, I don't know who I am, I don't like my job, I'm not spending enough time with my son, I don't see my husband.

And it was just so many changes and factors. And I think the most challenging thing is reprioritizing what matters to you. Because before kids, you're like, oh, you know, I can, I have more free time to do things that I enjoy, but becoming a mom makes you really look to see what am I prioritizing?

Because I used to work hours at a time and think that was okay until I had a son and I'm like wow I only see my son for two hours a day. I'm only coming home to go to sleep and waking back up to go back out. So those were some challenges basically like really trying to reevaluate what was important to me.

i really wanted to show up for myself because I wasn't taking time for myself. I was making sure that the baby was good, making sure my husband was good, but it wasn't until a light bulb went off one day and he was like, you can do that too. You can take care of yourself because he used to work out, make time for himself, walk off. And I'm like, how can you do that in a can? And he's like, you can.

And so it took me to communicate and that's where that shift in marriage happens too is like you have to be vulnerable enough to talk about what you need. And that's what really made me like think I don't have to be strong anymore. I can be vulnerable. I can ask for help and it doesn't make me weak. I recognized that I needed to prioritize my own wellness and make a change in my life when I woke up every single day hating life. I was not happy. Don't know what it is, but I don't like waking up. I don't want to do asleep. I want to be left alone. 

How did you recognize that you needed to prioritize your own wellness and make a change in your life?

It was a shift when I had a conversation with my husband where I was like, okay, what can I do to make sure I'm pouring into myself? And at the time I used to have to be, leave the house around 5:45 6. So I used to start waking up at like 4:30. I would read, I would pray. I would read my book. I saw, I used to read my Bible. I used to read a book I enjoyed, do some yoga and really center myself in the beginning of the day so I could pour into myself because the rest of the day I'm pouring out to everyone else from my son to the people I used to work with, to the students.I just didn't know until I started creating my business as well which gave me another outlet of pouring into myself because I felt like that was a way of healing sharing my story making sure that other moms know how to take care of themselves and when I did that it made me show up different and I became more happy I was in a space of like okay I know what Jaree needs and now that I can take care of myself I can do the same for other people around me and create boundaries around making time for myself because it's no point of taking care of yourself and not holding those boundaries because if you don't hold the boundaries no one else will. So that's something I really had to learn.

What were some of the first steps you took towards self-care and personal growth?

Some of the first steps I took towards self care and personal growth was reading more books about self development. So I had to really, I started reading Atomic Habits, Feeding the Soul by Tabitha Brown, just all kind of person development books that allowed me to start creating better habits, shifting my mindset, making sure that I know that just because that chapter of my life was over doesn't mean my life was over. It was a fresh start. I had to create a new foundation and know that I am more than an educator, I am more than a mom, I am more than a wife, I'm Jaree first and Jaree can do things that fills her up.

Can you describe a pivotal moment or turning point in your journey of transformation?

I think the most pivotal point was when I was just had enough. I was burned out. Like when I say I was burned out, I did not want to get up. Like it took me some mornings. I also told my husband, like, I don't want to move. I don't want to get up. But I knew there were so many people depending on me. And I was just like, okay. Like my husband was like, yeah, we have to make a change. Like I want you to be happy. I don't want you to feel like you're miserable. And when I opened up to my husband, he allowed me.

To really know that I wasn't alone, even though you feel like you're alone, but it's like sometimes it's because we're keeping things to yourself. And talking to my husband really gave me the confidence to make that transformation, really make sure that I am showing up as my best self, where I started making, so I call this the Williams Wellness Method, where all the things that I think are my wellness, my kids, my marriage, my home, and my business, I have columns for each one of those things for tasks.

Every day I do these tasks that allow me to show up not just for me but for my sons, for my husband, for my business, for my home. Like these are the things that I prioritize on a regular basis whether it's walking, reading, journaling, reading my scripture, making sure that my kids do reading and story activities and learning. There's so many different aspects but that was that transformation that I needed to really start showing up not just for me but for everyone around me.

a better mindset, in a better, just better energy. Because as a mom, as a wife, I know I'm, my energy impacts the home. I'm the foundation of the homes energy. Like if I'm in a bad mood, the ones, everyone around me are gonna be like, ugh. Like she's in a bad mood and it's kinda gonna run off on them versus if I'm in a good mood, so can my family be.

How did you navigate the process of rediscovering yourself while balancing the responsibilities of motherhood?

I had to set those boundaries in place and hold myself accountable. And now I'm like, okay, Jere, if you don't show up for yourself, if you're not taking care of your wellness areas, then you're not going to be okay. And once I got into a routine where I was like, okay, I feel a difference. I feel great. I want to show up. That's when I truly started making sure that I show up, even as a mom, like even with my son, like sometimes, for example, I'm not able to walk alone or do my exercise alone because my husband's at work. But what I do is incorporate my son.

Well now my sons and it shows them too that you know take care of yourself and it really shows me that I'm a mirror.

The things that I do to prioritize myself reflects on my sons. So if I'm working out, my kids are gonna like working out. If I'm eating healthy, if I'm taking time to read books that entertain me or teaches me something new, my kids are gonna do the same. So that's really how I balance out the responsibilities. Sometimes I do it alone, sometimes I do it with them. But at the end of the day, I'm gonna hold myself accountable and have that discipline.

What role did self-compassion play in your journey, especially during difficult moments?

I had to give myself a lot of grace during this journey, especially during the difficult moments. I had to pour into myself and let myself know that it's okay to feel like that. It's okay to sit in your feelings. It's okay to cry. It's okay to express yourself. You know, you don't have to carry that weight on your own and that's why you have to create your own village. When I created my own village, it was life changing. I had people who are rooting for me, who are going to give me that space to take time for myself. Even my in-laws, like they've made sure that, okay.

I see Jaree has work to do, let me get the boys. You know, those little things make a difference. And that's where that self-compassion comes from. You have to be vulnerable enough with yourself to know that you can do those things.

Were there any particular resources or support systems that were instrumental in helping you along the way?

I'd say the best resources I had during this time was my support system. They gave me so much grace. They gave me the love that I needed. They didn't even know I had at the time. I wasn't actually alone. Even mentally I felt alone, but I wasn't alone. I wish I would have known more about support groups and postpartum support international at the time so that I could be around others who didn't understand what I was going through.

Now I'm able to tell other moms about it, so that's the great part about it. What you don't know you can share with others in the future.

How has rewriting your story impacted your relationships, both with yourself and with others?

It created more confidence in me. It created compassion for me and just a heart of forgiveness because I know what it feels like to be in a state of mind where it's like you wanna give up. You wanna be able to just remove yourself. But what I decided to do is now I give so much, everybody grace, because you don't know what people are going through, you don't know what's going on in their home, but just be kind, you know? It really made me more aware of how to be kind in a way of like giving people grace without like, ah, I'm gonna assume the best, that's how it is

In your opinion, what are some common misconceptions about self-care for mothers, and how would you address them?

It's about people that say moms don't need breaks or you don't get a break as a mom when in actuality you deserve a break. You need to take breaks because if you don't take a break..You're gonna go into burnout and when you're burned out, you're in survival mode, you're unhappy, you're not showing up for yourself or others around you. You're frustrated, you're snapping on everyone. So one thing I tell people is start small. If you're not, if you're a mom, you're like, I don't have time to do X, Y, Z. Start with five minutes. Build on once you create that habit because you deserve a break. Ask for help. If you don't have a village, you can create your own village. There's a such thing. There's people out here who want to help.

What advice do you have for women who may feel overwhelmed or stuck in their own journey of self-discovery and personal growth?

I would say give yourself grace and find out what do you enjoy doing and who is the woman that you want to be in the future?

Write a list of what she does, what she does, how does she take care of herself, how does she show up for her family, how does she show up for her career, whatever she wants to do. Make a list and work backwards. And that's what's going to give you your foundation to start going forward.

Looking back on your journey, what are you most proud of achieving or overcoming?

I want to say I'm most proud of achieving is starting over. Being vulnerable enough to open up to my husband and tell him I wasn't happy. Because now I'm much happier. I'm in a space in life where I'm just like, wow, you keep doing things that amaze me every day. Like you are taking risks. You are showing up doing those things. And I'd like to thank my children for that because I would have never known my...

I would say my bandwidth until I had kids because they motivate me to do the things that I've always wanted to do. Like I just recently wrote a book. It's going to be released in July but that's one of those things like I wouldn't have done that if I didn't have my kids. And my kids, I guess my kids would be what I'm proudest about because this family that I created is motivating me to do things that I never would have imagined. I had dreams of it but I didn't make it into action until I had them.

How do you envision your story continuing to unfold in the future?

Make an impact. Being the voice for moms and postpartum and giving them hope to prioritize themselves and reclaim their identity. And growing out worthy4ever to inspire other moms.

Finally, what message or lesson would you like to impart to others who are striving to rewrite their own stories and reclaim their sense of self-worth and fulfillment?

I say start small. When you rewrite your story, start small, and then just know that it's gonna work out. You just have to be willing to take risk and set boundaries because you were not put on earth to just survive the day to day but to enjoy life and make an impact to others.

You learn more about Jeree's work here.

Instagram/Threads: 

https://www.instagram.com/jaree.williams/

https://www.youtube.com/@jaree.williams
Podcast: Navigating Postpartum Podcast 
Website: Worthy4ever.com

In the face of adversity, some individuals discover reservoirs of resilience that redefine their very essence. Blair Huddy's journey embodies the epitome of such resilience, marked by a series of profound challenges that tested her spirit and fortitude. From the realization of being autistic to surviving a stroke just days after her wedding, Blair found herself thrust into a tumultuous odyssey of loss and rebuilding. Amidst the chaos, however, she confronted a betrayal that stripped her of everything she had painstakingly built, thrusting her into a state of profound vulnerability. Yet, with unwavering determination, Blair embarked on a courageous quest to reclaim her identity and reconstruct her life from the ashes of devastation. Battling through the labyrinth of despair, she emerged not as a victim, but as a beacon of indomitable strength and resilience. Today, Blair Huddy stands as a testament to the transformative power of adversity, her narrative reshaped by the crucible of hardship into one of unwavering resilience and unyielding resolve.

How did you cope with the betrayal of having someone take advantage of your situation during your recovery from the stroke?

Not well, to be honest. Initially I wasn’t really able to process much of it because of the stroke, but also because I hadn’t ever interacted with someone who would conceive of doing something like that before. It was a lot to comprehend! Pursuing legal action helped me feel better about it, but I also wrote extensively about it in my first book, and the idea that writing about it could allow me to help others truly helped me cope with what happened. Also, my husband was a huge part of coping with the betrayal and aftermath, he let me cry and scream, and gave the understanding I needed, so I could lose my shit in private. He made me feel safe. Also, Tayor Swift’s music and some very carefully curated Spotify playlists did wonders. I was also able to connect with a colleague who had interacted with the same person who betrayed me, and her experience with him was way worse than mine, which is almost inconceivable. He bankrupted her company and they’re still in litigation for a faux sexual harassment suit he filed against her, where he’s suing her for $25 MILLION. Knowing that what happened to me also helped her was a huge part of how I coped, and her experience put mine into perspective. I did also spend a significant amount of time giving back to others; getting out of my head and focusing on helping others was a major coping mechanism and turning point for dealing with the situation.

What were some of the initial steps you took to rebuild your life after losing everything and facing health challenges?

The first thing I did was stop the bleeding in my business, which at the time meant firing my staff and basically reducing my expenses to rent and food. I leaned on a trusted mentor to help give me some direction and navigate rebuilding a business. He encouraged me to get back to business development, basically rebuild the pipeline and focus on getting new clients in the door. I went straight into therapy to get emotional support and just kept putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes rebuilding my life looked like meaningful emotional and physical rest, and other times it meant pursuing as many new opportunities as I could. With my health challenges, I had to admit that rebuilding my life didn’t mean getting back to my old way of being, it meant being okay with my life looking drastically different and accepting that it didn’t necessarily mean it was bad.

Balancing the responsibilities of being the primary breadwinner and supporting your elderly father while navigating your own health issues must have been incredibly challenging. How did you manage this balancing act?

I did my absolute best at every possible junction. With every decision and juncture, I asked myself what is the best thing to do here and then did that thing. Open and honest communication helped me prioritize what needed to be balanced immediately versus what I could deprioritize to buy myself more time. I was open and honest with everyone around me, and asked for as much grace as they could give me.

Honestly, caring for others has also been a massive factor in navigating all of it. I volunteered my time by helping over 200 student loan borrowers, like myself, discharge over $2 million in predatory student loans. Being of service to others helped me rebuild my confidence and kept me focused on doing the next right thing, rather than feeling like I had to solve it all at once. When you see what other people are dealing with, it gives you a ton of perspective and I was able to see that, while obviously what I went through is horrible, there are others dealing with major problems and every single time I preferred my own challenges to theirs.

Could you elaborate on your experience with the recent near heart attack due to pharmaceutical complications? How did you overcome this setback?

On Feb 17, 2024 I took my first dose of a medication that I’ve been on for years, but it was a brand new manufacturer. I started throwing up right away. The next day, my left arm swelled like a balloon, and the following day after that I got intense chest pains and we immediately called 911. Here’s what’s pretty crazy about it: I was born in 1989 and my ambulance number was 89. I was wearing a 1989 sweater, and eventually we noticed that the medication number on the bottle was 89. All of the first responders had gone to The Eras Tour night 6 in LA, which is the show I went to, they mentioned it after seeing my sweater and that happened to be the show where Taylor announced 1989 Taylor’s Version. Those are some crazy coincidences! Turns out the manufacturer had an FDA warning issued against them on Feb 5, 2024.

In terms of overcoming, my first priority has always been my health and healing. Again, it comes down to open and honest communication and asking for leeway where I can get it. I’m learning the hard way that you can do everything right and still have everything go wrong, so much of dealing with all of these challenges has been accepting that some things are out of my hands and the rest I have to let go of if I don’t want to go insane.

You mentioned that these experiences have helped you rewrite your character narrative. Can you describe how you've transformed from feeling like an abused little girl to becoming a resilient individual?

I try to see these things now as plot twists rather than setbacks. Some things are simply out of my control. I also intentionally defined my core values, which for me are kindness and intention. If I know I’m being kind and acting with the right intentions, I’m heading in the right direction. I grew up with a physically and emotionally abusive mother, and that was a big part of my DNA for a long time. One thing is that my birth name is Amanda, which I’ve always hated. The name Amanda never really resonated with me, but I’ve always loved Blair, my middle name, so I decided to start going by Blair. That change really changed my internal narrative; I no longer think of myself as the person I was. Amanda dealt with all of that abuse and Blair feels like a totally new start where I can be exactly who I want to be. Now, I get so excited when I hear Blair and realize people are referring to me. I love the name and loving something about myself, even starting with something as simple as my name, has really given me an internal love I didn’t have before. Now I’m the main character in my story, instead of pain being the main character.

Interestingly, after changing my name, my mother reverted to calling me “whatever your name is” and because of that, I’ve cut her off completely. I realized her behavior isn’t about me, or because of me. It’s who she is and Blair isn’t someone who tolerates that kind of behavior.

What strategies or coping mechanisms have you found most helpful in dealing with adversity and setbacks throughout your journey?

Being of service to others has been number one for me. It’s something I learned from Dave Meltzer and while it might seem contradictory, it always gives me a much-needed break from mental and physical turmoil. When you’re thinking about others and not focused on yourself, you get a little space from your own issues, and suddenly things that once felt impossible to navigate are easier to tolerate.

As a natural communicator, the simple act of talking to people has also been a major coping mechanism for me; including writing my book, Millennial: Lessons from Generation Whyyyyyyy (I published the book on Substack because I’m trying to mitigate the environmental impacts of printing physical books, we really do need to save the trees because they’re what allows us to remove the excess carbon from our atmosphere and mitigate climate change).

I’m a huge fan of taking massive, decisive action. Going through massive trauma? Okay great I’ll change my name. Someone not treating me well? Okay let’s cut them off no matter who they are or how they’re related to me. I always try to remember that I’ve got one shot on this floating rock in the middle of space, and I’ll be damned if I don’t try to make the best of it and have a ball of a time while I’m here. Because I’m not having children, although I was a dog mom for 15 beautiful years, the work I do while I’m here will be my legacy. I stopped taking on projects just for money and now only focus on work that helps other people and the planet. Using my gifts to help others, in any way I can, has always been helpful in dealing with adversity and setbacks for me. 

As someone who has faced numerous obstacles and setbacks, what advice would you give to women who may find themselves stuck in similar challenging circumstances?

I have experienced major highs and lows, and one thing’s for certain: they work together cyclically. Feast always follows long periods of famine, and vice versa. Whatever you’re going through, this too shall pass. 

Nothing lasts forever, least of all pain and success. Keep going. I know you want to quit, and it feels like more than you can handle, but I promise you can do this. One step at a time. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t want to quit. I feel like giving up CONSTANTLY. I yell and scream and cry AT LEAST once a day. I’m sure my husband loves it. But no matter how much I want to give up, by the next day, inevitably something will happen that re-energizes me and I’m able to keep going. Like Dory says in “Finding Nemo” just keep swimming. And if you can’t swim, find the nearest life-raft and float until you can make a decision and take your next step.

When you’re drowning, it always feels like an emergency, and you will always want the people around you to drop everything to come save you. I learned the hard way that’s not really how life works. In fact, when you’re drowning, life usually takes it as a sign you need more water and dumps a torrential downpour on you. Fabulous, right?

How has your perspective on life and resilience evolved through these experiences?

I’m certainly a lot more resilient than I thought I was, that’s for sure. My perspective on life has changed so much, I used to think life would be easy, especially as a kid. I kept waiting for adulthood so I could “finally rest or have things be easy” and I’ve learned that simply isn’t the case. Life gets harder and as it does, we get more resilient.

Now I like to think of life like playing a card game. Sometimes you just get dealt a shitty hand and there isn’t anything you can do about it. Do your best to play out the hand you get, and hope you get better cards on the next deal. 

We are sentient, intelligent beings on a floating rock in the middle of space. An asteroid could hit us at any time and wipe out life as we know it, or you could lose everything tomorrow. Take the risk, shoot your shot, ask for the raise. Seriously.

Looking back, what lessons have you learned that you believe have been most valuable in your journey of rewriting your story?

First, you do not negotiate your self worth with the world; particularly not with people who are bullies. I learned this from Brene Brown, and it’s - to this day - still some of the best advice anyone has ever given publicly.

Second, take risks while you can, and always take risks that are for your benefit. You won’t meet anyone else in your life that will be willing to take that kind of risk for you, so you’ve got to do it for yourself.

Third, I learned the world doesn’t stop turning because of my pain, and it’s a harsh reality to discover that truth. At least, for me it was. Tony Robbins says people often make the mistake of falling into what he calls the three P’s of helplessness: my helplessness is pervasive, my helplessness is permanent, or my helplessness is personal. None of these things are true, and every time I’ve convinced myself they were, life proves me wrong. I have lost a lot, but the love of my life is sitting right next to me as I type this; we can always find something to be thankful for.

Lastly, if you learn anything from me, let it be that when people tell you who they are, believe them. When a person or situation gives you a sinking feeling in your stomach, DO NOT, under any circumstances, ignore that feeling. That feeling is your intuition, and it’s never wrong.

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/blairhuddy

Instagram: @realblairhuddy

Threads: @realblairhuddy

TikTok: @realblairhuddy 

In an illuminating interview with our new rewriting your story series, we had the privilege of sitting down with Teisha Leshea, a resilient woman who has journeyed through significant trials and transformations. Teisha candidly shares her experiences navigating through job loss, mental health crises, and the quest for self-discovery. Her story is a testament to the power of perseverance, self-awareness, and the unwavering determination to rewrite one's narrative. Through moments of darkness and isolation, Teisha found solace in reflection, writing, and the unwavering support of her loved ones. As she unfolds her journey, Teisha imparts invaluable insights and strategies for overcoming self-doubt, embracing inner strength, and crafting a narrative that resonates with authenticity and resilience. Join us as we delve into the depths of Teisha's journey, discovering the transformative power of rewriting one's own story.

Q: Can you tell us about a pivotal moment in your journey of rewriting your story?

A: In April 2015, I worked for a company in which I had potential. The longer I stayed, the more I realized that this company didn't align with my values. At one point, we had a pay raise and retracted within a few months of each other. I called that company on their bluff and tried to negotiate a higher pay. 

It didn't work out, so I had to move on. I started at a new company, and I hated it. At the time, my supervisor picked on and judged me based on my looks. Having the sense I didn't belong there, I had to work to survive. After a few weeks, I experienced a psychotic breakdown. I cried before my shift and after my shift. The company was a toxic environment, and I started to experience heart palpitations, stress, and anxiety. 

I've always had undiagnosed anxiety and depression throughout my teens and young adult years, but this situation magnified my feelings. I had suicidal thoughts and acne, my hair was breaking off, and it went as far as me no longer having a menstrual cycle. 

Q: What motivated you to embark on this journey of self-discovery and transformation?

A: In October of 2017, my mother encouraged me to talk to a therapist. At the time, I tossed it in my mind because I wasn't ready, and I felt like my mom didn't know what she was talking about. Sorry, Mom, but that's not what I wanted to hear.

A week passed, and I read a quote on Instagram that said, "Old Ways Won't Open New Doors." After reading that, it clicked for me. I realized what I'd been doing wasn't working, and I knew something had to change. After some research, I found the therapy for black girls directory and saw my therapist through that site. 

Q: How did you navigate the challenges you faced, such as losing your job and experiencing a mental health crisis?

A: I'm still navigating this challenge, and it's uncomfortable. The first thing I did was tell my mom and my sister. "I'm not ok," I mentioned it to my primary care physician, and she thought it would be necessary to meet with a psychiatrist to meet and look over my current depression and anxiety medication. I recently completed eight weeks of working with a wellness coach. My situation hasn't changed. I'm still unemployed, but during that time, I worked on changing my perception of my current situation and relying on the tools I learned in therapy. 

Q: What role did self-awareness play in your process of rewriting your story?

A: I have a clear understanding of what my triggers are and learning to decipher if my thoughts are reality or anxiety. My therapist calls it "Back to Basics." We must constantly check in with ourselves with essentials such as water, nutrition, sunlight, and rest. Getting beside ourselves is easy when we feel under pressure or stressed. 

Q: How did you maintain hope and faith during the darkest moments of your journey?

A: I rely on reflection and journaling to remind myself how far I've come; I must revisit "what was." I've come so far in my healing journey to stop and quit on myself. Once I decide to give up on myself, so will others. 

Q: Can you share some insights into the superpowers you discovered within yourself during this period of unemployment?

A: I realized that I allowed some of my fears to impact the dreams I have for myself. Ten years ago, I always wanted to create an ebook. After receiving another no in January and feeling defeated, I decided to do something different and work on my ebook. I did, and it has been the best feeling in the world. I continuously show up no matter how I feel about myself and the situation. I'm putting in the work; I'm still filling out applications, attending webinars in my field, and reaching out to recruiters for job leads while attending school.

Q: How did you cope with the feelings of isolation and loneliness that often accompany significant life transitions?

A: I've used writing as an outlet. I've been writing all my life, but it wasn't until 2018 I decided to use platforms such as Vocal.Media, Medium, and Substack help me process my thoughts and struggles. I started to tell others about my struggles to remove the guilt and shame I'd been feeling. After losing my grandmother in 2022, I've used our conversations and her words of encouragement to keep going. I've given my permission to stop, think, rest, and re-evaluate; at other times, I permit myself to do nothing. 

Q: What strategies did you find most effective in overcoming self-doubt and negative thought patterns?

A: Creating habits of "positive self-talk," I think many people talk about negative self-talk but not the positive. What does that look like? That could be journaling, leaning on family, and understanding my worth. I am constantly affirming who I am and thanking God for choosing me to have the strength and courage to keep going. 

Q: How did your relationships with family and friends evolve throughout this journey, and what support did they provide?

A: My perception and illusion were my life's driving force for many years. When I didn't feel enough, I equated that to "no one understanding me." A lack of words, wisdom, and knowledge to express my feelings made it difficult for my family and friends to understand. Over time, I became frustrated and isolated. During this stage of life, I realized that my family has always been here, loving and supporting me. I'm thankful for their understanding, support, prayers, and motivation to navigate this second chapter of my life. 

Q: What advice would you give to other women who may be struggling to rewrite their own stories and find their inner strength?

A: The beauty of any story is that it can change with every flip of the page. You can add new characters, subtract characters, have new experiences, and meet different people. Your story is yours, and you create your ending. 

Knowing that power alone can give you confidence. You will never know your inner strength without any knowledge of self, good and bad. We live in a warped time, and it's important to differentiate what's reality, what's a lie, and whether any of those things align with your values. We must embrace our individuality. We are not here to look, sound, or dress like anyone but yourself. 

You can get a copy of Teisha's Ebook here

Medium Teisha LeShea – Medium

Substack: Teisha's Substack

In an interview with Annika Alexandra, founder of Annika Alexandra Photography, she shared the fascinating journey that led her to establish her thriving business. Drawing upon her experience working for a matchmaking service in Los Angeles, Annika noticed a common thread among clients: poorly curated photos that did little justice to their personalities and potential. Determined to address this gap, she embarked on a freelance venture, offering her photography skills to multiple matchmaking services. With a keen eye for capturing authentic moments and a passion for helping clients present their best selves, Annika's venture quickly gained traction. What began as a solution to a prevalent problem evolved into Annika Alexandra Photography, a sought-after service renowned for its ability to showcase individuals in their best light. Through her dedication to quality and a commitment to highlighting the essence of her subjects, Annika has not only built a successful business but has also played a pivotal role in enhancing the online presence and dating prospects of countless individuals.

Can you share with us the journey that led you to start Annika Alexandra Photography? 

I loved taking photos since I was a teenager. I used so many throwaway cameras, I don't even think they all got developed! 

What inspired you to venture into this field? 

When I moved out to Los Angeles, I dabbled in the acting industry. I always felt my comfortable behind the camera than in front of it. I started taking classes, youtube and learning from other photographers. I loved (and still do) racing home after a shoot and seeing the images I've captured of my clients!

What was the moment or experience that made you realize the importance of quality photography, especially in the context of matchmaking services? 

As well as working at a matchmaking service, I would participate in online dating. For your dating profile you should have a closeup photo, full body photo, should not be wearing sunglasses, it should be a recent photo, preferably you alone so your potential match doesn't have to guess who you are, and none with ex's! Clients would pass on these type of photos all of them and it would frustrate us matchmakers.

Could you describe a pivotal moment or challenge you faced when starting your photography business? How did you overcome it? 

I think it is just getting your business in the public eye. There are a lot of photographers in the Los Angeles area so it is a competitive market. I started off just taking photos of my friends to have something  to put on my social media/website. I think a key factor is to continuously market yourself, work on getting better/learning new editing techniques.  Reach out every once in awhile to previous clients with different promotions throughout the year. I love when old clients reach out for another shoot or they recommend me to their friends. It is a true compliment!

What unique perspective or approach do you bring to your photography, particularly in the realm of capturing images for matchmaking purposes? 

A lot of clients are nervous/shy for this of a kind of photoshoot, which is normal. I just try to relate to them/listen to their story and I encourage them by mentioning I met my husband through online dating. I just want them to relax and have fun!

In a world where image is increasingly important, how do you navigate the responsibility of capturing authentic moments while also ensuring your clients are presented in the best light possible? 

The majority of my favorite photos are the candid moment ones. I love the small moment where a kid may be acting super silly or when adults are just playing with their kids. A photo doesn't have to be everyone stiffly posed staring at the camera. 

If you could offer one piece of advice to aspiring photographers or entrepreneurs looking to start their own businesses, what would it be? 

Never give up, there will be hard times, starting out as a business, finding the clients, profiting right away, etc. In the long term, it will pay off and you can be proud of yourself for building your business to what is has become!

You can find more info on Annika's work here:
https://www.annikaalexandraphotography.com
FB: Annika Alexandra Photography
Insta: Annika Alexandra Photo

In an interview with Victoria Pendragon, the author of a compelling trilogy including "Scorpio x 10," an autobiographical journey through the depths of trauma and healing, "Sleep Magic," a guide to navigating the unconscious realms of healing, and "Being in a Body," a profound exploration of self-restoration and resilience, we delve into the profound intersections of personal adversity and triumph. Victoria's life story is a testament to the human spirit's capacity to endure and transcend even the most harrowing of circumstances. From surviving childhood sexual abuse and trafficking to confronting a fatal and disfiguring disease in her late 40s, her journey is one of unfathomable resilience and profound transformation. Through vast amounts of therapy and introspection, she has emerged not only as a survivor but as a beacon of hope and inspiration for countless others facing their own battles. Join us as we explore the profound wisdom and insights that Victoria Pendragon has gleaned from her extraordinary life experiences.

Can you tell us about your journey from experiencing childhood trauma to becoming an author? How did those early experiences shape your writing and perspective on life?

I could… but it’s a long damn story, hence the autobiography. Probably the most vital aspect of the journey had to do with the fact that I had totally repressed all memory of the trauma until one day - rather specifically, the day that I had been sent home from what was to be the last of the monthly treatments I had been receiving for the “fatal, incurable,” disease my body had manifest (diffuse progressive systemic sclerosis) – it all came back to me.

It was expected that I would die, so my daughter and one of my sisters (a doctor), had met me when I’d returned home, thinking that I would need emotional support. We spoke for a while, outside, and once they were convinced that I was convinced that I was not about to die, they left and I went inside. Emotionally exhausted, I took a moment to sort of prop myself up by leaning against the kitchen table. The next thing I knew I was watching a sort of movie reel in my head of the horrific events in my childhood that had been suppressing for decades. They involved the serial rape of myself and my closest sister – sort of ceremonial – as well as sacrifice.

I knew instinctively then that I had to “see someone” – a psychiatrist, psychologist, someone! – and process the sudden return of the memories. I knew also why it most likely had been that my younger sister – who had been trafficked with me – had been diagnosed as a “delusional, paranoid schizophrenic” at the age of 17. Her delusion was that men were after her everywhere she went.

My journey, from that point on, took me to numerous healers of all sorts, from psychotherapists to alternative healing practitioners. I spent perhaps three or four years focused on processing what I had come to know. Along the way, I determined that I’d like to be able to assist others who had trauma and went into training as a Reiki practitioner. I functioned as a hands-on healer for several years. I heard a lot of stories from those I worked with. I learned that my sister and I were not alone in what had happened to us.

Eventually, when, later in life, I’d acquired a broader sense of what some other folks had to deal with, I determined that a book of some sort was in order. I submitted my first book to Ozark Mountain Publishing. It was accepted and they went on to publish my next two books on healing as well. Those books were very much focused on ways to help oneself heal via sleep and dreams.

Your autobiography, "Scorpio x 10," delves into deeply personal experiences What compelled you to share your story with the world, and what message do you hope readers take away from it?

Frankly, I was pissed. What happened to my sister and I, I was pretty sure, was happening to other kids as well. I knew we’d been threatened about speaking up. I knew, too, that after we were ‘too old’ to be carried about some other poor kids would probably be taking our place… probably black or brown kids as my sister and I had dark skin like our Cuban father, and the next sister down the line - who took after my ‘white’ mother’s side – was treated like a queen by her father. If it had happened to us – in our own family, for Pete’s sake! – it could happen to anyone. And, of course, you don’t speak about it because a) you’ve been threatened, and b) no one would believe you. You’re a kid! And these men are pillars of their community!

In "Sleep Magic," you explore the concept of healing through sleep and dreams. How has your own experience with trauma influenced your understanding of the power of sleep in the healing process?

When I was working as a hands-on healer I had a dream that laid it all out for me. I was told, in the dream, that I had to share the information with all the people I was seeing… and I did.

As both a survivor and someone battling a challenging illness, what were some of the biggest obstacles you faced in your personal and professional life? How did you overcome them?

The only obstacle I can imagine was the fact that the disease left me with hands that are crazily crippled. My fingertips rest on the palms of my hands… permanently. LOL I type with the sides of my thumbnails!

Who or what has been your greatest source of inspiration during your writing journey? How have they influenced your work?

Horrible people. Really. I write for people who need the emotional support of knowing that they are enough just as they are because there are so many ways that handicapped and permanently ill people are dismissed by idiots who maybe just don’t know any better.

Can you share a particularly difficult moment in your writing process and how you managed to push through it?

I’ve lived with my own story for so long – I’m almost 78! – that I’m used to it. I’m good at getting used to things; always have been. I just surrender. My basic mindset is “content.”

What advice would you give to others who have faced trauma and are considering sharing their stories through writing or other creative outlets?

Don’t be afraid to say what needs to be said. If you are afraid, say so, and then tell the truth.

How has writing about your experiences impacted your healing journey? Have there been any unexpected discoveries or revelations along the way?

I might have become a tad more outspoken… but no unexpected discoveries or revelations.

Looking ahead, what do you hope to achieve with your writing in terms of raising awareness, fostering understanding, or advocating for change regarding the issues you've faced?

I don’t look ahead. I’m 78. I could die in my sleep tonight. What I hope is that my story can help someone, somewhere have hope too. I’d go on a talk show or do an interview but I am SO done with writing. Mostly painting these days. (It’s what I got my college degree in.)

You can find more info on Victoria's book here.

https://ozarkmt.com/product/sleep-magic-surrendering-to-success-ebook-by-victoria-pendragon/ https://ozarkmt.com/product/sleep-magic-surrendering-to-success-ebook-by-victoria-pendragon/

1. Can you briefly introduce yourself and share a bit about your journey and work?

I'm Sasha Zeiger, a philosopher and author dedicated to fostering public philosophical discourse through diverse mediums like paintings, writings, and events. After graduating from American University’s Philosophy & Social Policy Master’s program in 2018, I've focused on democratizing philosophy, engaging with people through Socratic questioning, and exploring diverse worldviews. My debut novel, The Tower of Theo, merges philosophy with fantasy, challenging readers to reconsider morality.

In 2018, I founded Surface by Sasha, aiming to bring daily self-reflections, philosophical deconstructions, and visually engaging content to my growing Instagram community. The name of the company is inspired by a line from Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray: "All art is at once surface and symbol; those who go beneath the surface do so at their own peril." I believe philosophy is universally applicable and accessible through dialogue, and I am expanding my reach beyond Instagram through my website, newsletters, and Medium articles. Stay tuned for more curated content!

2) Looking back, was your journey relatively smooth or did you face significant obstacles?

When reflecting on my journey, I often draw inspiration from Albert Camus' comparison of daily life to the myth of Sisyphus. Like Sisyphus pushing a boulder endlessly up a mountain, we all carry our own burdens of responsibilities beyond our control. Camus' notion that we must imagine Sisyphus happy resonates with me, emphasizing the importance of our mindset in facing obstacles.

As a solo creator, I navigate challenges without the support of a team. Time becomes my primary obstacle as I balance Surface by Sasha with my 9-5 job, family, social life, exercise, and rest. Crafting engaging content requires thorough understanding and synthesis of complex concepts, demanding significant time and research. While I adore this process, it's a constant juggle to maintain quality amidst competing priorities.

3) Can you highlight a few key milestones in your career that you consider pivotal moments? How did they shape your trajectory?

Two pivotal moments stand out in my career: completing my School of Athens renditions and publishing The Tower of Theo.

I created Surface by Sasha to blend philosophy and art. My first painting, inspired by Raphael’s School of Athens, was followed by a more vivid interpretation titled Cogito Ergo Creo two years later. In painting these pieces and stacking them together, I found a profound connection to my purpose. Not to sound too dramatic, but I felt as though I reached the peak in my painting career, for I can’t imagine a painting that celebrates my passions and depicts my heart and soul in a more comprehensive way. 

The Tower of Theo, published in 2022, conceptually originated in 2013. After about five years of contemplation and study, I delved into writing, finding the process to be everything from enticing to daunting. There was so much to be done! Outlining, writing, editing, designing the cover, formatting, publishing, and marketing: each stage was deeply meaningful, culminating in the profound experience of holding the published book for the first time and witnessing its impact through reviews and readers' posts. This has indubitably been and continues to be the highlight of my career, and I carry my newfound self-reliance and creativity into every project.

4) Can you tell our readers more about what you do and what sets you apart from others?

I specialize in living a philosophical life, infusing curiosity, humility, and wonder into everyday experiences. Rather than seeing philosophy as escapism or impractical (two prominent stigmas against the discipline), I view it as ongoing self-reflection, with no claims to universal truth. Philosophy, to me, is a discourse that thrives on multiple perspectives. Through my work, I invite others to join me in questioning life and share timeless wisdom from centuries past.

Currently, I'm documenting the process of writing my second book, offering insights into each step and inviting others to learn alongside me. The journey includes marveling at other authors’ works (shoutout to Oscar Wilde, Mary Shelley, and Edgar Allan Poe, to name a few), sharing tips on writing and publishing novels, and continuing to promote public philosophical discourse and reflection with every post.

5) Reflecting on your experiences, what important lessons have you learned along the way? How have they influenced your approach to your work?

As a self-proclaimed life-long learner and a lover of wisdom, I can say without exaggeration that I am always learning something new. One lesson that continues resurfacing is that authenticity and humility are essential, especially in a discipline prone to fostering egoistic personalities. I prioritize inquiry over spreading falsities, embracing the power of subjectivity alongside the pursuit of objectivity. Speaking from a place of personal experience and perspective holds an under-appreciated beauty and validity. 

Additionally, I've come to appreciate the power of connection and community, despite much of my work being solitary. Genuine connections highlight the positive aspects of our human condition, and I'm committed to fostering spaces where these connections can thrive. My work feels magical and infinitely rewarding because questions will always outnumber answers, and embracing curiosity will ensure that the flame for philosophy never burns out.

You can get in contact with Sasha here:

IG: @surfacebysasha

Website: https://surfacebysasha.com

Philosophy made simple

 

Let the gypsy woman explain what's in the cards

I educate myself in desire
And let my mind ride the beast

 

Moving art in packs

A heart, a rose

My girl gang ride red lamborghini's

 

Inhale glitter, spray love

From pink kalashnikovs

 

My ancestors bodyguard my soul

 

I am my own woman

Can you share with us the pivotal moments or experiences that led you to transition from a traditional designer to a transformational coach and energy healer?

When I finished my design degree, I was committed to become a success in the industry. I saw potential wherever I looked, and my dedication to aesthetics was huge – but then I started working as a designer, and the reality of the design world came crushing down on me. There was no room for visionary thinking or change making: all I could see was agencies frantically working long hours to make ends meet, to make money faster, to help clients manipulate theirclients into buying through clever design. I felt disillusioned, and I felt shame for having been so naive. This was how the world worked, it seemed, and there was no choice but to push through, and become part of the systems that is so clearly flawed and broken. And it broke me, too. My body rebelled. I kept working anyway – until I literally couldn’t move the mouse anymore, my shoulders so stiff, tense and in pain, that was forced to stop. Questioning not just my own life, but our collective endeavours as well, I stumbled into the coaching world, signed up for an introduction into transformational coaching without knowing what to expect, and I was instantly hooked: I found a place where positive change and transition were at the forefront of thinking. A whole new journey began.

What drew you towards exploring spiritual practices and mysticism in your journey? Was there a specific event or realization that sparked this exploration?

I was one of those kids that had a really strong connection to mystic living – without being aware of it. I grew up in a highly rationality-focused, atheist household, but mystical experiences, including a deep, reciprocal relationship with nature, were a part of my life that I never truly questioned until I got older and more deeply hooked into the logical mind. Yet, those synchronicities, those experiences – they were too meaningful to be ignored: like the out-of-body experience I had as a teenager, where by experimental intention I managed to leave my physical form and gazed down upon myself, then the house, eventually the planet, before shooting back, finding myself dizzy and nauseous on the sofa, utterly shocked and confused by what just happened. I was opened up for the existence worlds, experiences, and aspects of life out there that went far beyond what I was being taught at school.

How do you integrate your background in design with your current work in coaching and energy healing? Can you walk us through how these seemingly disparate fields intersect in your practice?

I came to realise that my main field of interest in design – branding – is one of the pillars of business that desperately needs changing if we desire to create an economy that actually serves life, rather than depleting it. Through my training in Human Design, my exploration of the Gene Keys, and learning a variety of energy healing modalities, I discovered an access point that allows a beautiful merging of branding and spiritual practice. I realised that when a mystical entrepreneur’s soul mission is represented by their business, and their work is part of who they are, their brand cannot be created by traditional means of market analysis, and following industry standards and rules. Their brand needs to evolve as an emanation of their soul essence, which requires deep listening, and deep understanding of who they are at their core. The journey of creating a brand and designing a brand identity for a business that is a vessel for someone’s soul mission is also a journey deep into their purpose and into their heart. It is not just a process of making their vision visible for the world, but for their human selves as well – it becomes an anchor of remembrance of who they truly are, and what they came to this planet to be and do.

Reflecting on your journey, what were some of the biggest challenges you faced during your transition and as you merged these worlds of branding and mysticism?

The biggest challenge was and is to be present in both worlds. I don’t think it’s useful to completely ditch the strategic side of things, so it’s always about keeping the balance alive between what resides more in the realms of feminine energies and mysticism, and the masculine structures and systems that hold everything in place. Another challenge was that “soulful branding” had become a trend, and it’s wildly important to be discerning regarding what is actually soulful work, and where these words are used as a marketing gag only. Furthermore, it is a fine line to walk when it comes to bringing the sacredness of mystic work into the realms of a capitalistic system – I believe that we do need to change the systems from the inside out, and that bringing mystical aspects into them is one of the core aspects of co-creating change, but it’s so important to not loose track and commodify mystical power.

Can you share a particularly impactful or transformative experience you've had while working with a client or within your own personal development journey?

Regarding my client work, it’s been so fascinating to me that the branding aspect of the journey is the main goal we start out with, but it ends up being a lovely “side-effect” of a deep soul-exploration and mission-refinement. It has been truly transformative to see how this work is not something that I deliver or construct on the mental plane, but rather that it is something I am a vessel for. Being with a client in deep listening and finding myself being spoken through in response to their explorations is such a humbling and beautiful experience, deepening my trust in life and in the vast intelligence that flows through all that is.

What inspires you to continue weaving together the realms of business and soulfulness, despite any obstacles or skepticism you may encounter?

The big dream of a future where business is truly soulful never lets me go. I can sense and feel the potential of this dream coming true deep in my bones, and it keeps me going day after day. Imagine a world where business works differently. Where it’s not about infinite growth, sales figures and revenue numbers, but about truth, the wellbeing of the individual as well as the collective of the human and non-human world. A creative expansion into a new paradigm of being alive. A world where a business is not just a capitalist piece of machinery, but a vessel for soul. In that kind of world, where business is an expression of soulfulness, how would business be able to harm life? When business springs forth from soul, and the interconnectedness of all things is a given, an economy that exists in service of life comes into being. Of course, this is a big and wild dream, and it feels very far away from the reality we live in right now – but dreaming it without knowing the answers to the many questions about how to possibly get there is enough to keep the spark alive, and living the question becomes the answer.

How do you maintain balance and alignment between the mundane aspects of your work and the deeper, more mystical elements you incorporate?

In every moment, I feel into what’s needed to fit in with the transitionary moment of the now. Is this a moment where we go and work on the inner planes? Or is it time to look at the nitty-gritty in the outer world? Do we need to work in the realms of energy right now, or do we actually need to dig into the structures that are present right now and figure out a way of working within them without succumbing to their rules,so much so we loose track of our commitment to creating a new path?

Have there been moments where you've doubted your path or felt uncertain about the direction you were heading? How did you navigate through those moments?

Absolutely, and these moments still occur, as I believe they do for all mystics forging a new path. For me, it’s such a core aspect to hold on to believing in our species’ potential for change and betterment. There are moments when I feel overwhelmed, and feel anxiety creeping up, questions racing through my mind: what if I am wrong, and there is no hope? What if I am just naive and crazy to dream this big? What if I made a wrong choice, and the safe bet would’ve been to buckle up and bow down to hustle culture, following the status quo? When these questions arise, and I track their truthfulness in my body, I can sense what’s real and what isn’t. When I feel into the depth of my being, the inner knowing of them not being true is strong enough to pull me out – but it’s important to know that this inner knowing is not normally loud and shouty (like those fearful thoughts are), but more like a quiet rock at the bottom of my inner ocean that radiates a sense of peace, trust, and devotion.

What advice would you give to someone who feels drawn to explore their mystic nature but may be hesitant or unsure where to begin?

Begin with the questions. Start with seeing them not as problems to be solved, but as alternative realms of existence to be explored. Questions aren’t a threat – they are safe havens of ideation and imagination. Can you open your mind to dare asking wild and visionary questions? Can you let go of the fear of being judged for daring to ask what else is possible? Can you live the questions, rather than pursuing the answers, no matter how paradoxical and unusual they are? What if life doesn’t require an answer – but an ever-evolving, vast and beautiful question to be lived?

Looking ahead, what are your hopes and aspirations for The Weaver's Kinship and the impact you aim to make in the world through your work?

The Weaver’s Kinship, my studio of mystic expression, lives at the threshold of mystic business and poetic living. My aspiration for it is to be a safe haven for modern mystics who traverse the liminal spaces between the mundane and the magical, the old and the new worlds, dreaming a new way of doing business and being human on this Earth into being. Aside from helping mystics to find and express their brand and soul mission through the vessel of their business, and holding space for their unfolding and deep connections in my Mystic Living membership, I aspire for The Weaver’s Kinship to become a true temple of mystic joy that helps to root the importance and value of a mystical, poetical connection to life into the everyday. My aim is to re-introduce the power of the mystic mind and of a mystical approach to being alive and doing business, so that we move away from a disconnected world, towards a new path of living in alignment with nature, as nature, connected to the soulfulness of being and working in service of life.


You can find more of Klara's work here:

Read: Starborn on Substack

Connect: @newearthweaver on Instagram

theweaverskinship.com

Can you share with us the pivotal moment or experience that led you to discover yoga as a tool for healing after the loss of a close family member? And did it serve as a refuge for your amidst grief?

The pivotal moment for me was during the first class back after my cousin passed. There had been such immense pain in every waking moment up until that point. It was being lost in the movement and focusing on my breathing that allowed me to be fully present so for that one hour I wasn’t in pain. It was the only time since he had passed away that I’d noticed any kind of lightness or hope.

What inspired you to transition from being a yoga practitioner to becoming a yoga teacher, and ultimately founding Funky Cactus Yoga?

It was ultimately the peace that I felt. It had such a profound impact on me that I knew I wanted to share that with others. It didn’t have to be grief-specific, I knew that if that one hour class could bring me peace from the suffering in my life, it could do the same for others. Whether it’s work-related stress, personal health conditions, anxiety, family problems or loss. My cousin passed in July 2019 and I signed up for my teacher training 5 months later. 

Could you walk us through the journey of starting your wellness retreats business? What challenges did you face along the way, and how did you overcome them?

I knew I wanted to delve in deeper with people than just one hour classes. I wanted to create beautiful and transformational experiences from the ground up, where I really got to know each individual on the retreat, and they were there in a safe, held space with others who are like-minded. You didn’t have to be suffering to come on a retreat either, maybe you just needed some time to prioritise yourself, or to slow down, or to delve deeper into your yoga practice. I planned my first retreat, a couple of hours away from where I lived at the time in the Yorkshire countryside. The main risk was the deposit for the venue which I used my savings for. As soon as the venue was booked, I put an email out to see if any of my community and friends were interested. I was really lucky in that I already had a small network of people from teaching local classes. Half of the people that came were people I knew and half of the people were from retreat booking websites, which really helped me get off the ground initially. My dad and his partner are chefs so I asked them if they would be happy to do the food and they were really excited to take on the new venture of plant-based eating. I’m so grateful to be working with people that I know and love and trust. The biggest obstacle I’ve faced is getting the word out. Word-of-mouth has been my best friend and repeat bookings help a lot with most people booking time and time again. It’s still something I’m overcoming, but what has helped is teaching more public classes and getting to know the students in the class. This helps me find people who connect with my teaching, and who then go on to book retreats. 

How does witnessing such transformations inspire and drive your work? You mentioned a transformational experience with a participant who had recently suffered losses. Could you delve deeper into that experience and how it impacted both you and the participant?

It was a real full circle moment for me, because this was the reason that I initially started teaching in the first place. So to know and experience firsthand helping someone find a few moments of peace and hope like I did when I started yoga was an emotional experience for us both! It made me feel as though I was truly living in my purpose, and that I was in exactly the right place. For Lyn, it only reminded her what she already knew deep down. That her life still has meaning, love and purpose without their physical presence and that she can still find moments of joy and find new things that light her up. On a physical level, she progressed so much throughout the week in her yoga practice, after two traumatic events her body was holding so much trauma that she really started to process and move through that week. This was emphasised by her pulling the card ‘the Second Bloom’ from our deck, indicating a new start. She’s a wonderful human being and truly brings a light to every room. We were very lucky to have her on the retreat.

What role do you believe vulnerability plays in the healing process, both for yourself and for those who attend your retreats?

As Brene Brown said, 'vulnerability is the only bridge to connection'. I've noticed it so much within the guests that attend these retreats, the ones that are willing to be the most vulnerable are the ones who get the most out of the experience and see the most growth. It's the ability to keep our hearts open in the harder times that allows us to heal and build deeper connections with ourselves and others. Closing off is the easy option, keeping your heart open is hard, but necessary. A certain amount of vulnerability is required from everybody from the offset. I open the retreats by sharing my personal journey and move on to the question of why guests are here. We continue to have daily sharing circles with prompts that encourage openness. It can be daunting at first, especially if people aren't used to sharing openly with others, but it's a beautiful way to create a space for active listening and for individuals to be heard without advice or comments being offered.

How do you integrate mindfulness and healing practices into the environment of Funky Cactus Yoga retreats to create safe and supportive spaces for participants?

I like to think of our retreats as combining ancient, sacred practices with modern science. People have been meditating for thousands of years without data to back it up, just feeling. I love that with the wellness industry growing we now have hard data to back up what we already knew - that this stuff is good for us. We combine yoga, movement, meditation, ceremonies, rituals, breathwork, ice baths and nutritionally dense plant-based whole foods and always set in nature to create holistic experiences for the mind, body and soul. A lot of what creates the environment is the team. I have a wonderful assistant Georgie (who happens to also be my best friend) who is also key in creating that safe space for people to just rest and come out of fight or flight, giving their nervous systems a break. My Dad and his partner Joanna are our chefs and they excel at what they do and are always there for a cup of tea and a chat when needed. I'm so grateful to these three for helping me create these experiences for people to heal and return home to themselves.

Can you share a particularly memorable moment or story from one of your retreats that encapsulates the essence of what Funky Cactus Yoga is all about?

My favourite time on the retreats is the closing circle. It's a space that we create to seal off a retreat before we go our separate ways and integrate back into real life. We reflect on our experience and talk about how we can take our practices from the retreat into day-to-day life. We also send love around the circle so everyone ends the retreat feeling loved, respected and held. 

Finally, what advice would you offer to individuals who may be struggling with grief or other challenges in life, based on your own journey and experiences in facilitating healing through yoga?

My advice is only to take one day at a time and feel everything that arises. Denial, rage, sadness, all of it. The saying goes that you have to 'feel it to heal it' and it was only once I allowed myself to express my emotions fully and really ride that roller coaster than I began to start healing. Also, if you can find something that gets you really present and offers you even a few minutes of peace, then do that. It looks different for everyone, for my brother it's triathlon and training really hard, for me it's yoga, for some it's ice baths. Find your version of present. My last piece of advice is to just be kind to yourself. This is the hardest thing we have to go through as humans and you are surviving it. It is one experience that unites us all, because it is something we all experience at some point. 

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share a bit about your journey and work?

My name is Rebekka Wall. I began my journey into adult sleep with a special interest in working with adult women, after "revenge bedtime" led to stress, shingles, and a Ramsey Hunt diagnosis. I had a paralyzed face for over 6 months, and now it is my passion to help women in making sleep (and all of the aspects that go along with supporting a rested lifestyle) a priority. I craved that "me time" as a mom with 3 boys 3 and under, and ultimately led to being over-caffeinated, addicted to sugar, and not sleeping.

I decided to help women take back their sleep and feel confident in their ability to sleep well and feel healthy, energized, mentally clear, and strong. 

Looking back, was your journey relatively smooth or did you face significant obstacles?

I have learned so much through this process. I am constantly evaluating my very full plate. What feels like a good yes - what feels like a bad yes, when I am doing too much. I remember clearly how maxed out I felt leading up to my Ramsey Hunt diagnosis, the need to control, do more in order to feel value, and saying yes to more and no to rest. 

Can you highlight a few key milestones in your career that you consider pivotal moments? How did they shape your trajectory?

Working with women for their sleep has been a dream. Every consultation and client I have worked with, podcast I have been on, or even conversation with my friends confirm I am doing the right thing. I think people are beginning  to take sleep seriously and realize the implications of poor sleep on their health. People want to feel good, they want to be healthy and sleep is one of the ways to get there. I hear over and over again people feel busy, overstimulated, and unable to rest. I want that to change.

Can you tell our readers more about what you do and what you think sets you apart from others?

I work one-on-one with clients to help create a custom sleep plan for them to become confident about their sleep. I focus on cognitive and behavior support, I do not do any sort of medical diagnosis. I evaluate my client's lifestyle and together we create a plan to get them better sleep. I feel passionate about simple, evidence based solutions. It isn't realistic for the many to remove all screens, sauna every night, sleep with only red light bulbs - so what can we do so you can still sleep well but feel like you aren't giving up your life.

Reflecting on your experiences, what important lessons have you learned along the way? How have they influenced your approach to your work?

One of the biggest things I have learned is rest is possible. But it takes intentionality, purposeful time management, and self-disciple. When you start sleeping well and you see how good you feel, you won't go back.

IG: @sleepwiseinseattle
Facebook: sleepwiseinseattle

Rebekka Wall is a certified adult sleep consultant with Sleep Wise Consulting and she is passionate about busy women prioritizing sleep. As a wife and a homeschooling mother to three boys, Rebekka knows that ability to live with more energy, less stress, balanced hormones, reduced mental fatigue, and achievable fitness goals are met through consistent, quality sleep. She has a special interest in how hormonal shifts throughout a woman's life - from puberty, to pregnancy, to menopause impacts sleep, and she is a huge advocate for providing realistic and sustainable tools for long-term success.

I am so patient with the new leaf on the vine
I encourage each one to grow
To unravel at its own pace
I sing to them as they unfurl
Welcome to the World Little One
I admire the beauty of such a creation
But when the leaf shrivels, browns, and falls heavy to the ground I
cannot help but rush myself
What if I don’t do all the things I said I would do?
What if I never perform great?
What if I never live up to the expectations?
What if I never remain perfect?
What if I never become who I’m supposed to?
I want to be the leaf on the vine

Love should not feel confusing. Communicating how you feel towards your partner shouldn’t be constantly amusing. Ask yourself why you’re experiencing a roller coaster of different emotions. Is having tunnel vision worth experiencing low levels of oxytocin? You’re drowning in tidal waves of constant conflict. You’re free to roam the world as you please but you still feel trapped like a bird in a cage. He’s love bombing you to distract you from his outburst of rage. Pretending you’re happy on social media doesn’t dismiss what’s happening backstage. Why are you pouring in when you’re receiving nothing? You’re choking on verbal abuse that he’s shoving. If a relationship is with two people why do you feel so alone? I’m speaking for the names that are now written on tombstones.

Founder, Steph Bee Creative Consultancy

  1 Can you briefly introduce yourself and share a bit about your journey and work?

My name is Steph Bee, legally known as Steph Blue :). I am a mom and wife, and I currently own a business that is the same age as my daughter, who is two and a half years old. In 2016, I started my journey as a marketer in London, working for one of the biggest marketing and ad firms in the city. 

I then got married, moved to the US to be with my husband, and dived right back into marketing while also growing as a wellness content creator. By 2021, I had over 20,000 followers and was working as a coordinator for the Knoxville Chamber. Life threw the most beautiful (somewhat planned) curveball, and my daughter Alina-Dior was born. Here’s where my journey into entrepreneurship began.

I never had a thought, let alone the drive, to be an entrepreneur, that’s not been done in my family for at least two generations. But when moving from the UK, where maternity leave is roughly 12 months, to the US, where the max was 12 weeks, I quickly realized that neither of those numbers made any sense. After giving birth to my daughter and understanding and living through the changes that, that brought me, mentally, emotionally, and physically, there is no time a woman can have that is enough to understand and readapt, let alone truly embrace and embark on this new beautiful journey with a new life. 

How can time be put on that?

In 2022, I launched Steph Bee Creative Consultancy, a female-run and owned Social Media oasis that works to redefine the influence of female content creators and small businesses. We have achieved this by building mini-courses that help aspiring women who want to make a full-time income in Social Media or marketing gain the tools to get started. We offer Social Media Management services for both influencers and small businesses that want to keep their hands out of it but want to receive results, build influence, and attract clients. Lastly, we offer one power-hour Content Consultation, providing rapid, result-driven information for whatever your content question is to help you get started with growing and redefining your influence. Lastly, we follow up within 72 hours with a PDF of everything we discussed and additional notes for results.

2) Looking back, was your journey relatively smooth or did you face significant obstacles?

 I have definitely experienced obstacles. I birthed my business alongside having my first child and homeschooling her. It has been one of the most challenging situations to juggle, but I believe I've done it with wellness at the center. Giving myself and my daughter an immense amount of grace and feeling free to accept help. I always say that just because I am strong doesn’t mean I want to be strong, and multitasking is unproductive.

I wanted my husband, daughter, and my business to get the best of me. That realization came from learning what burnout felt like and leaning into amazing local resources that Knoxville offers, like Parents Day Out - a two-day-a-week church daycare.

3) Can you highlight a few key milestones in your career that you Consider pivotal moments? How did they shape your trajectory?

Although I'm from London, this question leads me back to why I call Knoxville home and my hometown. It's because all the pivotal moments in my career steer right back to the root, being Knoxville. When I started posting about my wellness journey and the desire to create a cleaner life for both myself and my family, it pushed me into doing more yoga and really connecting with my body to reset and reevaluate what "feeling well" looked like.

Posting from an honest place allowed me to find my tribe and enabled one of the biggest franchises in our city to find me. Dick’s House of Sport offered me an opportunity to collaborate with incredible wellness influencers across America, and I was later invited to partner with one of the largest sports companies in the world, Nike. Dicks opened the door to an incredible content-creating opportunity that led me to learn and immerse myself in understanding the strategies that brands look for when choosing who they want to work with.

I joined multiple workshops, both in my city and New York, that led me to truly understand what growth retention looks like for content creators, both financially and mentally. 

Thankfully, this led to another pivotal moment of applying for a local business grant that also gives access to a course and curriculm that help build your business capital. 100Knoxville is an incredible program for local black business owners run by the Entrepreneurial Center. From the work of the facilitators, Kandis Troutman and Catherine Pooth, all the way down to the level of homework we were given, 100Knoxville truly helped me understand the power of women taking up space in the business world-thank you Kandis. It gave me an even deeper drive to teach women how to do the same through the research and knowledge I'd acquired about the power of social media.

4) Can you tell our readers more about what you do and what sets you apart from others?

I am a coach and consultant who owns a Social Media Oasis. What helps me stand out is that my business is truly my h'art work. It allows me to fulfill my purpose of serving women and helping them grow in the digital space while reminding them of Wellness and the importance of separation from it and how to balance that with reaching marketing goals.

In saying that, Steph Bee Creative provides women the opportunity to redefine their influence through social media. We offer social media management services tailored to very specific growth and retention goals for women-centered businesses. We also offer a sub-service that focuses on User Generated Content. We design, edit, and direct UGC content for businesses and offer customized reels for women wanting to showcase their business through the power of video.

Additionally, we cater to aspiring influencers, providing mini-courses specifically aimed at moms who want to grow their influence and get started in accessing the life that full-time content creation provides. Lastly, my favorite part is that we provide Content Consultations, which is a power-hour zoom chat with yours truly, designed to help businesses and/or influencers be placed on the right track to reaching their content creation or social media marketing goals. As soon as you book a power hour with us you receive a welcome message and google doc requesting the info we need to help put you on the right track. On your scheduled date, we will join a zoom call and dive right in.Once our one-hour is up, instead of leaving you with a “wan-bam-thank-you-ma’am”, 72 hours later you received a PDF with clear direction of what we went over and a roadmap on how to reach your goals.

5) Reflecting on your experiences, what important lessons have you learned along the way? How have they influenced your approach to your work?

"Your husband is right." LOL or at least that was my case; my husband has been one of my biggest cheerleaders and advisors since starting my business. I owe my success to his support.

"Trust the voices the Most High has placed around you - especially if they're women LOL - big push on the LOL":

Before starting my entrepreneurial journey, I worked at the Knox Chamber. My last place of full-time work was Catholic Charities. In both jobs, I had three life-changing bosses: Lysney Wilson & Callie Blackburn at the Knoxville Chamber, and Lori Sliwa & Sandi Davison, Director & Program Manager of Catholic Charities.

My ability to have the courage to start my own business while also homeschooling a toddler came from the support that these women gave me at some point while managing me. They had no idea how their subtle encouragement helped give me the courage to do something that hasn't been done in my family for at least two generations. Because of them, my business is thriving with courage under its wings. Thank you, ladies.

And obviously, my mom 🙂 I live by the words she tells me every time I call her in a frenzy lol - please bear in mind the deep Queen's English sarcasm this is said in, with a very deep soothing undertone of a mother's love, LOL: "Steph, even when you don’t know what you’re doing, you do it well, so whatever it is you’re doing with marketing, keep doing it; you’re clearly doing it well :)."

-Thanks mom.

These women have helped me coach, consult and even manage women’s content from a space that pushes them to be greater. They’ve influenced my approach to how I view my potential, but also how I now view other women that my business brings me the pleasure of impacting.

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stephbee__/

Linkedin :https://www.linkedin.com/company/bee-creative-consultancy/

Business Website: https://stephbee.org/consultancy

You had laid out all of your red flags right in front of me very early on. I just chose to keep the rose colored glasses on because I liked you.

You would always tell me how much you played with alcohol. How there would be times you didn’t even know how you made it home. That you would get blackout drunk during the daytime. *red flag #1

You would tell me about all the people you had hooked up with. How you couldn’t even remember their names. How hyper sexual you were towards me, forcing me to do things I didn’t want to do; But I wanted you to like me… even if it made me uncomfortable, even if I was left feeling used afterwards. How reckless you are… *red flag #2

You would tell me about all the crazy shit you and your friends would do. At first I would laugh, but I’m not going to lie, I cringed hearing these stories. *red flag #3

It made me realize how drastically different you and me were. You were this wild and reckless individual, while I was a calm and intentional individual. I could never imagine myself doing half the shit you did.

I didn’t like alcohol, I had told you about all the bad experiences I had with alcohol…
With people becoming belligerent or hostile towards me when they drank. How uncomfortable I would become when I noticed a shift in someone’s mood when they had too much to drink.

And yet you would take me to bars. You would order me drinks and I didn’t want to disappoint you; so I forced myself to drink those drinks in order to keep you interested in me. I hated the taste of vodka and tequila after a while. It was bitter and made me feel out of control; My head was dizzy and I felt myself slipping away. This wasn’t me, who was I becoming? I didn’t like the feeling… *red flag #4

But at the time I so badly wanted you to like me.
What a foolish girl I was…

It took me until now to see how it would’ve never worked out between us.
You were a beautifully catastrophic lesson. Thank you for showing me the kind of boy to stay away from.

The birth of a star does not question its creation
It is simply created and reaches across the vastness of space and time
The rumbling waves of lights and dust charge against any darkness
The energy flows over and through asteroids and masses
Who am I to question such a creation?
Created in God’s likeness, the star simply exists to shine, the light,
evidence of its life
I turn to the mirror, and only recognize my eyes
This body has carried my soul this far in life,
How could I not love such a creation?
The un-conforming existence of woman, in all that she is,
Is much like the star
I am created in the image of God’s love;
I grow and learn over the vastness of space and time
My words and actions become rumbling waves
Charging against a world built to break me
My energy flows with love and strength, protecting the lives around me
Who am I to question such a creation?
I exist to shine, the love, evidence of my life

I'm the girl whose brain never gets tired
that always seems to be running its own race
in thoughts that spiral but never find a conclusion

I'm the girl who seems to always say I'm sorry and I love you at the wrong time

I'm the girl who feels impossible to be around
whose friends never call first
and lovers always pick last

I'm the girl who can't seem to get it right despite hours of research
and unending talks about her feelings

I'm the girl who lays awake while the world is quiet
and the moon is the only one who can see the tears

I'm the girl who is always busy but somehow along
that gets nervous in crowds but hates the silence

I'm the girl with wild dreams and confusing ideas
that collide until nothing is finalized

the girl who spills her heart out on paper because it doesn't make judgements
or laugh at the things she doesn't understand

the girl who tries so hard to be seen
and yet stays invisible

Someone told me I’m unfriendly. I struggle to understand why, but I've heard the reasons.

People perceive me as cold, especially when I meet new people for the first time. Despite that, I'm a girl who has tried multiple times to connect with others, only to be turned down.

Yes, someone told me I'm unfriendly, but they don't know I'm also the most shy and anxious girl, grappling with how to deal with my fears and emotions.

People may see me as stuck up, but I'm also a girl who has been made fun of for being different and having unique dreams—considered too much, not normal.

My vision of reality might be twisted, yet I was taught that everything I dream, I can achieve.

Sometimes, I have to be stronger than I ever thought I could.

People might perceive me as having an arrogant attitude, but the truth is, I'm not taken seriously. I have to constantly prove myself and work harder to secure any opportunity.

It's a form of protection, setting boundaries.

My heart breaks because, even though I have to wear this armor, the fragile girl still resides within—someone who is not unfriendly but undeniably strong.

One of the possible titles for my self-published book was “How to Have a Hysterectomy: 101”. Albeit, slightly tongue and cheek, I quickly realized that each person’s health journey is a unique one, and there is no one way to do things. However, when we are swimming in the sea of uncertainty, it can be nice to offer some specific, experienced advice. As you will soon see, some of my best work comes in lists of ten. 

1.) Trust Your Gut: Whether having a hysterectomy or navigating other health challenges, trying to find that balance of solid intuition and open-mindedness should be your first tool. Get multiple opinions, and invite trusted others into your decision making process. At the end of the day, you are the expert on your own boundaries, expectations and limitations and that must inform your plan of action and/or purposeful waiting.

2.) Medicine: Invest serious time in selecting your medical team. This is probably the scientific equivalent of the axiom “measure twice, cut once”. I explored multiple medical options, support networks, physical therapies and more before selecting my course of action. Not every moment includes that luxury of time, but if possible, pursue it.

3.) Faith: This book is not written exclusively for faith believing individuals, though often expressed from a Judeo-Christian perspective. Hopefully that doesn’t dissuade anyone in their own faith journey, but if you find yourself as an atheist or agnostic, I would still encourage you to consider this perspective, perhaps in terms of your own community or love itself. At the very least, whether you believe in a Higher Power or not, this journey will be immeasurably more difficult if you do not place faith in others, yourself and the hope of a personal solution to difficult challenges.

4.) Community: I chose to pursue my hospital stay and subsequent recovery in relative isolation, which turned out to be the perfect environment for my healing. However, unless I was planning on actually performing my own “Hysterectomy 101”, I had to acknowledge my limitations, and invite trusted others into the process. I chose to pursue community via online resources as with my platform, registry and online dialogue. I explored websites and social media to engage with others in their experiences and challenges. I utilized a blog, art therapy and other creative means to express my emotions. I consulted doctors, therapists and other medical professionals to bolster my own research. And I relied on close friends prior, during and after the recovery, for accountability and support. 

5.) Emotions: I personally found the emotional and spiritual components of my healing to be far more challenging than the physical aspects. I am an artist by profession, so this internal conversation came relatively naturally. My father is a psychologist and I don’t suffer from the outdated stigmatism ascribed to the healing practices of psychotherapy. But I wouldn’t expect the average individual to have those proclivities, or necessarily the time to fully unpack them. The most I can say is don’t ignore the potential complexities of whatever transition you are exploring. The human body is much more than its physical components, and for a full comprehensive healing, you need to acknowledge yourself as a full, comprehensive human.

6.) Logistics: While impossible to predict the needs of any one individual, please think through every practical aspect of your recovery and plan accordingly. Later in the book you can reference my various lists, and I find this type of preparation primarily useful in giving ourselves a sense of control in uncontrollable circumstances. If pressed, I would say the top 5 items that aided my recovery were medication, food delivery, a support pillow, recovery activities and digital resources. The needs of each individual are different, but with enough research and self-awareness you can set yourself up to win, even with setbacks and unpredictable circumstances.

7.) The Registry: This might seem ludicrous, but this was one of the best decisions I employed for my personal healing. I am single, unmarried, self-employed and without children. I have never personally experienced my own bridal shower or baby shower and don’t even expect to enjoy a retirement party in the future. I am technologically savvy, so it was very easy to set up a website and registry for my community to help out. I have a chronic illness so meal trains, home visits and other traditional means of support were less than ideal. I also have the great privilege of being a part of many different communities, and recognized that as much as I needed help, there were also individuals who were desperate to provide it. This was one of the easiest ways to be openly transparent about my needs, while still keeping friends, family and students at a healthy, organized distance.

8.) The Expert: It quickly became apparent that one of the main aces in my hand was my resident best friend and nurse. Her medical expertise and “JW expertise” was invaluable during this process, but not everyone has that luxury. As I mentioned, my father is a psychologist. My mother is an expert accountant, planner and organizer. My friends are artists and entertainers, and I’m a teacher. All of that to say, play to your strengths, and that includes your community. Whatever you’ve got, put it to good use. Are you married to an individual who cooks? Start that meal prep. Young kids in the family? Let’s rope them into household chores and requested snuggles. Are your friends engineers? That application is less clear to me…but I’m sure there is a way to put their skills to good use. Whether they design a means of extricating your from your recovery bed, or provide hand made Lego Sets for entertaining assembly, use every asset at your disposal!

9.) Communication: This is a huge component of recovery and ongoing personal success. Apparently one of my gifts is creative communication but I never would have thought that would have a medical application. Whether I was communicating my insecurities to my surgeon or gently arguing with my parents about a plan of action, I was always, imperfectly communicating. The conversations that we have with our Divine Power, our community and ourselves can make or break our relative success. Upon entering the hospital I had to convince the staff to allow my personal belongings. I reminded the surgeon that I had pre-existing body image issues and would prefer a horizontal incision. I communicated with nurses during uncomfortable physical moments and asked a ton of potentially irritating questions. This is your moment. Speak up for yourself with kindness and power.

10.) The One With the Hysterectomy: I suppose I should finish with a shameless plug for the very book you are reading. I hope it can be useful to anyone during the complicated pursuit of their own mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health. While I am not a licensed therapist, I would love to hear some of your stories via social media and other online resources! As stated in the book, I own a small, educational arts business called Music4Me Studios and would relish any conversations or relationships born out of this book! Check us out online and share your own recovery stories! You’ve taken the first step in harnessing your own powers of healing and taking proactive steps to pursue your best life! Let’s get to it! 

Growing up, you mentioned not finding greeting cards that aligned with your intersectionality. Could you elaborate on how this influenced your decision to pursue digital art and launch your own store?

Gift giving has been a really big part of my personality for as long as I can remember. As a kid, I would pour over possibilities of gifts for my friends and my family and this is consistent with who I am now. I have a huge list that I compile throughout the year of gifts for all the people in my life because I enjoy the activity of giving gifts so much. And when you give a gift you always give a card. When I was a kid I would stand in the greeting card aisle for so long, looking at all the possibilities, trying to figure out which one would fit the situation that I am in and almost always I never found one that perfectly fit the person that I was giving the gift to. The jokes and phrases and comments on grocery store cards were always a little too ‘Western,’ and the ones at the Desi stores were as I called them when I was a kid, “old people humour.”

One of my very first cards that I designed was the “What’s up Dood?” greeting card. This card is an amalgamation of what I wanted Marhaba Prints to be. Something simple and colourful that is a mix of south Asian and Canadian culture. It's a joke that almost every first generation south Asian kid would have said at least once in their life. For me, it was my younger brother. He would say it over and over and over again when we were kids and it was something that made me laugh every single time. It's a joke that incorporates South Asian culture while having some sort of western twist to it that gave me a feeling I wanted to bundle up and put into a card. When I started to make cards that I knew I wanted to sell. This was one of the first cards I thought about because of this feeling that I had and the way it summarizes the south Asian kid experience.

What challenges have you faced in starting your own online store, and how have you overcome them?

Getting the word out there! Personally, the creative and admin side of the business is really easy. I'm able to design products all day if I have the time, and all the spreadsheets and financial aspects of running a small business really speaks to my organization-obsessed side. However, the marketing side is something that I really struggle with. Social media can sometimes feel like a lottery, and there is so much competition out there that it's very hard to get people to even get eyes on my products and my business, let alone believe in my vision, no matter how passionate I am about it. I've been trying to go through different avenues along with social media, like reaching out to other groups, word of mouth, and more because I think these avenues are really valuable and sometimes they're untapped with a lot of small businesses.

How do you balance preserving the beauty of Islamic art while incorporating modern western expression into your designs?

Islam is so interesting because Muslims are not from one specific region, but we come from all over the world. Based on where the artist comes from Islamic art will look very very different. One commonality in a lot of Islamic art pieces that I have found is vibrant colours, intricate repeating patterns, and symbols of mosques, moons, and minarets. I aim to incorporate all of these elements in at least some of the cards because it's so important for me to have that essence of Islam in all of my products since it is such a big part of my identity. But more importantly, I aim to ensure that the message of Islam that I have in my cards is never diluted. This is because while Islam is never one group of people from one region, it is one message and I would never want to stray from that message for the sake of aesthetics.

What do you hope people feel or experience when they receive one of your cards?

My hope is that when someone receives one of my cards, their first reaction is to laugh. I always aim to bring joy and laughter into the world and I hope my cards are another avenue for it. Afterwards, I hope that they feel a sense of familiarity or belonging, and the sense of being seen. While I hope that everyone enjoys my cards, no matter what group you belong to, my cards are designed for a very specific group of people in mind. I think I've identified with them for my entire life and have felt that I never quite belonged or that my likes and interests were not important enough to be on shelves. Hey, I hope that when this group of people receives one of my cards is that they feel seen and that they feel important and if even one person is able to feel this way, then I have accomplished my goal.

Have you faced any pushback or criticism for the themes or styles of your artwork, and if so, how do you respond to it?

One of the big criticisms that I've gotten is that the jokes and messages on my cards are not original. The messages and lines on my cards are not copies of someone else’s work, but rather they are jokes that have been told by people in my community for a very long time. I hope that by putting these jokes on my cards, I'll be able to reach that group of people and bring them a sense of familiarity. I am never ever trying to copy or plagiarize anyone. I am simply using the jokes and lines that I have used and my friends and family have used my entire childhood and putting them to paper. These jokes are not original, but that's the point, they are timeless and belong to an entire group of people and not just one person.

What advice would you give to other artists who are looking to create work that celebrates their identity and cultural heritage?

There is never one way to celebrate your identity in your culture because no one has had the same experience. What may be authentic to you may not be what somebody else resonates with. Make the art that you identify with. Make the art that would make the younger version of you laugh and smile and feel seen. That is the only way that you can celebrate your identity and culture authentically.

Looking ahead, what are your goals for Marhaba Prints in the coming years, and how do you envision your art impacting your community?

My goal is the same as how I started. I started because I could never find products that I liked, and I identified with them on shelves. And while we have made so many moves as a community and you can now see a lot more products that belong to our community on big store shelves, it is not enough. Our communities are vibrant and fun and filled with joy and we deserve an entire display all year round, and not just a single shelf for two weeks of the year. My main goal for Marhaba Prints is to expand and to get my products on shelves all year round, so that as my cousins and nieces and nephews and children grow up, they'll be able to easily find products that they identify with. Whether it is Marhaba Prints products, or other products that my brand was able to pave the way for. I hope that whatever the future may bring, I am able to celebrate my community out loud for everyone to see.

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