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Relationships

Dating to get over someone—Is it Helpful? 9 Steps to Heal from a Breakup!

Dating to get over someone may seem like a working idea, though it isn’t as practical as one might think. Getting in a relationship with someone new before giving closure to your intense feelings can backfire like a fiery explosion!  

couple together

Breakups are extremely challenging, and there are many things you need to process once you are single again. You need to sort through your emotions—anger, pain, regret, bitterness, and even happiness—before dedicating your time to a new lover!  

Yet, people usually make the mistake of dating again to distract themselves from grief and avoid the reality of situations. Hiding in a new partner doesn’t take their pain away or save them from it; instead, it just suppresses the hurt that is bound to come back out sooner or later. 

So if you are thinking of dating to get over someone, there are some important things you must know. 

In this article, we’ll talk about dating after a breakup, is dating to get over someone okay, how to get over someone, and also answer some frequently asked questions! 

Dating to Get Over Someone 

“The love wasn’t ever-lasting, and the pain won’t be either”. 

Do not jump into a relationship just because you broke up recently and feel lonely. There’s a high chance you may still have strong feelings for that person, and dating to get over them won’t work as you think it would. 

Even if you feel that the relationship or your feelings are long gone, you must realize that a long time has passed, too. 

What you felt about relationships or the kind of partner you desired before wouldn’t necessarily stay the same way. And you’ll only learn what your heart wants now when you give it enough time! 

Without further ado, let’s begin learning your heart—

Is dating to get over someone okay?

Before indulging in a new relationship, you must question yourself—am I ready to face the pros and cons of dating someone new throughout my healing period? Do not just think of the goods of dating, but also remember the downs when considering being in a new relationship! 

There can be a few scenarios when you’re dating to get over someone:

  • Dating someone who doesn’t know you need a rebound

Looking at the sneaky side of the table, dating someone just for the sake of personal healing is unfair. Going out with an emotionally proactive person who is likely to get attached is also unjust.  

Furthermore, oppressive emotions develop when you’re dating someone without telling them the actual reason. It is your commitment as their sole partner to do justice with their effortful love. 

If you’re not ready to offer yourself as much as the other person, refrain from getting into an early relationship.  

  • Dating someone who knows about your situation

Getting in a mature relationship where your partner knows about your position may work. They may willingly help you comprehend your feelings and navigate through the post-breakup time! 

couple having an argument

Having someone to boost you in a casual relationship after knowing all the trauma you have gone through is comforting. Transparency and honesty are the base to kick start any relationship, and acknowledging your true feelings is the primary way to get over someone! 

However, this may not be the best idea because while your partner is helping you, their natural instinct will start longing for love in return. After all, it is only fair to expect a little from someone whom you’re providing a lot. 

You are allowed to let go of all those that do not set you free anymore.” — Dhiman.

How to get over someone?

Getting over someone is harsh, but nothing can hinder your way to a vigorous life if you decide to move on. Here are some steps to get over someone that will assist you like a companion in your post-breakup journey: 

1. Mourning is the primary phase of the process. 

You are allowed to take your time to mourn and feel your sufferings. Don’t limit yourself to any specific timeline; the time for healing varies from person to person. Coping with the loss of a loved one can be tough. 

You must let your deep feelings leave the way your soul naturally allows them. Always remember not to suppress your emotions for the sake of someone’s validation. If you’re hurt and need space, get it for yourself!  

Set boundaries if necessary, and spend your time being good to yourself. Take care of yourself and fill your precious heart with self-love. 

2. Don’t hold onto someone who’s leaving.

“Don’t hold on to someone who’s leaving; otherwise, you won’t meet the one who’s coming.” — Carl Gustav Jung.

Holding onto someone who’s no longer interested in staying can cause mental complications which are hard to digest. You must learn to choose what’s better for you even if your heart pushes silly decisions. 

Trust me; the heart is carelessly beautiful and deserves someone who keeps it safe and secure. So let them leave if that’s what they want because what’s coming ahead will be beyond your expectations!

3. Stop romanticizing your ex. 

It’s common to get wrapped up in past romantic memories after a breakup. The overwhelming part of getting over a relationship is always not the loss of the actual person but the loss of what you believe could have happened. 

“Don’t get stuck in the obsessive loop of why and what if.” — Wise words by Ruotola Warn

The only way to stop romanticizing your ex is by remembering them as who they were. Remember all the times they—

  • left you alone after talking rudely, 
  • behaved as if you were their personal property, 
  • manipulated you, 
  • ruined your honest love with toxicity, 
  • destroyed your mental peace, 
  • and made you feel inferior in the relationship. 

All these actions are very unhealthy and can leave a person with trauma that lasts for a long time. If your ex has entirely ruined the image of love you had, remove them from your life! 

4. Hold on to yourself. 

It’s difficult to carry yourself when you have been broken by someone you gave your heart to. You switch to an anxious and depressed mode of life, where even going through a normal day becomes challenging. 

guy contemplating

However, let me assure you these sloppy days are temporary, and there will be a lovely ray of sunshine again. This reminds me of a speech by Tom Hanks

“You feel bad right now? You feel pissed, you feel anxious? This, too, shall pass. 

You feel great? You feel like you know all the answers? You feel like everybody finally gets you? This, too, shall pass. 

Time is your ally; if nothing else, just wait.” 

It’s essential to know that even if you are not at your best right now, it is okay. It is okay to be sad and down and to allow yourself to feel the pain because this, too, shall pass! 

You just need to be sensible, learn your lesson, and hold your shattered pieces to walk again. 

5. Set up your days more productively.

Your soul knows the right way; run in that direction. Make time to meditate for 5 minutes daily, and listen to your inner voices. Hear what they are trying to teach you, and walk on the path laid by your instincts! 

Work on grooming yourself and open your heart to evolve and accept new things. Some productive things to do after a breakup for healing: 

  • Do some volunteer work 

When your personal life has you feeling low, try to project your energy outwards. Find ways to help others, whether treating an injured neighborhood dog or feeding a homeless person. 

This way, you’ll meet new hearts, learn more about your lovely personality, and enhance your karma. 

  • Make exercise a priority in your routine.

If you have been holding on to stressful, negative, or angry emotions after a breakup, exercising can help channel the negativity into productivity. You can use your pain and hurt to focus on becoming healthier and better as a person! 

Soon, you won’t remember the hurt because even pain is temporary. 

  • Travel 

A change in everyday scenery can massively help get over someone. Instead of walking around a city where everything reminds you of your ex, try traveling to explore yourself and more. 

  • Journal your days

When you feel buried down with anxious or negative feelings, write your emotions down in a journal rather than sitting quietly in your sorrow. 

The most comfortable person to share your deep feelings with is yourself. By writing your thoughts on a paper, you’ll gain some clarity on present circumstances and easily churn out solutions. 

  • Spend extra time with people who love you unconditionally

When you break up with your ex, you say goodbye to a significant part of your everyday life. Resorting back to the normal old days can be a tough experience and might make you feel all alone. 

At such a time, surround yourself with close ones you can lean on for support. By spending time with your family and friends, you’ll realize that a romantic partner isn’t the only person who can love and care for you! 

  • Follow your dream

I understand that you may have had great plans for your relationship. But did they exist before you got into a relationship? 

Remind yourself of the creative and dreamy things you always wanted to do. Rediscover your true purpose in life, and chase after it! 

6. Be more certain about yourself.

Be confident when making decisions and comfortable with your choices after a breakup. Sometimes, the trauma we have dealt with impacts our inner instincts and makes us question our self-worth. 

Keep these key points in mind for being more mindful: 

  • Ignore inner self-doubts.
  • Nullify judgment.
  • Avoid presumptions. 
  • Build opportunities.
  • Stay accurate in your choices. 
  • Operate your wisdom. 
  • Take accountability for mood swings.
  • Analyze decisions. 

7. Take healthy social breaks. 

Social media impacts your mental health more than you know, especially when you are already dealing with losing a loved one. Scientific studies have shown those who took a social break exhibited rehabilitation in their level of anxiety and distress. 

Try to take a break from social media and get a better picture of reality. This way, you can better analyze your own situation and focus on yourself instead of feeling lonely looking at other couples. 

You may also want to keep stalking your ex after a breakup, which is entirely unhealthy and may keep you stuck in a loop. If it’s difficult to ignore your ex’s social media handle, just take time off. 

girl checking her phone while she is exercising

8. Chop off communication if it’s hampering you.

Don’t try to be friends with your ex if you are not ready. Take back your time, attention, energy, and emotions from anyone who treats your heart carelessly! 

It is normal for the breakup to affect both people differently. Your ex may be all chill and ready to be friends with you. But if it’s something you can’t handle without hurting yourself, stay out of it. 

The best way to move on from your ex is to avoid contact with them. No contact with your ex means no messaging, no calls, and no conversations on socials as well. In total, you should avoid them entirely. 

9. Always remember you deserve better. 

“You deserve to be someone’s first choice. You deserve to be cherished and not taken for granted. You deserve to be chosen and not settled for.” — Mandy Hale. 

Self-belief is the key to facing all hindrances and growing and moving on in life. Self-attention is the initial effort of internal unfolding. Give yourself all the time to groom and chase a healthy, happy life. 

Importance of Emotional Healing

A crisis is an inevitable state of life that works as an initial point to the process of change. As you may have heard the famous quote, “Change is necessary,” no life is free from crisis. Change is crucial in all aspects of life, whether it is your hobbies, interests, events, or relationships. 

Getting dumped by someone you love can take a toll on your mental health. You may start living your life as if it has already ended and continue to reside in your painful sorrows. 

However, changing your mindset about the breakup and allowing new things to walk in your life is the only way to move on! 

5 Stages of Emotional Healing

The emotional healing process doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a lethargic procedure. If you are facing inner conflicts after getting dumped, you need to take a step towards emotional healing. 

A person goes through five major stages when practicing emotional healing. It is imperative to feel every stage thoroughly and then move forward to the next one. 

“Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.” — Pema Chodron.

Here are five stages of emotional healing after a breakup: 

Stage 1. Grief and Denial 

Grief is a stage of rigorous emotional pain that surrounds you after a breakup. When grieving, you feel a sense of loss no matter how toxic your relationship might have been. However, you will probably deny the loss of your loved one before accepting your grief. 

You might think, “This can’t happen to me,” or “This is not true.” 

We are here to tell you that being in denial is normal; in fact, it’s a human defense mechanism against painful experiences that are hard to accept. Slowly but surely, you will get out of denial and accept reality. 

Pro-tip for this stage—Do not run away from your emotions. Until and unless you accept the truth, you’d keep saying, “I’m having a hard time getting over someone. 

You must acknowledge that you’re hurting and feel your sorrows if you want to get over somebody. 

girl putting her head down

Stage 2. Anger

What comes after accepting the true reality of your situation? Anger and rage. 

Just like denial is a defense mechanism, anger is a masking effect when you’re trying to get over someone. You show anger to avoid revealing the painful thoughts and emotions your heart is carrying inside. 

You may start feeling angry for what you put up with and think, “Why me?” Your anger may get directed at other people like your family & friends, and even inanimate objects. 

The art of getting over someone is to assist your angry thoughts and take control over them. As soon as the anger stage is over, you’ll start gaining some clarity over your situation and understand the feelings you put aside! 

Stage 3. Bargaining

After being angry at the current reality, an individual may believe that if they act a certain way or ‘bargain,’ everything might reverse back again

In this emotional healing stage, you will create many “what if” and “only if” statements. You’ll look for ways to regain control over the situation or change the outcome of an event. 

Nonetheless, bargaining will only postpone your sadness, hurt, and confusion. The best way to heal yourself is by accepting what is right in front of you! 

Stage 4. Depression 

While grief, anger, and bargaining are very active emotions, depression is more of a silent stage. 

Before, you were denying and running from your emotions, trying to change reality. However, depression is the stage where you begin realizing your true emotions and start working through them. 

Isolating oneself when going through depression is a common practice, and it actually helps to get over somebody. Going through this stage is not easy and may have you feeling empty, alone, foggy, heavy, and confused. 

If you need support at such a time, reach out to a mental health expert. A therapist can better help you navigate through this period of darkness. 

Stage 5. Acceptance

Acceptance is not necessarily a bliss stage, but it’s a time when you’re finally moved on from your grief and understand what remains in your life. 

In this stage, you again look up at the pretty sky and start feeling faithful. You might not be all ready-set-go for your life ahead, but you may be able to feel how everything has changed. 

You have started looking differently at various aspects of life. Old habits have been broken, your mindset is improved, and your soul needs a reset. Above all, you will feel the need to heal yourself and get back up again!

Pro-tip for this stage—Never compare your situation to somebody else’s; everybody grieves differently. Observe your own emotional health and needs, and set realistic goals accordingly. 

10+ Signs you are healing from the breakup

“The pain itself signifies that your body is accepting this new ordeal. Acceptance? Baby, that’s the start.”

I know, it’s unbearable— the agony of losing someone you cherished. The anxiety eats you day and night, leaving you with doubts that have no answers. 

girl being happy

It’s anxious to handle yourself when your mind finally decides to move on even though your heart resists. To push yourself through that emotional trauma is brave. You are brave, that’s for sure. Hold onto that thought and commence your healing journey. 

I know it’s confusing when you have no idea whether you are moving forward or backward in this healing journey. 

Here are 10 signs that reflect that you are healing and rolling ahead in life. 

1. You have accepted the reality— Overcoming denial.

Deep down, you know that the relationship is over. Of course, you’d still face denial every now and then, but your heart, mind, and soul finally know that it’s already over and nothing can be done to undo it. So, the only means to get rid of this pain is to move on with life. 

Your focus has shifted from “why is this happening to me” to “how to get rid of this numbing pain.” You accept the ill-fate; you accept the pain. You accept the reality of these miserable chapters of life. 

“This heartbreak may be a good turnover in disguise.” So, accept it boastfully even if it breaks you.

As long as you remain in denial, you resist the beauty of change. So, answer yourself honestly— do you truly believe the relationship is over? 

If your answer is yes, congratulations! You are healing. 

2. Shifting attention

Most of your days are spent in misery, but your mind is already shifting its attention from “I cannot bear this pain” to “I have to get rid of it.” 

“It’s heartbreaking, but I do have to continue with life.” 

“I cannot continue to live like this.”

“I cannot disappoint others and myself with this.” 

Hold onto whatever ounce of positivity you receive from the universe— your healing can come through a pet, a family member, a celebrity, or passion/career/job, etc. So, hold onto it, don’t let it go! 

“When it becomes unbearable to move on will, discipline will set your feet free.” 

3. You cry your heart out. 

I have never experienced something more blissful than crying. So, I cry whenever life’s harsh! 

  • I cry to vent my pain. 
  • I cry to empathize and sympathize with myself. 
  • I cry to grieve
  • I cry to allow the pain to consume me. 
  • I cry to let go of the pain. 

Crying will eventually empty your mourning heart. Every time you cry, you’d find a new route for your healing journey. Crying clears the fog of pain; that’s when your heart can fathom the situation more intelligently. 

So, if you are crying, you are healing! You are nurturing your broken heart by watering it with empathy. 

4. You finally see the truth of your relationship

Once the pain subsides a little, you will inevitably replay those past memories over and over again until they consume you. There were rainbows and unicorns, but rewinding those memories will also help you acknowledge your past relationship’s thorns and cold nights. 

guy having his eyes closed reflecting

It was beautiful until it was new. However, that relationship did become suffocating, nearing the end. No beauty, compassion, or passion remained— you were alone and knew it deep down. So, stop romanticizing your ex unnecessarily. 

So, acknowledge your past relationship for what it was without sugar coating.

  • Were there times when you felt less valued, respected, and loved?
  • Were you the only one putting constant effort into making the relationship work? 
  • Were you alone in the relationship without much care or love? 
  • Did you not expect even the bare minimum from your partner? 
  • Were you constantly compromising and adjusting for them? 

Well, if any of these statements are true, you should know better that the relationship and your ex didn’t deserve you. Let it go! 

If you have already come to that conclusion, you should know that you deserve much more. You deserve a relationship full of love, compassion, respect, equal effort, and reciprocation. Once you have realized this, you will be able to love yourself again. This realization alone will help you accept the love again that deserves you. 

5. You know it wasn’t your fault.

“Nothing can save a ship that was destined to sink.” So, stop blaming yourself. 

You now accept that nothing could have saved the relationship— and it was not your fault. “It’s not you; it’s them.”

Your ex-partner lost someone who loved them immensely. You lost someone who never cared enough.” So, who actually lost? Not you, them! 

You start realizing that your ex was not eligible for your closure. When you manage to be at peace with the fact that your ex simply wasn’t worth it— you will evolve. 

If you have already realized that and know your worth— you are healing. 

6. You badmouth them

No, it doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s just human to get your closure however you can. You now realize that your partner was an asshole— now that’s what I call a bad-ass healing journey.

So, badmouth them as much as you can. It shows that you keep your worth above them.

7. Your partner or the breakup doesn’t affect you as strongly as it used to

When your memories do not trigger you anymore, it signifies emotional healing. 

If your ex doesn’t drain your energy and you have learned to make things less complicated for yourself, you have come a long way. 

Your breakup still pains you, but it’s not as intense as it used to be. 

  • You cry less than you used to.
  • Your mind is active in what’s happening around you. 
  • You are keener on your surroundings. 
  • You participate in conversations with your family and friends. 
  • Positivity surrounds you every now and then. 
  • You take an interest in more exhilarating activities.
  • Your brain invests more time in making you happy.
  • You smile and laugh more. 
  • You eat more enthusiastically.
  • You subconsciously take care of yourself.
  • You bathe and get ready more boastfully
  • Your heart is eager for a new passion/future.
guy holding flowers next to a mirror

Look for these patterns and hold onto them. Your mind and body are now ready for a new change— and they are ready to help you heal. 

8. Appreciating solitude

You spend more time with yourself and understand the value of loving and nurturing your own self before expecting it from others. 

You enjoy your own company and don’t expect others to make you happy. Instead, you take the initiative to entertain yourself and love yourself unconditionally. 

That’s when you find bliss in solitude. You do things that make you happy— whether it’s hanging out with friends, spending time with family, or being with your most authentic self. 

Solitude doesn’t eat you alive anymore because you now know your own importance. You actually enjoy spending time with yourself because the truth is— you are awesome!

Your ex never was a match— you are way more entertaining, humorous, intelligent, stimulating, and sexy. 

So, why spend time with a dumb hole when you can spend that time with yourself? 

9. Finding happiness in your rusty hobbies. 

You left a whole lot of yourself to adjust in that relationship— you may have let go of many hobbies to allow more time with your (now) ex-partner. 

Things we do for relationships also include forgetting the things we used to love alone. After a breakup, It’s natural to lose interest in things you used to love the most. 

One of the most considerable signs that you are bouncing back in life is showing genuine interest in your hobbies— hobbies that make you feel alive, creative, and energetic. 

Hobbies that will accompany you during your healing journey:

  • Journaling can flush down all your anxieties. 
  • Dancing will rhythm your hyperventilating heart.
  • Gyming can tear down your memories along with the muscles.
  • Singing will also be effective in decluttering your distress.

The options are absolutely infinite— So invest time in activities that boost adrenaline and fill your heart with excitement. 

10. Focusing more on the betterment.

Let the past be in the past. 

One of the most promising ways to rebuild yourself is to concentrate on enhancing yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. 

If you are already restructuring your schedule for the betterment, you are healing.

girl holding herself for some self care

11. Greeting persistent changes.

“The changes we dread most may contain our salvation.” —Barbara

Welcoming persistent changes is a sign of growth. If you have steadily begun to accept small changes, you are moving forward! It’s a powerful sign that you are brave enough to change direction when you no longer love the destination.  

12. Allowing yourself to love and to be loved after breakup

One breakup doesn’t estimate the amount of romance and love you deserve— In fact, multiple breakups cannot conclude it. You are beautiful, and you are worthy of love throughout the course of your lifetime. 

  • So, don’t hold yourself back from accepting new relationships. 
  • Don’t consider yourself unlovable just because some dumb-nut couldn’t appreciate and acknowledge your true value. 

However, accept your own love before you accept others’ love for you. I’m pretty sure people are dying to date you, but you must love yourself first to love others boastfully. 

Self-love doesn’t always have to be prominent; it comes gradually and in small surprises. 

  • Wearing good clothes and applying makeup every now and then is self-love. 
  • Going outside for fresh air is self-love. 
  • Eating healthy food is self-love.
  • Being kind to yourself is self-love. 

If you think you are gradually taking care of yourself, you are healing! 

  • You are open to being vulnerable.
  • You don’t compare your life with your ex anymore. 
  • You don’t chase after love from others.
  • You are open to expressing your opinions.
  • You accept compliments and enjoy reverting them with positivity.
  • You have no expectations of getting favors in return.
  • You are exploring your opportunities and options in life further.

13. Being wise in your choices.

You don’t chase love from others anymore! However, you accept and reciprocate love boastfully. You are keener towards finding an individual who better suits you and would love you unconditionally. You don’t reject love and are not scared of trying new relationships.

Bottom Line 

Dating to get over someone is not only an unrealistic approach, but you’re also risking another failed relationship. You will end up falling deeper in the pit that you should have filled with self love before getting in a new relationship! 

If you’re thinking of dating to get over someone, consider your position first. It’s almost alright if you merely have any feelings left for your ex. Perhaps if your heart still beats strongly for that person, DO NOT get into an early relationship. 

You should use your time on healing after a breakup rather than dating to get over someone. We hope our tips helped you figure out how to navigate through such an intense phase of life!

If you’re a woman, check out our “Harness Your Story Bootcamp” made exclusively for the potential-filled women of our world! This bootcamp is a coaching program for women who:  

  • Want to learn how to recognize and love your story that makes you unique 
  • Take hold of the reins of your life
  • Begin crafting the story that you want for your future self
  • Take actionable steps towards your Harness Project 

All of it, in just 12 weeks! 

Your story is a source of strength and wisdom. Every time you reflect on your story, you learn something new about yourself. You gain insight into your own strengths and weaknesses. You discover what you’re truly capable of and you develop a deeper understanding of the human experience.
If you want to learn how to own and love your story to craft the future that you deserve, join the Harness your story bootcamp!

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by Genesis Gutierrez

Genesis is the founder of Harness Magazine, a digital media company that celebrates and elevates the voices of women around the world. A first-generation college graduate, Genesis holds a degree in from UCLA with hopes of going back for a Masters in Social Work.

Through her work as an editor-in-chief of Harness, Genesis has dedicated herself to amplifying the stories of women specifically marginalized communities. She is committed to creating space for those who are often left out of mainstream conversations, and believes that storytelling is one of the most powerful tools we have for building community and sparking social change.


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